Dysfunctional families

[Guest]

Lonerandy

Perhaps you are right. I do not consciously mention my beliefs, in fact my brothers and i barely speak anyway. But when i hear through our mother that they are especially suffering illness or bad times, i have offered to pray. It is like banging your head against a stone wall. So i mainly keep away from them. 

Instead i pray for them daily privately. 

 

[Marathoner]

28 minutes ago, Melinda12 said:

Instead i pray for them daily privately. 

This is what I do, Melinda12. I've attempted to reconcile with my sisters of flesh and blood --- I have three --- and make peace with them, but the elder sisters will hear nothing of it. My younger sister, on the other hand, is inclined to stay in contact so we exchange pleasantries now and then. We were close and I was surprised to learn that she avoids our elder siblings, wanting to have nothing to do with them. 

My mother despised me and so my elder sisters followed suit. My father is a different story. The Lord performed a mighty work in him during my teen years and so he underwent the most remarkable change... he literally became a different man before my eyes. There was a time when my father was an exceedingly dangerous man. When he returned from Vietnam he was sullen and silent, given to outbursts of rage which he unleashed upon us as well as other men. He would beat other men until they begged for mercy. 

Things came to a head when he burst into my bedroom one day, rage burning in his eyes. He was going to "take care of me" and so I welcomed this with open arms. "Kill me, dad," I said to my father. "Kill me because I can't bear another day in this hell. Please kill me because I can't do it myself. Do it for me!" 

The rage vanished from his eyes, replaced by horror and then sorrow. He fled from my room, isolating himself for several days. He wouldn't come out of his office (he locked the door)... refused food... and there were times when I heard my father weeping. 

When he emerged at last, my father was a different man. He came to me in tearful repentance, confessing his sins and promising to be the father that we needed. My father was true to his word until the day he passed from this world.  

He never rejected me when I cast everything aside to follow Jesus Christ. Years later, my father said he was proud of me for doing what he never did.  

[Guest]

15 hours ago, Marathoner said:

This is what I do, Melinda12. I've attempted to reconcile with my sisters of flesh and blood --- I have three --- and make peace with them, but the elder sisters will hear nothing of it. My younger sister, on the other hand, is inclined to stay in contact so we exchange pleasantries now and then. We were close and I was surprised to learn that she avoids our elder siblings, wanting to have nothing to do with them. 

My mother despised me and so my elder sisters followed suit. My father is a different story. The Lord performed a mighty work in him during my teen years and so he underwent the most remarkable change... he literally became a different man before my eyes. There was a time when my father was an exceedingly dangerous man. When he returned from Vietnam he was sullen and silent, given to outbursts of rage which he unleashed upon us as well as other men. He would beat other men until they begged for mercy. 

Things came to a head when he burst into my bedroom one day, rage burning in his eyes. He was going to "take care of me" and so I welcomed this with open arms. "Kill me, dad," I said to my father. "Kill me because I can't bear another day in this hell. Please kill me because I can't do it myself. Do it for me!" 

The rage vanished from his eyes, replaced by horror and then sorrow. He fled from my room, isolating himself for several days. He wouldn't come out of his office (he locked the door)... refused food... and there were times when I heard my father weeping. 

When he emerged at last, my father was a different man. He came to me in tearful repentance, confessing his sins and promising to be the father that we needed. My father was true to his word until the day he passed from this world.  

He never rejected me when I cast everything aside to follow Jesus Christ. Years later, my father said he was proud of me for doing what he never did.  

That is the most wonderful story ever! Of repentance and new life. 

I too lived in a hellish home all my childhood. My father was defintely demon possessed. But i have reconciled with him in his old age - a wonderful miracle of the Holy Spirit. 

Edited September 30, 2020 by Melinda12

[Marathoner]

I've learned differently. I've met unbelievers who exemplified the love of Jesus Christ, looking after the needs of their neighbor without malice, paying no heed to the "worthiness" of their neighbor. I've known many believers who denounce their neighbor, withholding even the least thing from them because they don't approve of how their neighbor dresses... are offended because their neighbor speaks a language foreign to their ears... despise the land of their neighbor's birth... or because their neighbor is an unbeliever. These focus exclusively upon the sins of their neighbor confident in their vision when truly, they are blind. 

These are suspicious and untrusting, attributing evil to whomever they meet, secure in their purity and position to judge whomever they encounter. Behold the irony: these chastise their neighbor as children of the devil, claiming that the actions of their neighbor are in service to the evil one; yet by their own conduct prove themselves to be servants of the ruler of this world. We may judge a tree by its fruit. 

The apostle exhorts us to examine ourselves.

Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates? (2 Corinthians 13:5)

 

 

[JohnR7]

On 9/27/2020 at 2:39 AM, Melinda12 said:

. 

Is it ok to pray for people you do not like and yet ask God to keep them away from you? It really bothers me. 

God has a plan to take them from where they are at to where He wants them to be. He is speaking to them. You need to speak the words God gives you to tell them so you are in agreement with what they already know to be true. 

[JohnR7]

1 hour ago, Marathoner said:

I've met unbelievers who exemplified the love of Jesus Christ, looking after the needs of their neighbor without malice, paying no heed to the "worthiness" of their neighbor.

This is why we are a restraining force. A light onto the world. 

"For it is not the hearers of the law who are righteous before God, but it is the doers of the law who will be declared righteous. Indeed, when Gentiles, who do not have the law, do by nature what the law requires, they are a law to themselves, even though they do not have the law. So they show that the work of the law is written on their hearts, their consciences also bearing witness, and their thoughts either accusing or defending them" (Romans 2:14,15)

[JohnR7]

7 hours ago, Traveler said:

There is a reason for this, those kids are targeted by Satan the most so as to ruin the testimony of the servants of Christ.

The family has to fight for the whole church. My father was a doctor and people do not realize how much pressure that puts on the whole family. Not just the person doing the work. 

[Marathoner]

7 minutes ago, Josheb said:

They were not exemplifying the love of Christ. They may have been performing good or moral acts but that does not make their actions "the love of Christ." You'd have to have Christ to show his love. Those are facsimiles. All humans, every human, has with in him/her the ability to do both good and bad, to act morally or immorally. That is not divine. A moral act done in the flesh has no eternal significance and it most definitely is not soteriologically meritorious. To act like Jesus is not the same as Jesus acting in and through person. 

So, no, you haven't actually met unbelievers who exemplified the love of Christ. You have not learned differently. They may have imitated Christ's example in their flesh but that is not the same thing. 

Thank you for sharing, my friend. 

[Marathoner]

59 minutes ago, JohnR7 said:

"For it is not the hearers of the law who are righteous before God, but it is the doers of the law who will be declared righteous. Indeed, when Gentiles, who do not have the law, do by nature what the law requires, they are a law to themselves, even though they do not have the law. So they show that the work of the law is written on their hearts, their consciences also bearing witness, and their thoughts either accusing or defending them" (Romans 2:14,15)

Indeed. There are examples of this very thing in the Gospels:

• The Centurion from Matthew 8
• The Canaanite woman from Matthew 15
• The Samaritan woman from John 4

Cornelius from Acts 10:31 is an illustration of what I shared earlier: unbelievers obeying the law without realizing they are doing so.

The religion of many, not being pure and undefiled (James 1:27) blinds them: yet they believe that they see. They judge that which they don't understand from ignorance, believing they possess the mind of Christ. Yet the fruit they produce proves otherwise.

Edited September 30, 2020 by Marathoner

[Unit 11]

On 9/27/2020 at 2:39 AM, Melinda12 said:

Mine is. My brothers are stone hearted atheists. I cannot bear their company and we generally find life a lot easier to keep well away from each other. They pour scorn on me being a Christian and treat me as if i am simple in the head

I know i must pray for them. I do, daily. A few times i tried to tell them but am always met with a brick wall. I always feel derailed and awful inside after any contact with them. The only thing that connects us is that we have to cooperate in order to take care of our elderly ailing parents. When they are gone i look forward to never seeing my brothers again. Sadly. I have tried but accept failure. We truly cannot get on and have nothing else in common. 

Is it ok to pray for people you do not like and yet ask God to keep them away from you? It really bothers me. 

 

I have an older brother who tormented me growing up, criticizing my every move, comparing me unfavorably with himself and his friends. They were OK, I wasn't. "Uncool," "uncoordinated," "deserve to be horsewhipped," "will never have a girlfriend," etc. etc. And this continued into our adulthood. I could never visit him without him tearing into me about something out of the clear blue sky, so I was like "What? Huh?" Every visit he would start a fight about something, accuse me of something--always, the accusations. No one else ever did this, just him.

Strangely, he would call me up on the holidays and almost beg me to visit, invoking Family and so on. I finally begged out, ended up relocating across the country, and haven't seen him in years. It's a relief. 

From my own experience, I would tell you two things. One, you are under no obligation to put up with anyone who abuses you. I don't believe your Creator expects you to keep going back to them, lying down and letting them trample on you. Turning the other cheek doesn't mean having to go back to people who you know are gonna slap you.

One thing I wish I'd thought to tell my brother back then, when he talked about how I needed to be with his family who were my "blood kin," is: "If a visit without a verbal assault is too much to ask, then me associating with your family is also too much to ask."

The second is something related by C.S. Lewis. You forgive someone--repeatedly if you gotta--by thinking, "I would that they were the way God wants them to be." Somehow that's always helped.

Our Creator does cause all things to work together for his people. That just came to mind.

Hope this helps!