paperflower

Hello All, I have a major probllem that has developed in my life and need advice on what to do next. I need to talk over this concern with my boyfriend of four years and don't know if it is something I should share with him. Here is the reason. Lately when he is tired from working double shifts he will turn off the phone and I cannot reach him when I have explained to him that he should just let me know so that I will not be worried. That is a whole lot better than just turning off the ringer. I lost my mother 8 years ago in her sleep and since that time I have had issues with losing someone I love. Time is supposed to heal all wounds but that one still bleeds. Now back to what I need advice on. He explains to me that if he is tired he doesn't want to be bothered and that I should understand. Yes, he has said it is a selfish move on his part but he still wants me to understand. I feel if you can't do something as simple as let me know you aren't taking a look at how I feel. I think he should understand even more since it was just a year ago he lost his father. I don't mind stating I am not a teenager and that I am well into my 40's. I state that because I read quite a bit of teenage love stories on the boards. Thankfully I grew up in a great family and didn't have to deal with much. So some issues in life I have yet to deal with and this is one. I guess I look at it this way, when you don't feel you are getting the respect that you want, can you go to someone very important in your life with something that is a great concern to you?

You just made me day....now that was the best one I have ever thought of......

I am month to month and AT&T.... and that is all they are going to get out of me I know the feeling! My cell contract (two year), is on a month to month now. And thats the way I am going to keep it. At least that way I have the choice. If i need a new phone (I have really abused my old one - the thing seems indestructible ), I will buy one.

Hmmmmm well I would rather ask God because with him I don't get blank stares.....it's soooooo frustrating to talk and pour out your heart only for the person to say I don't know what to say to that...... But yet you have tons to say about the lastest gossip..... God is soooo much better at real things that actual people.....and just think I have to learn this weekly. Getting better at counting on God.

Now don't forget to add the fact that the person you are speaking with is often in another country. I tried calling the CCS on early morning and I was patched to 8 people as I drove to work.....EIGHT....and on the last call I told the CCS rep that she was the 8th person and that I was tired of having to tell my problem. She apologized and sent me to another person...by that time I was at work.....did I ever get my problem fixed......NO. I have gotten to the point now that I don't do contracts with any service that I can do without the contract....ie cell phone......so that if I have to leave them due to poor service I am not being fined. I keep a cell phone but when my phone wears out I just purchase a new one and put in my sims card.....(pre paid phones are cheap and the cards work as long as a sims card is required)

Personally I would not give thought to this. The devil I have been told will play with your mind. As for advice, pray before going to bed each night so that you put your mind on God. You may have to do this several times in order to get peace so that you can rest. A prayers as short as "no weapon formed against shall prosper". Just try keeping your mind free and depend on your faith.

You didn't loose any part of the thread......I was bashed over the phone. I choose to tell someone I knew and that was the reaction I got......interesting that someone who had heard he father had been sick since April had said that to me. But "oh well". I'm afraid I've lost the thread of this topic, apparently. You seem upset about responses to your topic and, yet, I don't see any that are anything but helpful. Unless of course someone bashed you by P.M. If that's the case, don't worry about it. You're right that men and woman often handle crises differently. Just follow your boyfriend's lead; let him talk and offer to come to him. If he turns the offer down, then accept it and move on. I don't understand what you mean by "Thanks for those who left a word but for those who didn't I am still praying and talking to God about that too." You're praying for those who didn't offer you advice? ? ?

@MorningGlory....I am one who will view a topic and leave a comment....plain and simple. If you view my "past" on here you will find that I don't leave very many topics so those I post I take seriously. If I come on and view something left by someone I have intentions to leave a message. I don't come on for the fun of it. So to see views without comments is upsetting to me. You don't have to share my thoughts on the number of views verses the comments.....It is how I feel. Just like the guy who choose to ignore what I said about my boyfriend's father....he choose to ignore how I may be feeling and touched me when it should not have been done. It takes many personalities to make up this world...those who listen to what you say and those who don't care if you just said something serious or not...they aren't listening....My supervisor just told me I was in the wrong profession I am one who cares about the needs of others.....so I am the one people will talk to if they really want someone to listen to their story......it would be nice if someone once in awhile did the same for me......so I come here for the comfort of other Christians......plain and simple. I'm afraid I've lost the thread of this topic, apparently. You seem upset about responses to your topic and, yet, I don't see any that are anything but helpful. Unless of course someone bashed you by P.M. If that's the case, don't worry about it. You're right that men and woman often handle crises differently. Just follow your boyfriend's lead; let him talk and offer to come to him. If he turns the offer down, then accept it and move on. I don't understand what you mean by "Thanks for those who left a word but for those who didn't I am still praying and talking to God about that too." You're praying for those who didn't offer you advice? ? ?

In that same post she wrote she doesn't have the funds to pay for making things better. Simply put, she is content with where things are right now. That's the part when you read what is said and leave it there. No money=no money. I read quite well. If you had read my post, you would see this. Working better but not completely resolved is the key. What that means is that the damage of the malware has been contained for now but rest assured it will unpack again at a most inopportune time. It is kind of like repairing a car. You can use the $175 factory part or the $25 aftermarket part that works about 80% up to specification. You take your car to a mechanic who tells you to replace the aftermarket part with an OEM part and you accuse him of brand bashing. Since no one seems to be interested in properly fixing the problem; I will gladly exit the conversation. I do sincerely apologize for upsetting anyone. It was not my intention.

Well here is the update....his father passed away. I have been asked the ulgiest question that one could ask....are you sure his father died?????? This did not come from a friend shall we say but from a lady who I had not spoken with much for a month. She is much older and I thought to be wiser..... I was calling to check on her health for she was being tested for a results of her heart transplant. I have received some crazy comments......even had one guy who dropped by my job to shop and he asked how things were going. I informed him of the death and next thing I knew he was touching my hair and telling me how nice I looked.......the old me would be typing words unworhty of being printed. I want to throw up right now. I asked him to please stop and he did it again......Let the words out my mouth edify God. I came asking for explanations of men's emotions verses a female's when it comes to death.....He took two days to even tell me....and boy have I been bashed for even sharing that with someone.......I have been told that it doesn't matter if you are male or female you go through the same emotions.....listen that may be true for someone that you know...but I have a father that has yet to talk about my mother's very own death. I guess I should have thought about that before I even posted that....but I wanted to see how others thought about my topic. I didn't get much but God was with me the whole time. Thanks for those who left a word but for those who didn't I am still praying and talking to God about that too.

Oh my.....I just finished reading the rest of the posts.....ummmmm didn't they read you are working much better? That you are having less problems...... Just gives me more reason to realize that people don't read, don't listen and then I say again don't listen.......!!!!!!!

I am reading your post a few days late but I LOVED LOVED LOVED IT....little do you know one thing that makes more sense than what you are going through is that you cannot control your husband....where are the people in this world that seem to forget this? Well all over and you run into them every day.....you were not acting irritible and I don't like the fact that you apologized for it. You don't owe any one that. Now thankfully your PC is working much better.

I think that onelight has the best idea/suggestion yet!!!!!!!! I saw password for him....and everything he does in on him......parental controls do work.

Hi, and thanks for praying for us.....we have been together for three years.....I am closer to him than any man I have ever dated. He is the one who gives me the support I desire in a mate....now it's on me to show that I can be there for him. He is not an only child and there was a family member on 24 hour watch at all times once his father's vital signs started going down. As for the distance it would be a two hour flight and I would not burden anyone.....not even him. I just wanted him to know I am there for him. He went through my grandmother's death with me when it happened and it is because of him that I was able to see the good in her life. I called him every spare moment between visiting her and once she was buried it was him who allowed me to see that life continues. Thank you for saying that the last thing he needs is to think about visitors....that shed some light and made me feel better. I know that if he wants me there he will ask me to do so.

Guys I was here a few days ago asking for men to tell me how they deal with a sick parent. Two days ago his father passed away. I have dealt with the death of my mother seven years ago but have not been in a relationship where the man I loved lost a family member. I don't know what to say or do for him. We live in two different states and traveling is not a problem for me at all. I just don't want to force myself on him or his family. Please understand as I write this I don't know which way to turn outside of prayer. I am just a little shocked. My first normal words are saying to God please protect and comfort the family. However it was never a man I was in love with. This is so different for me. I remember how I wanted to shut myself off from others when my mother passed and I took a whole month off from work. I even asked him the crazy question of did he need some time alone....I didn't know what to say once he told me. At 44 years old this is not something I am good at. I was numb for a while after my mother's death so imagine that I don't know much about helping others throught this. Does anyone have suggestions?

I really agree with what you said. I am going through phases of being comfortable and watching TV to phases of why wont he just pick up the phone and say hello. I have talked to him about communication, he says I will try to remember. I am praying about this.

I know I would agree and that is what often makes me upset when I think about it, but all in all I must not pressure him......men say that hate a nagging woman....no matter how long they have been involved with the female.

THANKS ALL.....Yes it is hard, yes I do trust him even when it would be an issue that I would be calling him.....I turn to him in most areas of daily troubles and he listens. I try understanding that men react differently from women and often forget it is a man that I am talking about. Women are so much more to be the first to wipe a tear for you. Still would like for a man to leave his input.

Please please ignore this ....delete it or click the spam key!!!!!!! Act as if you never received it.....it's scam (solicitation that is of no good)

Guys and I speak to men in particular, I need to reach out to you. My boyfriend of one year (we've known each other for three) has a father who had a kidney transplant one year ago and in the last few months he has had a tumor removed, been readmitted for issues with an infection, and now last Monday we were told he has fluid on his lungs. Three weeks ago John disappeared for three days with his phone turned off during the whole time. When I finally reached him he said he has been with his dad. I accepted the answer and moved on with our normal routine. Two weeks later he did it again. He told me about he spent the time with his dad again. Now when I asked him what his plans were for the 4th of July he said working on Friday and then going into the city to spend the 4th with all of his sisters and his dad. I called Friday and the phone went straight to voicemail. By this time I am feeling hurt. I have talked to him asking that he just let me know how things are going. He explains that he can't have the phone while visiting his dad. His father once he had the tumor removed was admitted into a rehab center and has not returned home. Are men just not emotional when it comes to sharing how they feel to see how a parent's failing health? He has lost his mother in the early 90s and this is the only man he has had in his life. He doesn't know his natural father. Hurt, confused and feeling like I am not included

Thanks Joe!!!!!!!

Ok I was asked today at work about an item having price tags to show that we carry it. It is an expensive item which can't be put out for sale or it will be stolen. I told my supervisor that we had not card holders to put out due to we had none in the building. Her reply to me was that "why do you have an excuse for everything?" I simply replied I asked the person who orders them and she is out of them. She stood there staring at me. Since the person was standing nearby I called her. My supervisor told her not to come. She then preceeded to make a light joke out of how many I needed and then left me. As usual I thought no one on this job goes through this or believes a word I tell them. But let me proove I am correct and then I get no apologies. Later my supervisor came back with two stacks of the card holders I needed which means to me she knew where some were the whole time. Would any one care to comment?

If only you knew how this one hit home. I would "die" for my stylist just be this concerned about how I felt about each move she took. I really should say past stylist. My problem has been that they move without me or that they don't contact me with all my info I have given them to do so. I say contact your clients and move on to the next salon. I don't view this as any bad luck. It is simply the economy and some shops will not make it. Perhaps you could work at a franchise? Don't be discouraged. BUT make sure you contact your clients. Those who really like you will travel along with you.

ok let me look back over this ONE MORE TIME...I didn't bad mouth this man....I was looking for stories that you have...you know he won't take out the garbage....his "honey do" list is miles LLLLLOOOONNNNGGGG....I had a person tell me yesterday she TRAINED her husband.... do you mean there is a person who can look up at this six foot six man of mine and TRAIN him?????? I looked at my male coworker and said THAT IS EXACTLY what I am talking about...."they" never want to admit they have a man who wont do things...remember I was talking to a man so I was not being disrespectful .......I guess I better just go back to leaving these boards alone for a while....there are folks on here who live perfect lives and their spouses never do anything wrong.

Mathqueen he reads his bible more than I read mine and then comes to me and talks about things he reads and wants my feedback....now if my first husband had done that......well I would not have some of the issues that I have now....talk about unequally yoked in the first....geeeeeee. Now that is when someone should have told me to RUN!!!!