carlos123

Thanks for your encouragement FollowerOfChrist. Much appreciated. You know it never ceases to amaze me or more correctly perplex me how it is that the Christians don't get the most fundamental things about how we ought to be as a church, what it means to be a Christian, what the Word says about this or that, or any number of other such things. I mean I do not have corner on truth but goodness gracious! It's all there in black and white in the Word! Just a few days ago a Christian invited me to church yet once more. I felt like unloading on him big time! What about ME?! What about me the rest of the week? Am I just a brownie point to complement some church building program where if I can be brought to some service on Sunday the church wins or something? Don't the Christians have any clue as to what LOVE means? I go through trials, joys, pains, am perplexed about this or that, need this or that, feel this, feel that, experience that or this, and do this or that and all the Christians can think about is to invite me to some building on Sunday's to hear someone explain to me what the Word says about this or that???? Makes me want to scream! I was praying about this last night letting out my gripes of such in the presence of the Lord and it's like He seemed to lay on my heart that there is a need for me (and others) to teach the Christians on how to be Christians all over again. How about taking me out for a cup of coffee and getting to know what I have been going through this week?? How about bothering to ask me if there is anything I can be helped with? How about offering to give me a ride somewhere? Even inviting me out to dinner at a restaurant or taking me to a movie and hanging out with me? That's LOVE! Reaching out and involving oneself in the life of another because you care! Inviting me to some church service does not express loving care for me as a person at all! Rather it makes me feel used! Why don't the Christians get it?! Jesus reached out and left the comforts of heaven to come to Earth. He got His hands dirty reaching out to love us and was ultimately crucified for it. What are the Christians willing to do today? Invite me to church! Utterly ridiculous if you ask me. In line with what the Lord laid on my heart I spoke to this Christian about how I was not at all interested in going to Sunday church. That I was rather interested in getting to know him and him me if that is something he was interested in doing. This dear brother meant well but one thing about him is that he is very teachable and open to the Lord (as far as I can tell) and he very quickly surmised where I was coming from and we are getting together over a cup of coffee later this week. I guess all I can do is deal with one Christian at a time. Trying to get them to come out of their comfort zones. Challenging them both by my life and by what I say. I mean I don't know what else to do. The Church is such an incredible mess. More in my next post. Carlos

Just weird. I got notice of your post this time Alan. Thanks for doing whatever you did. I tried checking all those boxes and otherwise a few weeks ago and eventually gave up as nothing I did worked and no one could help me figure out how to get notifications. Oh well. I guess I will stick around. Thanks very much! Carlos

Sorry I have not posted more on this thread you all but I've stopped coming to this forum as I could not figure out how to get notice of replies. I tried everything and nothing worked. Too much bother to be coming around having to load threads to figure out which one's have had responses. If you want to get a hold of me just email me through my profile here (at least I think that is still available). Take care and God's best to you all! Carlos

Thanks Gary. I did that though and still nothing. I too checked the box next to every thread that I wanted instant notification on. All the threads I have ever participated in are all set to instant notification now. But nothing. I didn't even get any notice for this thread here. I unfollowed it (button in upper right of thread) and then purposely followed it again and still nothing. No emails whatsoever. Although I can bookmark a thread that's not going to work for me as I am all over the place on the internet and just don't have time to come visiting forums to see which threads on which forums have responses. If I can't figure this out I will not be able to continue on this forum as much as I might like to. Anyone know how I can get notice of responses to this thread never mind any others? Carlos

This place has gotten so big I can't remember where to post this type of question (I looked and got frustrated trying to figure out which forum to post this question in) so...here it is. How do I get notice of replies? My email address is correct. The threads I am posting in or starting are correctly followed through my profile (or whatever it's called). But nothing. Not one email is coming to me telling me there are replies. I didn't change anything. The only thing that changed is the forum interface (which is really nice by the way...well, other than the editor going all crazy on me when I am typing at the end of this little box). Anybody? Thanks. Carlos

Gosh...I came here to say some things and wow! I didn't know so many had responded. I have to figure out how to get notice of replies again as I am not getting any. Anyway I wanted to add a bit more to what I said now that I have a bit more free time today. The last couple of days I have been reading 1 Samuel and the Lord seemed to speak to me both days in line with this topic. Here is what I got in my reading. Eli (I think he was the High Priest back then...though I am not sure of that) was a priest before God at the beginning of 1 Samuel. I would like to point out a couple of things about this man. Outwardly he was seemingly right with God. Note the following verses... Here was a man who was presumably surrendered to the sovereign will of God. Who blessed others in the name of God. Who was concerned about the Ark of God as a priest should be. Who instructed others regarding how to listen to God (i.e. instructed Samuel). Outwardly Eli was a good "church" leader you could say. But...there was something wrong. Eli did not restrain his sons who did evil in the sight of the Lord. As such he participated with them in sinning against the Lord. The result was that God said... I say all that to say this. Church leaders may be wonderful on the outside. They may appear to be righteous and many may indeed be so but what is most important is not what they appear to be but whether they have a heart to do according to all that is on God's heart and in His soul!! The problem today I think is that many church leaders do not have such a heart at all! This is not a post meant to knock down church leaders. Rather it is important to lay out the truth that in regard to dealing with church conflicts how it is done today is not nearly as relevant or important as how God wants it done is! We MUST desire what the Lord desires in regarding to this or any other issue above ANY church traditions that we live under! That is the NUMBER ONE thing to get right in our hearts before we even look at this issue further. Do we want what God wants in this? Are we willing to change? To have our understanding of how to properly deal with differences of doctrine be turned topsy turvy if God wills that it be so? If you are a church leader are you willing to even lose church members to stand on what God wants done? To lose jobs as Pastors if churches chose to kick you out for standing on truth? THAT is where church leaders MUST be in attitude if what God wants done in this is to be implemented. Another thing I got from my reading... I don't know why it is but in our human nature we have a tendency to exalt man above God. With respect to church leaders we have a tendency I think to exalt them above God too. I mean in the sense that we look to them to set right doctrine for us, to fight out fight of faith, to do the work of God, to go before us and work for God...while we sit and watch in the pews. The WORD is our authority for right doctrine!! Not church leaders! Oh I know we all give lip service to that but in practice we look to leaders for right doctrine instead of to the Word I think. I am talking about most church goers today and not any one of you in particular. Doctrine has become the domain of church leaders. They have became gate keepers for right doctrine. Yet I ask where in the Word (chapter and verse if you please) does it say that church leaders are to act as gate keepers for truth? Where? Protectors of truth. Absolutely! Defenders of truth. You bet! But gatekeepers? Nope! I know not such a verse. When I say gatekeepers I mean one's who only let in (before the sheep) what they think is right doctrine and keep out what they think is not. Church leaders today are many things but among the things they have become is gatekeepers of truth. Primarily through what is commonly referred to as the Head Pastor. One man! As a side note do you realize that there is no such thing as a Head Pastor biblically speaking? There was to be sure a High Priest but that was over an entire nation and it was under the Old Covenant before the priesthood of every believer came into play under the New Covenant. So today...ONE MAN primarily acts as the gatekeeper to truth. ONE MAN! Do you see a problem with that? Where are the checks and balances to that one man pertaining to truth that he lets in or does not? Oh yes...as someone pointed out some men are open to truth. Wonderful! But such men are very rare indeed in my experience. The system of government in the US has checks and balances. Why? BECAUSE of the realization of fallen human nature where too much control in the hands of ONE MAN or one branch of government leads to tyranny! Where is the balance and check on the ONE Head Pastor respecting doctrine? Oh...but you say the Board of Elders for one. Do you realize that a Board of Elders has NO authority from God AT ALL?! Elders who sit on Boards of Elders are not biblical Elders whose qualifications are laid out in Titus and Timothy. Today's elders inside Boards of Elders have NO AUTHORITY at all to tell a Head Pastor how to do his job. At least not by God's Word. They may advise him or give him emotional support but if a Head Pastor gets it into his head that doctrine Z is the way to go and starts teaching that there is very little a Board of Elders can do about it short of initiating to remove the Pastor. Short of doctrine Z being far out in left field I seriously doubt they will do that. Especially not if the Head Pastor is teaching good otherwise and being enjoyed by the flock. The result of all this is that truth suffers! Under the influence of ONE MAN who acts as a gatekeeper for truth. Is that God's way for the church? I daresay that it is NOT! More later. Carlos

Hi Nitish, Sorry I didn't respond right away Nitish but for some reason I am not getting notice of replies to this thread anymore. Sorry to hear of your situation (I think we may have interacted earlier on this thread) but it is also an opportunity in disguise in that you will have to continually bring your needs before the Lord with a surrendered heart to accept His will whatever that is. Like me you may come to experience the living God working on your behalf to help you in your time of need. Do what you can of course but if you have tried and just can't get work...don't sweat it. Just focus on loving others and doing what God would have you do for others letting Him take care of you in whatever way He chooses to do so. That too is work. Loving others I mean. Work that is not work in a traditional sense but it pays better dividends in heaven. Keep your eyes on Him. Carlos

I wanted to add a bit more to this thread in line with how wonderfully the Lord has proved Himself to me once again. To provide for me, to comfort me, to correct me, and to otherwise be faithful to me in order to be an encouragement to anyone else struggling to trust God to provide for their needs. I want to share on this very much so and don't know where else to share it but here for now so here goes for what's it worth. First off my faith has once again settled to where I am no longer running around like a chicken with my head cut off at times as I indicated in some of my previous posts. That has happened as the Lord has shown Himself faithful to me once again to where I have grown confident that He is with me and that He will take care of me once again. Another thing I would like to point out is that the Lord has been faithful despite my flubby faith and my failings. He has been faithful to me as His child. We do not have to be perfect in our faith and in our walk for God to show mercy to us through Jesus. That is NOT to say that we can wallow around in unrepentant sin for then God's hand of discipline will come down on us but I guess what I want to point out is that God is not some authoritarian, harsh Master sitting on his throne in the heaven's while we suffer down on Earth. There IS a reason and purpose behind the trials that come upon us through needs we encounter. Behind the trials there is His unfailing love and His desire that we learn to value things from His perspective and grow in contentment and peace. More on that in a bit. The other thing I would like to say is that some who read this may think it rather odd for me to be talking about God meeting my needs when I get a couple of dollars here (literally) and there and a loaf of bread here and some much needed insoles for my shoes there and so forth. I mean on the surface one might well wonder how it is that I claim to believe that the Lord is meeting my needs when His provision at times seems so very meager in comparison to His unfathomable riches. That is one thing I have not entirely reconciled in my head. How God who is so rich in everything and who owns the cattle on a thousand hills does not seem predisposed to sell a cow to meet my need more fully. But at the same time I have to take into account that I have not been all I should have been in terms of looking for work or doing what I should have done at all times in that regard too. But aside from my failures in work as being part of the reason for my seemingly meager provision I think there is also something to be said for the Lord wanting to strip out of me all sense of selfishness and self. A life long process to be sure but with respect to these trials of meager but definitely sufficient provision there is within me a tendency to complain when my Father does not provide for me in the way I think He as the kind of Father that He is should presumably provide for me. It is that I think which the Lord has tended to put His finger on within me that needs to be worked out of my life through the meager provisions I have experienced and continue to experience. You see as a child I judged my dad in the sense of condemning him in my heart when he did not give me want I wanted provision wise. I mean in the sense that he could have given me a better Christmas present, given me more, and what have you. I was very judgmental of him as a child and have had a tendency to judge God too. In His love He has had to strip that out of me and what better way to do that I think than by putting His finger on that within me that tends to complain when He as my Father starts looking like less of a Father than I think He should be. A most wicked tendency within me that can only be put to death as I learn to walk content in whatever provision my Father provides for me in line with my true needs. According to His timing and His will not my own. Anyway....some examples of His provision... Last week...I needed $25 to be in my checking account by the 15th so that my once a month transfer of $25 from my checking to my savings would go through without my being charged $6.95 for checking. I only had $20 some odd cents on the 14th and did not look forward to giving up $6.95 of that to pay my bank fee. So...I went canning (I had liberty to do that again before the Lord). On the way to my favorite canning run to hopefully make $5...I met this woman who came on the bus. She has a tall broom and a cart and it looked like she had been doing some cleaning. What struck me about her carrying the broom is that the bus company does not usually let on such tall instruments. So...out of curiosity I started a conversation with her. To make a long story short...this women was homeless and did indeed do some cleaning with her broom. I won't go into the details of what she did though it was indeed very interesting. But she was homeless. I told her about me being homeless but also shared with her something of the way the Lord was providing for me too from what I remember (I have had lots of opportunity to share with others all over the place about these things). At one point she asked me if I needed some money. She was HOMELESS! Asking me! I told her that yeah I could use some money but given that she was homeless herself I graciously refused her kind offer by telling her that she probably needed the money more than me. We kept talking some and then near her stop she pulls out this huge wad of money! Her SSI money! Not wise for her to do that but she did. And she proceeds to pull out a $5 bill and hands it to me! Well...I graciously accepted her money, we talked a bit more, she got off and I got to my stop. As I stepped off the bus I began to cry. At how the Lord has met my need through a HOMELESS person!! I canned and canned that day but simply could not make it to the recycle center (it was an hour and a half walk just to get there never mind the canning itself!) and would have ended up $5 short for the next day but the LORD knew!!! Another instance of His provision... There are many others...I am just sharing these two to keep things short... My shoes lost their cushioned insole a while back. My socks were getting black with soot. I mistakenly thought it was my insoles falling apart (which they were) and had bought cheap one's at the dollar store and thrown away the one's that were in my shoes. Well...the cheap one's wore out in about a week and I was left with barely any cushioning. The blackness was due to both shoes having developed micro cracks along the bottom such that fine dirt was getting in (I fixed that with shoe glue). Anyway my feet were really starting to ache. Sometimes in the morning I could barely start walking. One day I went to a church meal for the homeless and as usual I visited the nurse's station to check my blood pressure (something I do whenever I am there). I had prayed that morning bringing my need for new shoes to the Lord. While there I asked about the pain in my feet not knowing for sure if it was due to hardly any cushioning in them. I mean New Testament folks had no cushioning in their sandals right? So I was not sure that pain should result from lack of cushioning but still...I asked. To make a long story short...they found ONE cushioned insole for me. But just one! I thanked them for that one thinking that at least one foot would be protected. But after talking some more and them looking around for another one and not finding one the NURSE, get this, the NURSE took off her shoes, takes out the cushions from her own shoes - very nice cushion inserts if I do say so myself - and GIVES them both to me!!!! She has her own foot problems and thus needs cushions herself! But the Lord used her own problem to better sympathize with mine and to move her heart to give me her cushions. She insisted that she had more at home when I started to protest what she was doing telling her that she did not need to do that. I walked away with wonderful insoles that met my need! I didn't get the shoes I had been praying for but my need was still met!!!!!! The pain has greatly diminished. I could write a book on ALL the ways the Lord continues to meet my needs. I really could. It absolutely amazes me. One time I prayed for a loaf of bread. I felt a need to have one to tidy me over the next day for something to munch on. And I prayed for that. I forgot about my prayer and went to a feed where they NEVER, EVER have enough bread to give away much less where I am ever able to get any since I get there late. The bread they do have goes FAST as everyone in line just grabs the meager bread they put out in a heartbeat. Anyway there I am finishing up my meal next a friend. An acquaintance comes over and tells my friend that there is a loaf of bread up on the shelf in case he is interested in it. I don't even pay attention and continue finishing off my plate. My friend turns to me and says there is a loaf of bread up on a shelf that they are giving away in case I am interested. I ask WHERE??! He points to it. I get up almost running over to the bread (bear in mind that there are a hundred people sitting around anyone of whom would have snarfed that bread up in a heartbeat) and asked a staff member if it was indeed up for grabs. It was indeed! I take it. Sprouted, cracked rye bread!!!!! Highest quality natural bread!! My Father gave me a present that day!!! See what I mean???? You might well say...COINCIDENCE! I say baloney! This happens a LOT. Once or twice...yah...maybe. One might look on it as coincidence (though I don't believe in such a thing). But time after time after time? NO WAY! That is GOD! The Living God! At work to provide for me! There is so very much more, so very much more that I could share but I will leave it at that. Oh...one other thing. Today I had a most wonderful experience of God. It came to me when I put on my little iPod touch to listen to godly music to drown out yet another dude from da hood on the bus playing his rappy music outloud. I can't stand that! But the Lord knew! I put on the worship music and a song that I listed to broke my heart and caused the Lord and me to enjoy a time of wonderful fellowship. I would lay down my life to be close to you Lord is how the song went. As it played a girl laid her head on the shoulder of what I presume was her boyfriend directly in front of me as if to highlight how the Lord wanted me to lean on Him. What struck me is that there is one thing above all that we as Christians have. It is the source of contentment. Or should be. We don't need hot showers, great shoes, 3 meals a day, a nice home, an American dream life, a wife, kids, a husband, lots of money, you name it. What we NEED is the Lord!!!! We are to be content knowing that He will never leave us or forsake us! That is not natural. It takes learning. Over time and through many trials where what we think we need is stripped from us until all we are left with is HIM! We don't even need significance and to be useful in life or what have you. Some of us may never be able to as useful in life as we might wish or think we need to be. WE MUST LEARN TO BE CONTENT WITH JUST HIM!!!! I can't say that enough. Read it again! And again. And again. It is ONLY in learning to walk contently before Him, in relationship to Him alone, above all else that we will ever be at a place in our lives where He can then use us IF that is His will for us to be used in whatever way we would like to be used. We must surrender ALL to Him. Even our desires. And we must learn to walk contently in our relationship to Him! Where we value Him and are filled with Him more than we are by anyone and anything. Anyway the Library where I am is getting ready to close. That's all I have time for today. Hope that encourages some of you. Carlos

This morning, as I read through some of Acts asking the Lord to speak to me whatever He might want to say, I was particularly struck by something that I wanted to bring up for discussion. I am not saying that what I say next is of the Lord necessarily...only that I want to discuss it so that I can discern what the Lord's heart on the matter is better than I could by myself. That presupposes that I may not be seeing things entirely correct so bear that in mind as you read the rest of this post. The Lord seemed to speak to me about how disputes within the church should be handled. Doctrinal disputes. Before I share what He seemed to lay on my heart let me digress just a bit to lay out what I believe is the modern way of handling such disputes for contrast with what I read in the New Testament. Modern churches believe certain doctrines. Many times those doctrines define what the church is about in part if not in whole and the core doctrines are often found in doctrinal statements put out by the church. Statements of faith if you will. The church leaders teach those doctrines. Any deviation from those doctrines is discouraged if not outright frowned upon or not allowed. Anyone who comes along and starts teaching something contrary to those doctrines without the blessing of the church leaders is considered rebellious and one who causes division. Challenges to such doctrinal beliefs cannot happen publicly but must be brought to leadership in private. For their careful consideration. If they decide that the challenge has no biblical basis the challenge is not allowed to make it past them and ends right there. It is a very rare thing for challenges to established church doctrine to go anywhere within established leadership. Established leadership rarely if ever changes their mind about established church doctrine. Today's churches tend to relegate the teaching task to one man. Mostly if not entirely the Head Pastor. Though many churches do have other Pastors such as an assistant Pastor who teaches sometimes or may even bring in an outside speaker, such is not the norm. Usually the Head Pastor handles most of the teaching. Any such teaching from anyone other than the Head Pastor must conform to established church doctrine or it is not allowed. Only men who can confidently be counted on to teach that which lines up with church doctrine are allowed to teach. Churches that have home groups do have home group leaders that teach there too but most such leaders only teach what is in line with what was preached on the previous Sunday or use an outline that has been pre-approved by church leadership in line with their goals for the flock. The home group usually just cements or expands upon what has been taught on the previous Sunday. Deviation from established church doctrine is not allowed. That has been my experience of church throughout the years and I believe it accurately reflects the norm within churches as to how they handle doctrinal purity and doctrinal differences and disputes. Let's look at some of the fruit of this modern way of handling doctrinal differences and disputes. Conformity - there is conformity to doctrine within the local church. Any non-conformity does not rise up to cause a problem. This is NOT to say that there is unity of belief! Only conformity (even if just outward in some) to established church doctrine as taught by church leadership. Division - at first glance one might conclude that conformity should lead to less division and not more but the approach I have briefly described above actually leads to more. Why? Because anyone coming along and being led of the Spirit to believe differently than established church doctrine has one of two choices. Suppress what the Spirit has laid on their heart or go find another church. If they can't find another church that lines up with what the Spirit has led them to believe they go start their own (which new church will almost invariably revolve around the doctrines of the person who starts it in turn). Pride - the above approach to doctrinal differences can (NOT will) lead to pride on the part of church leaders whose beliefs go unchallenged. Some become very set in their ways and cease to have a teachable spirit before the Lord. A humble spirit that will learn even from a donkey (remember Balaam's donkey who spoke to the prophet) if God should want to speak through such. That is just some of the fruit that comes to mind which leads me to ask...is the modern approach biblical? I'll continue in another post later as time permits but if anyone has anything to say about what I said above I am eager to hear it. Carlos

The Lord meets my need! Without my having to go canning! This week has been a very, very trying week for me. Very. Probably one of the toughest trials of faith that I have ever had to endure. And I have in all truth failed miserably to trust God as I should have done. I doubted all over the place. Went off into sin a few times. And otherwise failed to be what I should have been under trial. I did not and do not deserve God's provision. I do not deserve to be able to speak about these things. At all. But...God is rich in mercy. The one thing I did do right is that I kept reading the Word. And kept bringing up my concerns before the Lord. My biggest single concern was with being able to afford a bus pass for next month. Without a bus pass my money would have quickly run out as I would not have been able to avail myself of a monthly student discount for the month and would have had to pay a premium for daily or multi-day passes to get me around. I might have been able to last a couple of weeks on the money that I had but after that I don't know what I would have done as I would have lost the ability to get around to meals or otherwise. On top of that I have had to give up my gym membership and will no longer be able to store my stuff in lockers at the gym or take showers whenever I want. Again without a bus pass I would have not even been able to go get a shower as that would have required me to use a bus pass to get to. Meals are not a problem but again I MUST have a bus pass to get around to them. So without a bus pass I would have been stuck unable to get to showers, unable to get to meals at various churches, and in trouble. That was my main concern. The other was with being able to pay for my business website hosting. Without that I would have been unable to solicit for new business so as to earn money for in my solicitation for such I must show my portfolio of sites previously worked on. I started wondering if God was really there at times. I fell into doubting God's very ability or willingness to provide for my needs. I went off into sin to comfort myself in the flesh. I watched movies to get away from things and escape into a make believe world. I do not mean to say that I did that for the entire week without a break. I would repent, get up, only to fall back again when nothing was coming through for me. Only to get up again, spend time with the Lord, get my heart strengthened again...to fall back again a bit later. Earlier in this thread I spoke boldly of what I believed to be the Lord speaking to me. That he had not wanted me to go canning and that He would provide for me in some other way. But the more that time went on without any provision in sight the more I began to wonder if that could have really been the Lord. I began to doubt that it was. But that also left me with a dilemna of not knowing how in the world to discern the voice of the Lord in the future. So yesterday I had determined to go canning as I saw little else that I could do. I absolutely had to have a bus pass! This morning when I woke up it was raining. So much for canning. Later the sun came out and I would have gone canning if I had known that it was going to be sunny but I didn't and had already missed this day for canning purposes. I went to a feed that was being put on by a church. Before I got there I poured my heart out before the Lord again. I just could not understand what was happening. I was confused. I was broken hearted. I felt like I did not know how to trust God anymore. Like everything I had been believing about God, about His living reality, about His ability and willingness to provide was being called into question. But I kept reading the Word regardless. Ironically despite my life seeming to fall apart all week the Lord kept speaking to me about faith. About the need to have faith in Him. To not be like the apostles in the little faith they had and displayed. Jairus the synagogue ruler and his little daugher who died as he and Jesus were headed to his house. How Jesus told him that all he needed to do was believe and that his daughter would live. An impossibility in the natural. It seemed impossible for God to provide for my need. Nothing was coming through. No work anywhere in sight. The woman who had experienced bleeding for many years thinking that if she but touched the hem of Jesus's robe that she would be healed. The Syrian Phoenician woman and the great faith she had when she kept after Jesus to help her. How Jesus had marveled at her faith. Of the fact that all things are possible for those who believe. On and on I kept reading of people who had either had faith or had failed to have faith and that faith was so central to receiving from God. I tried to have faith. But my faith kept failing me as the circumstances closed in on me. Yet God also was gracious in resurrecting what little faith I had as I read the Word. Lifting my heart to look to Him time after time even after a bout of doubting. At the feed today I met a fellow Christian. Only this Christian was not like your typical Sunday going churchy Christian in that he was living out some things that most Christians consider a bit nutty. He was living out what Acts talks of regarding the common sharing of possessions, selling all one has, giving to the poor, and following Jesus. He and a group of Christians have gone around doing just that since 1995. There are about 45 of them though they are spread around in little groups all over. I grilled him for something like 4 hours on what he was doing. We shared back and forth. He was right on in most if not all that we talked of. Right out of the Word. As we were parting from each other and I had started to walk away he came up beside me in his bike and extended his hand as if to shake it one more time. Thinking that is what he wanted to do I extended my hand and as I did he left something in my hand. A $20 bill! I had not asked for a single penny! He had come to find out of my intention to go canning as I had been explaining to him that although I would have liked to hang out with him and learn what I could from how they lived before the Lord that I was not that free to do so this week as I had to go canning to meet a need in my life to make some money to be able to get a bus pass. He had not initiated to have me hang out with them. I had initiated to do that with him. With the $40.04 cents that I have to my name that makes $60.04. My bus pass is $56.60! I will have just enough left over to do my laundry. Then there was the matter of my business website. When I got back to the gym (my membership continues to the end of this month) there was an email waiting for me with the promise of $10 to come to me tomorrow from a fellow homeless dude that I had given a bunch of my stuff to in preparation for clearing out my lockers. My hosting costs $9.95 per month and is due on the 28th of this month! The day after tomorrow! The Lord met my need for both of these crucial things without my having had to go canning at all! Just as the word to me earlier in the week had said would happen. That He would meet my needs in some other way besides canning! The fact that these needs are now met will allow me to focus more fully on soliciting for new business in the next few days in line with my usual work. The saddest thing for me is that I failed so miserably to trust God as I should have done. But of note in all this is that the Lord was faithful ONCE AGAIN! To meet my need. My true need. I had run out of options. I was up against an insurmountable wall. I could not have made the money I needed to save my life. Well...at least not in a righteous manner. To be sure I could have panhandled but that would have been a dishonor to God. And earlier this month I could have compromised in accepting work to build a website that would have violated my conscience to do. Certain money for sure from an long time friend (an unbelieving religious person who is not really trusting God as far as I know). But I had chosen and would do so all over again to do the right thing by God and had denied myself and had gone on to suffer under the cross of doing that which was pleasing to God no matter what it cost me. God has come through for me this way so very many times. But with every new such trial I never seem to learn. I keep on falling and doubting and questioning and looking around me with great concern the closer I get to the day of my need. I mean I am better at this than most I think but nowhere near where I should be. My faith is so puny as to be all but unmentionable. I do not say that as an expression of humility but rather as an expression of truth. But despite my lack of faith I have nowhere to go but to go on with the Lord. He truly has the words of eternal life. There is none beside Him. He feeds me with the finest of the wheat in my spirit. He lifts my heart when all else and everyone else around me fails me. He keeps me and lifts me up to set my foot upon a rock. To stabilize my life and help me move forward. He alone is God and His mercy knows no end for those who have come to fear Him and trust Him through the cross. Blessed be the name of the Lord! Carlos

This morning something stuck out to me in particular and I wanted to share what the Lord seemed to lay on my heart about it for the benefit of anyone going through difficult circumstances where they are looking to God to provide for their needs. It may help. If I could phrase what the Lord laid on my heart into one sentence it would be...Peace through Surrender. Again I encourage each of you to pray about and consider carefully what I say in the light of what the Scriptures say as to whether or not what I saying is accurate and of God or not. I do not yet understand all this as fully as the Lord might want me to understand it and it is perhaps possible that in some particulars I may not be entirely Scriptural though I do not of course think that is the case. The verses that spoke to me are.. These verses are describing Jesus's last prayer to His Father just before they arrested Him (leading to His crucifixion). Jesus knew what was going to happen (other verses make this clear where he told the disciples what would happen). That He would be turned over to the Gentiles and crucified. A couple of things to note in the above verses. Though it does not say it in the text, at least not explicitly so, I think it is plausible to believe that Jesus had a natural desire to avoid being crucified. I don't believe for one minute that He relished the thought of going through that. He knew that great suffering awaited Him and He naturally did not desire to go through that suffering. He also knew that all things were possible for God the Father. That God, His Abba Father, was not only loving but all powerful. That He was loved by the Father and had done all things so as to please Him. Yet there He was facing the terrible suffering that was about to come down on His head. But He did not question God's love. He did not question the existence of His Father. He did not bemoan his lot in life. He did not feel sorry for Himself. He was not desperate to avoid God ordained suffering that was coming on Him as a direct result of having done the Father's will in His life and in His interactions with others. He expressed His desire to the Father. That the cup of His suffering would pass Him by. That if possible that He would not have to endure the suffering that was about to happen. But...and this is key...His overriding prayer, above His own desire, was that God's will would be done. Not His but the Father's! He prayed as He lived. Surrendered to the will of the Father. His goal in life was to do the will of Him who sent Him. To seek His glory and not His own. To please the Father in all things. It was NOT to avoid suffering! It was not to live a life of ease or comfort oriented around seeking His own natural desires as uppermost. He did not look for suffering. He did not go out of His way to find it. But He did not shrink back from it if it lay squarely in the path of doing the will of the Father. What happened to Jesus should teach us a thing or two about having our needs met. For one, I think it is biblically accurate to say that not every Christian will be able to avoid the suffering of unmet need. There are times, like with Jesus, when we will suffer hunger and pain and thirst (we might even die from such things in the context of doing the will of God). When we will be in need of clothing as Jesus fell into need of such on the cross. The greatest desire of our hearts should NOT be to get our needs met. Even for things as basic as food and clothing. Yes...God promises to meet our needs for such things as we seek His Kingdom and His righteousness first but in the seeking of such things there is the possibility that we too will suffer need. I know that may seem contradictory but I don't believe it is. It is not a matter of contradiction but a matter of priority. The priority in our lives should be to do the will of God. NOT to have our needs for food and clothing met. In other words we are not to orient our lives around having our needs met but rather around doing the will of the Father in our lives. Doing that which pleases Him and is the right thing to do by Him. Even if the result of doing so is the possibility that our needs will not be met! Jesus' goal in life was NOT to have His need for food or anything else met. It was to do the will of His Father! So much so that food (or any other need) took secondary place in His life. Countless Christians throughout history have suffered and died terrible deaths as a result of persecution or as a result of following the will of God as best they understood it (and falling to sickness, natural disasters or otherwise that they would not have had to endure had they simply followed after their own interests in life and not those of God). For those Christians their need for food and clothing took secondary priority over the need to do the will of God in their lives. As it should be for us. I believe the Lord would have all of us arrive at a place of surrender to His will. As seen in Jesus. Such a place cannot be realized without having to face suffering of one sort or another. Perhaps suffering directly related to unmet need in our lives. At times like that it isn't that God cannot or wills not to provide. It is that we live in a fallen world where righteous persons, whose needs would normally be met fully by God, end up suffering need. Either through the sin in others or through the sin in creation. Peace, real peace, in the face of potential need and suffering can ONLY be arrived at through surrender to the will of God (whatever that turns out to be and whatever consequences that has for our lives). I am NOT saying this to discourage anyone from looking to God to provide for their basic needs. Not at all. I am saying this to better prepare us for those times when doing the will of God in our lives might cause some of us to fall into unmet need. At times like that God has not changed. He still loves us. He is still for us. The Bible is still true. None of that has changed. Rather we suffer as a direct result of making choices that are in line with doing the right thing by God. Those choices are not rewarded by a fallen world as they should be. At times they may lead to suffering under unmet need. Need that God would provide for otherwise if we did not live in fallen world. This is somewhat of a mystery in the same sense that it is difficult to understand how God allows righteous persons to suffer. I mean He is in control is He not? He is all powerful is He not? So why does God allow the proverbial good person (what I call a righteous person) to suffer while the proverbial wicked person does not? Is it that God rewards the wicked while punishing the righteous person? May it never be is what Paul would have probably said. Rather it is that we live in a fallen world that does not respect or uphold that which would be in line with what Justice would demand. That the righteous person would be protected and looked after while the wicked person would suffer the consequences of his wickedness. As disciples of Jesus we must deny self and seek rather to do the will of the Father always. Deny self in the sense of not orienting our lives around our own desires and wants or even needs but rather around the will of God our Father. Like Jesus, we must take up our cross, and go forward in life to endure whatever suffering comes our way as a result of doing God's will and acting in line with what would please Him. That isn't something to bemoan and cry over. That is not a bad thing. It is a chance to share in the sufferings of Jesus who was completely righteous in all that He did and thought but who ended up suffering what would have normally been the lot of a wicked man (both on the cross physically but also in the spiritual realm where He suffered separation from God the Father on our behalf as well). To die to self and go forward into whatever cross we must bear as we follow in Jesus's footsteps is to enter into a fuller experience of and intimacy with Jesus. It is to enter more fully into the kind of life (even if it may involve our physical death) that God means for us to have. It is not something to shrink from but rather something to be embraced from the heart as God ordained for our good. There is freedom and peace in the midst of trying circumstances but only through the door of surrender as we walk forward in life to do the will of God our Father. Just as Jesus did. Carlos

Outstanding post Gary!! Thank you! Carlos

Thanks for your encouraging words Saved! Truly. They brought joy to my heart in that I want God to use me in the lives of others. To encourage, exhort, admonish, and whatever. To the extent that He is using whatever I post here about my experiences and whatever faith He has enabled me to have I praise Him for that! A few more comments on what you said below. I appreciate your concern Saved. Truly I do. But there is no need to feel helpless or sorrowful on my behalf. I say that sincerely. I consider myself to be the apple of God's eye within my circumstances. I have a chance to talk to people in one way or another regarding God virtually every single day. From all walks of life. Both well off and in dire need. I am learning Paul's secret of being content in all things. Learning about the reality of God when all that one might rely on in the flesh and naturally speaking falls through. Learning how to cry out to Him in my needs as they present themselves and learning to walk with a surrendered heart. Doing the best that I can while entrusting Him with things I can do nothing about. It is rather I who should feel helpless and sorrowful. I say that in all honesty. Helpless to seemingly influence those who profess to be Christians to give up their lives to Him. What I say so very often seems to go in one ear and out the other and have no affect whatsoever. Sorrowful that more folks do not learn of God as I have had to learn of Him in the midst of what would normally be perceived as very trying circumstances. I feel rather blessed in that sense Saved. Where I am learning things and experiencing things of God that many would want to experience but which for various reasons they don't. I mean I did not make a choice to be homeless per se. Yes...I suppose it could be said that I made a choice in the sense of not having done things more wisely or whatever so as to avoid ending up in this situation but I did not set out and purposely orient my life around being homeless. That would have been both silly and foolish. But I ended up being homeless. That word has such a poor is me connotation that I hesitate to use it as it does not adequately express the feeling I have of being tremendously blessed. I mean I sometimes walk around and observe all these folks everywhere who are well off and you know what crosses through my head sometimes when I see that? That 99% of them are likely headed for hell. That I am headed for heaven and that I have an intimate relationship with God. That what appears to be one thing in the natural...that others are greatly blessed and I am not...is the complete opposite in the spirtual. That I am blessed beyond belief in my relationship to God and that others are walking around as filthy beggars. Such descrepencies in the natural don't even faze me or hardly come to mind anymore. It is not optimal when compared to the ideal Saved. You are right about that. I mean it's great to get up and walk a few feet in one's own apartment to use the sink to wash one's hands and face or even take a shower. It's great to sit down in the living room and watch some TV over a bag of chips and some soda. But it's all matter of perspective. It really is. What I mean is that these sorts of things that are pleasant to have and experience in the natural don't compare to the spiritual pleasures that are to be had in relationship to Him. If we have Him and are experiencing Him in real relationship these sorts of things matter little or not at all. Comparitively speaking. I've been there and done that and have done with and without being in right relationship to God and quite frankly such wordly pleasantries don't mean a thing. They don't bring joy or contentment deep within. They don't give us purpose and meaning. They don't fill our hearts with peace. None of that. I have the true riches that it is possible to have. Anything else is nice but entirely unecessary to find fulfillment in life or joy in the Spirit. Even from a practical standpoint Saved I have actually missed being homeless at times when I have had the chance to live indoors in recent times house sitting for a friend at his beautiful home. I house sat this last Christmas for example and couldn't wait to get back to my life as a homeless dude. I was isolated way up on a mountain. Away from everyone and anyone. I had food and a large screen TV and could sleep anywhere in the house and could lounge around and what have you. And I was somewhat miserable. So much so that I told my friend that this was going to have to be the last time I house sit for him. I also fell into watching some porn which was not good and which I confessed to my friend - which being an unbeliever he did not quite understand why that was so bad. But it also gave me a chance to share something of God with him too! Don't get me wrong. It would nice to be indoors somewhere but I have done that before. Even had my own apartment in Canada at one point and it's really not that big of a deal. It has it's own cons. Among other things I must work lots of hours to make the money to pay rent. Money which goes to someone else to simply be able to sleep between four walls so to speak. Seems like a real waste to me. I mean to work all those hours and pay all that money just to have four walls around me. I'd rather be homeless, not have to work all those hours and pay all that money, and focus rather on the things of God with the free time I might have as a result (though being homeless itself takes up a lot more time than one would imagine...there are tradeoffs). I speak of myself as a single guy mind you. I would never want a wife to share in my homelessness for example. You may well be tested in that way in the future Saved. Perhaps many Christians will be. But if you are just remember how the Lord was faithful to me in my homelessness and stay encouraged! He can provide for us whether we are in a decent home or out homeless. I tell you the truth Saved that I am no great man of faith. By God's grace I have been enabled to have some faith but whatever faith you see in me today and which you may read about in my posts has come about by God having to teach me the same things over and over again. I have had a very thick head! For every one time in which I do not doubt and stand strong in faith I have failed a hundred unseen times. What you see in my posts is the culmination of things the Lord has been doing in my life and will do in the life of any Christian in whatever circumstances they may find themselves in. The Lord wants to use Christians like myself who are homeless and Christians who are relatively well off to showcase His living reality in whatever circumstances anyone may find themselves in. He is God of both the poor and the rich. I just happen to be poor is all. Our circumstances may be different in a wordly sense but God is still the God of us both and wants to glorify Himself through both our lives. Sadly it has been my experience in life and seeing what has happened in the lives of others that such is not the case within the church of North America Saved. Local assemblies will NOT do whatever it takes to help people. Oh they will give handouts but they will not involve themselves in the lives of others to help them long term. I've never seen Christians do that to tell you the truth. Not once. With those in need I mean. It's always the proverbial handout and then they are gone. Leaving those in need to continue to fend for themselves. Handouts are good. Don't get me wrong. But they are downright evil when they become a substitute for loving our neighbors as we love ourselves and even worse when churches leave brothers and sisters in Christ in their need and bid them well when they fall into some need. The last church I was in gave me $300 (I never asked for one penny...the Lord apparently moved on them to give me that) and bid me well into my homelessness. In fairness to them we had discussed some things related to how the church should be that we were in disagreement about and in that sense I was not really considered an all out member of their church and did not even see myself as that but how ANY church could allow a committed brother in the Lord to go off to be homeless into the streets of San Diego was beyond me to comprehend. I had tried. Really tried to find work. Both the Assistant Pastor and the men's group leader praised me for my effort but they still let me go off to be homeless. I remember complaining to the Lord about that and the main thing He seemed to lay on my heart regarding such was that however they were treating me is how they were treating Him. That comforted me. I mean I didn't go around making a big deal of my up and coming homelessness. I didn't go out of my way to continually ask people for help. I just don't operate that way. But people knew. This particular church was HUGE! I mean the building. Absolutely HUGE. They had a shower and floor space like you would not believe even in the church. Rooms galore. Riches. Beautiful homes that church members lived in. Yet no one offered me so much as 3 square feet to lay me down for the night to allow me to keep looking for work. The $300 dollars they gave me reminded me of the 30 pieces of silver that the religious leaders paid Judas to betray Jesus. That I was considered to be worthy of $300 but no more respecting anything else. You are blessed to have seen that growing up Saved. I tell you the truth that such is a very rare thing indeed. Most professing believer folks won't touch any such needs with a ten foot pole! They will NOT involve themselves and risk anything of any real value to help those in need. They only volunteer for a couple of hours at some soup kitchen but mention anything about opening up our lives and hearts as Jesus did where that might entail opening their precious homes and they run for the door. That is why in many respects I think I would likely find more sold out believers in some third world country than here in North America. We think we are rich spiritually and walk around rich materially but in truth we are all but spiritually bankrupt and like beggars in the eyes of God who sees all and knows all to the core of our being. Where we can hide nothing from him or hide behind religious activity to hide the self centeredness of our lives. Carlos

Something interesting happened to me last night. Earlier yesterday I had gone out and looked for my canning pickup stick and had found it, praise God! So I had come back to the gym with it and had all but prepared for going out canning (collecting bottles and cans to get some money from their recycled value) by storing excess stuff I normally carry with me to my campsite in my gym lockers, pulling out my suntan lotion, and otherwise preparing to not come back today in the morning but to go straight to canning after having some breakfast. Usually the excess stuff I carrry to my campsite (i.e. raincoat in case it rains, etc.) I bring back to the gym in the mornings and store it in lockers here. Anyway as I was getting ready to close my locker and head out last night...well...the Lord spoke to me! I say that He spoke to me with some hesitation as there is always the possibility that it was not Him at all but in all truth I simply cannot say that it was not Him as it is the same voice that has spoken to me in past times and which has resulted in wonderful things happening in or through my life for the few times I have heard it. I can only remember hearing this voice maybe 3 times in the last 15/20 years! Though I have heard Him at other times that were less impressionable as to the consequences of obeying said voice and which times I cannot remember. These three are the only ones that I remember clearly. The first that I recall is when He told me to go next door and propose to the Christians living there the idea of starting to eat meals together. I did what I was told and from that resulted the most amazing fellowship and experiences of God that I have ever had in my life (though subsequent experiences of God have happened to me they have never been as frequent during a given period of time as they were then). The next time I recall hearing this voice was when I was standing in front of my storage in Canada all but in despair wondering what I was going to do and where I was going to go. My truck in which I had been sleeping had completely broken down and had been sold. I had gotten $1000 as an insurance payment from the company of a man who had hit my truck a couple of months earlier so I did have some money left of that $1000 and I had been paying half the rent at a friend's apartment to stay there but the money was disappearing quickly and we were in the middle of a very cold Canadian winter. I had no job per se during the winters as I was a window cleaner by trade. That time the Lord said to me "I want you to go to San Diego!". No explanation with that. Just that. But that seeming word from God encouraged me to believe Him to make a way where I saw no way and the gist of it is that a flight opened up for me at Christmas time at a discount, I got housing in San Diego and was even picked up from the airport by a man I had never met and from whom I would be renting a room. I got out of the cold and came to San Diego! The third time was last night. The Lord, if indeed this is the Lord, told me not to go canning today. That He would provide for me in some other way. As happened the other times I hesitated a bit and even began to tear up telling the Lord that I did not understand why He might have me skip canning as it was a definite way in which my shortfall in money could be made up. But I did what this voice told me to do. It remains to be seen if what I heard by way of direction will indeed come to pass. That my shortfall of money will be made up in some other way besides canning. I do have a proposal out to one my clients that he may go for. A few days ago while I was waking up in my tent the thought came to me that I could offer something to one of my clients who has a photography site. I could offer to include invisible watermarks into his photos. I did some trial and error on that and it wasn't practically doable but in my trying I veered off into doing something called stenography where text or images can be hidden inside images. That is doable and I tested and did it. And I offered that to my client as a way to safeguard his photos and prove they are his in the future should they ever be stolen. I think he will go for it but it is by no means certain that he will. Nor is it certain that I will receive the money earned through such a thing before the end of this month when I need the money to be in my bank account, free and clear. So hearing this voice and being obedient to it is a leap of faith in that there is nothing certain in place of canning at this time. The other thing is that I cannot explain how it is wise or godly or in line with righteousness for me to skip doing that which is available to me, canning, to wait on God for something as yet unseen to provide for my needs. I mean it's like someone hearing God tell them to not work as their needs will be provided for some other way. Not exactly mind you in that I am still to pursue getting my needs met through my more normal work of web development and related things but still...canning is right now, right here as one way to get my need met and this voice is telling me not to do it as my needs will be provided another way. Rather odd to say the least. Not even something I would ever recommend someone to do. BUT...above all I want the Lord to be glorified as the Living God who Provides for His children. That He is able and willing to provide despite our fumblings and foibles and sometimes our downright foolishness. I am not setting out to test God in this...rather I was setting out to go canning and provide for my need that way. Absolutely so. But this voice that I have come to believe is the Lord interrupted my train of thought and told me flat out to do something other than what I had been setting out to do. So I will wait on God to provide for me in some other way. At least for today. The sense of direction I got was to not do canning as I had planned to do it today and may not necessarily apply to canning other days. I will have to keep this in prayer to better discern the Lord's direction. I am reminded of what Maximus the Roman general told one of his subordinates when the subordinate informed him that there was some risk to the cavalry by aiming catapults so close to the front lines just before the opening battle. Maximus said "The risk is acceptable". There is some risk in my listening to this voice to not do that which would provide for my need. In a worse case scenario I will end up being unable to pay my gym membership. Will have to give up my lockers at the gym. Will be unable to afford bus fare to continue where I am and will have to up and move to downtown San Diego. To go sleep on the sidewalks once again. But...the risk is acceptable for the greater honor and glory of God if He proves Himself through my life to be the Living God who can and will provide for His children. God only knows that many of His children need encouragement in that regard during these hard economic times. Who is to say that He might not want to show Himself strong through my life for the sake of others of His children that find themselves facing need. I am willing to be the guinea pig in God's hands for the sake of others. And if I am making a mistake I won't die. There are hundreds of homeless folks living on the sidewalks of San Diego at night. Literally. It is extremely rare that anything bad happens to any one of them. Maybe 2 or 3 if that are ever killed per year. The risk is very mimimal and even hardly existant since I am not involved in drugs or otherwise. God willing I will survive and do just fine. IF I have heard God wrong. BUT...if I have heard God right I would never want to miss this grand opportunity to show Him forth as the God that He is. This morning I also read the story of Peter walking on the water. It's very instructive for those of us facing some need. A couple of things to note about what happened in the above verses. Notice the Lord's QUICK reaction to saving Peter when Peter began to doubt and sink. It says the Lord IMMEDIATELY stretched out His hand and took hold of Peter. IMMEDIATELY. Despite Peter's doubting and his sinking the Lord had compassion on him and rescued him in spite of Peter's foible and lack of faith. As He is predisposed to do that for us. Secondly notice something else. What caused Peter to start doubting? I mean the winds were the same when he first started walking on the water as they were when he started to sink. It was what he was focused on looking at! At first his focus was on the Lord! Then his focus changed to start looking at and pondering and dwelling on the wind and the waves and what have you around him. How could he possibly continue walking by faith in view of the wind?! And he began to sink. We MUST keep our eyes focused on the Lord when facing need. NOT the need! Focused on His compassion. On His love. On His faithfulness. Or what have you but about Him! Not us or our circumstances. HIM! That inspires faith! Looking to our circumstances, how impossible they are, or whatever inspires doubt! The last thing that particularly struck me about Peter and Jesus is that Peter was an imperfect man. He stumbled and bumped and fell here and there in his walk of faith. Just as I do and just as probably all of us do. That did NOT stop the Lord from being Peter's safety net! The Lord was committed to Peter as Peter was committed to the Lord. They were bound up together in relationship just as we Christians are with the Lord. We are His and He is ours. Lock stock and barrel. All that is His is ours by faith just as all that we are is His by a choice to live in surrender to Him by faith. He WILL take care of us even despite ourselves! That doesn't mean that we have liberty to be lazy or to otherwise act foolish. What that means rather is that we can be ourselves in the Presence of our loving Father and not be concerned that He will ignore our plea for help and salvation in the face of need when we cry out to Him even if the need we face may have resulted from our own sin or foolish lack of faith. He is there to save us both eternally and in our need whatever that need may be! Bear in mind though that I am talking about saving us according to our true needs and not our wants. God will not necessarily save our rich, beautiful homes, or fancy cars or what have you despite any mistakes we have made in their stewardship or otherwise. What He does promise us is to provide for our basic needs as we seek to do His will and to please Him in all things. Food (sustenance) and clothing (basic shelter) is all we are promised for sure. Though the Lord may indeed provide us with far more from time to time that is by no means promised to us. In all cases we are to aim at doing His will and glorifying Him and not seek to have particular needs, or things we think are needs, met to enable us to have a better life or otherwise obtain some ease that is purely oriented around our wants and not His will. We must walk with surrendered hearts to seek His greater glory and honor through our lives as the focus of our lives giving up our lives in service to Him. It is only in that way that we will truly find life and experience intimacy with Him. Carlos

Now that I had a chance to talk about it in response to your question, it is rather surprising to me how often I do mention something about Christ to others. I mean I don't keep track of such things or am hardly cognizent that I have done so as much as I have. But I guess I do. Which is interesting and encouraging to me in that so very often I think of myself as worthless piece of doo doo. Not always mind you...the Lord is helping me with that but every few days at the very least if not more often. Carlos

Not sure why you are asking Gary but it's difficult to tell how much time I spend at it. I mean just about everyone I come in contact with knows that I am a Christian. And I share about God quite often but in a natural sort of way. I don't go out of my way to try and manipulate conversations toward God. I am just open about Him as I might be about a wife or best friend. This morning for example I shared with a gym friend that the Lord had shown me that I was content to live in poverty and that such is a problem. That I had never really realized that about myself. That led to talking about whether I go to church and why I have a hard time in churches. I didn't push things but I was also very open about my views. I do that depending on who I am talking with. Sometimes I say more than at others. Earlier this morning I had been talking to a homeless buddy of mine about that maybe he should do what Jesus said to do about not resisting an evil person given that he is in some danger where he is. And even earlier I offered to pray for a man sitting next to me at a meal and then when he said yes I asked him if it was okay for me to lay hands on him to which he replied that he did not want me to do that. He is a Vietnam vet who is blind and has a bullet near his spine. Is in great pain. And was recently knifed in the chest and into the lung. Just a few minutes ago I had a chance to say a little something to a woman that I have gotten to know who sits next to a computer I frequently use at the gym. Someone ran in and gave everyone a dollar bill and ran out saying God bless. Which gave me a chance to say that maybe God had placed it on his heart to do that and that I hoped that the Lord would place such a desire on the heart of many others . She and I have had other conversations that went much deeper. Her life has been pretty rough. That is the type of contact I usually have with folks in real life. Natural sharing of Christ as a part of my life and who I am. I do that type of thing a lot when I think about it. But I think I need to be more proactive in actually trying to share the Gospel from start to finish with people but it's been a while since I did that. I mean I have but I don't do that very often. I have tried to share some things like what I share on the forums with Christians but in real life I am usually not given a chance to really discuss these things with others. Conversations are shut down or people have no time or interest in these things. Which is a never ending source of consternation as I really don't understand the lack of interest. Carlos

Thanks Saved. Now that is funny! A sort of thinking the best in reverse or something. I mean you thinking that I was only talking figuratively. That's swell of you to think the best of my situation but...well...yeah. I literally sleep in a tent. I don't like saying I live in it since in truth I live more in the gym I belong to or at the Library here where I get unlimited internet access at most any hour of the day and night when school is in session. I got this way...it's kind of a long story...but to make it short I was freezing to death (that's figurative) in Canada so when my truck which I had been sleeping in (long story on that one too) broke down completely...I decided I needed to get out of Canada fast. Winter was in full swing and I only had about 800 dollars. The Lord spoke to me eventually to come to San Diego. I had been selling everything I had in storage and in my truck and giving away what I could not sell and came down with two suitcases and whatever money I had left over after the cost of my flight and some other expenses. For the first year or so that I was here I mostly traded computer work for rent. Made it all the way to having a bedroom in posh Poway (a city near San Diego). Very rich. Old style rich. I was there for four months. When the work I had been hired to do was at an end with that person I had to leave. I certainly could not stay. I have never been one to impose on others and a deal was a deal. I stayed with a Christian for two weeks and then I had to go into the streets. I really, really tried to get a job. Any job. But only ONE placed even interviewed me and that wasn't for a job but as a back up in case they needed anyone in the future. Part of the problem is that I had been self-employed for many years in Canada in my own window cleaning business and no one wanted to hire someone like me perhaps thinking I couldn't take no orders or something. That is how I ended up homeless in San Diego. It's not a big deal really. I mean really. Although I have been on the sidewalks with the "worst" of them before I am very well situated now. Tent out in the boonies where nobody bothers me (well...I did find some human doo doo on the way in on the trail leading to my tent...I left it there to "scare" others away LOL). Gym membership with two lockers there. Other lockers that I can get for free as a "student" if I need them. Free dental care. Free medical care should I need it. Lots of other perks. It's a pretty carefree lifestyle but then again lots of things to worry about I suppose if I give in to that. Ever hear the ditty of three blind mice...see how they run? I never knew there was truth to that until some mouses came close to all but bumping into me. When I first set up my tent they started to eat it. I would find holes here and there. Went on for a few days. Until they finally got it into their noggeds that my tent did not make for good eating or something. They have stopped eating my tent now...thank God LOL! For a while, after reading about flesh eating disease in the news, I thought every insect bite that got red might be flesh eating disease LOL (in my flesh I am somewhat of a hypocondriac). For a while I also thought I had something called scabies. Looking back I think my skin just got infected a bit when I would scratch the insect bites with somewhat dirty fingernails or something. I mean I stay very clean but can't help getting some dirt under my fingernails out in the bushes as there are no hand washing sinks out there. People would absolutely freak out in some of the circumstances I have been in. I mean FREAK out. Lots of times I have had less than $5 to my name with an uncertain means of getting more money. Even more times less than $10. Through naivety or perhaps more correctly ignorance I pretty much have waltzed through things while looking to the Lord to help me out. I have slept in places where people have been killed. I once was peed on by the homeless while I was asleep and slept right through it (super funny what happened). I once was woken up by a gang member going through some kind of initiation rite to try and sell me some cigarettes at 3 AM! I found out that I was sleeping next to a bunch of transvestites that night too though I had thought they were women with some being quite cute I thought (before I found out they were men dressed like women!). I had even gotten up as the gang member went down the row of homeless thinking I was going to have to defend some of what I thought were poor defenseless women until one of these women said in a very manly voice "LEAVE MY HOMMIE ALONE!" at which time I started to realize they were men! I once slept with my backpack tied to my hand and woke up wondering if someone had left me some goodies on top of the picnic table I had slept by. I got up eager to see (Yum, Yum I thought!) and after looking at the stuff that was there and waking up a bit more I realized that it was the contents of my own backpack! LOL. Someone had apparently sat down next to me while I slept peacefully and had ransacked my backpack while it was still tied to my arm! Thankfully something must have spooked them (maybe an angel) as not one single thing was taken. Needless to say I didn't sleep there any more. I once was near someone who got beaten up by a bandana wearing hoodlum with a baseball bat who ran past me around a corner. One time I was walking around in deep woods looking for a new spot and came upon a guy with no clothes on just lounging around like Adam must have done. I didn't know what to say so I asked him if he had been out there long (I meant camping in the woods). He said not long. I said okay..thanks. Turned around and decided them woods were not very suitable for me to camp in LOL. God has shown me such incredible favor at times in the eyes of others. My first computer here (after mine that I brought down from Canada broke down) was bought for me by a client who wanted me to do some work. He bought the computer and left me with it and took off. Trusting me to do the work. I could go on and fill a book with the things that I have been through. But I have never been beat up, robbed, or otherwise. I went hungry as I previously mentioned a few times but nothing worthy of mention really in that I was not anywhere near actually starving. We can actually survive quite well for a number of days as long as we drink water though the hunger pangs are terribly uncomfortable. For me they are near unbearable as I really enjoy eating good food. Mostly at buffets when I can afford it. But don't assume I am fat. I am slightly well rounded with a Sean Connery type of beard. You can know when you are getting older when people on trolley's and buses start giving you seats. As some have done with me recently. It's quite funny. Who me? I don't need to sit down! You insist? Oh well...okay. I especially love desserts. That's probably why my teeth have needed work LOL. Carlos

I have a confession to make. I don't like having to live by faith in God to provide for my needs! It is SO much easier to trust in something or someone other than a God I cannot see. To have to trust in God all the time given the uncertain nature of my work and circumstances is not something I like having to do. Maybe in God's sovereignty that is one reason I have always been poor. The last time God's provision for me seemed to be a shoe in I just went off and sinned it up falling into thinking I didn't need God anymore. I know. Quite deceived. But it happens. I just don't like the uncertainty of reliance on God. I mean from a human perspective. At times like now I don't know where or how that provision is going to come to me. That's uncomfortable. I don't like it. Not one bit. It would be so much easier to have a nice, big, fat nest egg in the bank and rely on that rather than in God daily. To take it easy and go drink some tea at some posh hotel and tan myself while being catered to. To go the movies every day and live a life of ease. Please don't think for a minute that I am some saintly hermit type living high above everyone else in having great faith in God to provide. I struggle in this like anyone else. I more often doubt that He will provide for me than not. I often go off to watch a movie than stick to what I should be doing. Especially when I am struggling with the fear of success. I go fishing in a manner of speaking. I go bury my head in some far off movie where I am the hero and where nothing ever goes wrong. There is something in me that is a terrible struggle regarding work. It's like I struggle with the fear of success BIG TIME. When I come close to being successful I have a tendency to sabotage myself. I have been asking the Lord to show me why. I don't mean to say that I don't work when I have work. I put in very, very long hours sometimes. I go all out for my clients. They are very pleased with my work. But when a job is done I start to take it easy and find myself in need all over again when my bills, as little as they are, continue unabated. The success that is a problem for me is the kind where I may end up moving past poverty and into stable income that is above the poverty line. Something about that really gets to me. None of this is to discount the truth in any of what I have said. What I have said is true. But there are issues in me regarding all this that need to be dealt with. God does provide for me but it is not because of me. It is despite me. I mean He doesn't provide for me in a state where I sit around and do nothing. I mean He provides for me to the extent that I trust Him to provide and do something in line with that trust. But the provision I trust Him to provide for me tends to be very minimal. He provides for me what I am trusting Him to provide. I mean by His mercy I am blessed beyond belief and shown great mercy in the eyes of others. But I remain poor. Not because God does not want to provide me with more or would have me rise above being dirt poor but rather because I seem to be most comfortable living in poverty. I don't know why exactly. I am only now beginning to see some of this. Carlos

Gary I believe I get what you are saying and even perhaps why you are saying. I believe you are saying it in love as best you know how to help Dani. So I don't doubt your motives or even the wisdom of your words per se as applied where appropriate. It is more that I am saying that bad circumstances that befall us and cause us to fall into some need are not ALWAYS a result of our doing something wrong or not having done what we ought to have done in our flesh. I do agree with you in that sometimes they are. But in all cases, whether bad circumstances befalling us are a result of our having fallen short or a result of something happening in the heavenlies beyond our control (as happened with Job) or a mix of this or other things...we must look to and trust God in the here and now. Acknowledging what we did wrong in His Presence is a must for sure Gary. But no amount of acknowledging will change the need we face as a result (if the need is a direct result of what we may have done wrong). Rather we must avail ourselves of God's gracious mercy and look to Him to help us despite ourselves while we trust Him and act on that trust to do what we can at the present time. That doesn't mean there won't be consequences if we have been slothful or otherwise. Our basic needs will still be met I think. For food (sustenance) and clothing (shelter) but we may not have much more than that at times as a result of our own foolishness. It is also true and absolutely so that God disciplines us when we go astray and do not repent. Or even when he wants to teach us something new (discipline in the sense of training). We must yield to such discipline and repent of wrongdoing on our part or accept whatever circumstances are involved in such discipline as coming from His loving hand if the discipline is of a training kind. Only time with the Lord and waiting on Him or perhaps Him speaking through a brother or sister into our lives can reveal which kind of discipline it is I think. Here is a psalm to consider that just came to my mind. The whole Psalm is quite good. God delights in showing mercy to those who have been foolish and have fallen into some dire circumstances as we should be willing to show mercy to each other. Helping where help is needed at the time it is needed. If indeed foolishness has happened in either me or Dani's or anyone else's life resulting in some need. Mercy triumphs over judgment overall. Carlos

I agree with most of what you said Gary but I am not so sure about the above being the right question to ask or that it is even something we should be asking at all. Need in our lives is NOT always a result of something we are not doing properly in our flesh (I mean in the sense that we live and move and breath through our flesh). In other words just because Dani and her husband find themselves in dire straights does not in and of itself mean that God is not somehow predisposed to help them out or that they are doing something wrong. Sometimes the Lord has some of us fall into need if for no other reason than that He may want the rest of us to learn to put our money where our faith is and help out a brother and sister in need. I also think of Job. He had done nothing wrong by God respecting work and otherwise yet everything and I mean everything was taken out from under him. There was something happening in the heavenly realms that was not even his fault at all that resulted in his dire circumstances. Carlos

One other thing that comes to mind Dani. Make a list of every single thing that concerns you regarding your needs. Perhaps you could use a blank sheet of paper and write out each thing at the top of it. Then take it before the Lord. One paper at a time. Describe the need in your own words to the Lord. Then ask Him for guidance as to what you should do about that need. Whether it is a true need or just a want. Whether or not He might have you set it aside. Ask Him to show you anything and everything He might want to show you about that need. And then... Shut your mouth and wait. Wait on Him to speak to you through the Word or your spirit. Just wait. Sit quietly and wait. Just sit there in the presence of the Lord waiting on whatever He might want to say. If some impression comes into your mind jot it down on that paper. Wait some more. Jot down whatever comes to you. Whether verse or thought or whatever. Then pray over what has been laid on your heart. Read any verses given to you. Ask the Lord to open your heart to understand. If you get nothing right away...then continue with another of your papers. That might help Dani. He does want to say something to you. It's just a matter of making yourself available to hear. Carlos

Dani, I have been there and have done that as the common saying goes. So there is hope! The fight for you as it has always been for me will be to keep your eyes on God and His faithfulness. Satan and your flesh will rise up to have the eyes of your heart focus rather on the problems and and needs that may remain unmet in the future. You must make a choice Dani. To focus your eyes continually back on God by reading His Word and trusting what it says. No matter what. That is the first and foremost thing Dani above all else. I have been in situations where I had less than one dollar to my name! Literally. One time I was in a situation where I literally had my bags packed to start being homeless. A friend was coming to pick up my bags to store them at his place and to then drop me off on the streets from what I remember (it's been a while). As I was literally walking out the door to meet him and put my bags in his car my friend revealed to me that his girlfriend, whom I had never met and had never had any dealings with at all, wanted to pay my rent! The rent got paid and I stayed. God sometimes provides at the very last, I mean the very last minute Dani. So don't give up hope even if you are heading out the door to become homeless so to speak! It is a shame to me and to God that people who call themselves Christians do not come in like a tsunami to help you out. That is what the New Testament Christians would have done! So that ties into another thing I would suggest Dani. Let God help you through the Body! Open up to your church pastor and or church friends about what you are struggling with. There is no shame in it. Even IF you have been less than perfect (or your husband has been) in looking for work or whatever God is a God of MERCY! The essence of the Gospel is that NONE of us deserves a thing from God. That also goes for our provision. NONE of us is so perfect in righteousness that we do not need to trust in God through His mercy to help us out when we are in need. NONE of us ought to be trusting in ourselves or in our possessions to get our needs met. Trust in Him! Look to Him! Open up about your situation to the Body around you! That is Him in the Body. And He is as likely to reach out to you to help you in your need through a properly working Body as He might be to help you directly when, sad to say, Bodies are not walking in line with how they should be toward members of the Body who are in need. Don't expect help. Keep your eyes on God to help you. But at the same time don't hide your need from the Body. Spend time with the Lord in prayer Dani. Pour out your heart to Him. And keep spending as much time as you need till you are able to walk in peace regarding His provision. It is a fight of faith to believe Dani. It will not be easy but it is possible. Remember that your brethren throughout the world, including me and others who are far worse off in other countries than either you or I are rising above their circumstances to set aside anxiety, worry, and whatever to trust in God by faith. Keep on hanging on to Him Dani and you will be alright. Do what is right by Him no matter what. Carlos

And I in turn agree with yours Saved. How do you like that? LOL Although I would say, that like you I do not think it sinful or ungodly for a person to have a savings account but, that having a savings account would in my opinion not last long if one's heart was committed to using excess money above meeting immediate or near future needs to meet needs in others lives. I mean that savings account would constantly be in a state of being drained if one was really willing to do that. Let me if I may share a couple of things that happened to me yesterday to illustrate some of what I have been sharing. I hesitate to share these things out of my life because some folks on this forum and others are so incredibly prone to fly off the handle with condemning judgments of me. Assuming the worst motives on my part. In this particular thing that I am about to share some might assume that I am sharing these things to try and get money for my needs which assumption would be nothing but baloney. I share what I share because the Lord might gain some benefit in my sharing with respect to highlighting and making practical what I have been talking about (or some of it at least) or where He might use examples out of my own life to encourage others to believe Him for provision as I must presently do virtually every day. My finances are such that I am in need at present of going out collecting bottles and cans and turning them in for their recyling value. Usually about 5 cents per can or bottle. This is a very rare thing for me to have to do but sometimes I have to do it. With that in mind I had stashed a special pincer pick up tool in the bushes (I am homeless and sleep in a tent so I store things in the bushes sometimes...though I keep most things in gym lockers that I rent) not thinking I would ever need it again but given that it was of some value and still good I had hidden it away. Well...yesterday night I went to where I had hidden it and could not find it! Oh...oh. The means I had been looking to to make up for a shortfall in income had disappeared! I am going to go back and look again in a bit during daylight hours but it is likely that someone had spied the black plastic bag that it was in and has taken my tool. But trusting in God as my provision I went on last night toward my tent without hardly being concerned at all (though I was to be sure a tad perturbed for a few minutes). When I got to my camping site someone had broken off a reasonable large branch on the trail into my tent site. Oh...oh. I began to envision my tent being stolen or ransacked and started going down the the path to my tent wondering what I was going to do for a place to sleep in safety from the rats, rattlesnakes, spiders of all kinds, slugs, mosquitoes, and so forth that keep me company during the night in the manner of a man running around full of anxiety. But...I stopped myself and chose instead to trust in God no matter whether my tent (i.e. home where I sleep) was still there or not. Confident that the Lord would provide for me somehow even if my tent was out and out stolen. When I got to my tent it was still there just as I left it. And I slept just fine. This morning I woke up and had to again trust the Lord for my tent as I left it. Committing it into His hands like I do every day that I am there. Surrendering it to Him in that I want His will to be done above my own desire that it would still be there for me when I return every night. In other words God may divinely work it out that it would get stolen or He might graciously allow it to continue to be unobserved and undetected by other homeless or passerby's. Later this morning I had a decision to make. Go to a wonderful and I mean wonderful meal provided by a church at the park or focus rather on getting on my computer and otherwise continue trying to find work and either finding my canning stick through a more thorough search in daylight or use some of my remaining money to buy another one. I chose to focus on work related things and so I missed the meal. I chose to trust God to provide for me and did something in line with my trust by focusing on finding work. As a homeless dude who has no certain source of income as in a weekly paycheck type of thing I must trust God a LOT to provide for me. Many times one day at a time. For those of you that do not know, I do web development to make money but any work I get as such is not consistent. Sometimes I feast and sometimes I come close to starving (figuratively speaking). The hardest thing for me in all this is trusting God for FUTURE provision, sight unseen. That is where the fight of faith comes in for me. It is NOT present needs that concern me since in truth ALL my present needs are met. I have a gym membership. I have an unlimited bus pass. I have food galore to eat. I have shoes (though they do need replacing I can still use them at this time). I have clothing the likes of which no one would be able to guess that I am homeless unless I tell them. I have a laptop. Unlimited internet access any time I want it through the university I frequent and of which I am considered a student through a special program they have for people over 50. On and on it goes. I even get FREE dental care as a homeless person! It's not the most convenient in that I usually have to wait quite a number of hours but it doesn't cost me a penny and the main dentist I have seen is exceptional! Now I can hear it now. A crescendo of accusations and condemnation coming my way. Perhaps from some of you. You can work harder! Yup...I can and I have sometimes failed to do so. My fault. Completely. No excuse. You shouldn't be getting free dental care as the public ultimately pays for that! Yup...perhaps I could have worked harder and saved up enough to go and pay for my own dental care across the border in Mexico but I didn't and here I am in need of dental care. Would you have me let my teeth fall out? I am remind of how the Pharasees often tended to point accusatory fingers. But ultimately...the fact of the matter is that God HAS provided for me without my having to resort to panhandling or anything of the sort. In one way or another and for as many times as I have been down to the wire financially God has ALWAYS opened a way for me. That is His mercy if nothing else since in truth I do not deserve to be provided for as faithfully as He has provided for me. But my point in sharing all this is to highlight through my experiences how we ALL ought to be trusting God to provide for us. That is NOT to say that we ALL should live in a tent and be homeless as I am. That would be downrigth silly. But just as I must trust God and not let worry and concern get the best of me and act on that trust to do what I can in a spirit of dependence on Him to open a way for my needs to be met so must we ALL trust Him. Just as I must keep Him in mind and not focus on the loss of a means by which I assumed that God would provide for me such as my pick up tool so must we ALL. Our TRUST, whether we are relatively well off or dirt poor MUST be in God to provide for us. That trust is tested and revealed to be less than what it should be by any threat to means that our hearts may have come to depend on other than God. We can say we trust God to provide for us and really think we are but when our means come under risk what our hearts are REALLY trusting in is revealed by how we react to the potential loss of our means. If we are truly trusting in God no sweat! He is the source. He will provide for us through one means or another. Another thing. Just as I have had to walk daily in surrender to His will regarding my tent where I sleep, where it may not be there on any given night such that I lose my protection from all the creepy crawly things, so too we ALL must walk in absolute surrender to His ultimate will. Where our homes and cars and jobs and whatever else we have may get lost even overnight. Are we prepared for that by faith? Are we willing to put it all on the chopping block of His will? If we are not we ought to repent and surrender it all to Him. May I say that a lack of surrender will keep us from trusting Him for our provision. For how can anyone have any confidence at all that God will provide if they are walking in self will and selfishness to pursue their own and not God's will in their life? He also does not promise to provide for us in the way we want provision but only in the way we need it. We may not need that nice fancy house, or car, or whatever. Remember what it says. With food and clothing we ought to be content. Anything more than that is coveting more than what God promises to provide. Our lives are His to do with as He might will to do with them. At least that is what trusting in Him by faith is all about. Surrendering to Him as God and trusting Him as God. I mean truly trusting Him. What would happen Saved if for some reason you lost your health insurance? I know that may not seem likely but it could happen. Would your trust still be in God or would you react to that with frustration, anger, depression, or otherwise revealing less than a true trust in God in your heart regarding the provision for your medical needs to be met? Most Christians of today with all their material things, savings account, and the like are hardly ever tested that way. I think they should be if you ask me for then those with true faith in God would rise to the top while those without it would either sink into depression or otherwise or make a choice to believe as they should. Perhaps Christians in North America will indeed be tested in that way in the near future. I personally believe that God will judge this country big time and that a complete financial collapse may be around the corner though of course I hope it isn't. What are the Christians to do IF that happens? Are we going to run around full of worry and anxiety and grumbling? Or we going to rise up with surrendered hearts to trust God by faith to provide for us respecting our food and clothing with a committment to love one another as we do ourselves? Hopefully the latter. Jesus seems to have told those wanting to follow Him as disciples to literally sell all and leave their lives behind to follow Him. That may or may not be entirely applicable to us today in the sense that He asked His disciples to that but whether it is entirely applicable as a literal thing we are to do or not there is absolutely something to be learned in what He told them to do. That our trust MUST be in God! That we are to as readily use up and give what we have for the sake of others and the Kingdom of God as they were to give it all up from the get go. I do not believe that most professing believers of today (I say professing because there seem to be so many false Christians around these days) are willing to surrender to Him that way and that as such they don't even have faith in Him at all. Carlos

Thanks for asking Saved. I appreciate that. God forbid that I should say that you are in sin for having health insurance in your situation! I would never say such a thing unless the Lord said clearly that such was indeed sin and that I should say so. I am not sure about a lot of this Saved though I may be leading people to think I am sure about a great deal in this issue by the way I am talking. My talk mainly has to do with what seems to be the case in my reading. And with pointing out what I see as just excuses put forth as to why what they did in the New Testament cannot possible work today or that it is even something we can gain some practical application from. I share what I say as a base for discussion. At least that was my intention by starting this thread. What really gets to me is that people don't seem inclined to discuss these types of issues with an open heart. Rather it always seems that people are continually trying to figure out ways to negate or undermine whatever is written so that we go on our merry way and do nothing different than what we are doing today as Christians. If we want to see what they saw happen then we MUST open ourselves up to the Lord wanting us to do things differently than we are doing things today. I mean I don't know about you but my experience of church today is WAY different than what I see happening in the book of Acts. I have read of that sort of thing happening in other countries. Mostly third world one's but not in the U.S. I remember reading one book, I don't even remember the name at this point, about a missionary couple who were in Cambodia during the tail end of the Vietnam War. Who started a church there. What I read was unreal! Visions, people being raised from the dead, you name it. Just like happened in the book of Acts. These people had no motive to be lying. I myself have experienced some things that would probably blow your mind. Most of the really amazing stuff that I can readily remember happened during the time the Lord led me to start that fellowship I spoke about earlier on this thread. I want more than what we have today. It is absolutely the most discouraging thing in my life BAR NONE the way so many professing believers don't want more. They are content with their little church practices, with their little doughnut fellowship times, and their little Sunday school lessons with perhaps a nice evening with the Misses at a Wednesday night home group. I want to push the envelope and go where few Christians have gone before. Why? Because I want more of God!!! I want my life to count for more than the usual hum drum. I have one life to live and want to make the most of it. To give my all in some cause worth dying for. The cause of Christ. I come on these forums hoping to find other Christians with a similar heart so that we can learn together and what do I usually find on internet forums? People who profess to be believers who dispute everything in the Word! Who resist learning anything new. Who resist doing anything new. Who don't want new wine. Who are content with the old. Who don't have willing and teachable hearts before the Lord. That makes me feel like someone punches me in the stomach. Just today I was telling the Lord that I am SICK of these types of Christians. That I want nothing to do with Christians period. But as you may well know that is not the Lord's way. And so I continue. But sometimes I wonder why I bother. It is interesting to note that Jesus had the most success in dealing with fishermen, tax collectors, and the like. The religious always resisted and put Him down. Maybe I need to stop with the forumizing and do something else. I don't know. Long way of saying that having health insurance is fine if you are using it to help you defray costs that would eat you alive otherwise LOL. But if I may say so too Saved...IF we as a Body were doing what they did in the church of Jerusalem and as Jesus taught I don't think it would be a problem at all. Even if you had NO insurance. People would either be healed outright or there would be so much money floating around that we could take care of your medical bills in their entirety. The crux of what I am saying is that we need to TRUST God to be our Provider. Not health insurance. Not bank accounts. No Tom, Dick, and Harry (or Harriet). No one and nothing but God. Our TRUST MUST be in God to provide for us. To be our Provider. It doesn't mean that we must get rid of everything we trust in otherwise. It may just mean that we need to change the attitude of our hearts if we are trusting in anyone and anything but God to provide for us. But of course the Lord will undoubtedly test our hearts too. That at least has been my experience. Just relinquished in my heart and did not pursue yet another web development project for example where the person wanted me to use what were undoubtedly ripped off images and computer code to have me create a custom WordPress theme for them. I saw the site they came from and it wasn't their site. I had to chose whether to continue trusting God to provide for me and do the right thing by Him or cave in to my concern regarding my needing the money and fudge righteousness a bit, just a bit, this time around to get what I need. Those are the kinds of things the Lord will test us in. Anyone who wants to live pleasing to God WILL get tested in the very things that they may be depending on other than God. So if you, or anyone, is depending on health insurance in a way that you should be depending on God then I would say your heart has to change. On the other hand if your dependence is on God, whether your insurance comes through for you or not, then I see nothing wrong with using insurance as simply one viable way in which the Lord might provide for your medical needs. Taking into account that we of today are simply not doing things as we ought with one another respecting taking care of each other as members of the same Body. If we were...who knows what the Lord might do through us such that we might not even feel a need for health insurance at all! If anyone takes away anything from what I am saying my hope would be that we all come before God with hungry hearts for more of Him. Whatever that means. Where we cultivate and eagerly seek out how the Lord might want us to do things differently for His greater honor and glory. Instead of embracing every idea, philosophy, or conjecture or what have to avoid placing ourselves entirely at the Lord's disposal to do with us whatever He might want us to do. We often talk of revival and such but I do not for one minute think that ANY such thing will happen at all if we do not place ourselves at His disposal that way. I want more of God. I don't care what it takes. I don't care what I lose out in this world. I don't care what the rest of the professing believers think or don't think about it. As long as I am at least biblically plausible in my understanding of the Word I want to do whatever it tells me to do as an expression of faith in God. Maybe I will be proven wrong. Maybe I will stumble and fall all over myself. I often do. But I think God is more pleased with that kind of attitude even if I do stumble around and get it wrong sometimes than with all the rationalizing and excuses I so often hear about why the Word cannot possible say what it so plainly says. Sorry for the long drawn out response Saved but I wanted to express what was on my heart. Carlos

Thanks for clarifying Gary. That's swell of you. Carlos