All good points made, yes he does play us. I have a hard time with some of this stuff as does my wife. We are in a small rural area and even churches here have been doing musical Pastor or some things we personally view as non-Biblical like women leading the entire congregation. Now we have a son full of excuses who is also stealing from us and starting to mentally and physically intimidate his siblings, one who is very frail with mild cerebral palsy. We can't find reliable biblical counseling for him and he his oblivious to our parental authority. We have let him know their are legal authorities as an option if this continues to escalate.
As he puts it the entire family has a problem not him he is fine!. We agree this is a family with a big problem and yes God needs to be in charge regardless of anyone's excuses.
We have been trying to pair him with a christian mentor and the mentor's have backed out.
No secular is not our first choice, God is not his choice, sadly.
Yes God does have a plan, things don't always go in our human time frame however.
Thank you for your blunt honesty.