thereaperman

where do you get yours from and how do you keep it alive in times of crisis?

i spoke to a chrsitain couciler yesterday. he made me ask some very hard questions but made somthing clearer than anyone else on here did.

ive build up walls around me to protect me from ppl in my life that have hurt me so very deeply. this means ive put up walls against god, which is why hes not helping me. due to the fact that ive never had 100% conditional love i cant understand or grasp anything to do with grace or forgiveness, and thus cant overly comprehend who god really is.

he also said if i dont feel guilty about sleeping with my girlfreidn thats ok, because i dont know god enough or personally enough to feel that guilt, and i may never do so, and i may never see it as a wrong thing or to ask forgiveness for it.

so what im asking is, is our realtaionship with god is what we make it and who we ourselfs find god to be?

thanks you guys your all so helpfull

*smashed head against wall*

i made this post before i spoke to someone who helped me a lot more

as you all know im sleeping with someone outside of marriage. last nite i was attacked and robbed for my bag (which didnt have too much in it) was punched and kicked but got away more or less unharmed. was this beating from god to tell me i cant be with the person i am so strongly in love with?

just wait and god will sure fill your plate full of stuff you cant deal with till you think of suicide.....well as is my situation...........

last nite as i slept in my special someones arms i realised im falling in love with her, it was so intense i was nearly crying. but then when i fell asleep i had a dream about my mum preaching the gospel as me and her were walking out of a hall. anyone got any clue what that could mean?

on another note, ive really felt the presence of god latley, in the car when ive been driving, at the river where i did some filming, and when i said goodbye to my grandparents (which might be the last time i dont know)

so yeah theres a brief update about my life for those whove shown they care, any more fedback or verses or anything that might be useful to help keep getting me through please dont hesitate to post it

heres the complicated bit. my parents are divorced and dont talk to each other. my dad doesnt want my mum knowing. he also doesnt know god and has no desire to i dont think. and as has been pointed out im such a shockingly bad christian how do i find the strength to do all this and carry on with my daily life?

my dad has been given 5 years give or take to live from the cancer thats killing him. i dont think its sunk in yet. what do i do?

ive been thinking (partly due to the fact i think im loosing my reliegion) with all the differant denominations of christianity which one do i follow? how do i know whos telling the truth and not, and why do i feel so alone and scared at my time of need if im a christian?

i have asked for help. ive been crying on my bed night after night asking for help. i am getting nothing. and finding someone who acctually stops me wanting to kill myself is so terrible right now? i cant feel god right now and making love to someone is whats so wrong in my life right now.....

im on empty and theres no sign of recharging.....

:'(

so if i stop sleeping with her and finding comfort in the only person i have right now, god going to stop wiping out 4 members of my family within the next few years? hes going to cure my dads terminal cancer, my grandmas MS my uncles cancer and sort my life out. yeah coz me sleeping with someone right now is the most screwed up thing about the mess that i am right now.

if i could feel god or feel some support or love during this the worst time in my life i wouldnt be out there seaking it in human form. all i know is im one big nasty mess right now and shes the one that holds me and comforts me when it all gets too much. and maybe satan is rubbing his hands in glea but i feel so dam deserted and alone right now with nothing being garenteed for the future, not matter how hard i pray, or cry or try and try to get this all right in my head its just not happening, nothing is working. maybe im not the best christian in the world, ive never professed to be. i dunno maybe im not cut out for the christian life style, or to fully live my life in a christian way. im alone and scared and found some comfort in the worst time of my life, is that really so selfish?

as you know ive hit a very very tought time in my life. ive been praying so long that i find someone to hug and hold onto and feel special with if only for one night once a week. this week i think i found her. we slept together the first time we met and again last nite when i saw her. do you think god could have sent her for me to help her get to know him. or is this just a test ive failed flat out becuase im looking for something so desperately in a time of crisis?

i know i should have probably gone about this a differant way. but ive got my driving test in 3 weeks and i really do need to pass it first time becuse i really cant afford to pay for more lessons and another test. i know i can do it but whether i do it in the car on the day i have mjor doubts about so im asking could everyone just put in a word for me to pass id be really grateful

thank you so much

love paul xxxxxxxxx

all i know is i must be one hell of a sinner to be made to feel this way rite now.....

what does eveyone do with thier life? what jobs and aspirations do you all have, and how do you know if your going to achieve them, and what happens when nothing goes to plan?

still lost and confused

my user name comes from the book written by terry pratchet "reaper man" its nothing more than that, honestly. i will talk to the counciler and see what they advise. and i might go down to a local church and see when thier next fellowship is. thank you for your prayers

turns out im no even depressed. i went to the doc 2day and told him the situation and told him i self harm and how messed up everything is and he basically said rough stuff happens to all of us and dont kill yourself in the meantime. i so wont find help or support on the NHS. still the college counciler might help.....

thank you all for your support i think it migh be begining to be felt. i dont really have anyone, but knowing god is there, well thats the best thing i can ever have. someone to hug now and again wouldnt go amiss though.....

i called my mate up last nite and im going to a house group meeting thursday nite i think. im not sure if all this has hit home yet. im in a very bad way and im still finding it really hard to feel god through all this :'(

things will start to look up, soon.

my life allso isnt that good at the moment as i am having the same problems as you with my family, but i dont think im depressed.

the best advice i think i can offer you is see a doctor and get someone to talk to, a shrink if needs be. and if you want to talk to someone i am always here, you may not reltate to me much but e-mail me.

i belive in christ and ive taken him as my savior. im not a fanatic it has to be said and my behvior is questionable at times, but i do consider myself a christian. im just running a little low on faith right now and a whole weekend alone thinking about my mortality didnt do me any good i dont think.

will read 1jhon shortly

ok first of all i think ive got manic depression, im gonna go see a doctor this week. but my dad has terminal cancer, my grandma has MS and needs two 24hour carers, my uncle has 2 years to live through cancer. im on the verge of breaking down. ive been questioning my own mortality this weekend. and through it all ive been praying and asking god but i just dont seem to be getting anywhere. and im scred and alone, so if anyone knows and bible verses or anything i can do to help get a grip and reafirm my faith plz post