Snow4JC Posted July 25, 2006 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 151 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 359 Content Per Day: 0.05 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/17/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 01/05/1946 Share Posted July 25, 2006 Pray for +Peace+ in the MidEast! re: Family That Forgets their Older Ones Yesterday, Sunday July 23,2006 I drove north to visit an elderly friend. She lives about 15 miles away. Virginia was sitting at her dinning table eating a snack. She was thinner then the last time I saw her. She still had her smile and laugh. I could tell she wasn't as energetic has in the pass. Virginia's is starting to prepare to leave this earth, whether she knows it or not, I think. I asked if her children had been by to say "HI" or help her with her yard. Her answer was a yes/no. A daughter in law popped into say hi and was gone in the wink of her eye. Her sons do the same thing to her. I happen to know her children. They would rather be out partying, then to spend an afternoon with her. It is unforunate because she is a lovely lady and Mom/Grand. Once she is gone there will be no more chances. Her one son Barney is married to Theresa. Theresa's mother is dying of cancer. She is living on a day to day bases. They will both loose a parent soon. I think it is a shame that they don't try to stay intouch. I will start to send her a card on a weekly bases. Just to say, HI!" Snow4JC p.s. My mother lives in Canada. We talk on the phone a couple times a month. I write her a letter every week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leonard Posted July 25, 2006 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 115 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 8,281 Content Per Day: 1.12 Reputation: 249 Days Won: 3 Joined: 03/03/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/30/1955 Share Posted July 25, 2006 I called my mom pretty much every day until the day she died. Even toward the last when she was in hospice care....even when she got incoherent, I called. And I know she always liked to hear from me. Even though abunch of her kids and grandkids came by VERY OFTEN to visit her, she still appreciated hearing from me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
billie Posted July 25, 2006 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 51 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 2,849 Content Per Day: 0.44 Reputation: 14 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/17/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/17/1979 Share Posted July 25, 2006 I was holding my father's hand when he died. What a blessing that was, that God allowed me to be there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest catscradle777 Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 May Our Father bless U----My Aunt and Uncle in Rock Island, Ill---Bake EVERY Wed.--- and take googies to the nursing home Every Thur.---with out fail----they are in there 80's. Some of them never get any other visit----only on Thursday---A hug -- a hand-shake-- a smile--I thank Our Father in Heaven--- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buckthesystem Posted July 25, 2006 Group: Royal Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 1,706 Topics Per Day: 0.26 Content Count: 3,386 Content Per Day: 0.51 Reputation: 3 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/12/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 12/10/1955 Share Posted July 25, 2006 I am not trying to say that there is any excuse at all not to visit our elderly relatives and appreciate them while they are here. And I am certainly not saying that "things are not always black and white" with people on this board and their relatives. But when I see someone not having a great deal to do with their elderly relatives I realise that there may be more to it than "meets the eye". Elderly parents can often "emotionally blackmail" their children into doing what they want, staying in town, or leaving it, working at a particular job or not taking a job that the parents might feel will "take the child too far away". One thing I have realised since my own kids have grown up is that children never "owe" their parents for giving birth to them and bringing them up and if you try and "emotionally manipulate" them you will only succeed in driving them away. More than 30 years ago now just after I first met my husband it was his 25th birthday, I came with him when he went to his parents' house to visit, the day before his birthday. I will always remember his mother' words to him: "so it's your birthday tomorrow then? Well just you remember that 25 years ago I was damn uncomfortable" (she was absolutely serious). I was horrified and whenever I have heard a mother try to hold her child responsible for (say) her stretchmarks, I cringe. Both his parents spent the last 30 years trying to manipulate him - an only child - (and as a result, our whole family) using "the will" as a carrot, or rather more a threat: "if you don't (do whatever) we will 'change the will'"! By now I have finally convinced him "you were never going to get anything out of 'the will' anyway" and his father is dead and his mother is 83 and living alone and none of us really want to see her. It is good to have a nice-natured, sweet elderly relative, but sometimes they are just not nice people to be around. I am now getting to the stage where I will might soon be in a position of "wanting family to visit and they never do", but I would far rather that they never come and visit than they do but resent it. As long as I know they are happy and I have done my best to ensure that, I will be happy. Jesus loves us unconditionally, so the least we can do is to love our children unconditionally as well. I also hope to leave my children whatever I have without putting conditions on it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snow4JC Posted July 26, 2006 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 151 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 359 Content Per Day: 0.05 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/17/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 01/05/1946 Author Share Posted July 26, 2006 I am not trying to say that there is any excuse at all not to visit our elderly relatives and appreciate them while they are here. And I am certainly not saying that "things are not always black and white" with people on this board and their relatives. But when I see someone not having a great deal to do with their elderly relatives I realise that there may be more to it than "meets the eye". Elderly parents can often "emotionally blackmail" their children into doing what they want, staying in town, or leaving it, working at a particular job or not taking a job that the parents might feel will "take the child too far away". One thing I have realised since my own kids have grown up is that children never "owe" their parents for giving birth to them and bringing them up and if you try and "emotionally manipulate" them you will only succeed in driving them away. More than 30 years ago now just after I first met my husband it was his 25th birthday, I came with him when he went to his parents' house to visit, the day before his birthday. I will always remember his mother' words to him: "so it's your birthday tomorrow then? Well just you remember that 25 years ago I was damn uncomfortable" (she was absolutely serious). I was horrified and whenever I have heard a mother try to hold her child responsible for (say) her stretchmarks, I cringe. Both his parents spent the last 30 years trying to manipulate him - an only child - (and as a result, our whole family) using "the will" as a carrot, or rather more a threat: "if you don't (do whatever) we will 'change the will'"! By now I have finally convinced him "you were never going to get anything out of 'the will' anyway" and his father is dead and his mother is 83 and living alone and none of us really want to see her. It is good to have a nice-natured, sweet elderly relative, but sometimes they are just not nice people to be around. I am now getting to the stage where I will might soon be in a position of "wanting family to visit and they never do", but I would far rather that they never come and visit than they do but resent it. As long as I know they are happy and I have done my best to ensure that, I will be happy. Jesus loves us unconditionally, so the least we can do is to love our children unconditionally as well. I also hope to leave my children whatever I have without putting conditions on it. I can see what it is you are saying, HOWEVER, I am referring to elderly people who know their deaths are closer too now. These people's children should be more intouch with their loved ones. For once they have passed on, they can visit the gravesite, yet their Mother's smile and laugh, they won't see nor hear. Snow4JC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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