Mom345 Posted November 25, 2018 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 2 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 11/25/2018 Status: Offline Share Posted November 25, 2018 I have a 19-year-old son that was just accused of touching his younger cousin twice. This first happened four years ago when he was 15 and she was 12 and then again three years ago when he was 16 and she was 13. She says that he touched her underneath her clothes on the vagina while she was asleep and quickly moved his hand when she woke. She did not mention this to anyone for several years up until last week when she confided in my 16 year old daughter. She immediately called and told me. I know longer have communication with my 19-year-old son because he moved out and left to live with his father A little over a year ago after an argument over being grounded. My son has always been a great person has a beautiful heart just kind of quiet and kept to himself. These kids all grew up together since they were babies and spent almost every weekend together. I have told his father and his father refuses to speak to me about this he said that his son would never do such a thing and that she is dead to him as of now. I have since been spoken to his sisters 13 and 16 and they deny any inappropriate activity from him. I spoke with my mother and my sister who also have younger children and their children also deny any inappropriate activity as well. What do I do? Everyone is shocked but I feel he made a mistake but he’s not ruined for life and neither is she? Should I have told the family or was this just making it worse? Should I have just tried to handle this quietly or was I right to speak to my family and have them speak to their kids. Help Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr3032 Posted November 28, 2018 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 13 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 332 Content Per Day: 0.16 Reputation: 273 Days Won: 0 Joined: 06/23/2018 Status: Offline Share Posted November 28, 2018 Well, when someone is accused of something, it's only natural to try and find corroborating evidence. Perhaps it made things worse for him, but at the same time, the lack of accusation from any other family member calls her testimony into question. You do have people out there that do make false claims, but that is not the majority and i'd assume she has little to no reason to make such a heavy false claim... Against a family member, no less. Unless she just really doesn't like him, i'd likely buy into her story. At some point when we were younger, i'd especially think among young men, we grew curious about sex and we did strange things. Perhaps not to the point of touching our cousins inappropriately, but still, strange enough. The first time he did it, i'd maybe point at the curiosity of youth, but considering that he did it twice fizzles out that "just curious" angle. We all have darkness within us, and this darkness manifests itself differently across different people. Some of us get lost in drug use, some into watching illicit material, some can't seem to pry themselves away from the bottle, and others can't seem to extinguish the flames of their anger. Yet still others get so lost that they end up in the detestable territory, where even much of the wicked dare not walk. In most cases i've seen, the people who walk the line of "familial relations" do so because... It is taboo. It is wrong and that is why they do it. They think about how disgusted people would be, how much trouble would come from it, and they smile about it. They do this as a sort of self-harm. They really don't like themselves and so this hatred of the self manifests in the form of "familial relations". It is a weird way for it to form, I know, but it's a play on what I said in the last paragraph. The people wander out of a dissatisfaction with themselves, so the cause is the same, they just happen to walk into different areas. Some to the bottle... The odd few to their cousins. As for what to do, i'd certainly advise the young woman seek counsel. I doubt the young man would readily admit to doing it, so i'd instead sit him down privately and ask him about how he feels about himself. If he is truly unhappy with himself, then suggest he also seek counsel for that. After all, if you nip the cause in the bud, then he won't have cause nor need to wander. There are things after that which pertain to them either ignoring one another or patching things up, but that would really fall to the two of them. Beyond offering help, there's really not much one can do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GodPrincess Posted January 25, 2019 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 45 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 4 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/05/2017 Status: Offline Share Posted January 25, 2019 Hi, thanks for sharing. Your son is older now, try to see if he'll come clean about his actions. If he admits accountability, he should consult a professional about these impulses. As for your family, it's not your job to fix everybody and everything. That's God's job, not yours Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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