where do i go to?

[xounstaer]

as to who wrote the books of marcus lucas and matheus, i am sorry to know that is not first hand writings neither one of them.

officialy is known the names have been given to the books to give them authority.

also this is the same with many of the letters, also the letter of judas is not written by himself.

i find this off topic though

Edited March 23, 2012 by xounstaer

[xounstaer]

god i feel troublesome and down.

what's up?

i guess there isnt much wrong and that i am doing pretty ok eventhough i didnt eat yesterday. i think it may be because i am thinking of my past, which i think was mostly no fun. feeling and thinking that i do not want to see my mother and stephfather anymore, because of the way i have been treated. i get very angry inside and think the worst things, it couldnt be much worse in my mind then it was the past days. i feel bad now myself for not being able to remember the good moments. ok i remember some perhaps. but its not much. the fact is i guess i had it no good. it's really not a lie, and i dont understand why i must feel bad about this. i almost have to cry.

i guess, but am not sure. but i know i wouldnt have wanted to be a succesfull person in earthely matters. i am very happy really with the things god has shown me. what i am trying to say is that i feel like that i wouldnt be where i am now if it wasnt for all my past.

please forgive me if i get angry inside and such over my past. i hope you can help me to stay as positive as possible and not to worry to much.

god we, the two of us will deal with it in a good manner when i feel troubled and hurt, and we hope that i be good enough to maintain a good progress. and for sure not to go insane, and if i do to not lose control and deal with it, so i've said.

i should realise seriously that i should only use mind altering substanses among the right people and in the right sircumstances and surroundings. i have spoken about this god and i believe the people are right indeed that who say this. i guess it is as simple as knowing not to drink beer in the church but in a pub, etcetera.

god why dont you tell what is wrong with my behaviour. i eman that i can thinka bout it but i am not sure if that is good for me. i do not see the need for me to think further about my behaviour. and people think thay know the way it should be but i have not seen it the past 27 years as to where it comes to certain points. certain points which will have marked me for the rest of my life. sure i have done things that are no good, basicly as a kid and unseen. so i dont exactly get the point. are people trying to tell me that i have been punished for my mistakes and that is why i am psychiatry and have been mistreated heavily. i am sorry for thinking that i am not treu telling you what i say here just now. but we should not get mne wrong and be honest. must i write dwon what i have done and what others have done to me and then go and compare that? i mean is that required?

or shall i tell others what i dont like about them and tehy what they dont like about me. i mean i guess that is a possibility. and forgive but i tend first always to say whats good and think that it is good. or i dont but usually i do think it is good. i do not really hold any grudge against anyone.

so the point has been said that i should think about my behaviour is that anything new at all? i guess i have been punished heavily for my behaviour my whole life. and i cant dig further of things i dont remember. i remember some things though. i have been a bad kid and i deserved punishment so i was locked up into the seperation or isolation. after i seen the sun, that's right exactly what happened god.

i went toward the closed section of the pstchiatric hospital by my own request. after i seen the orange liquid streaming surface of the sun. right after it, i asked for it. before this there was no problem between me and the psychiatry really. then because they said i had moved furniture i was to walk towards the seperation although i had the chance to dry myself first after i stepped out of the shower.

then i was seperated, put into isolation for three weeks. i remember pretty much everything.

then i had to stay in high care for about half a year. you tell me what i did wrong. its inhuman i tell you. the medication i was given made me almost swallow my tongue, for which they had to give me extra medication. and they know this

i have chosen this road with usage of substances god.

can i or we change the offspring to better?

ask about abraham and lot ok?

i got pens papers enveloppes and stamps, i be ok.

imagine i ever have questions to you, for a start i'd liek to work out amonst each other next to perfect how we speak and so how we would search within this talk, further words that come about facts we will have explained i think for as far as we know.

this is to pronouciation of the smallest till the biggest combining languages where so possible. that was what i wanted to ask, can we work on that for me?

hm describe that sound, can i or you or we or us tend too?

would i needc the help of a human? all i need is litlle startings or certaintys.

we can be fine with a percent less. i mean is a tiny amount of trashables. i mean bad stuff you know i doubted it and heard some but i tell you god that we can do with that one percent less perhaps even a bit easier, and do we want to expertise in explaining negatif details we wont.

o god do we, will we always be good?

free be free he said. and she oh well ok.

bed stories online you and me god or some people too ok.

offspring which is kept good, be's good.

why cant i go on serious talks really or i do, but..i do right i try too really good, write too i mean. i hope we be good sry and that we are allright and so.x excuse me sentimentally but know it all. no i dont mean wrong, ioh if you want to try and think all answers right to them ears i'd tell you bak some to well figured or so maybe. and i hope i may think and know who i am or what i think of too besides eeing, ofcourse i see seeing as top as hearing so too, you know. do i use my hands and fingers right while talking and my mouth or just one or so? we be good. and i hope i can get into fine areas where i be good too. and i live on ok i be fine, where worse then i can witness have i seen so far. there's basicly litlle questions but i hop eand will get along.

i will be allright i know.

you? sry.

if it was all me it might come to a certain still stop. or not i dont know, i know i will make a move sooner or later to which i always hope it doesnt harm anyone.

god, i want for you to be, as i know you.

celebration time i can tell.

e feast means good and maybe fun or so happyness, so it supposed to be.

i be alright for good understandings.

people and so amongst each other.

what if i say i just want who goo dis to be ok and talk

i wanted to know whats good and not bad any.

buy invest and donate and do any which serves the good without harm.

i said i would like to meet people, you know. and birds too, sun and wind and maybe beach or so. and nature is amazing.

treat me good i'll never totally defeat you. i hope we are ok and well able to speak and so.