LoriH

Thank you I never know if maybe I just am too open or if it is that my life was just so much worse than most that it is hard for people to take but I don't like feeling like a freak. I know that God chose me for this life and knew my story before it happened and it doesn't freak him out. I guess I will keep trying to reach out and see where I end up. I hate trying to find a church and I love this church as far as the teachings and set up I just feel like being the only singel mom and having more kids than anyone else in the church is hard. I spend sundays chasing kids and don't get to talk to people as much and if I call in the week they never seem to have time to talk. I would so love to have one of them ask me out for lunch or coffee. Maybe you are right though if God wanted me to have those kinds of friends he would put those people in my life. I will pray more and worry less.

I have been praying about it for awhile I will keep praying though and try to listen for the answers. Sometimes I am not patient enough. If I wasn't pregnant now I would consider a fast, but since I can't fast I will just have to be in the word more.

I agree that I don't seem to fit with the church but I wonder how much of it is my childhood and my inability to build relationships with women in general. I seem good with people at arms leingth but when I try to get closer I tend to push them away. I can't remember a time I felt connected with people cept for when I was going to a very abusive church. Me and a few of the women that went there were close but when I quit going we all stopped talking and still don't. I go to a small church but it is a church that is in the suberbs and has a lot of people with easy lives.

Ok I should start off by saying I know that My faith and security should come from God. I also know that this life is temperary and that I should focus on eternity. Anyway I have struggled with building relationships with the women in my church. Part of the women are just too busy with their own lives and others have their clicks and don't need more friends. Anyway I have been trying for the whole time I have gone to this church which is about 3 years. I have gone to several womens retreats, women of faith with the group, and a week long missionary trip. Even though I know many of the women in my church I don't feel close to any of them, if I call them they often don't return my calls at all or if they do several days later and are in a hurry to get off of the phone. I learned about a stay at home mom's group and decided to try it out. I don't fit the usual stay at home mom mold cause I am divorced but I went anyway. I really hopped to build some close relationships and get to know some people better. We were talking about how God takes the bad things in our lives and uses it to bring us closer to him or to touch others lives. I shared about how my childhood was a hard one and how because of it I was able to better relate to people that have been through hard times. I also shared how my divorce had shaken my faith and now my pregnancy had pulled me closer to God and that I was reading the book "The Purpose Driven Life" And how I feel closer to God than I ever did. One of the women looked at me like I was a cancer patient and even told me that after I shared she was depressed. I felt bad that I upset her and that I had made her struggle but in the end I am most hurt that I won't be making the close friends I hoped to make and probably shouldn't go back. I never wanted to make people struggle or make them unhappy. I am happy with my life even if my choices have made it hard I feel closer to God than ever and feel Blessed to have a house full of children and to be able to stay home with them.

That is a very good analagy I feel that the reason that Heaven isn't totally explained in the bible is that it is different things to different people We all have likes and dislikes so say they write in the bible that we will have all of the seafood we could ever want in heaven so nobody would go hungry and you hate seafood it may make you think heaven isn't for you but Heaven is everything that everyone needs we will all be happy. before my post causes a huge debate I should admit I am not sure if we will eat in heaven or not I only know there is no hunger in heaven cause that is what the bible says. I just feel that the blanks are left sometimes for a reason and the reason is that we are not ment to know everything.

I am so glad I am not the only person that finds comfort in that psalm I have loved it for years but I find that most people don't even know what I am talking about lol I hope to get to know everyone soon but thanks for the welcome

I too suffer from depression. Well if you call it that. I am bipolar and have been able to control it for the most part since I was finally diagnoced a few years ago. I am not on meds and have spent most of the last 4 years off meds due to pregnancy and nursing my kids. I will go back on meds after my baby is born this time and am thankful that God has made meds availiable to me that work for me. I feel that my peace comes not from knowing I won't become depressed or anxious again but instead from knowing if I do God will pick me up and be there to help me through it. I have been through very tough times in my life but looking back I was never alone. So even though I do need meds and will get depressed or maybe even manic I know Jesus is there holding my hand and I will never be alone again. I am not sure if this helps but I can also say that when I am at my worst Psalm 6 seems to help me. I pray it and read it often. It may seem depressing but for me it is a release.