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Greetings...it's embarrassing to talk about this, but I think I need to talk about this... Intrusive thoughts of a unbelieving nature that claim things such as"God doesn't exists" have been tormenting me for a while and I feel guilty when they pop up, even when I hate these thoughts and I don't want they appear. Almost always, when I have a feeling that they'll appear, I start to frighten due to this feeling, and sometimes when that happens I try to do something to avoid them (such as think about God's grace and try to be calm), but this doesn't always work. The worst thing is that sometimes, after they appear (especially the one that claims "God doesn't exists"), I feel like I had believed what they claimed (or like I had thought them deliberately) and them I feel distressed due to that feeling, and when that happens I pray to God the "prayer about salvation" (the one in which you accept Jesus as your only Lord and Savior with genuine repetance for the sins you had committed and with genuine faith that He's God and He died and arose from the dead because you can't save yourself with works) because if that feeling wasn't a false alarm and I believe stupid things such as "God doesn't exists", I fall from salvation, because I can't be saved without faith...so I pray that after that happens, just in case...and after I pray that, I exanimate to ascertain whether I am a true Christian or not with questions such as "Do I believe God exists"? And I come to the conclusion that yes, that I believe the God of the Bible exists, that Jesus is God and He died in the cross and arose from the dead...and then I'm confident that I'm saved until these thoughts appear again and I feel like I had believed them or had thought them deliberately... I even had already found theological/philosophical, logical and scientific evidencs in favor of Christianity, which helped my faith to grow, and I even had thought about studying theology and to be an apologist. Honestly, I'm scared to die as a unbeliever and to God to hell...I DON'T want that to happen...I love Jesus and I don't want to leave Him. I don't want to be an unbeliever. Maybe I have religious OCD; maybe I had never fallen from salvation and that feeling is justo a false alarm and I believed that I had fallen from salvation by fear and paranoia; or maybe not matter what God would do I'll go to hell, because If a Christian can deliberately loose they salvation (because God allows humans have free will), them I'm probably doomed. Honestly, I'm confused, and afraid...

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