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Sight last won the day on May 8 2017

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  1. Thanks for your kind words Daniel. I will aim to respond to each part: Envious of evil...that opens up a perspective. I mean, if God would only align a bit of blessing my way, I wouldn't be so adamant in the way I am. All I want is for God to be God, not an absentee landlord. Is THAT so much to ask for, that I have to keep throwing stones and dirty toilet paper at his door? What do I have to do to get his attention? Break his window...cause if it were possible, I WOULD BE THE GUY who would break his window and throw a stink bomb in his living room just to get him to open the door. I'm THAT determined to get the LORD to respond. I'm actually considering that opinion. It opens up more possibilities, and from my understanding in the spirit, you've got a VERY good point I can agree with, not because it tickles my ears, but because it makes sense. I cannot disagree with that. I will see it the way God sees it. Maybe if I actually did that instead of trying to yank God's beard, perhaps I will witness him doing that LOT more you speak of, and I know he could do. If this verse came alive in YOUR life, I want to know what you know, do what you do, trust how you trust, love the LORD as you love the LORD...I will listen, IF you're indeed being truthful with me, which I STRONGLY BELIEVE you are. I know people who love Jesus and bear fruit. I am trusting you here Daniel. I like steak. A LOT. Filet Mignon. NY Strip. T-Bone. Salisbury. Steak Diane. Churrasco. Skirt Steak. Kobe Washugyu. Steak Tartare. Venison. You name it. I have yet to know God as better than a nicely cooked porterhouse, and I know my steaks. But whether it's steak, chicken, fish, shrimp, lobster, turkey, veal...knowing God, according to the REST OF YOU, is infinitely greater. I cannot yet relate. I want to throw knives at God at this moment. This relationship you speak of...I do not yet know. Indeed, if I had this "relationship" you speak of, I would be a changed person. Perhaps that is my mission here...to enter relationship with Jesus. Maybe I'll change. Again with "eternal life"...I'm definitely missing something here, and I NEED TO FIND IT NOW, and I will break the door down, and I wont ask...I WILL DEMAND. I will not seek...I WILL EXCAVATE AND DIG UP. I wont knock...I will BREAK THE DOOR DOWN if I have to. If he wont answer, I'll break the door down and yell at the top of my lungs. EVERYTHING. Literally everything. Repented. Gave. Prayed. Studied scripture. Submitted to him. WHAT ELSE DOES HE WANT? If he were a person, I'd have cracked a wooden bat over his head for playing the Riddler with me. Those are words of wisdom. I cannot disagree. Perhaps that is EXACTLY what is happening. I will tell you EXACTLY what he is captivated by: His wife, and his easy life. He even said himself...he never had any difficult challenges growing up. The moment he said that, I was ready to go after the LORD God with a sword and cut the LORD down. I didnt know how angry I could become until after I hear that arrogant snob guy say that. I wanted to take him to the school of hard knocks and give him a crash course in Hoodrat Ghettostyle 101, FIST MEETS FACE STYLE. But I wasn't angry at him. He was just a little innocent White Anglo-Saxon Preppy snotnose who didn't know any different. I was angry at GOD for allowing him to live like that and get every blessing for free. He literally got everything handed to him on the LORD's silver platter, while I had to FIGHT TOOTH AND NAIL for even the smallest crumb. I am proud of my inner city heritage, and growing up tough as nails, but for God to let the snob snottynose get away with free blessings and favor for no reason...I literally threw seven bibles, six that I PAID FOR with my own money, in my apartment's trash chute out of anger and rebellion...over $250 worth of Bibles in the trash out of anger. I decided to buy a smaller bible that goes in my glove compartment in my car, and I read scripture online, so I dont throw away bibles, but so you all know, I had punched that copy of the bible in my car over a hundred times in fury. No joke...it was PURE UNFAIRNESS. But it's not the scenario that matters...it's the principle of the matter that the LORD gave me crumbs and scraps, and gave him a silver platter. I WANT AN EXPLANATION. I WANT GOD TO BE ACCOUNTABLE AND EXPLAIN HIMSELF, I dont care if it's someone he brings to me on the street or someone here...I WANT AN ANSWER FROM GOD AS TO WHY. Anyone deserves and explanation. I want God to explain himself. What's so bad in asking him that? IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO. I will continue working in that direction. God bless you as well, In Jesus' mighty name, Amen.
  2. To preface, these kind responses...I cant be feisty after this. You're truly kind, and God's love is at work. At the very least, hmbld, thank you for your kindness. I do truly appreciate it. Yes, simply put, I want more material blessings. Perhaps I am blind...I have a lot I could be thankful for, but I am a passionate, ambitious, fiery, aggressive contender...I cant help but fight for what I believe is right. Indeed, who are we to Judge God...but I am the guy who doesn't care, and will throw a fist at God anyway, because I am a fighter and a contender. When no one else will, I put God on the stand. When no one else will, I ask the difficult scriptural questions. When no one else will, I call God out to justify why this is, and why that is. I WILL QUESTION GOD, not because I seek to blaspheme (There's never a place to question what has endured for millenia), but because that is who I am...I test all foundations. I am a truth seeker, and if I shatter a preconceived truth, I will demand an explanation. So far, God's word is unshatterable, but the contexts SURROUNDING the word need clarification. I will clarify them, because I dont care what people think. I will slam the hammer down on the skull; my resolve is THAT strong. God's perspective is indeed greater...if it's scriptural, I NEVER DISAGREE or CONTRADICT God's word. BUT...I dont care. I want the material things. Material success speaks to people. Material success makes me happy. The "eternal" things are for when I die and go to heaven because of Jesus. They have ZERO value on this earthly existence. Besides, the only reason I even FOCUS on material gain: I have seen born-again Christians blessed with BOTH material and spiritual blessings. Since I saw it, and all things checked as "God did it", I can have it, and I will seek it, take it, and own it. If I can have BOTH material and spiritual, I shall HAVE both material and spiritual. That's MY rules. That's THE rules as well. If it is possible, I shall attain to it.
  3. I wouldn't be suprised if that's the case. But if it is, it makes GOD look worse than the person who acted arrogantly. Everything just seems to come back to God being incompetent. I dont like to say that, but seriously, there's a fine line between honoring free will that God established, and God playing favorites. I dont care if Satan blessed the guy, GOD CAN STOP IT, AND GOD IS JUSTICE. If God allows an arrogant person to do as they please to the detriment of others, I cannot call God good. There's just ANOTHER HUNDRED grievances I accuse the father of. Will I forgive the guy? Yes, what else is there to do? BUT DAMAGE IS DONE CHIEF. Sure, I forgive THE GUY, but God the father is still guilty of letting him do what he did. GOD IS THE GUILTY PARTY. GOD IS THE CULPRIT. GOD IS THE ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR PAIN. As far as I'm concerned, God owes me and everyone that other guy hurt, but God wont do jack diddly squat to fix the situation. "Jesus is good enough", is what I believe God would respond, to which I would tell God the father "You're going to have to do better than that chief. You've already agitated me enough in my walk with you". GOD THE FATHER NEEDS TO STOP MAKING EXCUSES AND ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING. I will not let God off the hook until I personally see him demonstrate righteousness. (Yes, I see God the father as an unfair dictator). Again, I forgive the arrogant jerk, because there's no other productive option, BUT THAT DOESNT CHANGE THE FACT GOD BLESSED HIM. THAT DOESNT CHANGE THE FACT GOD PLAYED FAVORITES. THAT DOESNT CHANGE THE FACT GOD IS AN UNFAIR JUDGE OF CHARACTER. The evidence is there. If no one is going to call God out on being a hypocrite, I WILL, unless you can justify who God the father is to me. Again, this is all in context of BEING SAVED BY JESUS. He is STILL unfair. I witnessed it firsthand; dont you dare tell me I'm wrong. Yeah, that's what God the father wants me to do: Follow his will, seek & know his voice, keep my mouth shut, force feed myself with the paltry crumbs he gives me while he gives others prime rib & filet mignon and blessings up the creek. I DONT GIVE A FLYING RIP ABOUT HAVING A HEART TO LOVE PEOPLE, not when I serve a God who plays favorites. Not going to happen bud. I DONT SERVE TYRANNICAL DICTATORS, ESPECIALLY THE SPIRITUAL KIND (And yes, I read the bible. God has yet to prove to me he isnt some sadistical tyrant, even IN SPITE OF JESUS). Deep surrender to God DOES change everything, and he wants people to come to humility...that way, he can take advantage of that faithful person seeking a loving God, and ruin their lives while he rewards others. I have endured this unfairness firsthand. God isn't fair. Some of you fail to grasp that, EVEN AS A BORN-AGAIN CHRISTIAN. It goes back to that one question none of you can answer: Why does God give some people more, and why does God give most people less? That is the critical question. If you can answer that for me, perhaps I will change my opinion on the LORD God the father. Until then, I stand by the above. Why? I SAW THE HYPOCRISY FIRST HAND. Tell me otherwise, if you think you know better.
  4. The bottom line is a winner is those who exhibit their life as one of winning...that is, it is VISIBLY clear they are winners. You can have someone who's happy and enjoys their life, but they're people you want to avoid. There are socially awkward weirdos who are happy and enjoy their life; I dont want them around me. There are paraplegics and sick people who are happy and enjoy their life; they are complacent in my eyes. There are prison inmates and people living on welfare who are happy and enjoy their life...I do not relate to them, and I do not want what they have. I know what being a winner is to me, and I have had faith God would honor my path to becoming who I envisioned being a winner is. But dont get me wrong...I'm not stupid. As I said in the previous comment, if God would be SO KIND ENOUGH to get off his throne, and allow me to see what he sees, and help me change my perspective, I am open to that. But he hasn't, and I dont think he will. He just seems to like watching me suffer, and that is why I throw insults at him daily. That's because Jesus was the son of God. OF COURSE HE HAS IT EASIER. He was God. Unfair advantage over the rest. I cant walk on water, I cant multiply bread, I cant make a coin come out of a fishes' mouth, and I definitely cannot raise a person from the dead, or heal the blind, deaf, lame, and sick. That's what Jesus can do, not a mortal man. If I has the power of Christ working in me, I would reverse EVERY aspect of my life to MY favor, but none of us are the son of God, only Jesus, and I chose to believe he WAS who the bible said he was without empirical evidence. As for my relationship...what relationship? Jesus never put his hand on my shoulder. Jesus never hugged me. Jesus never took me out for lunch to eat a burger with fries. Jesus never told me "I am proud of you". As far as I'm concerned, he is a FIGMENT OF MY IMAGINATION, but by faith, I have to trust in him that he saved my sins, and I did, initially. Then, my life got worse. Again, I ask, what bloody relationship? You cant have a relationship with someone you never met personally. Jesus never went out of his way to show himself to me. I trust he's there, but as far as I'm concerned, I could be mentally insane and think he was real, and perhaps I created an imaginary friend out of Jesus. All I have to go on is what's in the bible, and while I'm being a good sport and reading it, all I am learning his who he WAS, not IS. It's a history lesson, not a relationship. Do I WANT a relationship? You bet I do. But will it happen? I dont know...I have to spend most of my time condeming Jesus for making my life a total history of garbage and suffering. You tell me bucko...is Jesus real? Can I have a relationship with him? Are you just blowing hot air at me, like the rest of this fine church in attendance here? I've done my part. Jesus needs to do his. End of story. I have DONE my part over and over again, and NOT ONCE did he reveal himself. Either I'm the idiot for trusting in him blindly, or he doesn't exist. Your call chief. You tell me who Mr.Jesus is. Then I guess I made really dumb decisions then, even though I was celebrated as a genius when I was younger. That's kind of God to allow to happen...give me a genius level intellect, but curse me with a crap lifestyle. That's who I know God as...a cruel court Jester who loves to play pranks on his creations. THAT IS HOW I SEE HIM. Maybe it's not true, but I have come to learn God is a cruel prankster who messed with my life. You say God is love, I call you a filthy liar. I was looking to have God as my commander, and me as his five star general. Instead, I seem to be God's own personal living joke, that entertains all his other precious children. God made me look like a fool in front of others, and never allowed me to gain respect. I know what to do, but God ruins everything every single time. You want to know my relationship with God? HES A BULLY, IM HIS VICTIM, EVERYONE THINKS IM A LOSER, GOD REWARDS EVERYONE ELSE. That is all I can see. You can try to convince me otherwise, and I hope you're right, but God has revealed himself to me as someone who enjoys watching me suffer. I know what I see, and I can deduce who people are. God was never my friend, only another bully. How can I serve a master with honor if he treats me like I'm a reject? Dont tell me God doesn't do it. I know my life better than you do. All my life, people treated me like dirt. For you to tell me God is good...I should smack you in the face for lying to me. Jesus' will for my life seems to be to make a joke out of my existence. Why do you think I keep wanting to reject him? What kind of "loving LORD with lovingkindness" makes a mockery out of his "Children's" lives? He's like the jock father who keeps making fun of his son because he's not as much of an athlete as his daddy was. That's who God has PROVEN himself to me to be. I know what they all had in common. They all had a dream, and a vision, and they worked hard to achieve it. I never received a dream or vision from God. I prayed for it for years. NOT ONCE did God give me a burning desire or dream. My current desire is to find a vision or dream for my life. I never received one. Some of you have received it. Some of you are led by a vision and dream, but in reality, those Christians who are led by a vision and dream ARE NOT ON THIS WEBSITE, or perhaps you are, but you're not helping me, because like the rest of successful people out there, you want to PROTECT YOURSELVES from negative influences. I'm trying to escape it. ...but back to the question, I bet you they ALL had mentors, and they ALL read books, and they ALL listened to people more successful than them, and they ALL spoke positively, and they ALL prayed to their God, whomever that is. I have mentors, books, people to listen to, and I USED to always speak positively...until I learned how much of a backstabbing traitor my heavenly father is, and have spent years trying to understand what this monster wants from me. Again, mind you, I AM reading the bible, trying to learn who the LORD is. Apparently, it's as if I'm no better than an ancient Israelite after Solomon's reign...something the LORD hates. And yet I'm here, trying to learn from all of you. Either i'm the dumbest person on Earth, or my faith is genuine. Either way, I'm sick and tired of playing this "Find the LORD" game. I know some of them chief. Some I've even been to their home/estate. God blessed them mightily, and I dont know why. I want what they have, but God keeps me wandering, and I'm starting to hate my heavenly father more and more and more everyday I dont get closer to my goal of being wealthy. I will never change that goal. IF I COULD PUSH GOD OUT OF MY WAY, I WOULD BE BETTER OFF, but no, the key is a relationship...the relationship he wont build with me, for some reason or another. And I will kill to find the 1% and learn from them. I want to be a 1% Christian. I KNOW some of the 1% Christians. I KNOW a couple PERSONALLY, and they care about me and love me unconditionally. Yet my heart is hateful and vengeful against a heavenly father who never cares for me himself. I was LUCKY enough to find the 1% (Hint: They're located where you least expected them to be...go against the flow of society and think outside the box). I know their hearts, and what they all have in common...GOD IS UNFAIRLY KIND TO THEM AND HAS BLESSED THEM BEYOND REALITY. God is their source, and yet God keeps driving me around in circles. I'm tired of trying to work with my heavenly father. I want the courage and the consistency and persistency to have what the 1% has. I DREAM of having what the 1% has. I LOSE SLEEP because of wanting what they have...and you all say it's a relationship with Jesus. I dont know what that means pal. How do you have a relationship with a dead person? Is it through the holy spirit as a mediator, because for YEARS, I have spoken to, and heard from, and was advised through the holy spirit. How do I become the 1%? HOW? That is what I live for. I simply want God to advise me as to what to do. Yes, I have a choice to do it or not, but I want God to be definite with me and present my options to me. I'm tired of playing "Hide and seek" with Jesus. I dont like that game. I do have the tools, and it DEFINITELY isn't easy, but God...he needs to be more present in my life, which yes, I need a relationship...but I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO? What IS a relationship with God? I am reading scripture, and just got up to my 2nd reading of Romans. What is it? More prayer? More tithing? Speaking in tongues? WHAT DOES HE WANT?
  5. I am currently studying scripture, so what I am desiring, hmbld, is a revelation of the truth...where I can stop being this person I am now, and be changed in Jesus towards what the LORD wants for me. I'll be honest, I harbor a lot of anger and fury in my soul...I want to fight and win so badly that I will challenge ANYONE. I want things to change. Badly. So badly I would kill to get it.
  6. I'm really considering being standoffish and abrasively nonresponsive to people I dont like anymore.
  7. If you dont tell his wife, she will be hurt even more. Get it done and get over it.
  8. I'm glad I'm making sense. My intent is not to be a general troll. There is a deep sense of substance and intention behind what I share. You can have a rational conversation with me. I can see many different viewpoints. A loser...to me, is someone ... who isn't in a relationship, who doesn't have much money to their name, who cant hold down a regular job, who doesnt have many friends, who is always angry and defensive, who is ignored and overlooked by everyone, who is dependent on others to sustain a living...in other words, me for most of my life. Yes, I have always been a loser at life, and have had a strong desire to not be a loser anymore. A winner is somone who has good relationships, who has skillsets developed, who has a way with life, who makes a good amount of money, who has connections, who has things work out for the better...a winner is the person I've always wanted to be, but God always kept away from me, being the sadist I believe God is, EVEN AFTER READING SCRIPTURE. I guess for me, being a loser or a winner is all rooted in social dynamics...relationships, social status, social skillset, reputation, respect, influence...if you have it and can develop it, you are a winner. If you cant, and you screw up regularly, you are a loser. I had been a loser most of my life, and it was disgusting, and I always blamed God/Jesus because of it. I mean, people who were popular and successful mostly werent Christians, so God had something to do with someone being lame and unwanted. I have not yet found what I am skilled in. I prayed to God for YEARS for him to reveal my expertise. He never answered that prayer. I strongly believe Jesus was weak, and that I am weak because I believe in Jesus. I believe, because I have accepted Jesus, that the world will never treat me with respect, and because of that, I hate Jesus for who he is...because of Jesus, I am dirty just like he was, and I am ashamed. Yet, Jesus traps people by saying in scripture "Those who are ashamed of me here, I shall tell my father I am ashamed of them in heaven". It's like Jesus wants people to be losers; which is why I spent years cursing the name of Jesus. To me, he's a jerk who ruins people's lives. I've been trying to "figure it out" for years, but NOTHING...NOT ONE THING worked. I am still running in circles, and I feel like I'm in hell, repeating history over and over again, and I feel Jesus is toying with me and having fun with my life. I didnt do anything to deserve being treated like a joke by my heavenly father. Yes, I STRONGLY, FIERCELY, CONVINCINGLY BELIEVE that I am a loser because I am wholly dependent and weakened by my Christian beliefs. The way I understand it, God calls the shots, and at birth, God decided who would be a winner, and who would be a loser, and God expects you to shut up, deal with it, and give him his tithe. That's how I see God. That's how I understand him. The point is... ...No matter how hard I work, the LORD handicapped my efforts from the beginning, and even if I gave it 150%, nothing works because God cursed me to fail, and blessed the others to win, hence, my question FOR OVER EIGHT YEARS: Why do some Christians have more, and why do most Christians have less, and not one Christian can answer that question on principle. Instead, I get MORE complacent losers flocking to me. I hope you're beginning to see the picture. You said something earlier: There are many quiet Christians that are very successful, powerful, and humble. By their nature, you many never hear of them. Those are the Christians I am looking for. I'm not looking for the weak ones who gave up on life and tell me to accept a less-than-average lifestyle to please Jesus. I DONT HAVE TIME FOR THOSE CLOWNS, AND I LET THEM KNOW I DONT WANT TO HEAR THEM. But those quiet Christians who've built success, whom I've never heard of...I want to be that person. I WILL KILL TO BE THAT PERSON. You have no idea how much I DREAM of becoming that silent Christian super success. THEY EXIST. I SEEK THEM. I WANT TO LEARN FROM THEM AND DUPLICATE THEM. I dont have time for Christians who do not have what I want. Perhaps there IS a logic gap. Maybe it's the fact 90% of Christians I know arent people I want to be around. SCRIPTURE has a different story about who the LORD is, and I have read scripture. Again, the question is: Why do some born-again Christians have more, and why do most have less, and what can a person do to become the born-again Christian who has more? THIS IS THE ONLY THING I CARE ABOUT. Indeed, reversing the logic does not equal success. Jesus died for all people, unsuccessful or successful, rich or poor, black or white...doesn't matter. ALL who accept him are set free, but that does NOT ANSWER THE QUESTION as to why some Christians have more, and most Christians have less. NOT ONE CHRISTIAN, NOT ONE PASTOR...can answer that one. Yes, I strongly believe being a Christian = Being a loser. I will not apologize for that statement. I believe it to be true. For me to step back and seperate Christianity from Winning/Losing, I need to find someone WHO UNDERSTANDS WHERE I AM COMING FROM. 95% of online Christian users live in la-la-land wasting their time pursuing irrelevant things. I am not one of those people. I mean, if you are, by all means, go ahead and do whatever pleases you. I am not your dictator, but I will not waste time dealing with you. I've made a lot of decisions, and cut out a lot of bad things to get closer to Jesus. All it did was tick me off and make me poorer, and angrier at Jesus. THE ONLY QUESTION I CARE ABOUT, IS, ONCE MORE: Why do some Christians have more, and most Christians have less? It's like an exceptionally cruel Pareto Principle (20/80) rule in action, and I'm on the negative end of it. I will NOT STOP until I find an answer to this question. How do I escape the losers, and live with the winners? That is my only objective with Christianity.
  9. I dont want to be a loser. I never wanted to be a loser. I seem to be treated like dirt by others since I was a kid. I never knew why. Others seemed to get whatever they wanted. I never understood it. All I wanted was a place in the world, and since my childhood, I have failed hundreds, if not, thousands of times trying everything in my power to find what I was skilled in. I never asked to be a loser among people. God seemed to ordain that for me naturally. I feel weak, pathetic, and disgusting having to depend on Jesus Christ for my own sense of life satisfaction. All my faith in him to this day has been on the premise of faith...I have no evidence to determine if he even existed, if he's real, or if Christianity has ANY sound basis at all. I chose to believe because everything else in the world was false, evil, and fake. I dont like Jesus. I dont like Christianity. I dont like you, or anyone else on here. I made the decision to believe for the sake of the truth, and it seems like I will never get what I want out of it, which makes me angry at all of you even more. I'm sorry you are how you described you are. I have nothing in common with you. YOU ARE COMPLACENT. I am ambitious. Why are so many of you Christians such quitters at life? You give up on everything and chalk up your existence to being God's will. That's baloney. You're capable of much more, but for some reason, you refuse to rise up and be all you can be. I cannot respect people like that. When I study the scenario, I cant make a dent in life, where others have, and when I strike the common denominator, they arent Christians. Non Christians win more than Christians. Makes me think...what is it about you Christian people that makes you poor, weak, and useless in the world? I didnt accept Jesus to become weak and pathetic like the lot of you. I came to win. I know what I want, and it seems like I will never have it...I am a useless loser just like the rest of you, apparently. You people dont seem to understand that I cant see what you see. Why do you choose to live passively and without any sense of growth? Are you THAT passive and complacent? Are you that much of a coward in life that you cant make a difference? But if I reject Jesus, sure, I can have the world, but I will become reprobate, and burn in hell. That defeats the purpose. Either way, I lose. I dont care about the gospel. I dont care about the word. I dont care about you. I just want to win, and I guess I'm the fool for trying to find a Christian success story on a website full of derelect rejects of life that have no value to this world. Yeah, I just said that. Think what you want. I'm tired of trying to find Christian success stories. All I find are losers, rejects, and fools Will I find the person I'm looking for here? Maybe I have FAITH I will. The kid gloves are off. I'm not going to play nice anymore. It's either I find what I'm looking for, or I will bring down the house trying.
  10. And this is why I may not make it through this. I will explain: - Yes, there are winners, and losers in life, whether you, or anyone else likes it or not. I am not being rude; I am being factual. This is life. - Yes, I know Christ spoke against it. THAT IS MY NUMBER ONE PROBLEM WITH BOTH JESUS CHRIST HIMSELF, AND CHRISTIANS...You all speak against gain and victory. Yes, Christ lost everything to gain it all, so I, and you, and others DONT HAVE TO. He did the work, and gave us a free gift, and I am ok with taking that free gift for myself. - Jesus wasn't rich, he wasn't successful, he indeed was a carpenters son, and was indeed hated by all the Jewish people of that time. WHAT YOU FORGET, as well as every other Christian seems to forget, is that THIS was God's will for his only son. It HAD to happen. It's not something we need to choose. The BIGGEST FAULTY LOGIC I find in 95% of Christians is that, for some reason, you all think and feel you have to suffer like Jesus did. No you dont, he did it for you. In another instance, Paul suffered for the sake of validating the gospel, but that doesnt mean YOU have to suffer. - Yes, Jesus sat down with the losers of the world, and the dirty. Fantastic, THAT WAS JESUS, NOT ME, and I dont really have to do the same if I dont want to. Jesus never had anything nice to say to the wealthy and powerful of the time because they wouldnt be able to recognize him as the son of God; like the parable of the sower, they were choked by the thorns (world's distractions) and never bore fruit. But at that time, he hadn't died yet, so they couldnt be forgiven, and probably chose NOT to be forgiven after his death. - No, I'm not being taught a lesson. I KNOW what's a lesson, and what's simply inconvenience and the power of attraction at work. Yes, we are all the same, but I simply do not want people who fail at life around my presence. Judge me for what you will; I demand excellence in everything, and if a person isn't willing to grow with me, I cannot invest time with them. This post proves you dont get it. Again, I'm going to REALLY play hardball with all of you on this one. Hard enough to evoke emotions and trigger you. Listen, I understand your perspective, but it is unacceptable. I am looking for answers, not for rationalizations. I RESTATE THE QUESTION: Why do certain types of people flock to me, and how do I change the type of people who get around me?
  11. Annette, thank you for sharing. I would like to leave this post in place for future editing, so I can really take in what you've said, and hopefully share a more INFINITELY POSITIVE feedback so many can grow from this. Thank you again! EDIT: [ Once I understand the above ] RESPONSE ---> In terms of family, yes. I myself, have a VERY large family on both sides (Father / Mother). Many family members are different in their own right...different levels of living. Jesus did indeed forgive us ALL (that is, ALL who accept him) of their sins, and we are led to repent and never sin again. However, different people that WERE forgiven still attract different qualities of life, and while I am saved, I will not settle for 2nd, 3rd, or last place. I will fight, knowing yes, I am forgiven, but I will still fight. I am VERY careful as to who I allow to influence my life. I cut out what doesn't work, and get around what does. That concept...MATURITY as a christian...makes a lot of sense, which makes me ask myself: Am I immature in Christ, or is this who God intends for me to be? If it's immaturity, perhaps I need to study the word more closely. If it's God's will for losers to flock to me, well, best be assured I will put up a bloody fight, but with what I read, no, that's not the case. It's definitely a lack of maturity. God is too good to allow mature Christians to do unpleasant things...IF said Christian was led by the LORD to do something unpleasant (like preach the gospel in Somalia, Uganda, Afghanistan, or Kenya, for example), then that person would be given a love and heart for it by the LORD to fulfill that will. One only need study Acts, and the letters of Paul to understand what Paul (formerly Saul) had to go through. It was horrible, but the spirit was ALIVE in Paul through the midst of it. So maturity is definitely something to reflect on...for THAT, it sure helped Annette, thank you! As for being a guide, I have no problem with that. The problem...is in primary association...what I tend to ATTRACT towards my existence. I will guide those I dont want to associate with, but I do not want to ATTRACT them to my presence. As my mentors define what is right and not right, so I wish to define boundaries with people I dont want near me.
  12. (Sounds like a complicated title, but I will try to simplify and explain. Scroll to the bottom for the main question) (WARNING: Some of you are not going to like me after reading this. So be it) -------------------------------------------------------------- I'm part of a group...let's consider it a "Chamber Of Commerce club", for reference purposes. We have different people in there. I have 4 couples who are mentors to me in different areas of life, and I have about 18-20 people in association with me. We're all driven to achieve the same goals, similar lofty dreams, and a unified vision of excellence we will bust our butts for. I was the first of them. Then, after many readjustments, promotions, demotions, and timing, we have a solidified team formed. After me, is this snotty, arrogant, silver-spooned self-entitled pompous jerk, who ends up marrying one of my mentor's daughters, and for some reason, was, and somewhat is still bountifully blessed by God. Born again at a young age, his dad is an elder at the church I go to (That's where my mentor's daughter met him, and fell in love, blah blah blah, whatever...), and God seems to have given him whatever he wanted, and he is skilled at everything. This guy is the reason I spent 5 years cursing Jesus, and mocking the bible and God. I dont like the guy, and probably will never forgive him. Dont really care. There's another guy, who I was friends with for a while, who has his fiancee (soon to be wife), who is an awesome human being, and an all around good guy. We got along, and still get along somewhat, but he's been able to figure out how to work success in his favor, and is slowly building his own influence. I understand why we talk less, and he's getting mentored by higher ups, and his demeanor has changed. HIM, I can forgive, because I know his heart and kindness, and understand he is merely watching his associations so he doesnt screw up his momentum. Good for him. The third guy...is 5 years younger than me, but that's irrelevant. He was born in the same city I was, and is also dating another one of my mentor's daughters (He has 3, 2 are dating people in my association). He is strong, confident, forward moving, and mentorable. Also a good guy all around, and we have a lot in common, and get along just fine. Unlike the other guy (to which they will both become brothers-in-law eventually), he's humble and respectful, and knows how to be a rounded person. I'll get back to the first guy...there are some other people who are kind of "next generation", and still have yet to form a relationship with them, but let's get into...the painful people I have to deal with. One guy...is basically one of the world's most filthiest, disgusting, unhygenic human beings. At first, we had a close friendship, because in addition to him (appearing) being kind, we could relate on a LOT of things, and that was ok. Over time, however, he began to reveal his true colors...opportunist, ride moocher, emotional manipulator, idiot, unaware fool, lack of discernment, no judge of character, bad associations, clumsy, awkward...you name it. He was filthy. Didn't take care of himself. Always took advantage whenever he knew he could. Sinks his tentacles through friendship, and sucks his victims dry...I cared for him, and wanted to rise with him, but he CHOSE to remain a leech, and he's still around my association, and I cant keep him away from me. He brings in: - Another guy who's 6 years older than me, married to a wife who hates him, father of a girl who has too many problems to bear, and he himself...is a bumbling moron. Stupid is too nice of a word to describe him. The social awkwardness, his lack of manners, the way he shoddily dresses, the clumsiness, him being a uncomfortable person to be around...I literally have to tell him how to dress and behave. He's an embarassment to existence, and does nothing to improve or change himself. He's even worse than the above guy, and the above guy brings him into the association, saying "I believe in his potential". I want both of them to dissappear. There's a last couple, but they're not so bad. The guy is a computer genius, and has great tech credentials. Unfortunately, he's a total klutz, and socially inept. He's not as bad as the rest, but the first guy (Filthy guy) manipulated him into moving in, sharing resources, riding in his car, and using him as his supply partner. Worse, he saddles him up with the girl...she's nice, and kind, and sweet. I have no problems with her; she just needs to get a car, but anyway... Here's the thing folks, and why I write this thread: I am stuck going between jobs, living at home with the folks, struggling to network and connect with people... ...it's as if everywhere I go, the losers in life flock to me, and the winners seem to walk past. I havent figured that one out yet. I know what you're about to say..."Sight, Jesus would love them/Be nice/Your mission is to serve them"...yeah, I dont care. Serving is one thing. Being there is one thing, but my primary association isnt among socially unacceptable losers. It's to be among the movers and shakers in life. Some of you are going to say "That's anti-biblical"...keep your mouth shut and dont talk to me about that. I know what you're thinking, and you're wrong. The jerk snob I told you about? Born-again Christian The other guy who's about to get married? Born-again Christian. The young guy who was born in the same town as I? Born-again Christian. And those disaster area people I told you about? ALSO Born-again Christians. This isn't a question of "Jesus vs non-Jesus". This is a situation of some Christians having better lives than other Christians, AND I WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER BE OK WITH THAT UNTIL SOMEONE GIVES ME A SATISFACTORY EXPLANATION OF WHY THIS IS. THEY ALL believe in Jesus Christ, so dont give me any of that "Give to the poor" baloney. I wont have it, nor will I take you seriously, NOR will I spare you any insults. If winners can be accepted in Jesus, so can I, but God keeps the losers around me. I DONT HAVE TIME TO DEAL WITH LOSERS, yet God keeps sending them my way. God keeps sending me people I dont want to associate with, yet they keep following me like fleas on a dog. That tells me that perhaps I am a loser. Folks...that is reason enough for me to tell Jesus to take a hike, even WITH the scripture I'm already standing on. This post might have offended some of you. I REALLY REALLY DONT GIVE A FLYING RIP HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT IT. This is the situation. I will ask the difficult questions. Some of you will not like me. Sorry. Cant say I care. But, I will get to the bottom of this one way or the other, even if other people's tears have to be shed. I am a winner and a bulldog, and I do whatever it takes to get to the core, even if at your expense. Yes, I read the bible. Yes, I know the word of God. Yes, I have accepted Jesus Christ as my LORD and savior, and have fallen at the foot of the cross to obtain his mercy. I'm not a mean person, I am just a bulldogged fighter. I get my nose into everyone's face. Whatever it takes to get to the truth, I do it, even if it means I offend you. The truth is of higher priority than your feelings. That said, sorry. But, here's the thing: I dont want losers flocking around me. I want to attract winners to me. Even if "losers" are mixed in with winners, I can deal with that, but I do not want undesirable people flocking around me as if I'm the last bottle of water in a desert. I'm even starting to understand how beautiful, attractive women feel when creepy guys try to hit on them. It's not a fun feeling. Yes, I know what I have posted doesn't seem Christian. What YOU need to understand is...Christian or non-Christian, value is value, and association is association. Name your top 5 people you hang out with, and I'll tell you where you're going to be in 2-5 years. Principles are as old as God's word. Read Proverbs if you dont believe me; there are many chapters on who to associate with, and who to avoid. TL:DR - Why do certain types of people flock to me, and how do I change the type of people who get around me?
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