Guest blkdejavu06 Posted February 15, 2005 Share Posted February 15, 2005 Hello everyone and God bless. I am need of some Godly advice or direction. Yesterday my wife came home and did not have a card, gift, or anything for me. Usually, she has a card or something. But, this time nothing. But, what she did do is walk in with a card from a male co-worker with the words "To my wife" written on the card. She places the card on the entertainment stand and walks out of the den. I was furious! I allowed the flesh to rise up and I did not give her her gift. I feel like this is the ultimate disrespect. I have dealt with this crap for a long time. IN the past, this "friend" has sent her white roses to show her how much he appreciates her friendship. And, they have gone to a concert in another city together before (since we have been married). Now, there is only so much I can take. We are seeing a christian marriage counselor and it is helping somewhat. I am seeking God's face in this matter and but there appears to be no end in sight. I know I may sound like a fool to some but I don't know what to do. The honeymoon is over and if our marriage continues to go in this direction, the marriage is over as well. If there is any man, or woman, that can help me please respond. I am open to honesty and truth. Don't hesitate to share your feelings, even if they are harsh. Thanks SDD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 4given4ever Posted February 15, 2005 Share Posted February 15, 2005 Hello everyone and God bless. I am need of some Godly advice or direction. Yesterday my wife came home and did not have a card, gift, or anything for me. Usually, she has a card or something. But, this time nothing. But, what she did do is walk in with a card from a male co-worker with the words "To my wife" written on the card. She places the card on the entertainment stand and walks out of the den. I was furious! I allowed the flesh to rise up and I did not give her her gift. I feel like this is the ultimate disrespect. I have dealt with this crap for a long time. IN the past, this "friend" has sent her white roses to show her how much he appreciates her friendship. And, they have gone to a concert in another city together before (since we have been married). Now, there is only so much I can take. We are seeing a christian marriage counselor and it is helping somewhat. I am seeking God's face in this matter and but there appears to be no end in sight. I know I may sound like a fool to some but I don't know what to do. The honeymoon is over and if our marriage continues to go in this direction, the marriage is over as well. If there is any man, or woman, that can help me please respond. I am open to honesty and truth. Don't hesitate to share your feelings, even if they are harsh. Thanks SDD <{POST_SNAPBACK}> SDD: As a woman and a wife, I believe & pray that I may be able to help you and give you some spiritual & sound advice. First of all, your wife was extremely disrespectful and you need to establish boundaries in your marriage. I would never tolerate my husband doing that to me nor would he tolerate it from me. Secondly, I believe you should communicate and not leave all your feelings bottled in. That can hurt rather than help the situation. I have been married for almost 13 years and I can tell you that marriage is difficult but worth every single second, it is truly a blessing as well. One thing I can tell you is that if you are BOTH willing to try and work at anything in your marriage be it this situation or something else, this can be resolved. I do not know your situation but maybe your wife is doing it on purpose to get a rise out of you - maybe she's looking for some attention. (Although I do not condone or justify this behavior - just a thought). Sit down with her and let her express her feelings as well even if you are afraid of what you will hear. I will keep you both in my prayers but always remember that marriage takes lots of work on both parts but it's well worth it. In the love of Christ, MM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leonard Posted February 16, 2005 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 115 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 8,281 Content Per Day: 1.12 Reputation: 249 Days Won: 3 Joined: 03/03/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/30/1955 Share Posted February 16, 2005 Well, my first inclination would be to go to this male co-worker, and patiently and lovingly tell him that if he ever comes within 500 yards of my wife again, I'm going to gut him like field-dressed deer! Then I would file a law suit against him for Alienation of Affection ($1 million at least!!!) Then I would describe clearly your wife's behavior to this Christian Counselor. If he doesn't give some clear and definite behavioral guidelines to your Missus, I'd make sure we went to a REAL Christian Counselor who would, and if she violates it, I'd give her the boot. However, before anything else, I'd start a daily prayer and Bible time with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paperflowers Posted February 18, 2005 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 6 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 65 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/17/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 12/01/1965 Share Posted February 18, 2005 is YOUR WIFE in the room when these sessions are going on, or is she daydreaming about her plans with the other man? I suggest that you ask her purpose for the showing of the card shall we say. After her answer and listen for her reason, then you explain the situation to her. You are after all MARRIED. If God were to come down right now ask her if she thought God would tell her to pack her bags for the trip home with him. I don't think she would even make it in the cargo area. Now that I have got that out of the way.....on the next trip to the counselor bring this day up. I hope that it's soon and not next month sometime. In the meanwhile TALK TO GOD, REFRAIN FROM HITTING THIS WOMAN OR TELLING HER OFF AND MOST OF ALL REMAIN A MAN. Don't let the devil direct you in some way that your wife can use against you in divorce court. I will uplift you in prayer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicks Girl Posted February 21, 2005 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 30 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 669 Content Per Day: 0.09 Reputation: 7 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/26/2003 Status: Offline Birthday: 09/04/1986 Share Posted February 21, 2005 I think it is very disturbing that your wife would go to a concert or anywhere alone with another man, or except flowers, or cards from another man. I would never except that from another man, and I would tell this other man that I am married and do not want further advances from him. Even if I was unhappy in my marriage, I wouldn't allow this. My DH and I have had a few ups and downs. The honeymoon ends in EVERY marriage within time. Couples need to work through this together, but it sounds like your wife isn't committed to healing your relationship. Have you talked about this behavior with her, and your counselor? Don't accuse her of anything, but go to her in love, and tell her how you feel. If you have, then I don't know what else you can do, other than keep loving her, and praying for her. I'm sorry you're going through this, and hope things work out soon. Blessings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LoveJoyPeace Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 Hi, I am new to this forum and noticed your message caught my attention. I definitely agree that your wife's response and behavior is inappropriate. However, in a marriage were there is a break down of communication, trust and respect there are always deep rooted issues that need to be addressed and have been avoided for some time. Without knowing the dynamic of your relationship- it sounds to me that she is emotional hurt and has not received the Love of the Father. In otherwords, Hurting people - Hurt others! They don't understand how to love others. God is Love - and as we walk more like Jesus we have the ability through Him to Love others. If there has been unforgiveness regarding abuse or rejection in your wife past this will definitely result in "Bad Fruit". So what your seeing in her behavior is only a product of her Flesh not cruxified to Christ which opens doors to demonic influence. I would question whether she is born again and would suggest inner emotional healing in the areas of her life. Also, continue to interceed for her and with others you can trust. Jesus came to give her Life more Abudantly! Once she surrenders to Jesus,she will submit and respect to you. 2 Corinthians 10:4 - For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds. 5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every THOUGHT into captivity to the obedience of Christ. In addition, I pray that Jesus will give you the strength and peace to endure all circumstances and complete restoration in your marriage. Learn to love her even when it is difficult. God bless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Getting_Real Posted February 28, 2005 Share Posted February 28, 2005 Hi Others here have said some really great things, so I don't have much to add. The husband is commanded to love his wife and lay down his life for her. Not if she deserves it, and not only when he feels it (I'm not judging you - keep reading). The wife is commanded to RESPECT her husband - not only if he deserves it, and not only if she feels like it. The two must be present or neither will survive for long. Check out the messages (free) entitled 'Respect - a marriage essential' on this page. http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/focus_o...al/Archives.asp They really helped me to understand what went wrong in my last relationship. There was a complete lack of respect going on, and my feelings completely died - a kind of vicious cycle. Hope this helps - btw I'm not affliated with the site or anything - it's just something that has really helped me - realising that respect is a Biblical command just as loving is. GR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deez131 Posted February 28, 2005 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 164 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 3 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/05/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/05/1967 Share Posted February 28, 2005 Yikes! Sorry, but I have to agree.....what your wife is doing is completely inappropriate. Obviously, we don't have the story on your entire marriage, but I can tell you that what your wife is doing raises some red flags. If she's not willing to be honest with you, this can go on for years. I know you said you have a Christian counselor, but what about your pastor? I would hope that he would want to discuss these things with you and your wife. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Deut Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 Yes. Very inappropriate indeed. I would be very concerned about an affair. If not physical, then at the very least emotional. Here is a site that I go to. www.marriagebuilders.com I loved the advice about lovingly and patiently explaining to OM.... very cute. dewt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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