Rakael Posted February 8, 2014 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 11 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/21/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted February 8, 2014 (edited) Hello, I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years but yesterday night was the first time I have even seen him drunk...He isn't extreme or anything but it truly disturbed me to see him drunk... I have been brought up in a family that doesn't drink or smoke and I don't either. I don't really get why people are attracted to alcohol. It never really interested me ever so it's really hard for me to be objective and let go of the fact that people take pleasure in drinking. So last night we went to his friends place, they all drank and I was the only one who didn't, so obviously I felt a bit uncomfortable. When people consume they get tipsy and change their personality a bit and everything might seem funnier or things like that but for me it was really hard to get into it as I couldn't relate at all to how they were feeling. I really felt alone. I kind of feel bad to feel that way, I want my bf to have a nice time and don't be worried about me but I can't deny the way I feel either... It was also really disturbing to see him change, he is usually more of an introvert and it was strange to see him dance and sing, he usually always just feel self conscious about ever getting himself out there so it felt like I was seeing a totally different person and also made me wonder why he didn't feel that safe with me to be able to do it without being drunk...Also a big thing was the way his eyes changed, you know like he wasn't really looking at me but past me... I'm just trying to figure out why I feel this way and if any of you ever been in that situation. And what advice could you give me. I feel a bit like a control freak...help me!! I love him so much and I want to accept that that's who he is too...... Edited February 8, 2014 by Rakael Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmuffet Posted February 8, 2014 Group: Royal Member Followers: 34 Topic Count: 1,991 Topics Per Day: 0.48 Content Count: 48,689 Content Per Day: 11.80 Reputation: 30,343 Days Won: 226 Joined: 01/11/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted February 8, 2014 Hello, I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years but yesterday night was the first time I have even seen him drunk...He isn't extreme or anything but it truly disturbed me to see him drunk... I have been brought up in a family that doesn't drink or smoke and I don't either. I don't really get why people are attracted to alcohol. It never really interested me ever so it's really hard for me to be objective and let go of the fact that people take pleasure in drinking. So last night we went to his friends place, they all drank and I was the only one who didn't, so obviously I felt a bit uncomfortable. When people consume they get tipsy and change their personality a bit and everything might seem funnier or things like that but for me it was really hard to get into it as I couldn't relate at all to how they were feeling. I really felt alone. I kind of feel bad to feel that way, I was my bf to have a nice time and don't be worried about me but I can't either deny the way I feel... It was also really disturbing to see him change, he is usually more of an introvert and it was strange to see him dance and sing, he usually always just feel self conscious about ever getting himself out there so it felt like I was seeing a totally different person and also made me wonder why he didn't feel that safe with me to be able to do it without being drunk... I'm just trying to figure out why I feel this way and if any of you ever been in that situation. And what advice could you give me. I feel a bit like a control freak...help me!! I love him so much and I want to accept that that's who he is too...... The Bible is not against drinking in moderation.The Bible does say that you should not get drunk.The New Testament of the Bible does not say that we can not dance and sing as long as it is done with Godly morals and values.You are a Christian.Is your boyfriend a Christian?If your boyfriend is constantly drinking and getting drunk that is a problem.Have you spoken to your boyfriend about your concerns?If you have any doubts that this man is not who God wants you to be with then maybe you should take a break from him for awhile.Pray to God about your concerns and what His will is for your life.Your values are important to you.It is important to be with someone who has similar values and can respect your values. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
desi2007 Posted February 8, 2014 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 61 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,220 Content Per Day: 0.20 Reputation: 219 Days Won: 3 Joined: 10/05/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/18/1966 Share Posted February 8, 2014 Your feelings are normal to me. I can understand why your turned off by his drinking. You can tell him it bothers you and see where it takes you in how he responds back. Communication is the key here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rakael Posted February 9, 2014 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 11 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/21/2013 Status: Offline Author Share Posted February 9, 2014 He isn't a Christian and he usually get together with his friends once each weekend to drink. I'm just a bit nervous about how he would react to me tell him how it bothered me. I talked to him a bit about it but not in detail...I'll see how I go in the future. I want to find the right words. Also I am really not used to the whole drinking gig thing even being with my friends or family who drink around me at parties, still feels weird for me cause I am so not used to it. Though I'm able to laugh more about their tipsy behaviors than when it comes to my bf. For me a night with my friends is usually a meal with them first, then we talk, watch a movie, play cards or have an activity planned but the get together they usually have my bf and them is just beer, cigarettes and music so I don't really know how to not feel a bit bored or out of it...I guess the more I will know them the more I'll feel comfortable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 (edited) What you are feeling is quite normal for a believer, or even a non-believer who does not "party." Its normal, but there seems to be a more important issue in play. Based on your saying your boy friend isn't a believer . . . that's not a good idea for a believer to be dating a non-believer to begin with. Sorry, but its true. The Christian is usually the one who gets dragged down, not the unbeliever. Its also been my experience that it usually doesn't work out, and I've seen this in my life and in other's lives. It sounds like you are experiencing some of this yourself. The thing is this: you need to tell the boyfriend how you feel -- and stand up for what you believe in even if it may end the relationship. Your spiritual well being depends on it. The Lord has a plan for your life and perhaps this situation has come up to let you know that its time to seek Him about it. I'd recommend a lot of prayer and time spent with the Lord in the Bible. Perhaps having a chat with your pastor (or his wife?) or someone like that would be in order also. I'm a guy, so maybe that's why it seems a bit selfish to me for someone to take their girlfriend who does not drink or smoke to parties where she's going to be something of an outsider because she's not doing what everyone else is, but that's just me. (I don't know all the details and don't need to.) I don't want to sound harsh, but I'm a drunk and a druggie that only Jesus could clean up. Booze and drugs tend to amplify our selfishness and what you are seeing at these parties is a good example, and it leads nowhere good. It also tends not to improve with time, but get worse instead. Please understand: I'm not saying that your boyfriend or anyone else will automatically become an addict if they drink in moderation - but the possibility is there for some of us and we are all different. Edited February 9, 2014 by walla299 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anthonyjmcgirr Posted February 9, 2014 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 14 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 194 Content Per Day: 0.05 Reputation: 37 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/31/2014 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/27/1984 Share Posted February 9, 2014 My whole family on my dad's side are alcoholics. It can be very scary. No one grows up and says, "I want to be an alcoholic when I'm older!" it's very much a drug and numbs you. but people are oblivious to the fact that it's a depressant, so they become very miserable when drunk. I saw the worst moments from my dad cursing at everyone and the world when he was drunk. It's a progression really. Like any drug, it leads to harder stuff. I would really tell him if he does it again, it's over. Draw that line with him because addiction can move on into the lives of your kids and so on. My grandparents are alcoholics, as well as my uncles and aunt and now all the cousins except for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Шарон Posted February 9, 2014 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 72 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 21 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/31/2014 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/18/1989 Share Posted February 9, 2014 (edited) He isn't a Christian and he usually get together with his friends once each weekend to drink. I'm just a bit nervous about how he would react to me tell him how it bothered me. I talked to him a bit about it but not in detail...I'll see how I go in the future. I want to find the right words. Also I am really not used to the whole drinking gig thing even being with my friends or family who drink around me at parties, still feels weird for me cause I am so not used to it. Though I'm able to laugh more about their tipsy behaviors than when it comes to my bf. For me a night with my friends is usually a meal with them first, then we talk, watch a movie, play cards or have an activity planned but the get together they usually have my bf and them is just beer, cigarettes and music so I don't really know how to not feel a bit bored or out of it...I guess the more I will know them the more I'll feel comfortable. I'm assuming you're a Christian. If that's the case then your first problem is not your boyfriend's drinking and getting drunk, but rather your dating a man who is an unbeliever. You are what the Bible calls 'unequally yolked'. This is not a spiritually healthy thing for you. I know this is a difficult and perhaps hurtful thing to hear, but the best thing for you would be to end the relationship with this man. Your basis for this is the fact that you are indeed unequally yolked. Maybe this doesn't seem like a big deal in your mind, especially since Christians dating non-Christians is so...rampant these days, but it's a big deal to God. I feel an uneasiness after reading your posts. I just do. I honestly sense disaster with the relationship. ...Is your boyfriend this awful person? I wouldn't know. For all I do know he's the kindest person in world. This is irrelevant however. Your feeling of awkwardness and not fitting in, that uncomfortable sensation you experience is not just random, and it certainly should not be brushed off. Those are the feelings your experiencing due to your being unequally yolked. That's why things are not seeming to 'gel' between y'all. And have you considered the fact that perhaps your boyfriend could be developing a drinking problem? You seem to think yourself that drinking/getting drunk tends to help him loosen up and be more open, suggesting that he's probably an insecure person (or maybe he is just introverted as you say - I understand this all too well). So, if indeed he is insecure...handling one's insecurity with alcohol will only make things far worse. You become dependent on it. ...Alcoholism runs on both sides of my family, and for several generations, too. I know how it destroys, I've witnessed it. My own father used to be an alcoholic before he came to know Christ as his savior. So I greatly caution you about choosing someone who is a drinker. Look. I don't even know how old you both are, or even if this is y'all's first relationship. From one believer to another, I simply suggest that you examine yourself, your relationship with Christ, and seek Him about what you should do, though...I think it's fairly clear what it is you need to do. Please reconsider this relationship. ...I'm sorry if this comes off as unfeeling. I don't want it to be. But I speak what I believe is the truth, and the truth isn't always easy to hear. Edited February 9, 2014 by Шарон Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anthonyjmcgirr Posted February 9, 2014 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 14 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 194 Content Per Day: 0.05 Reputation: 37 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/31/2014 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/27/1984 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Yeah I didn't catch the post about him not being a Christian. ^Listen to her on this...she's incredibly wise. Being a faithful man is number one priority. And the fact that he's really living in the world and you have a problem with that is exactly why the bible says not to date unbelievers. It will be hurtful, but it's best to end it now before it gets worse and more out of hand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r3alchild Posted February 9, 2014 Group: Removed from Forums for Breaking Terms of Service Followers: 0 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 33 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 2 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/07/2014 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/03/1973 Share Posted February 9, 2014 (edited) Hello, I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years but yesterday night was the first time I have even seen him drunk...He isn't extreme or anything but it truly disturbed me to see him drunk... I have been brought up in a family that doesn't drink or smoke and I don't either. I don't really get why people are attracted to alcohol. It never really interested me ever so it's really hard for me to be objective and let go of the fact that people take pleasure in drinking. So last night we went to his friends place, they all drank and I was the only one who didn't, so obviously I felt a bit uncomfortable. When people consume they get tipsy and change their personality a bit and everything might seem funnier or things like that but for me it was really hard to get into it as I couldn't relate at all to how they were feeling. I really felt alone. I kind of feel bad to feel that way, I want my bf to have a nice time and don't be worried about me but I can't deny the way I feel either... It was also really disturbing to see him change, he is usually more of an introvert and it was strange to see him dance and sing, he usually always just feel self conscious about ever getting himself out there so it felt like I was seeing a totally different person and also made me wonder why he didn't feel that safe with me to be able to do it without being drunk...Also a big thing was the way his eyes changed, you know like he wasn't really looking at me but past me... I'm just trying to figure out why I feel this way and if any of you ever been in that situation. And what advice could you give me. I feel a bit like a control freak...help me!! I love him so much and I want to accept that that's who he is too...... Hmmm if you want my advice dont run, the person who has your answer is him, only he can tell you what motivated his drinking. But this depends on if he is itellectually honest about his behavour. It very scary to confront peoples silly behavour but the sooner you do it the quicker you can know the whys and howcomes. Edited February 9, 2014 by r3alchild Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedoy Posted February 10, 2014 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 22 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 4 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/19/2013 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/07/1973 Share Posted February 10, 2014 I had a problem with alcohol until God told me to stop. I was hiding from God in the bottle. I had such thurst for personal connection to God that it hurt! I was just drowning out that pain. Now that I do not hide from God I emrace that thurst and pain. God did not need my pain, I did! This pain is refining me, my nature on the inside. I became more peaceful, kind, loving.... the way God wants me to be! Just like refining oil. Heat and pressure makes good stuff go up and bad stuff fall down. I needed that much pain because I had so much off that bad stuff in me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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