mikado5001

thanks gerdahannah. he's 38 so i don't know about the loving parents part. in fact we both feel a certain amount of gladness when seeing good families like that.

thank you so much bfp. i'll communicate that to him. :-)

brothers, sisters, and friends..... there is someone in my life. he is a massive self hater and food addict. for most of his life he was bullied at school. he lost his father at the age of 6. his mother married a man who would not know love if it bit him in the behind. he physically and emotionally abused him for 16 years from the day they shared a house to the day he moved out. told that he is worthless and should drop dead. on one occasion his step father even handed him a knife when he told his parents that he wanted to commit suicide. his step brother sexually mollested him for money. money that he used to numb the pain he felt. he asked how can he trust and love GOD, who he cannot see, after all those who were supposed to care love and protect him did not? his mother 'checked out' well before she died. for him GOD is basically his step father. yes, GOD puts a roof over his head, food on the table, and provides a job to pay the bills... but there is no real fatherly love as he understands it to be. a hug, a hand, a safe place to cry if needed. and he is concerned about a verse in proverbs that he believes has doomed him to be as his 'family' was... Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. he says that he feels like this is a curse. i am at a loss and have not had much help from others so, any help or advice is welcome..

I'm single too. Who knows, maybe we'll meet...

I so understand being lonely. It stinks, it really does. Not only have I not found the one to marry. I don't even have more then one or two human(non board friends. I like the board friends. But it is so hard to give real hugs to those you don't see). I am more alone then anyone I know. So I see what some here have said. I struggle with Satan and what he says to me. I try to rebuke him but he keeps on and on. I need to pick up the phone more often. That is a hard area for me to do. I am in a relationship of false intimacy with food right now. And I need to get a divorce on that one, so to speak.

Okay, that works when you're in a bad mood or are having some "down" feelings, but Clinical/Major Depression is an ILLNESS, like diabetes. It's not the kind of thing where you can think happy thoughts and it will just go away. Yes, self-discipline with regards to your thought patterns is a part of managing it, but you can't oversimplify it like that either. Thanks all, especially Iryssa and Oak for these last few posts. I will look into Focus ASAP. And other areas for depression. I have thought of so many things to do on this. From joining a new congregation and leaving another to other less savory areas. I confess suicide, while not the answer, and not being attempted by me EVER again. Along with dreams of dying. I despise being alone. Sometimes, and most times, I crave for someone to come and get me out for a time. I am so weak in fellowship, it's weird. Anyway, it's 6:30 am as I type this, and have not slept at all. So I think I ought to try. I was out with people last night. Ironic that I should mention being alone, after hanging out with folks. All Christians, and for the most part uplifting, ones at that.

Why are you yelling? Sorry, caps lock was on. Forgot to turn it off. i have called unto Him to break the mold!!! And He is doing nothing that I can perceive!!!! Shh....is that better for you?

My life, my parents, and people in my life molded me as I am now. Is that what you're saying? And GOD will break that mold and remake me? That I hope is the case. He won't break that mold unless you let Him. this is true. but if you let Him, He can and will! been there, mik. i know. I HAVE CALLED UNTO HIM TO BREAK THE MOLD!!! AND HE IS DOING NOTHING THAT I CAN PERCEIVE!!!!

My life, my parents, and people in my life molded me as I am now. Is that what you're saying? And GOD will break that mold and remake me? That I hope is the case.

Merry Christmas to you too, Stacey! Nice scripture, thank you and GOD for it. I do not think that the arm of GOD is shortened at all. I need to be delivered from where my being 'trained up' has put me. When will GOD, if HE ever will, begin? Mikado, you have already been delivered! God promises us in His Word "You are a new creation in Christ, old things have passed away, behold ALL things become new." You start standing on that promise In Revelation it tells us " They overcame him by the Blood of the Lamb, and the word of their testimony." You are more than a conquerer, start claiming your victory in the name of Jesus. I pray that being a 'new creation' is so for me, and that the old has indeed passed away. Or unlearn what I was 'trained up' to be. If this is so, and I am new in CHRIST, then there is hope. TO CHARITOW! My excellent sister in CHRIST. This was not brought on by the Christmas Holiday, but by the Worthy Brief I read today. I have been, as I am now, for some time. Today is not different then any other day, really.

Merry Christmas to you too, Stacey! Nice scripture, thank you and GOD for it. I do not think that the arm of GOD is shortened at all. I need to be delivered from where my being 'trained up' has put me. When will GOD, if HE ever will, begin?

Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." I read this passage today in the Worthy Brief(if you are not signed up for it, I suggest you do so.) This reminded me of my childhood and upbringing..... I came from a home that was angry, depressed, miserable, and I attempted suicide on some occasions. As you can obviously see, I am not what one would call a 'joy in everything Christian.' Some of you, whom I have spoken to in Chat know that I struggle with suicidal thoughts and depression. Despite my occasional times of joy. So, knowing that I do not want to be as I am, and would rather just die, and be with CHIRST in Heaven. God, according to HIS own word cannot be a liar, and HIS word cannot be returned void. Here is what I am looking for.... In light of the above cited scripture, GOD's own word , am I doomed to be a miserable depressed 'person'? Or is there BIBLICAL hope for me to become a happier, more joyous person in this life. Someone who has a job, earns a decent wage, has fellowship with people who I can lift up(really lift up) and be lifted up by, gets married, and raises a family, and all that stuff. Because, as much as I desire a wife, and a family. To have one now, as I am, would be an act of utter cruelty to my mind. Again, God's own word in Proverbs 22:6 would posit that I am to live my life a miserable depressed 'person'. After all, that was how I was trained up by Mom, Stepfather, Step and half brother(s), and most relatives. Ironically, on this Christmas, I was searching, and praying for hope for my future, as is said in Jeremiah 29:11 'For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' and other "hope" passages. Instead I find Proverbs 22:6, which, again would seem to say that I am doomed since I was trained up that way. To be 100% honest, I would sooner jump off a bridge than be as I am now in the years to come. So please, any scriptural, or human support to know there is hope is welcome. As W. C. Fields once said, when he asked for a bible, "I'm lookin' for a loophole..." That is kinda what I am looking for. It is not for me, a mere human mortal, to prove GOD wrong, nor is that what I am trying to do. I am looking for hope where, in light of Proverbs 22:6, and the Bible is not supposed to have any contradictions. That's about it.

Tis good to read this wonderfull tale once again at this time that we honor the birth of our LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST!!!

AMEN TO THAT!!! It is dangerous, regardless of the issue of legality. However, I believe, more lives will be lost if abortion, and it is murder, becomes a criminal offense. I can only pray that one day we will reach a point where we can reach out, without scaring already scared women even more. And show that there is care, medical, psychological, financial, and spiritual out there. Care given without judgement or hostility. Of course, I am but an idealist. But, abortion, like breast cancer, should become a thing of the past. Not because a politician in some seat of power deems it to be, but because we lift up our voices as one and say "We care!".

Oh, my dear and excellent sister in JESUS, to be able, as you and I seem to wish, to sleep from Thanksgiving through Christmas. I suffer from holiday depression too. And regular depression, about many things, too. I say 'through Christmas' since I have a sentimental spot for New Years Eve, and the entry into a new year. I have been to Times Square on a couple of occasions, and it is a remarkable miracle time for me. As a million, or more, join in a joyous countdown. One voice lifted in togetherness and sometimes prayer. 25 seconds to reflect on what was, 25 seconds to pray for what we hope will be, and 10 seconds of pure glee. When we lift our voices as one........10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! And maybe, just maybe sharing a hug and kind word or blessing with another fellow human being. I love New Years Eve when, I confess, it works out. Even the year I refer to in the next portion, I sought out New Years Eve. It was at New Years Eve that I really felt GOD's loving hand on my shoulder. And 21 days later, asked JESUS into my heart. And, I can very much understand what you are going through. On September 27th, 1995, the day Chris Darden gave summation in the OJ Simpson Murder Trial, I found my mother lying dead in her bedroom. Dead from Lung Cancer and a broken heart. 6 weeks after that, on November 4th, my Aunt died after a long Hospital stay. To be with my Aunt, for ANY occasion was a joy of great large quantity and quality. There was always love at her house. So know this, Angelique, that you are not alone. And that we all have the time and paths to grieve. If I may, for a sentence or two, be my idealistic self. I would come to where you are, or you to me, and we would fellowship together. To remember those who are gone, and to encourage one another for the future as well. Or, as an optimistic friend said to me, in response to one of my oft used metaphors......The light at the end of the tunnel is NOT always an oncoming train. As I often say in chat....LOVE HUGS AND BLESSINGS TO YOU!

I guess He speaks to us in different ways. What may work for one couple may not necessarily work for another. Also, there has to be some kind of willingness to submit to Him and not be too impatient to do it on our own terms.. Some folks don't take the time to allow Him to lead in the relationship.. I think dating, with clear boundaries, is a good thing. I am also, to a degree, of the school of thought that when GOD says you're ready to get married, there won't be dating. In fact, when, and if the time comes, you'll have the Pastor on speed dial and get married soon after the male and female meet. Why, because I believe that there is only ONE wife for each man, and one husband for each wife. And GOD, who is perfect in all things, has ordained, for those who are meant to be married, that ONE TRUE PERSON! I pray that we can have, EVERYONE, a vision of who GOD intends to allow us to join as one flesh with. And that we steadfastly cling to that vision, or dream. So that we won't, for lack of a better term, waste our time. I figure, if the connection is not there after 3, or four, allowing for a bad day, dates. Then it is time to move on. I was told that I would be found by my 'soul mate'. But I do not know where to go to be found. I am not the most patient person, I confess. I want to get married, flawed individual that I am. I wish I knew for sure why. It's more than just to have someone to care for, and about. I know it sounds strange. But, I wonder, how many singles are searching for a daddy or mommy, depending on the gender, of course. I can say, honestly, that I am looking for a mother instinct in my wife. It may, to some, sound cruel, or not right, but that's me.

A lovely video of our awesome flippered friends. And set to Steven Sondheims Into The Woods, no less.

CS Lewis wrote Narnia, and JRR Tolkien wrote Lord of the Ring. Both Christians who wrote about Wizards, magic, Witches, and the like.

I see where you are coming from Keysha. And I raise my glass(actually a plastic water bottle) to you for your wisdom. And this song, a favorite of mine, speaks to love. The same love that JESUS CHRIST showed to us for what HE did on the cross, and more so, in the Tomb. HE IS RISEN!!! I will see your amens and raise you a song lyric... I deleted a content questionable verse. But I think this speaks volumes about waiting for THE LORD, and not fate, to find the ONE that GOD has for us. This is what I gained from this song. WHAT ABOUT LOVE [boy:] There's a hole in the sky tonight Did the moon drift to far from sight I would search through this empty darkness To see your face in the morning light We've been lost in a sea of confusion Got caught up in a selfish illusion But make no mistake: I will bend till I break Don't let fate make the choice for us What about love that lasts forever? What about time to see it through? If you don't give you just don't get it What about me? What about you? What about love? [Girl:] Once in a lifetime you'll find someone heaven sent for you For a lifetime you'll feel there's a reason to believe In a love that's meant to be [boy:] It feels like we've fallen from grace Given up on the higher thing 'Cause I know deep inside if we search we will find Something to give us wings What about love that lasts forever? What about time to see it through? If you don't give you just don't get it? What about me? What about you? What about love? [boy:] I can't go on another day Comin' home and seeing you cryin' [Girl:] Can't stand another night Of telling you I'm fine when I'm dying [both:] Forever means nothing To live without you Is reaching for something that never comes through Together is heaven Apart we're in hell The time for forgiveness is now Once in a lifetime you'll find Someone to share your dreams For a lifetime Our love will always set us free Forever we'll believe... [Girl:] On a summer night's surrender with nothing to loose You were scared and so was I when I gave myself to you It happens once, only once in a lifetime [both:] What about love that lasts forever? What about time to see it through? If you don't give you just don't get it What about me? What about you? What about love that won't say never? When you don't know what you can do If you don't live you just regret it What about me? What about you? What about love?

Sounds like Mandi is gonna have a great time youbetcha

Awe Ning, thanks for that. I needed to hear it. Self confidence is a weak point for me. One reason, I believe, that I am a Stand Up Comic is for that reason. We are a very insecure lot, we are. And I am very insecure with women. It takes time to get to know me. And I am a shy awkward man on dates. I need someone who understands it. I have a surplus of insecurity, and a deficiancy of self confidence. YIKES!!! I pray that my Soul Mate is coming before 40. I do want the option of having children. A son, Daniel, and a daughter Arielle. A house on a nice street. Picture Our House(in the middle of our street) by Madness. I dated a girl once and we talked about baby names. Daniel and Arielle, we fell in love with them. Daniel for my earth father. And Arielle because it is such a pretty name. And, no, I am not a Little Mermaid fan. Though the combination of Daniel Sebastian has a nice ring to it. I LOVE THE LION KING MOST OF ALL. But Simba does not a boys name make, me thinks. At least not on the School Playground. God helps those who CANNOT help themselves. I need help, both heavenly and earthly, to love myself. I feel so ! But want to feel and !After so much hatred, from others and me, love is a hard skill to learn. Again, Ning, PRAISE GOD for your awesome thoughts and advice. BIG HUGS TO YOU!!!

Wow, an ovation of emoticons. Bibs, may I call you Bibs? Lovely! And if anyone wants to see pics, or the video of the skit I helped write and direct. Please PM me an e-mail address.

PRIASE THE LORD!!!!

I came back from PA a short while ago. It was a good, not great time. I met awesome brothers and sisters in the LORD. We talked about mine, and thier issues. My roommate and I struggled with the same stuff. We hit it off. I had an awesome encounter with GOD in a small Chapel at the Retreat. It was so joyous. Folks saw a change in me. Talk about laying your cares at the foot of the Cross. A very powerfull thing to do. I did some Stand Up Comedy there. It was all clean. Even the young children enjoyed my set. Never underestimate the power of the sound effect of a flushing toilet. It was great. GOD even wrote me a joke before I went on. There was, to my surprise, Praise and Worship Music at the talent show. I was not expecting that. I was expecting more along the lines of goofy stuff. There was plenty of that too. But, I digress. I was enthralled by this song. And I was thinking about being lost before CHRIST came into my life. And I was mulling over the words Praise and Worship. And GOD put MAZE and Worship into my head. Maze + Worship=Maze Worship. I saw myself walking through a maze and not being able to get out. So I used that in my set. It got a great response. More to come after I have slept. No I did not meet my Soul Mate. But got a couple of answers as to why. LOVE TO ALL & THANKS FOR PRAYERS, ENCOURAGEMENT, AND SUPPORT!

My dear sister in JESUS. I have very little to offer up except to say that I know of where you speak. I am emotionally dependant to. According to the movie version of The Wizard of Oz. We are not judged by how much we love. But, by how much we are loved. That is so untrue. But I confess to thinking that way, from time to time. I jump at the chance to have my friends meet my other friends just to show them I have friends. Strange, I know, to some. I HATE BEING SO DEPENDANT. Dependant to the point where I try to turn co-workers into friends. I am not knocking hanging with co-workers. But I have to realize, there need to be borders. I am, as I have said, a very socially awkward person. I break out in song much to peoples chagrin, sometimes. I do LOVE singing. It releaves my stress. And I adore improvising songs for friends. Just spur of the moment creativity. Some hate it. That is thier problem. I knew a friend who sang along. Someone who appreciated my chosen method of stress release. I bet you are a fantastic friend! If you're ever around my neck of the woods. I would love to break bread with you. You, like all of us, are a work in progress. I pray that this helps you. You are a precious creation. Sent from HEAVEN. You will touch people. And be touched too. I pray that I have merited inclusion in the earlier group hug. I do so love HUGS!!!