Well, Jacqueline:
I would have to say that you're conflicted because you are struggling with your own beliefs. I would say that your mind is telling you that there is no God, that He really does not guide your life and that you are merely talking to the wall when you pray. You are battling against your emotional desire to believe in God. It's a difficult situation to be in!
Once you face the truth, one of two things will happen: You will slip into complacency or you will become a non-believer. Sooner or late you will make a choice.
Serpentine