I lost the respect of my most valuable friends

[Guest dustycanvas]

A few weeks ago I started a Weblog. I was just having fun. Not intending to hurt or offend anyone. I honestly didn't feel anything I said on my site was hurtful or offensive. So, I shared the site with a few friends. To my surprise they were offended and felt I had misrepresented our church by sharing my in-most feelings.

(to help you understand, because i have taken the site down...know that socially I lean more towards the punk/goth/wanna express yourself in artistic manners kinda person.)

Well, I go church Sunday (I attend church with all these people I offended) and after church that morning my pastor calls me into his office. He has a print out of my website. Everyone I sent the link to called my pastor shortly thereafter. He said there main concern was 1. that I had mentioned where I attend church on the site and they were afraid of me misrepresenting it. 2. They were concerned about my spiritual well being. Because according to my website I wasn't "on fire for God".

I have been struggling but, I did not mean to portray that on my weblog. I did not know I was misrepresenting my church.

My pastor told me that I had lost respect with alot of people. My pastor's wife, who I have known for Seven years (even before I attended there church she was my high school teacher). She said alot of things that lets me know that she has also lost respect for me. She said this "devastated" her. I really think alot of her and what she thinks of me. Just knowing this has kept me literally sick all week and I can't sleep.

I wanna make this right but, what else can I do? I took the site down immediately. I took it down like an hour after our meeting. I have apologized to my pastor & his wife. But, now I am just afraid and ashamed to show my face around my church. I am so incredibly depressed now. I just don't know what to do.

[ray]

Not being able to see what you posted I can not say anything about what you posted on it. It does appear that since everyone took offense to it that is was done distatefully. You have appolgized to all the people you have offended and had know intention of offending anyone. Also, you took down the website. This should make them feel a little bit better. However, I'm reminded of a story.

The Pillow Story

There was this member of a congregation that just loved to talk and talk and talk to a point some of what this person said was gossip and never thought of what they were saying was hurting or offeding anyone. The pastor of the church really got really offended by what the person had said. The person was so sorry about what they had done and said they would do anything to make it up to the pastor. So the pastor told the person to take a big fluffy feathery pillow and take to the top of the biggest moutain and tear it apart. When your finshed come back to tell what happend. The person thaught well this is easy I can do that. When the person came back. They told that pastor that the feathers from the pillow flew all over the place. Now the last thing the pastor said that needed the person to do was to go back and pick up all those feathers. The person replied that would be impossible the wind blew all the feathers all over and I would not be able to find out where they all are. the pastor replied like the gossip you spread about me is like trying to pick up all those feathers. You may be sorry but the damage is done.

You have said sorry to everyone you have hurt imedditly around you but you never know how many people saw the site and say sorry what did was wrong.

Next time you develop a web site do it with a friend. Make sure what you put on the site that you have checked with thosse around that it may effect. Make a rough draft before you put it out the world to see.

Depending how badly you have hurt your friends you cleaned up your side of the road by saying sorry and taking the web site down. IF they can not get along with you after that perphas you need to move on for awhile so they can heal from the damage you caused.

May God give you the widom and guidance you need now to deal with this hard time.

[apothanein kerdos]

If you don't mind me asking, what exactly about the church did you say?

To be quite honest with you, I'm kind of disagreeing with your church...

[Ovedya]

I think that for the sake of the oneness of the Body, it would probably be good to privately apologize to any of the saints that you have offended. As a member of the church one of your primary responsibilities is to be one with the saints for the building up of the Body of Christ. This cannot be accomplished when there are dividing factors in the way. Apoloizing, whether you believe yourself to be right or wrong, will take humility on your part. You cannot do this unless you first fellowship with the Lord, asking Him to be your meekness and your humility.

I wouldn't worry too much about the church. If the church is concerned about how they are misrepresented by one saint, then I'm afraid they have a lot more to worry about than you and your weblog. Unless you are in an authoritarian position in that place, then your opinions should not be a matter of great concern. You are not a representativ of a building or a gathering of saints in a particular place. You are representative of Christ's Body, His one uniques expression on the earth. Our concern should not be whether or not we are misrepresenting a human organization, but whether or not we are misrepresenting Christ. However, on the other hand, we should not allow ourselves to speak negatively about the saints in the place that we meet; nor should we allow any kind of "in church" private matters to be exposed before humanity.

Don't worry about being depressed, dear one. Take care of building up the saints where you are. Let Christ be your peace. Make peace with the saints that you may have offended and move on. Many of us have offended some saints at one time or another. That seems to go part and parcel with living the Body life. Just take this as a learning experience and move on.

One final thing: Don't worry about whether these saints forgive you or not. As long as you take the first step to recovering their fellowship then the rest is up to the Lord. You don't need to garner the favor of the saints. Make your apologies, do your best to make peace, and let the Lord do the rest.

[Guest dustycanvas]

Ray,

I appreciate the story-that does help put some perspective on it. But, I didn't say anything about anyone. I just made jokes about life situations and general stuff about my days...art I liked, mail I've gotten. Just a bunch of nonsensical things that I didn't think mattered to much to anyone but me. So, I had no idea I would offend anyone.

When talking to one of the people I had offended...while apologizing she said this, "I just thought you were this goody goody in disguise" meaning she thought just because I dressed punk or whatever didn't reflect on my personality. THat I was Mary Poppin's in a Avril Lavigne costume. And what I got form my pastor is that everyone thought that. That the main thing is that they are dissapointed at the real me. So, they don't like the church name being associated with me.

**The only thing I said about the church was that I attented there and that I enjoyed spending time with my pastor & his wife.

[Ovedya]

Ray,

I appreciate the story-that does help put some perspective on it. But, I didn't say anything about anyone. I just made jokes about life situations and general stuff about my days...art I liked, mail I've gotten. Just a bunch of nonsensical things that I didn't think mattered to much to anyone but me. So, I had no idea I would offend anyone.

When talking to one of the people I had offended...while apologizing she said this, "I just thought you were this goody goody in disguise" meaning she thought just because I dressed punk or whatever didn't reflect on my personality. THat I was Mary Poppin's in a Avril Lavigne costume. And what I got form my pastor is that everyone thought that. That the main thing is that they are dissapointed at the real me. So, they don't like the church name being associated with me.

**The only thing I said about the church was that I attented there and that I enjoyed spending time with my pastor & his wife.

They are dissapointed at the "real you"? Meaning that they really wanted you to be someone that you are really not, right? Well, I calll that a self-imposed delusion!

I think that you still should try to make peace. Take the higher road, then try to move on.

BTW: From what you are telling us about this, I think that pastor should be more concerned about how he, and they, are representing Christ.

[Guest dustycanvas]

God-man,

I see what your saying...

My only position in the church is that I am a musician. I'm not the music leader or anything but, the guitar player every service. But, my pastory has told me to sit down for a month...until those people can get over their dissapointment and such. So, I can't be apart of the music until atleast September...he said we would meet again before I resumed playing. I can understand that...but, what if those people dont get over it? What if he says I can't return to being apart of the music?? THis would be too much! I LOVE BEING APART OF THE MUSIC AT MY CHURCH! Not being able to be apart would devastate me.

So, alot of my future involvement at my church depends on others "feelings" towards me. So, I can't just dismiss there opinions.

[Guest dustycanvas]

God-Man,

Yeah they are dissapointed at the real me. They thought I was "mother Theresa" or something. But, I'm human just like the rest of them...I struggle too. I don't know why they thought me this Holy One!?!? I've never pretended to be anything other than what I am! I am an "in your face" kinda gal!! I dont' keep it a secret. I don't generally talk alot but that is just because that's me not because I'm trying to be secretive.

[apothanein kerdos]

That just rubs me in all the wrong ways. In the Bible we are told to forgive when people ask forgiveness of us. Imagine if God waited to use us until He was done with His dissapointment. No one would ever be used.

On the same token, you've asked for forgiveness. If they are unwilling to offer it, like God-Man said, move on.

[Ovedya]

God-man,

I see what your saying...

My only position in the church is that I am a musician. I'm not the music leader or anything but, the guitar player every service. But, my pastory has told me to sit down for a month...until those people can get over their dissapointment and such. So, I can't be apart of the music until atleast September...he said we would meet again before I resumed playing. I can understand that...but, what if those people dont get over it? What if he says I can't return to being apart of the music?? THis would be too much! I LOVE BEING APART OF THE MUSIC AT MY CHURCH! Not being able to be apart would devastate me.

So, alot of my future involvement at my church depends on others "feelings" towards me. So, I can't just dismiss there opinions.

So this pastor is punishing you. Well, in my estimation this is just ridiculous. So he'll make a public example of you, and the gossip will spread like wildfire through the church. It was bad enough that probably the ones who were bothered by your weblog spread a bunch of gossip about you, but now the ones who don't know will wonder why you're not playing and start to ask questions. Your pastor is fueling the fire!

Sorry for being so blunt here, but this kind of religious piety just ticks m off to no end. I would venture to guess that probably on of your friends told their folks about the weblog and then they in turn told someon who's the "church gossip" monger, right? Or perhaps the parents themselvs were the gossip mongers.

Well, unless you said something really offensive then the problem is not yours - it's theirs. Are you a young person, or are you mature enough to go find a place where people don't judge you like this?