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I need prayer again. Any of you who have been reading my posts may know I'm all alone. I have no real family to speak of. I have 1 cousin but she lives in Florida and she's just as broke as me. Meaning I can't go there and she can't come here. All we can do is text each other. 20 years ago I had some friends and a day never went by that at least 1 didn't call me. I was a great listener and women always called me for 1 thing or another. I was fine with this. I was a helper. But 20 yrs ago it all changed. Now I'm alone with very poor health. I had to stop working and go on disability. 6 weeks ago I had a dream about a girl I knew in the late 1980's. I thought maybe this was a message from the Lord. It wasn't easy but I found her online. I left messages at whatever phone numbers I could find and last Sat she called me. We spoke 2 hrs and it seemed to go well. We exchanged email addresses and I sent her a quick email to say how glad I was to hear from her. She never emailed me back and I went into 1 of my depressions. I guess the dream wasn't a message from God. Please just pray for me. I can't take being all alone all the time but what can I do. Nothing I try ever works and God doesn't want me yet.

I'm not quick to blame things on devils bc I think we do that too often when we're at fault. But this time I think devils are trying to destroy me. They can't possess me bc I'm saved and God is big part of my life. Since I have no family, and I'm disabled I spend much time alone except for God. I pray a few times a day but I wish I prayed even more. Lately it's as if something is holding me back. I try to pray but I don't have words to say. All I can usually do is repeat the Lord's Prayer. I wasn't always like this. I also use Psalm 25 as a personal prayer. But it gets worse. In the last 16 yrs I've learned to forgive everything and I go out of my way to avoid getting angry bc for me anger usually leads to sin of 1 kind or another. Because of all the meds I have to take it's good to have pharmacist I'm friends with. There's a private pharmacy across the street from me. In 2011 when Hurricane Sandy devastated this town the pharmacy had 3 to 4 ft of water in it. The owner took quite a loss and I had compassion on him. All his regular employees refused to help him clean up. (now I know why) I was the only person who worked with him for free trying to get the store up and running. I gave him lamps, spotlights, extension cords, and 2 phones. He broke them all. I treat other people's property as if it were my own, this man doesn't but due to the crisis I didn't see the significance of this. He kept telling me he's the kind of person that never forgets it when someone helps him and I believed him. Maybe he was back then but if he was he has changed. He's a Jew from Iraq who's family barely got out alive. He's friends with another Jew from the Mid East but this other man worships the green god. I know this because he owned my building 5 yrs and turned it into a slum. All that matters to that man is money and he's effecting my pharmacist. The pharmacist is Ray and 1 of his partners is an ex Hindu turned Christian. His partner has tried to tell Ray about Jesus but he's hostile to the NT. IMO it's not his time yet. I'm sure Ray is surrounded by demons bc he welcomes them. Ray and his demons are destroying me. All these yrs I've felt God wanted me in Ray's life bc I try to demonstrate the love of God. That always worked better for me than preaching at someone. But I can't do that when Ray is making me so angry I want to hurt him. In all my long life there's only been about 4 other people who did this me. I never hurt anyone but it's hard to get me this mad. In fact this extreme anger is why I think I have devils attacking me. This is so unlike me. So I don't just need regular prayer I need prayers to push evil spirits away. I've been thinking of making this request for a week. I waited bc I didn't want to jump to conclusions. I don't think I am. As I get older I draw closer and closer to God until I'm now at a point where I understand some of the hard things the apostles said. I always admired them but I could never feel it, now I do. One example is there is nothing on earth that holds interest for me anymore. Everything is as nothing. If a thing isn't pleasing to God it's worthless to me. I'm sure this infuriates the devils especially since I talk about it. I also have a problem with pain meds. They all come from a doc. I keep trying to cut the dose but I can't do it. I think an evil spirit is behind that too. And there's another one with tobacco. I have COPD I need a puffer to breath and I can't stop craving nicotine. Again I think this is an evil spirit. I don't think I can fight these things alone and win. I need all the help I can get. Thank you for reading this. I know it's long.