Littlelambseativy Posted October 6, 2012 Group: Royal Member Followers: 6 Topic Count: 230 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 4,941 Content Per Day: 0.95 Reputation: 2,003 Days Won: 14 Joined: 02/08/2010 Status: Offline Share Posted October 6, 2012 I may be late in this - but I think you are the one who should look at it again. Is it better to get your parents' money after they have passed away or to let them see you enjoy what they give you now? I do know how you feel. My parents gave me things and yes I thought I could pay for them my self and would rather give to them. But was that selfish of me? I would have deprived them of the joy of giving to me as much as I loved giving to them. They want to see you enjoy what they do for you - you will have a lifetime of giving to your children they will too. Let them enjoy doing things and seeing your joy and appreciation. They know you have pride and would not accept money if this is how you act with gifts so do not be selfish and deprive them of paying for things or dinners. I do that for family that do things for me. It is accepted and appreciated. I know they do not need it but a dinner or a few dollars for work? Let your dad pay you for helping - it is money you can use for things you want but don't want to spend money on yourself. What if your children did the same thing to you would you not feel bad at their reaction? Would you not want to help them or is it just you and your parents that cannot do this? I'm on your parents' side in this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoldenEagle Posted October 9, 2012 Group: Royal Member Followers: 4 Topic Count: 764 Topics Per Day: 0.18 Content Count: 7,626 Content Per Day: 1.80 Reputation: 1,559 Days Won: 44 Joined: 10/03/2012 Status: Offline Share Posted October 9, 2012 (edited) Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 2:24 My parents are not allowing this to happen. What are your thoughts on taking such an extreme measure? I understand and sympathize with your situation. Parents over stepping their boundaries is a very real, stressful, and unfortunate situation to have to live with. How did the move go? Or did you ever end up moving? How are things with your sister? The marriage union is a picture of the church and Christ. (Eph. 5:22-33) How in any way, shape, or form can that be subjugated to one's parent or more specifically one’s biological father? Yes we are to honor our parents. We choose to honor them because God gave them as our mentors to us. We are even told to obey them in the Lord (meaning when they give us Biblical principles we are to head those). However, if parents offer advice or even give a command that isn’t clearly Biblical then children are not in any obligation to obey. (Acts 5:29) I believe this can be backed with Eph. 6: 1-4. It is also important to note the command to parents not to provoke their children. So parents have a responsibility as well here. Eph 6:1-4 1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: 3 “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.” 4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. It's important to learn how to assert yourself and stand your ground firmly but lovingly. It is okay to agree to disagree. Let me give an example. Scenario 1: If I were going to purchase a new vehicle I would likely consult my Dad. If my Dad were to say that I should buy a van but instead I purchase a gas efficient Honda Civic am I disobeying him? No. It is a case of personal preference. Scenario 2: Now, on the other hand if I tell him I want to finance a $50K vehicle (and take on debt) instead of paying cash for a $10K vehicle then he would have Biblical basis. I think there is a significant difference. I believe Rom. 1:30 and 2 Tim. 3:2 should be viewed in the light of Eph. 6:1-4 and Eph. 5:22-33. Therefore Rom. 1:30 and 2 Tim. 3:2 refers to godless children given to a reprobate mind who do not obey the Biblical principles and commands/advice set forth by their parents. Christ elevated the role of women and children in that those who are adopted into God’s family are now joint heirs with Christ. (Rom. 8:16-17) Christian Husbands are NOT superior to Christian Wives in God’s eyes. Different roles? Yes. Christian men are not superior to Christian women. Christian father’s or Christian mother’s are not superior to Christian sons OR Christian daughters. We are called to love parents as fellow heirs with Christ. (Eph. 5:21; Phil. 2:3; 1 Pet. 5:5) Romans 8:16-17 16 The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together. Ephesians 5:21 …submitting to one another in the fear of God. Philippians 2:3 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. 1 Peter 5:5 Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for “God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” (Prov. 3:4) Regarding parents owning their children even into adulthood and children being able to make decisions for themselves without restriction of parental authority… I disagree completely. Parents are advisers once a child becomes an adult. If you are talking about Jewish tradition a boy is considered an adult at the age of 12 or 13. In Western culture the age is generally 18. Understand I don’t dispute a man should be the spiritual leader of his home. This is a servant leader role and to reflect the love of Christ for the Church. However, once a person is married they are instructed to leave and cleave to their spouse (Gen 2:24) The concept of owning your children is part of the old covenant (Mosaic) and not part of the new covenant (Abrahamic) as Christians are considered joint heirs with Jesus Christ. (Rom 8:16-17) Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Plus we are FREE in Christ from the bondage of the law and sin. (See Gal. 5:1 and 2 Cor. 5:17) 2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. Galatians 5:1 “Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.” Once again when parents are wrong Biblically we are not to obey them. (Acts 5:29) Acts 5:29 “But Peter and the other apostles answered and said: ‘We ought to obey God rather than men.’” I pray God continues to give you wisdom in dealing with this situation. In Christ, Eagle Edited October 9, 2012 by GoldenEagle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeinnocentspirit Posted October 10, 2012 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 20 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 115 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 15 Days Won: 1 Joined: 02/10/2012 Status: Offline Share Posted October 10, 2012 Its better to have them care then to diss-own you. They might seem pushy but they appear they care deeply for you. Ever heard, your always gonna be my baby? Guess they took that phrase to heart....One thing is that, cherish them....they wont be around for forever. My grandpa is the same way, very push....but I just let him have it his way, I don't want to live in regrets, because one day I know I will look back and only remember the bad...if the good is overwhelming then it will tend to your mind and be a comfort. With regret the bad, the memories would become a burden. Best regards, I know we have all heard this before, but it serves a purpose.... You don't know what you had until it's lost. God bless, My advice would be make sure you can control the situation between you your family and your parents. As Jake said the worst thing that you can possibly end up doing is end up with seriously poor communication and all the relationship breaking down. All you need to do is make sure that you are firm and fair with them. I think at some stages parents do not realized that they have over stepped your comfort zone and when as kids we don't speak up they really don't address it as a serious issue. I understand exactly what you mean and i think you need to address the issue as a serious matter with your parents and even re-set the boundaries and ensure that they understand how busy you are you cant volunteer up all your time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HumbleBee Posted November 5, 2012 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 0 Topics Per Day: 0 Content Count: 5 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 11/05/2012 Status: Offline Share Posted November 5, 2012 (edited) Have you read the book Boundaries by Townsend and Cloud (Christian Therapist)? It talks about this in detail. It is really good. I will be praying for you. Edited November 5, 2012 by HumbleBee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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