Catsmeow Posted January 20, 2016 Group: Royal Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 439 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 7,315 Content Per Day: 0.93 Reputation: 356 Days Won: 0 Joined: 11/21/2002 Status: Offline Share Posted January 20, 2016 When I lost my soul mate my world came crashing down. For personal reasons I lost my faith in the Church, other believers and the world. I became cynical. Just like Sting says in a song, "You could say I lost my faith in the holy church; you could say I lost my faith in politicians; they all sound like game show hosts to me.." I was incredulous that I had no support from the church. I looked for a safety net that wasn't there. I sank into the mire of despair and became dangerously suicidal. I was in pain I couldn't talk to anyone, especially the christian community. I became estranged and fearful. I didn't fit in anywhere. I was a lost person in a lost world (in spite of my salvation). Going Nuclear; Going Prodigal: So great was the pain, I turned to the only thing that I could relate to: war movies. The blood and carnage, along with the language was comforting to me. I bathed in the violence. I soaked into the madness of war. I felt the anger, rage and hostility. I didn't consciously realize I'd gone "nuclear" or "prodigal." I was p*****-off at world. I didn't care about anyone or anything. I missed my mate; I missed his presence; I missed sex and I was frustrated. There wasn't a single believer I could talk to - especially about that. (Comon' man, talking to believers about certain topics are taboo.) I began to delve deeper into darkness. When a person is in intense pain and there's no outlet, you find yourself thinking and talking like other hurting people. No protocols, no promises, no strings, no taboos - just free-falling into darkness. That's where I ended up: in darkness. It's an emotional purgatory. My only friend: When there was nobody else I could talk to I realized He was the only real friend I had. No matter how deep in **** I was in - there was nothing I could do to drive Him away. If God is anything, He's persistent. He will leave the 99 and go after the one who's wandered off. He never ran out but was there waiting for me. I went to the very depths of darkness in the theater of the mind. Whatever haunts you in secret places - I've probably been there. I was in hell -hell on earth. It's not a "nice" place to be. There's shame and humiliation. I understand how my Friend saw people in crisis. He wanted to use people like me who'd show patience and gentleness with the "outcasts" (societal lepers.) I've already seen the fruit of this special assignment working with the "hard cases." Jesus is a gentleman - He doesn't force Himself on people. He's a perfect Gentleman. Some people are cast off as too hard to win. I can promise you this: they're not. Is there anything too hard for God? God doesn't need me to sell Himself. He does all the heavy liftiing. I'm just a good soldier: I take orders and do what I'm told by my CO, (commanding officer). The Prodigal: The prodigal comes home when the Father summons him. Unlike a human father, God -the Father, is omniscient. He knows everything and He also knows when it's time to summon His son/daughter home. He knows when we need shore leave. He knows when we've been properly prepared to go on assignment. He also knows when it's time to say, "You can go this far no farther." That's divine providence. He'll let us sink but there's a limit to how far He'll let us fall. Only He knows these parameters. We may fall till there's nowhere left to look up up. That's what happened to me. If you're a prodigal and afraid people might see in you in filthy garments, just ask me. I'm an open book. If you're a prodigal, you're not alone. - I'm the one, the only, the alpha queen (and drama queen) of felines - Catsmeow Catsmeow80922@gmail.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FreeinChrist Posted January 20, 2016 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 192 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 1,393 Content Per Day: 0.35 Reputation: 635 Days Won: 4 Joined: 06/29/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted January 20, 2016 Amen thanks for sharing. I really admire your honestly, and more importantily gratitude to our Faithful God. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catsmeow Posted January 21, 2016 Group: Royal Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 439 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 7,315 Content Per Day: 0.93 Reputation: 356 Days Won: 0 Joined: 11/21/2002 Status: Offline Author Share Posted January 21, 2016 19 hours ago, FreeinChrist said: Amen thanks for sharing. I really admire your honestly, and more importantily gratitude to our Faithful God. Laughing (out loud). Seriously - you're the only one. Trust me, being honest about one's weakness and vulnerability isn't politically correct. I put my head in the hangman's noose when I do. Thanks, though...I appreciate it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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