Big Steve

Larry what do you mean by that? That if we accept Jesus as our saviour and ask him to come in to our hearts, he could still turn us away? That's kind of right along the lines of something I worry about. If I accept Jesus, how do I KNOW I'm saved and HE accepts ME?

No, I'm not avoiding to commit. I guess the best way to describe how I feel is that I want to commit and accept Jesus right now, but feel like I can't or shouldn't because I have these "doubting" feelings or thoughts sometimes. I keep thinking I shouldn't have those feelings if I was truly ready. Do true believers sometimes have these thoughts too? What do you think? Does that make any sense?

So basically it boils down to the fact that we may be separated from them based on whether or not they are believers. That I can understand. Thank you all for putting up with my questions. There's more coming.... Steve

I am trying to read in my Bible more often. (of course any reading is more often, because I haven't in years). But in Matthew 10, starting with verse 34 it says this: "Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. 35: For I have come to 'set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law'; 36: "And 'a man's enemies will be those of his own household.' 37: "He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worth of Me. I understand about not putting anything above Jesus, but why would He turn them against us?

I saw the post about signs, do you think these were some that I missed? I have a cousin who is a little older than me, and she is a nun. When I was in the Marines, in Saudi Arabia just before Desert Storm began, I wrote to her asking her what she thought God would think about my upcoming actions in the war. She was very comforting and easy to talk to during that time, and said if I ever needed to talk again to get ahold of her. I haven't talked to her since, as her convent is out of town and I just haven't made the effort, and they apparently hardly ever get to come home to visit. Well as you all know I have been struggling lately with my beliefs and I'm trying to find answers. Out of the blue, my cousin recently came home for a week and got word to me that if I had the time, she would like to see me. I didn't make it to see her, and now am feeling awful, and I'm wondering if somehow she knew of my troubles and this was a sign that I missed. Another one. I"ve mentioned here how I'd like visual proof, I think I joked how I'd like a rock to fall on my head with a note from God written on it. Well, one day, probably a couple months ago, I was feeling particularily down about this, as I have alot lately. We went to church that Saturday afternoon, and the whole sermon was about faith in Jesus. It was so on the money with what I was thinking that I was almost moved to tears. I think maybe I AM being given signs, and having a hard time recognizing them. I think someone mentioned it in one of my previous posts, but maybe the Lord really is calling to me and I've not been seeing it. Do you think that is what is happening? How can I be more aware of this? It seems sometimes it's more subtle than others, but I don't want to miss anymore. I am still getting confused, like my mind is resisting letting me take what is being offered to me. Not letting me let myself go and put all my faith in Jesus. Then that worries me because it makes me ask myself, "If I really want this why is it so hard"?

I was really overwhelmed with all the responses I've received. You all have made me feel so welcome here. I went from having tears in my eyes to laughing at some of the posts. I was very moved. Thank you. If I accept Jesus now, is it ok to still have alot of questions? There's so much I want to ask about. I am afraid I will still seem to be doubting if I ask questions about things. Should I try and learn more first or is it ok to learn as I go? What is the one unforgiveable sin that was mentioned? If Jesus only comes back once, does that mean everyone goes through the Tribulation period then? When does the Rapture occur? I get confused because it sounds like there are more than one train of thought on this. I'm currently reading "The Truth Behind Left Behind" and it makes the case for Jesus coming back twice. It uses scripture, I'll have to check it again.

How can you know, without a doubt, that we have an afterlife? This has been really bothering me alot lately. It scares me to think that this could be all there is, and when we die, that's it. I don't want it to be that way, believe me. But how can you know 100%? I would love for a big rock to fall from the sky and smack me on the head with a message on it. "Here's proof stupid. Now get it together. Love, God". I know that won't happen, but I would like some re-assurance. The wierd thing is, I don't believe for one second that the Earth, or us, just "happened" by chance. Or that we evolved from some mud-pile or amoeba. We HAD to be created by God. We are too complex not to have. So why do I question the rest? I've been having such bad thoughts and dreams about me dying, and then there's nothing. It scares me. I don't know if it's because it's so hard for me to comprehend the supernatural or what. I have trouble with understanding things I can't see right in front of me, y'know? And then I think, well I don't want to die and be gone, because I like my life now. My kids, wife, everything. It's like I enjoy life so much, even on the bad days, I don't want it to end. So do you see what I mean when I say I'm confused? :c:

Let me give you just a bit of background as to what led up to where I'm at today. I had a good child-hood, raised middle class, my mom took me to church every Sunday. Went through Confirmation, but church attendance faded after that. I had always just assumed, as I was brought up to believe, that when we die we go to heaven, and that's that, unless you were a murderer or something horrific like that. I have not lived a very Christian life, now that I look back on it. I was never in trouble or anything, but I did party alot. One thing that bothers me alot is, my high-school sweetheart got pregnant our Junior year, and, being young and scared, we had an abortion. I regret that very much. I joined the Marines right out of high school. When you're not busting your butt, you go out and have a good time. I traveled all over the world. I was a machine-gunner in a combat unit. I served 8 months in Saudi/Kuwait during the Gulf War in 90-91. I am very proud to have served my country, and will always be a Marine at heart, but did things during that time that bother me. I now have a wife and two great kids, ages 9 and 11. We are very happy together now, though we've been through some rough patches. We have been married almost 11 years. When we met however, she was still married to someone else. Her first marriage was going to end anyway, but I feel guilty as to how we came to be together. She became pregnant and we had our first child before we were married. I recently read the whole "Left Behind" series. I loved the books, and they are what got me thinking about everything. I am trying to read at least a little bit in the Bible daily now. Is it too late for me to be saved? This worries me alot. Sorry this got so long, I didn't know where to start off. A lot of things I said here I haven't talked about with anyone else, but I want to be as honest as I can with everyone. Steve