bethshemaiah Posted November 4, 2006 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 6 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 150 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/17/2006 Status: Offline Share Posted November 4, 2006 Is it ok for a boyfriend and girlfriend to sleep in the same bed at night? Not having sex, but just sharing a bed. I've searched the internet for a while but I'm not able to find the answer. Well to look back at the Old Testament there was a betrothal time and the couple were courting in and amongst family they were not ever "really alone" together if I have my facts straight... you OT students help me out here, point is there is a reason for this just as today there is a reason that many feel "dating" is dangerous business too and encourage group activities instead. Ask yourself this are you giving the enemy a foothold here? God made us to have desire, we are made to be one flesh with one man or woman for life. I just find it hard to believe that that the two of you could maintain a safe relationship for very long with this type of arrangement. Sex before marriage isn't good for anyone... we need to learn to relate out of the bedroom so we are able to relate better in it later. It seems to me things are a bit of of order in this arrangement, if even dating alone is dangerous well this is REALLY dangerous. If you can do this and have no attraction to her, see a doctor!!!!!!!!!!! LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lovinghim4ever Posted November 4, 2006 Share Posted November 4, 2006 Sex before marriage isn't good for anyone... we need to learn to relate out of the bedroom so we are able to relate better in it later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sierra21 Posted November 7, 2006 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 160 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 2,000 Content Per Day: 0.31 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/07/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 01/30/1983 Share Posted November 7, 2006 When my brother and his wife first started dating they were working in the middle of nowhere- my brother lived in one town and she lived in another town about a half hour away. Now they lived a far way from my parents, but one day my dad decided to drive up to my brothers to spend the day with him- he left really early and got to his house at about 8 am. My brothers gf was at his house (in my bros pajamas ) and my dad absolutely flipped out. He left right away and couldnt even tell us what happened when he got back home because he was so angry. Now it turned out that she had in fact spent the night, and it was because they stayed up late watching movies and my brother didnt want her to drive all the way home since it was cold, dark, and icy. Now he still insists to this day that they didn't "do anything", although they did sleep in the same bed. BUt i don't think my dad ever respected him in the same way- even now after they're married if my brother jokes about it my dad still gets angry. The issue here is that even though my brothers intentions may have been innocent- my dad would never be able to understand that. What my brother should have done was just drive her home himself and everything would have been okay....but even he will admit that the idea of having her stay the night was a temptation he couldnt resist.... So even though it wasn't sex...it was a temptation. And this is exactly what the enemy wants us to do...because if you'll allow one temptation...its going to become easier for you to allow subsequent temptation... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Floatingaxe Posted November 7, 2006 Group: Royal Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 62 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 9,613 Content Per Day: 1.45 Reputation: 656 Days Won: 9 Joined: 03/11/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/31/1952 Share Posted November 7, 2006 When my brother and his wife first started dating they were working in the middle of nowhere- my brother lived in one town and she lived in another town about a half hour away. Now they lived a far way from my parents, but one day my dad decided to drive up to my brothers to spend the day with him- he left really early and got to his house at about 8 am. My brothers gf was at his house (in my bros pajamas ) and my dad absolutely flipped out. He left right away and couldnt even tell us what happened when he got back home because he was so angry. Now it turned out that she had in fact spent the night, and it was because they stayed up late watching movies and my brother didnt want her to drive all the way home since it was cold, dark, and icy. Now he still insists to this day that they didn't "do anything", although they did sleep in the same bed. BUt i don't think my dad ever respected him in the same way- even now after they're married if my brother jokes about it my dad still gets angry. The issue here is that even though my brothers intentions may have been innocent- my dad would never be able to understand that. What my brother should have done was just drive her home himself and everything would have been okay....but even he will admit that the idea of having her stay the night was a temptation he couldnt resist.... So even though it wasn't sex...it was a temptation. And this is exactly what the enemy wants us to do...because if you'll allow one temptation...its going to become easier for you to allow subsequent temptation... Excellent example! See also how the behaviour is unseemly? See also how it reveals the appearance of evil? See also, most importantly, how it becomes a stumbling block to someone else? In your dad's case, it served as an offense, which your dad carries perhaps to this day. That is something your brother needs to ask forgiveness for, as God takes that very seriously. Watch! When he does that, the Lord will bless him! As your father forgives his son for that offense, there will be healing and blessing released! God bless your family! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speckles Posted November 7, 2006 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 0 Topics Per Day: 0 Content Count: 217 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 2 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/18/2006 Status: Offline Share Posted November 7, 2006 Have we all lost our common sense? There are other places people can sleep besides in bed together, even if a perceived emergency prevented them from driving home or whatever. Anyone ever heard of a couch? Last dude I dated, I fell asleep while we were watching movies. I had been sick, taking decongestants and the like and tired all the time, so he didn't want to wake me and make me drive home. He also didn't want to wake my dad and have him get me. But at the same time, he had a roomie who could vouch that I slept on the couch, so he wasn't too worried about it. Nobody woke me, they covered me in a blanket and woke me in the morning. My bf slept in his own bed. He said he'd have taken the couch, but it would have meant waking me to get me to his bed, which would have then meant that I was awake, and with a little coffee, could have driven home. So he left me on the couch. And I was embarrassed when I woke up. Whatever happened to the idea of modesty? It's not just about not flashing your ... whatever, it's about conducting yourself in a non sexual way. i've had situations where I've had functions and the weather turned and members of the opposite sex had to stay over, but these were group things and EVERYONE (male and female) stayed not just one and nobody ever slept in my bed unless I gave it to them and I slept on the couch. At the very least someone could sleep on the floor, why do both people have to be in such an intimate position? This makes no sense and sounds to me like you're trying to justify something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyRaven Posted November 7, 2006 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 13 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 1,981 Content Per Day: 0.30 Reputation: 3 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/22/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 04/20/1964 Share Posted November 7, 2006 Thing is... If the person did not sin, they didn't sin. If they did they did. If they did not sin, they do not need to find justification for it. They know in their hearts what is right and they know they've followed it. If they sinned, they feel the need to justify it, but can't. they know in their hearts they sinned and it doesn't matter what we think. I really get annoyed by the whole mindset that we need to split hairs about behaviour in public like this. In a society where the right idea about sexuality pervaded there would be no need to ask this question because the man would have been a gentleman and slept elsewhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Floatingaxe Posted November 7, 2006 Group: Royal Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 62 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 9,613 Content Per Day: 1.45 Reputation: 656 Days Won: 9 Joined: 03/11/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/31/1952 Share Posted November 7, 2006 NOT avoiding the very appearance of evil is sinful, and so is causing one to stumble. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tah Posted November 7, 2006 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 105 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 3,131 Content Per Day: 0.45 Reputation: 126 Days Won: 1 Joined: 05/12/2005 Status: Offline Share Posted November 7, 2006 Where is that Scripture about thinking something in your heart??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Floatingaxe Posted November 7, 2006 Group: Royal Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 62 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 9,613 Content Per Day: 1.45 Reputation: 656 Days Won: 9 Joined: 03/11/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/31/1952 Share Posted November 7, 2006 1 John 3:15 Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him. Matthew 5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. There are more, I am sure, but the point is that sin is birthed in the heart and mind of man. Thinking it is as good as doing it. Not that we are held accountable for every stray thought, but when we actually entertain a thought, and not cast it out, we sin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyRaven Posted November 8, 2006 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 13 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 1,981 Content Per Day: 0.30 Reputation: 3 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/22/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 04/20/1964 Share Posted November 8, 2006 There is alot wrong with the situation. The man was not treating the woman with respect. If there was some "circumstance" which prevented her from being able to go home (or him) and it truly was unforseen (as opposed to put off until you find yourself in a situation you wouldn't have been in if you'd kept yourself thinking properly)...then he would respect her reputation enough to insist that he take the floor, preferably in another room. He would not expect or want her to be in this situation with him and would take every step he could to make it as "unintimate" as possible. If there was no circumstance like this...then it is obvious that he is not expecting to protect her reputation at all. This is not loving in the least and unforgivable behaviour. The woman was not expecting to be respected. For some reason she had no problem laying down beside a man she was not married to, knowing full well that if the information got out, everyone would assume she "did something" no matter how much she protested otherwise. Men would think "yeah, why else do you sleep beside a man you don't live with" and the like (men meaning humans not males). She did not refuse to do this, she did not sleep on the floor, she did not take the couch, or a chair....which, if he'd been a cad, she should have done. Once he offered his bed, the woman should have expected he be elsewhere and when it was not so, got up and been elsewhere herself. Neither of them were aware enough of their surroundings or their wakefulness enough to prevent the situation from happening. Yes, ice storms do come up unexpectedly and strand people, however, how often does that happen? Yet I read about it repeatedly. I'm pretty sure that if you'd paid attention to the news one of those people most likely would not have been stranded, they would have went home at an appropriate time. While I don't believe the "avoid the appearance of evil" verse means to avoid things which look like they might be sin to someone else...I do believe scripture which teaches the importance of a good reputation means just that. I believe the scripture which teaches us to flee from temptation. Those do point to not partaking of such behaviour, even in seemingly innocent circumstances. Unless the two are trapped with no heating out in the artic I can't see any reason that you should share a bed. And really, unless such a couple is engaged, I really don't see how they could be intimate enough to be there alone at night. Call me horribly old fashioned but I just don't see the need to be this intimate without a commitment. And I don't mean sexually I mean circumstantially intimate, ie, why are they tere alone at night during the time when they would normally BE asleep in the first place? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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