Cog Posted December 5, 2014 Group: Seeker Followers: 0 Topic Count: 8 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 143 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 32 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/09/2014 Status: Offline Share Posted December 5, 2014 (edited) LadyC, If it helps, think of Jesus and the Bride/Church relationship. The bride is the house/temple made from the body/sacrifice of the bridegroom, and maintained/micromanaged by the bride herself. We the Bride/Church are to look after the house and each other within it byway of fellowship. If the house becomes corrupted, the groom remakes a house from the finest material of the old house, which is, basically, a new spiritual outlook -- a new spiritual body, but he doesn't mess around in being the comforter - that is the role of the Spirit, which should be equated as the spiritual advice from the husband. Men definitely should lend spiritual support, and personally, I think that should be enough, like Jesus to the Church/Bride, but emotinal, as in the way we're actually talking about it -- she feels like she is not getting enough attention -- I think falls on the bride's/fellowships role/nurtures role. Look at how Job's friend's consoled him -- they sat in silence with him. Anyways... maybe I am wrong, but that is my point of view. Edited December 5, 2014 by Cog Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LadyC Posted December 5, 2014 Share Posted December 5, 2014 i don't think this is really the place to debate it cog. but seriously, men should look at Christ as the model of how they should treat their families. and Christ doesn't call it quits at 5 pm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prodigalson123 Posted December 5, 2014 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 22 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 232 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 24 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/16/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 01/22/1965 Share Posted December 5, 2014 Hi there. I was in your husbands position not long ago. I can tell you that prayer is what is needed, as God is the only one who can (and will) change his heart. I was a believer for 11 years before my wife came to the faith, but I was selfish and self serving. I treated her horribly. I acted like she was my property, but Ephesians 4:30 changed my heart Keep praying that God will impact Him. The lesson might not be exclusively for him, but rather God wants you to get so close to Him, that your husband has to fight through the glory of our LORD to get to you. I'll keep praying for you 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted,forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbrown2013 Posted December 5, 2014 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 12 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/03/2014 Status: Offline Author Share Posted December 5, 2014 Lady c...I so appreciate your response as it was much less emotionally charged than the one I originally wanted to write. Cog, My initial reaction was to defend myself by laying out the ways my husband has sinned against me. I won't fall into that though. I can only assure you that I am seeking biblical advice for more than just feeling "unloved" or unappreciated or not getting attention. I can do a marriage like that and did for years. I am really not one to nag. I am one to get frustrated when my husband is pouting or frustrated that he is the way he is without any efforts to change that. I also disagree on the role of the father. Jesus didn't simply teach and die. He LOVED. and our earthly fathers should be a sliver of the image of our heavenly father. I also believe as a parent that we teach in the teachable moments like Jesus did and that would require us being in our kids lives actively. If you tinker in the garage and wait for your child to approach you for advice...they might not give a rip about your advice because they don't know you care about them or what's beat for them. I never sought my fathers advice. But he was there to give it when I didn't want to hear it because it was his job to teach me and love me and be an example of a godly man. Be an example of a selfless hardworking man. The bible does not excuse laziness. It does not excuse being too busy for God. We see Jesus up at the crack of dawn and praying through the night frequently. He made his relationship with god first. And ultimately that's all I'm wanting for him and for my kids. Parenting is a scary responsibility because we will be held accountable for the lessons we teach our kids. I dont want my son to learn a temper or learn that he is an annoyance with the things he tells his dad. Or my daughter to learn that she has to bug her dad if she wants attention. She needs to Learn that she should be actively pursued the way Christ pursues us. No one should wonder if their dad loves them. And I personally don't think I should have to tip toe around asking him to fulfill responsibilities like shoveling the driveway when I was pregnant. I have never asked him to be homemaker. I count myself lucky when he helps me with dishes so I can tend to the kids after dinner. But I think his role as dad and husband is far more important than a dish scrubbed and a paycheck. When I was a single mom and did get assistance that was only a dish scrubbed. Why would I marry if it was to get financial help from a person instead of the government and nothing else? For the counsel you say men are for May be,,,but if you read my posts he isn't offering counsel or leadi g our home or actively seeking God eight now which is why I am concerned for him and my family. And we do not receive financial assistance. In a commission job, if one paycheck,is $1.00 over the qualifying income for assistance, you do not qualify. So while 11 months out of the year we qualify, his high sales month in retail...usually December...puts us over that limit. He has not hit 60% of his sales goals for a couple months now and without hitting 60%, he gets no commission. Back to $10 an hour to support 4. I have never been mad or nagged when he tells me he didn't hit goal. I know he is upset with himself enough as it is. But he also sees the fear in my eyes while I try to make our budget work for the month...usually pulling from a savings I established before We married. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbrown2013 Posted December 5, 2014 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 12 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/03/2014 Status: Offline Author Share Posted December 5, 2014 The way I FEEL right now is that I am no different now than I was as a single mom except I am taking care of more people... And I am working on changing this mindset to see my OPPORTUNITIES in caring for more people, but I fight resenting a husband that won't lead us or stand by my side in life. I am here because I want to seek God's will for my family but feel that my partner is holding me back instead of being equally yoked and seeking the kingdom with me. I have enjoyed reading each encouraging and challenging response. I have faith that God is growing me, and that He will take care of us. I just want better for us. I don't know if that's right or wrong but it feels like it's right when I see what power we could have for God's kingdom if we were healthier happier and cared for as a family. We could change peoples lives. I want my ceiling in life to be the floor my kids stand on. And I want to serve God alongside my husband rather than listen to him complain about the life he has, feel that I'm not enough for him...and try to serve God with a heavy, guilty, and broken heart. I will be praying for him continuously and I appreciate the testimony of each of you. I am committed to my own change like lady C...so admirable what you did. I plan to try my own "fast" in saying anything other than encouragement although it's not lent ;-) And I love the words used by prodigalson...so I pray I would be so wrapped up in the glory of the Lord he has to fight through it to get to me. Its weird but after something he once told a counselor, I feel like I need to show more flaws. I don't mean to sound egotistical at all because I know just how flawed I am...but My husband told our counselor that the things that drew him to me are what now drive him away...he said I am so independent and smart and loving and dedicated as a mom. He said that in marriage, it makes him feel small because he stands in my shadow and thinks I don't need him... I never thought those compliments could sting so bad. Maybe if I could change how he feels about that...he would feel needed and step into his man of the house shoes. I would love any advice to that also. Thanks to ALL who have taken time to advise: bopeep, butero, fresnojoe, cog, ladyc, prodigalson... It means a lot to me that you are concerned for our situation. And cog, I hope you don't feel any negativity for my disagreement, it is enlightening to hear from the other point of view. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbrown2013 Posted December 5, 2014 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 12 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/03/2014 Status: Offline Author Share Posted December 5, 2014 Just a quick update: text convo just now is answered prayer: Him: Pray for me. Everyone but me has a tv, all walk ups, easy sales. And I have had billing issues all morning, just trying to remain positve Me:Praying now. God provides...which should take the pressure off of you, just work as if you are working for the lord, and he will honor that. Thanks for your hard work and allowing me to be home with the kids. Him:I miss u guys, I don't see or spend time with u or our kids enough. Darn retail. Me:I know. We miss u too. :-( Him: Realized I hadn't seen Averly or Aiden for like 2 days. God is good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LadyC Posted December 5, 2014 Share Posted December 5, 2014 the text messages do seem to be an indication that God is working on his heart always remember, God does His best work when we get out of His way and quit trying to do it for Him. by the way, the part about you showing more faults... it sounds like your husband has or had you up on a pedestal. that could be a big source of the problem, because he'd always feel beneath you. that's not your fault, by the way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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