Guest LadyC Posted December 5, 2014 Share Posted December 5, 2014 (edited) i want to say first that i LOVE my mother. seriously. love her! and i'm very happy that she lives with me and my husband. he loves having her here, too, and neither of us would want her anywhere else. we have a lot of fun with her. she's got such a great sense of humor! one of the funniest things is to watch an 89 year old woman nail her son-in-law with a rubber band that she shoots over her shoulder without even looking to see where she is aiming. that being said, it's stressful. she wants me to help her keep everything straight that a doctor tells her, but then she argues with me about what the doctor actually said. (read the greyed out part if you want the details, or skip to the next paragraph). for instance, yesterday. the doctor wanted to schedule her for another bone density scan. i informed him that every year she does one, but after the first dose or two of medication she refuses to continue treatment. she's tried everything that has been available up until the time of her last one last year. so the doctor said there is no point in doing a bone scan if she's not going to take the medicine, so he didn't order one. well, all yesterday evening and this morning mom was insisting that she is supposed to get one, that both her regular doctor (yesterday was the PA) and her cardiologist want her to have it done even if she doesn't want to take medicine for it. she even brought me her paperwork from last year, which stated that her risk outlook for the next ten years is "N/A". she insisted that means she is at high risk for the next ten years. ??? and other things too. like today while she was getting bloodwork, i read an interview with actress angie harmon. i had no idea what a tremendous woman of faith she is! so i was telling mom how uplifting the interview was, and was telling her about it, when mom zeroed in on something i said and things went south. it was regarding why the actress had moved her family to NC, and i said i could so relate because "when my daughter was six"... and that's what mom zeroed in on. suddenly we were no longer talking about this inspiring woman who is dedicated to God, and she was off on a tangent about how i had once thought it was so funny that my first husband exposed himself accidentally to my then-2-year-old that i had to bring mom over to show her. WHAT????? i have no earthly idea what she was talking about. if something like that had happened, i would never have thought it as funny, and i darn sure wouldn't have brought my mother over to show her! i became so upset that i started crying. then mom apologized and wanted me to go back to the story i was telling, but by that point i was too upset to even have any desire to share the testimony of some actress. i love my mother. i don't want her to ever die! she has two remaining siblings, both older than her... my oldest aunt turns 101 two days before christmas. i want my mom to live that long too! but at the same time, i get so exasperated that i find myself getting short tempered and speaking harshly at times, and i know that must really hurt mom's feelings. and then she feels like she's a burden on me, and an interference in my marriage... neither of which are true, but i feel that my frustration is what has convinced her that it is. i really just need someone to lift me up in prayer... and my mom. (edited to give an abbreviated version for those not wanting to get bogged down in details.) Edited December 5, 2014 by LadyC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ncn Posted December 5, 2014 Group: Graduated to Heaven Followers: 6 Topic Count: 406 Topics Per Day: 0.09 Content Count: 5,248 Content Per Day: 1.13 Reputation: 1,337 Days Won: 67 Joined: 08/07/2011 Status: Offline Share Posted December 5, 2014 You and your mother are both Blessed and that is with capital B! Praying for you both. ( Oh and you are Blessed you don't have me staying at your house , just ask anyone who knows Carol my nurse,,,,,,,you think you have problems. ) PS. Know what, I think you have more good advice to offer than a lot of people, so just take a deep breath and keep your head up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan Posted December 5, 2014 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 22 Topic Count: 32 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,849 Content Per Day: 0.47 Reputation: 2,013 Days Won: 24 Joined: 07/08/2013 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/15/1996 Share Posted December 5, 2014 Praying for y'all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LadyC Posted December 5, 2014 Share Posted December 5, 2014 thanks ya'll Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ncn Posted December 5, 2014 Group: Graduated to Heaven Followers: 6 Topic Count: 406 Topics Per Day: 0.09 Content Count: 5,248 Content Per Day: 1.13 Reputation: 1,337 Days Won: 67 Joined: 08/07/2011 Status: Offline Share Posted December 5, 2014 thanks ya'll You don't need to thank us , its good to share and have a moment to try and uplift one another. That's what fellowship is about , what a family is about. If we lent each other an ear more often we would be so much more Blessed. We all learn from listening and caring for each other. God Bless you Lady. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blue gem Posted December 5, 2014 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 18 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 195 Content Per Day: 0.06 Reputation: 41 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/31/2014 Status: Offline Share Posted December 5, 2014 Hi LadyC I knew exactly where you are coming from. I am a carer for an elderly aunt and also work 4 days a week. I did work 5 days a week until April this year when it all got too much and so I have had to lose a days pay and reduce my working week for my own sanity, otherwise I think the men in the white coats would have come looking for me! When I am not at work, my home life is completely taken up with looking after my Aunt's well being. I love her and want the best for her, but it is hard work to care for someone who wont listen to medical advice and wont accept help from anyone else. She also has a habit of turning conversations around in all manner of directions and I know how unpleasant it can be. I think sometimes people need to feel that they have some control over their situation, at least that's what I think it is with my Aunt. Unpleasant words and twisted meanings can be deeply upsetting and it use to really get to me. But now I just try to brush it to one side and change the subject. I try to see things from my Aunts perspective, she was once a totally independent woman who raised a family on her own and now she is completely dependent on me so she must find it hard too. I just prayer for her and for me! that God will help us both to cope better with things. I'm glad that I have this opportunity to take care of her and I would not have it any other way. At times when I need to let off a bit a steam I just have a rant at God, then when I have got it all out I say sorry! I also have a friend in a similar position although she also has other family members to help out. But we get together at times and let of a bit a steam with each other. Praying for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LadyC Posted December 6, 2014 Share Posted December 6, 2014 it's nice to know i'm not alone! blue gem, my 101 year old aunt is in a nursing home just down the street, so we go every day to see her if we can. one of my other cousins sent me a pre-paid card for the purpose of buying her lunch once a week... with the instructions that i am to use it to buy mine and moms and whoever else is with us too. well my aunt has this absolutely wonderful roommate who is paralyzed on one side and completely bed-bound. so this week i bought enchiladas from a mexican restaurant and took it up there for me, mom, my aunt and her roommate. my aunt got confused and told me to tell my husband thank you for the food. i told her (not for the first time) that it was another cousin who treated us... my aunt was like 'how does she do that?" and we explained that the cousin had mailed me a pre-paid card for this purpose. today my aunt was very upset. she couldn't understand why the cousin had sent her a pre-paid card, but i wouldn't give it to her and i was using it to buy lunch for people other than just her. i wasn't there, but my mom told me about it later. she said she thinks she finally got my aunt to understand, but i suspect she's still upset that i'm buying lunch for her roommate. i think she'd be ok with me using it to buy lunch for me and mom to have with her. but sometimes i just feel like i can't win! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blue gem Posted December 6, 2014 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 18 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 195 Content Per Day: 0.06 Reputation: 41 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/31/2014 Status: Offline Share Posted December 6, 2014 Oh I know just what you mean…I really do…. I gave up ages ago even trying to contemplate winning any debate with my aunt. Now I'm at the point where I don't even try anymore. It kind of amazes me that she gets a bit forgetful with day to day things and sometimes mixes up her words, but when she is trying to put her point of view across forcefully then she never gets her words mixed up or forgets! I do think there is a spiritual element also, at least I believe there is in my Aunts case. She is a christian but says she finds it hard to understand the bible and also that the print is too small, even though I bought her a large print bible. But yet she reads newspapers and takes in all the awful things that are going on in the world. She finds it hard to remember nice things, but never has any difficulties remembering the not so nice stuff. She forgets all the things I do for her, but will notice a bit of fluff on the carpet and go on about it for days after! Not that I want her to feel indebted to me, I don't. I am sure there is a spiritual element there and I prayer for her, for protection and that God will take care of her and watch over her. I prayer that he will open her mind to be receptive to spiritual matters and increase her faith. All I can do is be there for her and let God do the rest. Bless you LadyC, I'm sure God sees all of your efforts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thehopefulcry2 Posted December 6, 2014 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 24 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 90 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 27 Days Won: 3 Joined: 08/16/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/02/1984 Share Posted December 6, 2014 I am a care giver of my mother and father (my brother and I live at their home to care for them health wise and financially) Being a primary care giver is HARD. My mother refuses to go to the doctor, even though she needs too badly, and my dad is a bit of a hypochondriac. I have no power over either of them really...so i am always frustrated. Make sure you are taking breaks for yourself, even if it is 10 minutes in your car. Caregivers often times don't get respit or take time to breath. I know when my mom starts to bother me, I get snappy and harsh too. Then I have to make myself take a breather to get my mind/attitude right. Keep in mind you are only human...humans get tired. Seek God fully in those moments. Good luck, and I have asked Jesus go make it easier on you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LadyC Posted December 6, 2014 Share Posted December 6, 2014 i think we need to form a support network. looks like i'm in good company! thanks for the encouragement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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