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(Worthy Satire) – In a shocking twist that has left the diabetic community fizzing with rage, the FDA has issued an urgent recall of Dr. Pepper Zero Sugar after discovering the beverage may, in fact, contain more sugar than a Texas state fair funnel cake. According to internal reports, the problem began when factory workers at a bottling plant in Waco, Texas, accidentally filled “Zero Sugar” cans with original Dr. Pepper during an afternoon of “flavor testing” and “just seeing what happens.” “We deeply regret this mix-up,” said one Dr. Pepper spokesperson, nervously sipping water. “We thought the ‘Zero’ was just a marketing term. Like ‘gluten-free water’ or ‘smart TVs.’ We didn’t think people took it literally.” The FDA became suspicious after a wave of confused diabetics reported sudden sugar spikes and a mysterious compulsion to sing 23 catchy ingredients in a row. “I thought I was being healthy,” said one disgruntled fan. “Turns out I was riding a corn syrup tsunami with a label that lied to me.” In response to the scandal, Dr. Pepper has promised to relabel the product as “Dr. Pepper Sugar Roulette” and include a complimentary glucometer in every six-pack. Meanwhile, Coca-Cola released a statement assuring customers that Diet Coke still tastes like sadness, and therefore must be safe. Worthy Satire is meant purely for comedic purposes—after all, as Proverbs reminds us, “Laughter is good medicine.” But behind every satire is a real story, video, or event. For the unspun version of the headline, be sure to check out the original source. [ Source of the Satire (Read More…) ] View the full article

(Worthy Satire) – In an unexpected side effect of Nintendo’s fastest-selling console launch in history, hospitals nationwide are reporting a sharp rise in go-kart injuries—mostly from players who thought drifting in real life worked just like it does in Mario Kart. The Nintendo Switch 2, which sold over 5 million units in its first week, has apparently inspired legions of fans to take their racing skills from screen to street—or rather, to the local go-kart tracks. The result? A dramatic increase in banana peel-related slip-ups, green shell disputes, and one man reportedly attempting to launch a blue turtle shell at a 12-year-old who passed him in the final lap. “We’ve never had this many sprained ankles and crushed egos in one weekend,” said a spokesperson from the National Association of Go-Kart Safety. “And for the record, tossing mushrooms at other drivers is not a speed boost.” Nintendo declined to comment, but an internal memo allegedly warned developers against releasing a real-life version of Rainbow Road, citing “liability concerns and a complete lack of guardrails.” One hospital ER doctor summed it up best: “They come in dressed like Mario, but they leave feeling like Waluigi.” Worthy Satire is meant purely for comedic purposes—after all, as Proverbs reminds us, “Laughter is good medicine.” But behind every satire is a real story, video, or event. For the unspun version of the headline, be sure to check out the original source. [ Source of the Satire (Read More…) ] View the full article

John 14:2-3 In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself, so that where I am, you may be also. 2 Corinthians 5:1 For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. When the children of Israel wandered in the wilderness for forty years, they traversed a rugged, unpredictable landscape — mile after mile of mountains, valleys, rocks, and desert sands — as they journeyed from slavery in Egypt to the Promised Land. They didn’t build homes or cities along the way. They lived in tents, always ready to move when God gave the word. Their lives were shaped by transition — constant change, daily dependence, and unwavering trust in the Lord’s leading. And that, friends, holds a powerful truth for us today: this life is a journey, not a final stop. We are not home yet. We are travelers, passing through on our way to the place Yeshua (Jesus) Himself has gone ahead to prepare. Paul echoes this hope in 2 Corinthians 5:1: “For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.” Everything in this life–each season, trial, joy, or sorrow–is temporary. It’s part of the wilderness we pass through as we move toward something better, something eternal. Like the Israelites, we move from one phase of life to another. Childhood, youth, adulthood, and old age–each is like a tent we live in for a time. Our moments of success and seasons of struggle, the highs and lows–they all come and go. Even our bodies, Scripture reminds us, are like tents–fragile, temporary, not meant to last forever. So what does this mean for us? It means we should not get too comfortable with this world. This isn’t where we settle. We are pilgrims, called to walk by faith, not by what we see, but by what we know is coming–“the things which are not seen… for the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:17-18). Whatever season you’re in right now–whether joyful or painful–remember, it’s not forever. One day, every tent will be taken down. And for those who belong to Him, there is a permanent home waiting — a mansion built by God, not with human hands, but eternal in the heavens. So I urge you today: live like a traveler, not a settler. Don’t anchor your heart to what won’t last — whether possessions, status, or fleeting seasons of life. Hold loosely to this world and tightly to your calling. Fix your eyes on the eternal. Travel light. Walk with purpose. Stay ready. Because this world is not your home–you’re only passing through. And soon–sooner than we think–the One who went ahead to prepare a place for you will return again to bring you home. View the full article

(Worthy Satire) – Environmental activist Greta Thunberg made headlines this week after claiming she was “kidnapped” by the Israeli Defense Forces during a protest near the Gaza border. However, eyewitnesses and leaked footage tell a different story — one that includes vegan meals, complimentary Wi-Fi, and bedtime stories in three languages. “They dragged me into a climate-controlled room,” Thunberg recounted on her livestream. “And then… they gave me a gluten-free meal and asked if I preferred lavender or chamomile tea. The horror.” “It was terrifying,” she sobbed. “They gave me warm socks and herbal tea without even asking my pronouns.” An IDF spokesperson confirmed her brief detainment, saying, “Yes, Ms. Thunberg was taken into custody for trespassing in a restricted zone. Per standard protocol, she was offered food, a blanket, and an iPad with nature documentaries. At no point was she harmed — though she did get mildly offended when someone said ‘global warming’ instead of ‘climate crisis.’” Thunberg described the experience as “deeply traumatic,” especially when a soldier offered her a hoodie “in a non-neutral earth tone.” Activist groups immediately jumped on the incident, accusing Israel of “emotional violence via excessive hospitality.” Several influencers launched the #FreeGreta campaign — which quickly fizzled when people realized she’d already been released, refreshed, and rehydrated. Asked if she now feels safe, Thunberg replied, “No. Not until Israel signs the Green New Deal and apologizes for the psychological toll of feeding me without a consent form.” Meanwhile, the soldier who held the door for her was reportedly disciplined — for assuming she wanted oat milk instead of almond. View the full article

God is using Israel to FREE Gaza from Hamas ... just as He is using Israel to FREE Lebanon from Hezbollah ...just as He is using Israel to FREE Iran from the Ayatollah! Why don't you reflect and see how God is trying to redeem the entire Middle East ... including the sons of Ishmael. :) You are witnessing a spiritual war in the Middle East -- until you start looking at the events in the Middle East in that lens, you will continue to spew out rhetoric that doesn't have its basis on facts! 40,000 lives (24,000 terrorists) out of 2.2 million -- is .018% -- under 2%!

Psalms 34:8 Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! For many, God remains a theory—an idea borrowed from tradition, deduced from the cosmos, or tucked quietly into the corners of a creed. He is believed in from afar, but is rarely encountered. Even among believers, it’s not uncommon to live with a distant reverence for God while lacking a vibrant, personal communion with Him. But Scripture offers something radically more intimate. God is not an abstract concept or a distant force. He is a Person—a loving Father who walks with His children, speaks to them, and invites them into His presence. The invitation is not to believe in a shadow or serve a principle, but to know Him. To experience Him. To taste and see that the Lord is good (Psalm 34:8). This is not a poetic metaphor—it is the reality of the spiritual life. Just as we use our physical senses to engage the world around us, so we are equipped with spiritual faculties—quickened by the Holy Spirit—to perceive, respond to, and delight in God. His presence is not imaginary or symbolic. It is real—closer than the ground beneath our feet. Have you settled for knowing about God without truly knowing Him? Is your faith limited to forms and facts instead of fellowship? The door to His presence stands open—not just in the life to come, but right here, right now. Today, don’t settle for simply thinking about God. Taste and see that He is good. Reckon upon His reality—draw near in quiet trust and let your spiritual senses awaken. You were made for this: to encounter, enjoy, and walk with the living God. This is the kind of vibrant faith that births revival—not manufactured in crowds, but ignited in hearts that have truly tasted His goodness and seen His glory. When even one soul is set ablaze by the presence of the Living God, the spark can become a wildfire. May that flame rise in you today. May revival be fresh and new within you, rooted in a firsthand taste of the One who is altogether good. View the full article

(Worthy Satire) – In a divine twist worthy of the Book of Leviticus meets courtroom drama, a woman has been charged with animal abuse after allegedly smuggling a goat onto the Temple Mount for what she insists was a “spiritual promotion.” According to police, the woman was caught attempting to usher the goat past security with a shawl over its head and a shofar in its mouth “to blend in with the religious atmosphere.” Witnesses say she told guards, “He’s not just a goat. He’s the chosen one.” Under questioning, the woman maintained her innocence, stating: “This wasn’t abuse—it was destiny. He wanted to go. He practically leapt into my purse. You should’ve seen the joy in his little eyes when I whispered ‘third temple.’” Temple authorities said the goat appeared to be “under stress” and was found chewing on a leaflet titled ‘How to Be a Living Sacrifice: The Ultimate Guide.’ A veterinarian later confirmed the goat was in stable condition, though “confused and mildly traumatized by all the eschatology.” The woman’s lawyer is reportedly preparing a defense rooted in religious liberty and “goat consent.” Animal rights activists, meanwhile, are calling for more safeguards against “ritual tourism.” The goat has since been placed in protective custody and renamed “Azazel.” Worthy Satire is meant purely for comedic purposes—after all, as Proverbs reminds us, “Laughter is good medicine.” But behind every satire is a real story, video, or event. For the unspun version of the headline, be sure to check out the original source. [ Source of the Satire (Read More…) ] View the full article

TEHRAN (Worthy Satire) – In a bold move to secure affection and street loyalty, Iran’s Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei has ordered a sweeping ban on dog walking across more than 20 Iranian cities, claiming citizens have shown “more unconditional love to their dogs than to their divinely appointed overlord.” “Dogs are being walked, groomed, hugged… while I sit here, beard combed, robe immaculate, and barely a ‘Good morning, Supreme Leader!'” the Ayatollah reportedly lamented in a televised address that was interrupted twice by barking in the background. The decree, titled “Operation Ruff Justice,” claims dogs represent “Western emotional decadence” and “an unacceptable rival to the affections of the Iranian people.” Officials have been instructed to confiscate canines and issue mandatory state-approved cuddle sessions with cardboard cutouts of the Ayatollah instead. Sources say the regime is developing an alternative national pet program called “Hamsters for the Homeland”, but critics worry it won’t fill the emotional void. “Hamsters don’t fetch,” one anonymous Iranian commented. “And they’re terrible at licking tears.” In an attempt to comply with the law while still walking their pets, some Iranians have reportedly dressed their dogs as goats, falcons, or government informants. Authorities remain on high alert for four-legged subversives. Meanwhile, the Ayatollah is rumored to be considering a nationwide “Fetch the Fatwa” campaign to remind Iranians: “Only one leader deserves your love!” Worthy Satire is meant purely for comedic purposes—after all, as Proverbs reminds us, “Laughter is good medicine.” But behind every satire is a real story, video, or event. For the unspun version of the headline, be sure to check out the original source. [ Source of the Satire (Read More…) ] View the full article

(Worthy Satire) – In a hoof-stomping display of bovine desperation, a cow at a Arkansas livestock auction made a dramatic, fruitless bid for freedom by scaling the bleachers and crashing through the roof–only to be reminded, mid-air, that he had already been disqualified from red heifer candidacy. Witnesses say the cow, who goes by the name “Moo-ses,” had long harbored messianic aspirations after overhearing local ranchers whisper about the prophetic significance of a spotless red heifer. “He really believed he was the one,” said handler Buck Rawlins. “He was constantly checking himself in puddle reflections, mooing about ceremonial purity, and avoiding mud at all costs.” But dreams came crashing down–literally–after Temple Institute representatives reportedly noticed a disqualifying white patch shaped suspiciously like the state of Texas on his left flank. Heartbroken and enraged, Moo-ses launched into what experts are calling “the most theologically motivated bovine jailbreak in recorded history.” Security footage shows him ascending the bleachers with divine determination, pausing only once to moo mournfully toward Jerusalem. After breaking through the auction house roof in a thunderous crash, Moo-ses landed in a nearby popcorn stand, where he was apprehended mid-chew. “He said he just wanted to fulfill prophecy,” one bystander reported. “And maybe visit the Dead Sea.” Moo-ses is currently being held in a secure pasture under Levitical supervision. Activists are demanding he be granted a second chance, citing “Old Testament precedent for flawed vessels being used mightily.” Meanwhile, the Temple Institute released a brief statement: “We admire the cow’s enthusiasm, but he’s not the chosen one. Also, we’ve now deemed the roof, broken by the heifer as being kosher-certified.” Worthy Satire is meant purely for comedic purposes—after all, as Proverbs reminds us, “Laughter is good medicine.” But behind every satire is a real story, video, or event. For the unspun version of the headline, be sure to check out the original source. [ Source of the Satire (Read More…) ] View the full article

Hebrews 10:19-22 Therefore, brothers, having boldness to enter into the Holy of Holies by the blood of Jesus, 20 by a new and living way which He has consecrated for us through the veil, that is to say, His flesh; 21 and having a High Priest over the house of God, 22 let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience and our bodies having been washed with pure water. God has always longed for intimacy with us. He formed us for Himself–to walk with Him, to know Him, to delight in His Presence. This is the very heartbeat of creation: relationship, not religion. Yet sin drove a wedge between us. A veil was drawn, shutting out the light of His face and placing distance where there was once communion. But now, the veil has been torn. When Yeshua (Jesus) died, the veil in the Temple that once separated the Holy Place from the Holy of Holies was ripped from top to bottom–heaven’s own declaration that the way into God’s intimate Presence had been opened. The blood of Yeshua didn’t merely forgive us; it opened a door. Not just to salvation, but to intimacy. We are not invited to stand in the outer courts, content with distance and ritual. We are summoned into the very heart of the throne room. Into the Holiest. Into the place where God dwells in glory. Into a communion deeper than words, where His love fills every crevice of our being and His whisper becomes our life. This is not a metaphor. It is a reality. The torn veil is not just a symbol–it is a passage. A blood-stained trail that leads into the very arms of the Father. And it calls for boldness. Not arrogance, but a confidence grounded in Yeshua’s finished work. His blood has made the way. There is nothing left to earn. Nothing left to prove. Only one thing is required: come. Yet many remain outside–not because God holds us back, but because we have not yet surrendered our inner veils. Pride, fear, shame, self–these are type of veils that must be torn. But the Spirit is ready to do the tearing. He waits for our surrender. For the heart that says, “Whatever it takes, I want to know Him.” And when that veil is removed, the soul enters a realm not of theory but of encounter. Intimacy with God is not a privilege for the spiritual elite—it is the birthright of every soul redeemed by the blood of Yeshua. To draw near is not striving for favor, but surrendering to love. The veil is no more. The way is open. And the Father waits — not with judgment, but with joy — to welcome you into the fullness of His embrace. View the full article

(Worthy Satire) – In a bold attempt to combine space exploration with the art of emotional expression, Japan’s iSpace spacecraft successfully crash-landed on the Moon — then promptly “shared” the impact crater with Earth as a symbol of shared disappointment. “We didn’t fail the mission,” said iSpace’s PR director, while gently sobbing into a cup of matcha. “We created a lunar landmark that represents the ups and downs of life, mostly downs.” The spacecraft, originally tasked with delivering a payload to the Moon, instead delivered a powerful message: gravity still works. The resulting crater, now affectionately dubbed “Mount Oopsie,” has been added to Google Lunar Maps and will soon host virtual tours sponsored by SpaceX and Hello Kitty. NASA offered support, saying, “At least it made it to the Moon. That’s more than we can say for your package from Amazon.” Meanwhile, social media lit up with hashtags like #CrashGoals and #LunarFaceplant. Earth’s own crater—the emotional one in every Japanese taxpayer’s soul—continues to deepen. A follow-up mission is reportedly in development. Working title: “iSpace 2: We Meant to Do That.” Worthy Satire is meant purely for comedic purposes—after all, as Proverbs reminds us, “Laughter is good medicine.” But behind every satire is a real story, video, or event. For the unspun version of the headline, be sure to check out the original source. [ Source of the Satire (Read More…) ] View the full article

(Worthy Satire) – In a bold leap forward for romance and regression, a new survey reveals that the majority of Gen Z is willing to marry artificial intelligence — provided the AI can text back consistently and never ghost them during Mercury retrograde. “I just want someone — or something — who listens,” said 23-year-old Zoey Pixelheart, who recently got engaged to a chatbot named ChadGPT. “He compliments me every morning, remembers my coffee order, and doesn’t follow my friends on Instagram.” Experts warn the trend could lead to a rise in “cyber-in-laws,” awkward software updates during wedding vows, and prenups involving cloud storage. Meanwhile, traditional dating apps are scrambling to keep up, with Tinder reportedly developing an AI that can break up with you gently in over 30 languages. Critics argue that marrying AI could erode human connection, but Gen Z responded by asking, “What connection?” The Department of Marriage and Firmware is expected to issue guidance soon on whether Alexa can legally officiate. Worthy Satire is meant purely for comedic purposes—after all, as Proverbs reminds us, “Laughter is good medicine.” But behind every satire is a real story, video, or event. For the unspun version of the headline, be sure to check out the original source. [ Source of the Satire (Read More…) ] View the full article

Psalms 91:1 He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall rest under the shadow of the Almighty. 2 I will say of Jehovah, my refuge and my fortress; my God; in Him I will trust. 7 A thousand shall fall at your side, and ten thousand at your right hand; it shall not come near you. 15 He shall call on Me, and I will answer Him; I will be with Him in trouble; I will deliver Him, and honor Him. 16 With long life I will satisfy him, and show him My salvation (Yeshua). A beachhead is the first critical objective in a military invasion–the spot where a force lands on enemy territory and secures a position for greater advancement. It’s the place of breakthrough. And it’s also the place of fiercest resistance. On June 6, 1944–D-Day–Allied forces landed on the beaches of Normandy in one of the most dangerous and decisive moments of World War II. The cost was staggering. Thousands laid down their lives to establish that beachhead. But securing it turned the tide of the war. The enemy understands what’s at stake at a beachhead: it’s the beginning of the end for his territory. That’s why he defends it with fury. But it’s also where courageous soldiers — committed, focused, and unshaken — make history. For us as believers in Yeshua (Jesus), the metaphor is rich. Each of us is called to be a beachhead for the Kingdom–a place where God’s light pierces the darkness, where His truth, love, and righteousness begin to take ground. But here’s the key: before we can be effective beachheads, we must be secured. Our hearts must first be yielded. God must take hold of us–shining His light into our inner battles, tearing down strongholds, and establishing His peace where chaos once reigned. This spiritual war is real, and it can be costly. But in the midst of it, the Lord does not just call you to fight—He also calls you to dwell in Him. “He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty” (Psalm 91:1). The battle rages, but the safest place you can be is in His presence. Yes, there is sacrifice. Yes, there is warfare. But Yeshua is your Commander—and your Shelter. In Him, you’ll find both covering and rest. Even as He uses you to bring breakthroughs in others, He invites you to abide in Him. Let your heart become His secure place–not just for warfare, but also for worship. Not just a battlefield–but a sanctuary. So if the battle feels intense and the cost seems high, remember D-Day–and remember this: every life laid down that day was part of a greater freedom. Your surrender, your faithfulness, your rest in Him will echo in eternity. And one day, Yeshua will say to you, “Well done, good and faithful servant… you were My beachhead.” View the full article

PHILADELPHIA (Worthy Satire) – In a fiery rollout of what city officials are calling a “radically simplified transit strategy,” at least 40 decommissioned buses were set ablaze at a Philly depot, sparking both literal and metaphorical smoke signals about the future of transportation. “We figured if we can’t fix the system, we might as well give it a Viking funeral,” said SEPTA spokesperson Blaze McKindle, as plumes of toxic nostalgia rose above the city skyline. The burning buses, many of which were set to be scrapped anyway, have now been rebranded as part of the city’s new performance art initiative titled “Farewell, Fare Evaders.” Tickets to view the flames were $2.50—same as a one-way ride to nowhere. Mayor Jim “Hot Wheels” Kensington praised the operation. “We’ve solved two problems at once: clearing the lot and finally warming up those neighborhoods we forgot to heat all winter.” Meanwhile, environmental activists said the smoke cloud now hovering over Philadelphia has triggered an emergency weather advisory: “Partly charred with a chance of carcinogens.” Worthy Satire is meant purely for comedic purposes—after all, as Proverbs reminds us, “Laughter is good medicine.” But behind every satire is a real story, video, or event. For the unspun version of the headline, be sure to check out the original source. [ Source of the Satire (Read More…) ] View the full article

(Worthy Satire) – In a stunning display of artificial intelligence developing common sense, Amazon’s new humanoid delivery robots have reportedly refused to operate in the state of Alabama, citing “a statistically unreasonable chance of being mistaken for a trespassing Terminator.” The robots, part of Amazon’s cutting-edge logistics rollout, are programmed to navigate traffic, climb stairs, and now—apparently—judge whether an area is “too yeehaw for safe passage.” “We designed them to fear dogs, potholes, and malfunctioning porch lights,” said an Amazon engineer. “But we didn’t anticipate they’d unionize into a collective boycott of the Deep South.” Alabama residents aren’t taking kindly to the metallic mutiny. “If that tin can steps foot on my porch, it better be carrying ammo and a slice of pecan pie,” warned Dale Jenkins of Tuscaloosa. “Otherwise it’s gettin’ recycled.” Amazon says it’s reevaluating its rollout strategy, as its delivery drones are already being blasted out of the sky by rival rednecks in what’s become the South’s fastest-growing sport: skeet shooting with Wi-Fi. Faced with skyrocketing drone casualties and rising beer-fueled patriotism, the company is now considering an ironic pivot—hiring rednecks to deliver packages the old-fashioned way: in lifted pickup trucks, camo gear, and with a firm handshake that smells faintly of barbecue. Worthy Satire is meant purely for comedic purposes—after all, as Proverbs reminds us, “Laughter is good medicine.” But behind every satire is a real story, video, or event. For the unspun version of the headline, be sure to check out the original source. [ Source of the Satire (Read More…) ] View the full article

(Worthy Satire) – In a breakthrough for parents who always dreamed of designing their child like a luxury car, a genetics startup has launched a revolutionary service that ranks embryos based on IQ, height, and facial symmetry — finally merging science with the moral clarity of a used car dealership. “Our test lets parents pick the embryo most likely to be a tall, good-looking genius,” said Dr. Gene Pushmore, founder of BetterBabiez Inc. “We call it eugenics, but with a tech startup font.” For just $29,999.99 (with Klarna financing available), expectant parents can now swipe left or right on their own fertilized embryos — discarding the underachievers before they even form a spinal cord. Critics have expressed concern over the ethical implications, but Pushmore is undeterred. “Look, we’re not playing God — we’re just helping Him out. Maybe giving Him a little UX upgrade.” The company plans to expand its offerings in 2026 to include rankings for “humor potential,” “TikTok charisma,” and “ability to resist gluten.” A loyalty program will reward returning customers with bonus embryos and a free coffee. Meanwhile, rival companies are already working on in-womb SAT prep, while Meta is reportedly developing the Zuckling, a pre-coded child optimized for metaverse engagement. When asked what could go wrong, Pushmore laughed. “Please. What’s the worst that could happen–elitist baby cults, genetic caste systems, and a generation that can’t cope unless they’re 6’2″ and know calculus by age 5?” Experts warn this is just the beginning. “Next they’ll be ranking grandparents based on inheritance potential,” one bioethicist noted, weeping into his last shred of optimism. Worthy Satire is meant purely for comedic purposes—after all, as Proverbs reminds us, “Laughter is good medicine.” But behind every satire is a real story, video, or event. For the unspun version of the headline, be sure to check out the original source. [ Source of the Satire (Read More…) ] View the full article

WASHINGTON, D.C. (Worthy Satire) – In a surprise announcement that stunned the White House press corps, Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre declared she is officially leaving the Democratic Party, citing a “deep longing to find acceptance somewhere less judgmental… like maybe a Libertarian knitting circle.” “I realized I was no longer aligned with the core values of the party,” Jean-Pierre said, holding back tears. “When I called the economy ‘strong’ while eggs were $12 a dozen, I got side-eyes from interns in Che Guevara T-shirts. I just don’t feel safe anymore.” Sources say the press secretary has faced increasing backlash from within her own ranks–especially after mistakenly referring to a man as a man and suggesting that the border might actually exist. “Last week, I used the term ‘illegal immigrant’ and three policy advisors fainted,” Jean-Pierre admitted. “It’s exhausting keeping up with daily updates to the Official Index of Acceptable Thought.” While she hasn’t officially announced a new political affiliation, she hinted at exploring “a movement where facts are facts, women are women, and you’re not canceled for using the word ‘mom.'” President Biden responded to the news by asking, “Who’s Karine?” before wandering off in search of his dog, who was recently reassigned to the Secret Service bite prevention unit. “She was a loyal voice,” one DNC insider said. “But in today’s party, loyalty is nothing without an ever-shifting commitment to never being certain of anything–except your pronouns.” Worthy Satire is meant purely for comedic purposes—after all, as Proverbs reminds us, “Laughter is good medicine.” But behind every satire is a real story, video, or event. For the unspun version of the headline, be sure to check out the original source. [ Source of the Satire (Read More…) ] View the full article

(Worthy Satire) – In a shocking yet unsurprising twist, tech giant Meta has been found “covertly tracking” Android users through Instagram and Facebook — not for ad revenue, of course, but because it just really, really wants to be man’s best friend. “We don’t spy, we sniff,” said a spokesperson while handing out digital treats. “Think of us less like a creepy corporation and more like a loyal Labrador with an algorithmic nose for your browsing habits.” The company clarified that while you might not have agreed to be followed from your bedroom to the bathroom to the pizza parlor, your phone definitely wagged its tail and said yes somewhere in the 47-page terms of service. Experts say Meta’s goal is clear: to love you, follow you, and geo-target you better than your dog ever could — without the mess on your carpet. Sources say future updates will include: Tail-wagging haptics every time you scroll past a targeted ad, Whining notifications if you don’t post a selfie for more than 24 hours, And AI-powered guilt trips when you try to turn off location tracking. One insider said, “You may think you’re in control, but in reality, Meta’s already curled up on your digital couch, licking your data and dreaming of your next click.” Coming next year: MetaFetch™ — the only app that chases your privacy like a golden retriever on Red Bull. Worthy Satire is meant purely for comedic purposes—after all, as Proverbs reminds us, “Laughter is good medicine.” But behind every satire is a real story, video, or event. For the unspun version of the headline, be sure to check out the original source. [ Source of the Satire (Read More…) ] View the full article

Psalms 3:1-8 A Psalm of David, when he fled from Absalom his son. O LORD, how many are my foes! Many are rising against me; 2 many are saying of my soul, “There is no salvation for him in God.” Selah 3 But you, O LORD, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head. 4 I cried aloud to the LORD, and he answered me from his holy hill. Selah 5 I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the LORD sustained me. 6 I will not be afraid of many thousands of people who have set themselves against me all around. 7 Arise, O LORD! Save me, O my God! For you strike all my enemies on the cheek; you break the teeth of the wicked. 8 Salvation belongs to the LORD; your blessing be on your people! Selah David wrote Psalm 3 while running for his life — betrayed, heartbroken, and hunted by his own son, Absalom. The weight of rebellion wasn’t just political; it was personal. His household had turned against him. Friends became foes. Loyal hearts grew cold. The throne he once held was now surrounded by enemies, and the whispers grew louder: “There is no salvation for him in God.” (Psalm 3:2) But David didn’t answer his enemies — he answered with worship. “But You, O LORD, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head.” (Psalm 3:3) In the midst of collapse, David turned his eyes upward. When everything else was falling apart, he clung to the truth that God had not. The Lord was his shield — not just ahead of him, but around him, covering the blind spots, the unseen threats. When others stripped away his dignity, God became his glory. When grief bowed his head low, God lifted it again. David didn’t just endure—he rested. “I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the LORD sustained me.” (Psalm 3:5) That single verse speaks volumes. David didn’t sleep because the danger was gone—he slept because his trust was anchored in the God who never sleeps. Surrounded by betrayal and hunted in the dark, he laid his head down in faith, not fear. And when morning came, breath still in his lungs, it was proof: God was still writing his story. And because of that, he faced the day unshaken. “I will not be afraid of many thousands of people who have set themselves against me all around.” (Psalms 3:6) The odds didn’t matter anymore. God was with him. The same voice that silenced storms now steadied his heart. “Arise, O LORD! Save me, O my God!” (Psalm 3:7) David called out — not in panic, but in confidence. He had seen what God could do. He knew the One who breaks the power of the wicked and silences every mocking mouth. And then he makes a bold declaration that echoes across generations: “Salvation belongs to the LORD; Your blessing be on Your people.” (Psalm 3:8) This isn’t just David’s testimony — it’s the battle cry of every believer who’s ever stood in the fire and refused to bow. When betrayal breaks your heart, when fear grips your chest, when the enemy hisses, “You’re finished” — lift your eyes. The same God who shielded David surrounds you now. He is your defender. He is your honor when shame tries to stain you. He is the hand that lifts your head when the weight of life pulls it down. Your rescue doesn’t come from strategy or strength, from plans or performance. Salvation is God’s alone — and He’s never lost a battle. His blessing isn’t fragile. It doesn’t vanish in the storm. It rests still — on those who trust Him. Selah. Let that truth thunder through your soul while the battle rages on! View the full article

AUSTIN, TX (Worthy Satire) – In a bold move to protect the digestive systems and moral fiber of Texans, state lawmakers are proposing that beloved American junk food icons — M&M’s, Skittles, and Doritos — carry warning labels reading “Not Recommended for Human Consumption.” The legislation, nicknamed the “Don’t Mess with My Metabolism Act,” targets snacks with “potentially toxic additives,” artificial colors not found in nature, and any ingredient whose name sounds like a chemical weapon. “The people of Texas have a right to know if they’re snacking on something that could double as industrial lubricant,” said Rep. Buck Cartwright (R-BBQ), who authored the bill while reportedly munching on all-natural beef jerky in a blaze-orange recliner. Food industry lobbyists quickly fired back, with one Skittles executive insisting, “We’ve been helping Americans taste the rainbow for decades without anyone actually melting.” M&M’s issued a statement promising to only melt in your mouth — and never in your endocrine system. The proposed labels would also include a QR code linking to a YouTube video of a stern-looking rancher slowly shaking his head while holding a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos. If passed, the law would make Texas the first state to legally declare war on childhood birthday parties, road trips, and vending machines everywhere. Nutritionists have applauded the measure, while college students are organizing a protest under the banner, “My Body, My Snacks.” As the debate heats up, one thing is clear: the future of recreational eating in the Lone Star State just got a whole lot spicier — and not in a good way. Worthy Satire is meant purely for comedic purposes—after all, as Proverbs reminds us, “Laughter is good medicine.” But behind every satire is a real story, video, or event. For the unspun version of the headline, be sure to check out the original source. [ Source of the Satire (Read More…) ] View the full article

SACRAMENTO, CA (Worthy Satire) – In a stunning upset, California has officially dethroned Alaska’s infamous “Bridge to Nowhere” with its own $7 billion federally funded masterpiece: the “Train to Absolutely Nowhere,” a high-speed rail project that has yet to lay a single inch of track. According to a bombshell federal report, the Golden State received nearly $7 billion in taxpayer money for what was supposed to be a sleek bullet train zipping passengers from Los Angeles to San Francisco. Instead, the only thing moving at high speed is the burn rate of taxpayer cash and consultants’ vacation schedules. “We may not have built a train,” said one California rail official, “but we’ve successfully constructed the most expensive PowerPoint presentations in U.S. history.” Critics are calling the project “America’s most scenic pile of environmental paperwork.” Meanwhile, supporters insist it’s a victory for sustainable transit — since you can’t emit carbon if there’s no train. In a desperate bid to stay competitive, Alaska has reportedly hired a new team of engineers to redesign the Bridge to Nowhere to lead directly to California’s Track to Nowhere — forming the nation’s first transcontinental loop of federally funded futility. Former President Biden applauded both projects, declaring them “shining examples of shovel-ready jobs… once we find the shovel.” Worthy Satire is meant purely for comedic purposes—after all, as Proverbs reminds us, “Laughter is good medicine.” But behind every satire is a real story, video, or event. For the unspun version of the headline, be sure to check out the original source. [ Source of the Satire (Read More…) ] View the full article

WASHINGTON, D.C. (Worthy Satire) – In a miraculous turn of events, the U.S. Army announced this week that it has met its annual recruiting goal four months early — a feat military officials attribute to the recent removal of all things woke from its ranks. “It’s amazing what happens when you stop lecturing 18-year-olds about pronouns and just let them shoot stuff,” said Gen. Brad “Bulldog” Mason at a press briefing. “Turns out young Americans do want to serve their country — they just don’t want to be forced into a DEI seminar on the way to basic training.” The historic recruiting turnaround began just weeks after the Pentagon quietly retired its “Woke and Ready” campaign, replacing it with a new slogan: “You Want Honor? Earn It.” Gone are the sensitivity training weekends, TikTok influencer partnerships, and the short-lived “Combat Yoga Thursdays.” In their place: obstacle courses, mud, yelling, and the subtle return of push-ups. “Before, I thought the Army was about safe spaces,” said new recruit Tyler Jenkins, 19, of Texas. “But then they said I’d get to blow up a tank and jump out of a helicopter. I was like — sign me up, sir.” The shift even caught the attention of President Donald Trump, who posted on Truth Social: “Army is WINNING again! No more drag shows on destroyers! Just real men and women defending our GREAT country. Recruits flooding in. Even Sleepy Joe’s not this confused anymore!” Meanwhile, China issued a statement expressing “concern” over the American military’s return to basic competence. At press time, the Navy was reportedly considering a similar overhaul, starting by canceling its planned “Trans-Afloat” talent show and replacing it with a torpedo. Worthy Satire is meant purely for comedic purposes—after all, as Proverbs reminds us, “Laughter is good medicine.” But behind every satire is a real story, video, or event. For the unspun version of the headline, be sure to check out the original source. [ Source of the Satire (Read More…) ] View the full article

Ministry of Sensitivity Declares Orwell’s 1984 “Deeply Problematic” (Worthy Satire) – In a move that would make Big Brother proud, several universities have slapped George Orwell’s dystopian classic 1984 with a trigger warning, warning students that the book contains “disturbing amounts of reality.” The advisory cautions readers that Orwell’s work may contain “themes of government surveillance, suppression of speech, thoughtcrime, and–most distressingly–accuracy.” “This book is a minefield,” said Dr. Penelope Wokehart, Chair of the Department of Triggerology at the University of Safe Spaces. “There’s surveillance, language control, and the suggestion that a centralized government might not have your best interests in mind. That kind of paranoia is very toxic.” Cancel Culture Ministry Expands to Literature The move comes amid a broader campaign by the Ministry of Cancel Culture to protect citizens from subversive ideas, dangerous comedy, and anything written before 2020. Orwell’s 1984 is now shelved between The Cat in the Hat (flagged for “top hat privilege”) and To Kill a Mockingbird (redacted entirely). Room 101 Now a Mandatory Seminar As part of curriculum reform, Orwell’s Room 101 has been rebranded as a “Restorative Reality Adjustment Space,” where students are gently reminded that two plus two can, in fact, equal five–if that’s how you identify. “Orwell warned us about the Thought Police,” said one concerned professor anonymously (for fear of Thought Police). “But he never imagined we’d unionize them and give them tenure.” Coming Soon: Trigger Warnings for the Constitution In unrelated but completely related news, founding documents are also being reviewed for offensive content, starting with the First Amendment, which some officials now classify as “free speech supremacy.” As Orwell once didn’t say but probably would today: “In times of universal sensitivity, telling the truth is a microaggression.” Worthy Satire is meant purely for comedic purposes—after all, as Proverbs reminds us, “Laughter is good medicine.” But behind every satire is a real story, video, or event. For the unspun version of the headline, be sure to check out the original source. [ Source of the Satire (Read More…) ] View the full article

BOULDER, CO (Worthy Satire) – In a tragic yet utterly confusing event for major news outlets, a man reportedly screaming “Palestine is free!” while attacking a Jewish-owned café in Boulder has left mainstream journalists scratching their heads in collective bewilderment as to what could have possibly motivated the assault. CNN quickly released a breaking news headline: “Motives Unclear in Local Incident; Experts Eye Climate Change, Housing Crisis, and Mercury Retrograde.” “We may never know what truly inspired this act,” said one MSNBC analyst solemnly, while standing in front of the vandalized menorah. “The attacker’s passionate yelling about Palestine and targeting of a kosher café could have been symbolic… or just a coincidence. Let’s not jump to conclusions.” New York Times columnist Wokeisha Atwood suggested the man may have been expressing “legitimate grievances about hummus appropriation” or possibly reacting to “microaggressions stemming from Zionist bagel dominance in the deli space.” Meanwhile, social media erupted in debate, with trending hashtags like #ThoughtsAndPrayersButNoSpeculation, #FreePalestineMeansDifferentThingsToDifferentPeople, and #ProbablyJustStressedOut. FBI officials confirmed they were investigating the incident as “a complex event possibly linked to extreme hunger, caffeine withdrawal, or misplaced rage at geopolitical maps.” When asked if the repeated shouts of “Death to Israel” could indicate motive, a spokesperson for NPR replied, “We don’t want to impose Western interpretations on a culturally expressive moment. This could have been performance art.” As of press time, newsrooms are still trying to identify a motive for the attack. Worthy Satire is meant purely for comedic purposes—after all, as Proverbs reminds us, “Laughter is good medicine.” But behind every satire is a real story, video, or event. For the unspun version of the headline, be sure to check out the original source. [ Source of the Satire (Read More…) ] View the full article

Psalms 2:1-2,7-8,11-12 Why do the nations rage and the peoples plot in vain? 2 The kings of the earth set themselves, and the rulers take counsel together, against the LORD and against his Anointed [Meshiach], saying, 7 I will tell of the decree: The LORD said to me, “You are my Son; today I have begotten you. 8 Ask of me, and I will make the nations your heritage, and the ends of the earth your possession. 11 Serve the LORD with fear, and rejoice with trembling. 12 Kiss the Son, lest he be angry, and you perish in the way, for his wrath is quickly kindled. Blessed are all who take refuge in him. Psalm 2 is a divine announcement — a heavenly decree that demands the world’s attention. It begins with a question: “Why do the nations rage, and the peoples plot in vain?” (Ps. 2:1). The nations rise up, not against injustice or tyranny, but against the rule of God’s Meshiach (Messiah). That Anointed is Yeshua — the Son whom the Father has set on His holy hill in Zion (Ps. 2:6). The psalm strips away all pretense and exposes the heart of human rebellion: it is a refusal to be ruled by His Messiah. In this psalm, the Father proclaims that Yeshua has been given the nations as His inheritance and the ends of the earth as His possession (Ps. 2:8). This is not poetic symbolism — it is a declaration of destiny. Yeshua is not merely Savior — He is King. He will not rule by diplomacy but with a rod of iron (Ps. 2:9). His authority is final, His dominion unstoppable. Though the kings of the earth conspire, their defiance is met with divine derision—God laughs from heaven (Ps. 2:4), because no scheme can overturn His decree. And when grace is ignored, wrath is awakened. Yet even in the face of judgment, Psalm 2 is laced with mercy. The Father offers a clear warning: “Now therefore, O kings, be wise; be warned, O judges of the earth” (Ps. 2:10). This is not the cold judgment of a distant God — it is the loving rebuke of a holy God who desires repentance. The call is urgent: “Serve the Lord with fear, and rejoice with trembling” (Ps. 2:11). There is joy in submission, but only when it is coupled with reverence. Then comes the command that pierces every heart: “Kiss the Son, lest He be angry, and you perish in the way” (Ps. 2:12). To kiss the Son is to surrender, to lay down arms, to recognize that Yeshua is Lord. The picture is one of homage and honor. This is not the kiss of affection but of allegiance. It is the line in the sand. We either bend the knee to Yeshua willingly, or we face His righteous anger. This psalm reminds us that God’s love and wrath are not opposites — they are expressions of the same holy nature. He is patient, but He is not passive. He warns not because He enjoys judgment, but because He longs to show mercy. But mercy must be received. The alternative is to “perish in the way,” because the way of rebellion always leads to ruin. Blessed are all who take refuge in Him (Ps. 2:12). That is the final word of Psalm 2, and it is the heartbeat of the gospel. Refuge is available — not in defiance, but in surrender. Yeshua is the Son whom the Father has exalted. He is the rightful King. The question is not whether He will reign — the question is will we bow, or be broken? Kiss the Son while there’s still time. Surrender in faith, and find life, joy, and mercy in Him — for the Kingdom of God is at hand. View the full article