Ok.
Please, don't label yourself mentally ill. That's much too severe in most cases. A HUGE part of the world population struggles with anxiety and depression, especially in developed countries. But, they just don't say much, seek treatment, admit it, even too themselves. Many, untold millions treat it with alcohol. So , please, unless you are very severe, don't put yourself in that little tiny box.
I've fought depression with some anxiety for 30 years. But lived a fairly normal life. My dad did with the predominant anxiety.
Second, depression can kill any concentration, or follow through, or follow up. It can make it tough to read, and I'm a huge reader.
If reading the word scares you I would suggest listening to tape, it's easier and less, " In my own head."
Or, listening with others, at church or study group. Less in your own head.
I can't help with a YouTuber but I guarantee you there are people like you in almost every field of endeavor.
Chin up. Trust Jesus. Pray. Read one verse, put it down, go outside and walk. Walk a mile. Then, read one more, if you can go walk.
Outdoors is a GREAT distraction. Not getting hit by a car is a great distraction.
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