FaithfulFollower Posted December 9, 2004 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 22 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 349 Content Per Day: 0.05 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/18/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/14/1984 Share Posted December 9, 2004 As of the last three months connections with the younger sibling and the family have become rather difficult if not, not made at all. This has deeply troubled as well as offended myself and another sibling, along with the husband. For this particular sibling of which once was felt to be fairly close has neglected to not only come to our wedding, but also the family's Thanksgiving dinner, and will not make any efforts to come down for Christmas. However, is more than willing to request the family to come down the four hour drive to spend Christmas with her. This offended me for several reasons... 1. She had not made much effort to attend the previous events 2. The parents have not even had the money of which to buy gifts which the husband and myself spent so as to make them have a Christmas seeing as the holidays are a time of which we would desire to be happy as well as specail for them. 3. The sister has continiously wasted the money of which the parents have given her so as to aid her providing for her, but she has not accepted any of their help let alone done well in keeping in contact with them. Is is wrong for the husband and myself to feel as though she is treating the parents as well as the rest of us poorly by not attempting to make contact as well as make any efforts to come and see us? The parents gently declined the invitation to come down to see her upon Christmas, seeing as they do not have the money and also that this would be the first Christmas the husband and I would have with them, and maybe the last of which we could spend together as a family. Instead, they intend to head out at an earlier date so as to make certain that no one is hurt or disappointed. Instead of making the situation better, they have disappointed all of their children and even given themselves more a reason to be upset. Is it wrong for the husband and I to cease our efforts to get in contact with the effortless sister? What should we do? With Love In Christ, Danielle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Can Do (Phil 4:13) Posted December 13, 2004 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 227 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 1,004 Content Per Day: 0.14 Reputation: 9 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/30/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 01/31/1906 Share Posted December 13, 2004 Is it wrong for the husband and I to cease our efforts to get in contact with the effortless sister? What should we do? Hey Danielle IMO there are two ways that you could look at this, perhaps even 3. 1) Your sister is being selfish and self centred--Biblical approach needed. Love the sinner but not the sin. Keep loving her, but don't go out of your way to be a door mat and help her in times of genuine need. 2) There may be things happening in her life she isn't revealing to you, that is hindering her ability to reciprocate---Biblical approach needed. Pray for discernment and wisdom as to how you may enable her to escape from any bondage in her life, remembering that bondage is vast and captivating. 3)This could be a situation where you can examplify the Grace of God in your lives and thus grin and bear it. Biblical approach needed----Forgive, keep forgiving and be a light unto her world, but don't allow her to breach the sound boundaries you are lovingly putting up. Talk with her about those boundaries. Be careful not to engage in any arguements, she may not like what you are saying. Give her the option of either respecting those boundaries and retaining contact with you, or her not respecting your boundaries at which time you would lovingly withdraw, emphasising that you still love her, but you need a break until she is willing to respect you and your family. I hope that this is of some help FF. I really do. YSIC Faith Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithfulFollower Posted December 13, 2004 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 22 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 349 Content Per Day: 0.05 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/18/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/14/1984 Author Share Posted December 13, 2004 Is it wrong for the husband and I to cease our efforts to get in contact with the effortless sister? What should we do? Hey Danielle IMO there are two ways that you could look at this, perhaps even 3. 1) Your sister is being selfish and self centred--Biblical approach needed. Love the sinner but not the sin. Keep loving her, but don't go out of your way to be a door mat and help her in times of genuine need. 2) There may be things happening in her life she isn't revealing to you, that is hindering her ability to reciprocate---Biblical approach needed. Pray for discernment and wisdom as to how you may enable her to escape from any bondage in her life, remembering that bondage is vast and captivating. 3)This could be a situation where you can examplify the Grace of God in your lives and thus grin and bear it. Biblical approach needed----Forgive, keep forgiving and be a light unto her world, but don't allow her to breach the sound boundaries you are lovingly putting up. Talk with her about those boundaries. Be careful not to engage in any arguements, she may not like what you are saying. Give her the option of either respecting those boundaries and retaining contact with you, or her not respecting your boundaries at which time you would lovingly withdraw, emphasising that you still love her, but you need a break until she is willing to respect you and your family. I hope that this is of some help FF. I really do. YSIC Faith <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Faith, Thank you for your words of wisdom. They are much appreciated. At the time the only form of contact of which has been attempted to be made with her is through the internet, seeing as phone calls always proved in vain. (There would never be a call made back.) The efforts of which have been made to broaden my horizons were rather moving. For there is a good amount going on in her life, for she does have a job or two. Though at the same time, she finds time enough to contact some of those of which are not family of which were left behind when she moved away. It just pains me that she has refused to make much contact with myself or my other sibling of which is a year and a half younger than myself. (Though truthfully she has made not much effort to get in touch with the sister in Albequerque.) My mother has talked with Susan about her ill treatment of the family, and she has been working on her treatment towards the mother and father, but my husband and I have yet to see any efforts made upon her part to reach us as of now. We love her very much and although he may not yet be ready to make any efforts himself, (though I am unaware if he has or has not attempted) efforts of whatever sort can be mustered will be. Just phone calls are felt not to be a good approach for knowing how ill in temper I, myself can be at times it is felt it is best to avoid unnecessary confrontation between the two of us seeing how bad our relationship is as of this date. Once again, your wisdom is much appreciated in this situation. Will try to keep my sister of long distance within my prayers as well as the hubby's and my own judgement. With Love In Christ, Danielle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Can Do (Phil 4:13) Posted December 13, 2004 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 227 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 1,004 Content Per Day: 0.14 Reputation: 9 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/30/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 01/31/1906 Share Posted December 13, 2004 FF, I woke up thinking about you this morning. You are really touching my heart. I'm praying for you. YSIC Faithie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithfulFollower Posted December 14, 2004 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 22 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 349 Content Per Day: 0.05 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/18/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/14/1984 Author Share Posted December 14, 2004 Faithie, Efforts may have proven fruitless for the only form of contact of which was brought upon her on my own part was that of an e-mail expressing the pain, as well as the desire to speak with her, if not get into contact with her in some form. She was rather upset if not angry that my hubby and myself will not be traveling the distance to see her. However, it is sincerely felt in our hearts that after so much effort, some should be made in return. (Not that we have been perfect either, but we have tried to call and I myself have sent her a number of e-mails.) At the time words are a bit difficult to find to answer her, just to let her know that she is loved and not expected to explain anything to me. We only want to see her and know that she cares, at the time though, it would appear that is a bit difficult for her to show myself and hubby. Just pray that this does not have an affect on her relationship with the parents and such during their trip down this weekend to see her. Just keep us all in your prayers... Thank you again Faithie for all the prayers and uplifting words. With Love In Christ, Danielle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts