Hello. I am wondering if demonic oppression can be somehow passed down through bloodlines or target a specific family. I have tried searching around online but the results have varied quite a bit with a lot of 'interesting' videos and such. I wanted to just talk to some actual people in the end and so I searched for forums that are okay with non-religious people asking questions.
This is the background information that has lead me to wondering about this:
There have been a lot of issues in both of my bloodlines (paternal and maternal, but especially the paternal line) that in present day are considered to be mental health issues, but some things don't fit quite right, and I haven't had any luck with treatment for my own issues over the years (am 27 now).
This is going to be long, apologies, but I never have anyone to talk about this stuff with who I don't think will call me crazy or otherwise mock/judge me.
The furthest back I know about on my father's side is my great grandfather. He was harassed by voices telling him to harm others, especially his own family. He committed suicide because he was afraid that he would wind up harming his family due to the voices. He was never diagnosed with schizophrenia, though, and in fact was still holding down a steady job (construction) at the time of his death. His daughter was my paternal grandmother, who has also always been able to function in society, however she would get "attacks" and would scream and lock herself in her room at times. She joined an evangelical church at some point and from then on would never leave her house except to go to church, and the attacks ceased at some point. She has also never been evaluated by a psych professional. Her husband, my paternal grandfather, is similar, in that he has always functioned well in terms of employment, socializing in public and so on, but he has a history of "anger attacks" in which he would become violent and raging out of nowhere, and also isolate himself for weeks at a time. They had three children, my father, uncle and aunt, and all of them have had serious issues, but my father's issues have been the worst by far over the years. Yet for most of his life, it was the same. He held down a job, could appear perfectly normal in public, took care of maintenance around the house, etc. But sometimes it was like he was "possessed" and he would become very violent, perverse and crazy, and would have a wild but dead look in his eyes, very predatory. He was very abusive, and he also traumatized me in regards to religion when I was a child, because he often used religion (the whole family is religious) to justify his abuse. He also taught me that it was blasphemy to think that God would ever do anything kind for me. I once caught a baby turtle, and it was in a place that was an unlikely spot for a baby turtle, and I loved turtles, and so I thought that God had given me the turtle as a gift, and when my father heard this, he became immediately angry and threatened and shamed me for thinking what I did. As a child I didn't analyze all of this very much, but as an adult looking back on it all, it is disturbing and strange. He eventually became an alcoholic and developed alcohol dementia, and became homeless. He always refuses any help (like finding him a rehab center who will accept him) and gets nasty of attitude with others who want to help, I don't even know where he is right now because once again he has run away to be homeless and drunk.
For my mother's side, my great grandmother was wild and malignant/manipulative, she often had affairs with married men and tried to be a home wrecker. One of these affairs resulted in my grandmother. My grandmother also seemed to be harassed by something and turned to religion for help. She became very religious. However to this day, she hears the voices of both demons and angels (according to her), and also claims to have seen angels. Some psych professionals would consider some of her experiences to have been psychosis, but again she has always been able to function, work, be social, etc and doesn't engage in any destructive behaviors. My grandfather seems to be completely normal and is a total sweetheart. They had three children, my mother, and then another uncle and aunt. My uncle hasn't shown any signs of issues, nor has my aunt. My mother is a bit narcissistic but overall very high-functioning. She was religious when she met my father as high school "sweet hearts", but was also traumatized away from religion by my father / her husband.
Well now I have also been dealing with strange and horrible things for years, and have been through the mental health system multiple times with no luck as far as getting better. Recently I have been thinking about my experiences, my family history and my upbringing regarding religion. I think the church we grew up in may have been corrupted. This is going to sound nuts, I had a hard time talking about it even to a therapist. But for one I was never baptized like the other children and for no apparent reason. I was treated like an outcast for the most part but didn't understand why. My father's views on religion were very warped (that I can see in retrospect) such as trying to justify racism using the Bible, as one of many examples. However his parents (my grandparents) held high sway and leadership in the church. They also did an animal sacrifice every spring, where they sacrificed a large pig from a local farm, but I can't remember why we did this. They made it into a party with games, and since I was a kid, I mostly just remember the games, to be honest.
Plus, my two sets of grandparents tried to arrange to have their three children (each) marry each other, as though they wanted to merge the bloodlines completely. Like my mother's brother married my father's sister out of pressure, but the youngest set, my mother's sister and my father's brother, both wound up leaving the state as soon as they were able and never came back.
I considered all of this stuff to be the results of mental illness and such, until I started to develop the issues, myself. Even though it's very creepy and stressful, I am able to understand a lot more what my father and other family members may have been experiencing. I get voices inside of my mind that are very antagonizing, and I also get intrusive images in my mind often of things that are just horrible, I don't even want to go into details about it, but it's just horrible and I don't understand how my brain even comes up with these things. There was one thing that I thought my mind had made up completely, but weeks later by chance I stumbled upon it online and realized that it was real, and that really shook me up wondering how did I know about it when I didn't know about it. I also get strong obsessions with supernatural things and wind up feeling completely nuts. I also often feel like there is something attached to me and watching me, something malignant, and sometimes I feel like I am being physically influenced, like it will feel like something is gripping my shoulder very hard, or parts of my body will get burning sensations.
Now I consider myself pretty rational and open-minded, so when I was told that I have a mental illness, I was basically like yeahp, makes sense, runs in the family. But over the years I have noticed that what I experience is not like stereotypical mental illness. For one, I always have insight when it is happening, and I am able to reality test and walk/talk myself through it. I also have insight/awareness in that most people wouldn't believe what I experience or would just think it is crazy, so I know enough not to talk about it with people (aside from professionals) and also not to let any behaviors of mine reflect my disturbances in front of others. Also when I interact with the entities, they are intelligent and make sense. They often want to debate deeper things but their views are more psychopathic in nature. They also try to motivate me to harm my loved ones, which always makes me thing of my great grandfather would committed suicide. In addition, I've never really had any super out-there stereotypical psychotic beliefs, I just experience antagonism, harassment and so on from perceived entities. Sometimes I get worn down by them and I can feel my personality and thoughts start shifting. One therapist thought this was DID/alters but that didn't fit me, either, unless my entire "DID system" was a bunch of evil sickos who make no effort to hide themselves from me, which isn't typical for DID. I also haven't been responsive to medications or "EMDR" and such. I have also seen them looking at me through my own eyes in the mirror, not any Hollywood crap, but just seeing them in terms of like, seeing that it's not my soul in the mirror, in my eyes, and that it is malignant. It has been so frustrating and confusing.
All of this has made me think of all the people in my family who had these severe mental health symptoms, yet were able to function without any medication or anything, with the exception of my father when he turned to drinking and damaged his brain.
I've just had the notion nagging me lately that this is something that is more spiritual in nature, and that may be haunting my entire bloodline.
Even though I haven't been religious since my childhood, I have had the thought like, "Even if it might not be real, what is the harm in trying something like being saved or baptized?" But the problem is that I literally can't even go that route. If I were to try to talk to God, my throat would seize up. Even trying to read about this stuff makes me feel like something is grabbing the muscles in my neck/shoulder and I get burning sensations. I would feel terrified to go to a church. I feel like if God exists then he probably hates me. I think this was confirmed because I read that if you blaspheme against God it is game-over, and when I was a kid, in a moment of anger over my father, I said something that was definitely blaspheme against God. The entities remind me of this frequently and that I cannot be "saved".
Sorry this was so long and all over the place. If you read all that, thank you so much for your patience. Do you think this sounds like a possible spiritual/demonic problem? I feel so lost and confused at this point in my life and don't know what to believe, I feel a combination of numb and scared most of the time. What would you advise a person to do if they literally can't pray or say anything out-loud against demons, or anything like that, do to a paralyzing, seizing fear? Also do you think it's true that I could never be saved now, since I verbally lashed out in anger against God when I was a child (and it was some foul language)?
