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SurrenderedWife

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  1. Hehe that's the part I still struggle to understand. The Holy Spirit prompts me, but it's up to me to take the action. I have to consciously stop a thought, look away or towards, stop sinning or start doing righteousness. As regarding the process of salvation... it's hard to trust a memory from so long ago but I recall believing that I'm separated from God by the immoral things I've done, that I will be in a bad place without God here and especially after I die, and that he paid the price of it for me on the cross and I just have to believe and accept. I think they explained it all really well in a way that it made sense to a newbie like me, and I was convicted that it was true. When I believed, I felt ashamed that I had done those things and hurt God, and a desire was born to turn from my old ways. Tears trickled down my faith for the sadness and the joy. Even though I was talked out of the faith just as quickly, the Holy Spirit was still there, slowly revealing things to me. Once I really delved into the Word, and learned the law, then I really saw the depth of my sin and had a full-blown repentance. As in, it's possible to believe without "giving up all hope of doing it all (i.e. being self-reliant for your life on Earth?) yourself"? When I hear the testimony of unbelievers, they seem to become progressively more open until they have some sort of experience or flash of insight and then the veil is lifted - they finally see Jesus as He is and accept Him. Then they are sorry for having persecuted and rejected Christ - like Paul? I believe he believed before he repented? I suppose it doesn't matter if they more or less happen together. I think my point is irrelevant - too tired as I should be asleep. I guess I'll keep the writeup lol.
  2. It's a miracle, but I believed the moment I heard the gospel, without any evidence or proof. It was the next 10 years that I wrestled with intellectual doubts. Most stories of belief I hear are of people suddenly being overcome by a revelation or experience of Jesus and trusting like a child. And it seems repentance follows?
  3. Hmmmm I think it's both your husband's resistance and your growth in the Lord. I don't think your husband would be prevented from the Lord just for your sake. I can sympathise with Christians (guys especially) looking dorky. As far as "1Co 1:26 For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called." hubby definitely feels mighty and noble, and I reinforce it with my admiration! Is he then not called? I sure want him to be, selfishly, because I want a great mighty Christian husband. My husband's already transforming to care more about laying down his life for the sake of future generations, and is well-acquainted with righteous anger (against the wickedness in this world). My reassurance is in people like Saul, who my hubby reminds me of, and I can imagine him becoming like our Christian Paul after he finds Jesus. I'm so very curious to see what he would be like as a born-again Christian. Scriptures seem to suggest it's not up to me to convict him of his sin, but it's all on the Holy Spirit to reveal to him where he falls short and perhaps bring him to a point where he needs a Saviour. There are so many ways the Lord could win him over - perhaps he will be loved to Christ. I think you talked about yourself when you said "I was guided to 1 Peter 3" but I felt convicted anyway. :P Current plan is to put whatever Christian materials I gathered into a computer folder that hubby can access, and leave it up to him to seek out things if and when he feels the pull to, and comment when he feels like it. The only requirement is to tell me the moment he accepts Jesus. Could you help me understand "no preaching?". I sometimes share a discovery I made about God - e.g. My hubby and I found it problematic that God asked Abraham to sacrifice his SON as an offering. It seemed unfair and disgusting. Then I learned and shared with hubby that worshippers of other gods were sacrificing their kids at the time when God called Abraham to sacrifice his, BUT at the end God showed he was DIFFERENT from and BETTER than other gods by providing an offering himself... and that was a foreshadowing that God would offer up HIMSELF - God birthed into a body of a man and God himself suffering our punishments, sacrificing HIMSELF for our sake!" Another example is "Wow, if we think about it, would we really have made the world any different? Would we really remove choice, evil, challenges, trials, mysteries?" I kind of feel like at least he's getting educated, lol, since his comments typically show he's at least got the milk of the Word. He's typically in the middle of something when I share it so it's hard to gauge his reaction. Perhaps I should save it all for dinner conversation, or is it 'preaching' and not helpful?
  4. I hope so too! It would be so reassuring to hear how I was useful to God and my bretheren, but I will get to have ALLL my many questions answered when I go to be with Jesus - oooh I'm so excited!!!!! :DDDDDD
  5. Thank you for the empathy and all the suggested books, movies and authors - now I have enough to occupy me for the rest of the year or more. :p Having trouble finding a good church here in our area that has a men's group. I guess I should find one to call home first before inviting him. Re: gallbladder -my later research showed me that a low fat diet has the bile sit there unused so it hardens into stones. I may have been low-fat for a while at the time (and rarely had takeaways - mostly sushi, not any fast food). Like you was into fitness and all that good stuff. I still believe my body was given up to satan each time that my soul may be brought back to Chris (1 Cor 5:5) Thank you for the reassurance. I feel bad mainly for not being able to discern what God wants me to do in a situation, as my husband is also ambivalent and not giving me clues either way. He will disagree with an apologetic, criticise it and the author, but then sound enthusiastic when I mention new ones like the Case for Christ. I pray often for wisdom and discernment, but still feel confused a lot. Sometimes to the point of wanting to never open my mouth, bury any intellect, knowledge or gift of speech or song I may have and just do helps. I don't know if that's from God or satan. It's like - why do I seem to have abilities that don't seem to serve anyone when I use them?
  6. ^this, and in our case "if there is any kind of factual, prophecy or doctrinal contradiction in this book, then it can NOT be the Word of a God who claims to be perfect. If we can't trust its accuracy in these places, how do we trust it's accuracy in others?". Each time I denied Christ it was due to REASON, not suffering, difficulty, persecution or things that seem to be difficult for others. So what made me ignore these same 'problems' that my husband had? 1) I learned the meaning of faith through my husband, who trusted me to be loyal and tell him the truth without investigating, simply on his overall impression of me. The JW friend also mentioned a 'leap of faith' and then it clicked for me. Lord bless them both! 2) Being so completely HELPLESS that I had to "resort to Jesus". I've talked to him about these two things and he accused me of "believing because I want to" (which hurts, since I've always made it a point to do what's right over what "feels good"). It's because from his perspective I ignored those problems saying "there are probably good explanations for these that are currently outside the scope of my understanding". Maryjayne and Other one - it's ok, both of you made useful points for me. P.S. My husband and mum are sooooo attached to me, that they put up with all my STUFF all the time XD and always crave to be in my presence daily. My husband changed SO much for me, and accepts so much to be with me. I tried to bait them with "hey, you know if you believe, then we can be together in heaven forever!! No longer separated in different countries (mum and me) or feeling empty without me (husband). They didn't bite. We both often joke that our cats are "too smart for their own good" but he hasn't made the correlation? Maybe I'm also too smart with those around me for my own good This site shows why its preferable to be wise: https://coldcasechristianity.com/writings/are-atheists-smarter-or-simply-more-self-reliant-and-self-indulgent/
  7. Ouch! Would love to hear more actually! Brief synopsis if you hadn't seen my testimony: I denied Jesus 3 times - 1st time almost had my gallbladder rupture and kill me. They said this only happened to "old fat ladies". I was a slim 'healthy' 20 year old. Second time I denied Jesus and went back to my ex, he didn't care to hear anything about me, got me to pay for hotel, said to keep our relationship secret and strictly sexual and left. I then got together with another 'humanitarian intellectual' who was also doing polyamory at the time and flirting with every skirt, and just living in all kinds of sin and hedonism. We argued heaps as I tried to motivate him to live up to his potential. After looking through conspiracy theories I again came back to Jesus, and would not fornicate with boyfriend, so we had over a month of highly intellectual debates and I thought I was winning until I lost. Still, he was moved enough to give up his spirit guide and to pray and fast for 7 days. Slowly we learned more about the benefits of Biblical teachings and became 'culturally Christian', shedding one sin after another. My husband's health, career , social life etc were improving while mine were ALL vanishing into thin air. Friends dumped me suddenly and my physical and mental health were worsening despite daily personal development and no takeaways etc. After daily suicidal thoughts about my uselessness (can't drive, quit my job to be pregnant and birthing, no one can help me) and my second miscarriage, I had my "Help me God, get me out of this" moment. He gave me instant peace and comfort that all things will work for my good, and that with the Holy Spirit inside me things CAN get better. And they have, at least for husband and me. Ok Maryjayne, I'll get him with extreme scepticism! XD We don't understand if we really understand anything correctly - ergo God! (It worked on me :P). Very curious how you came to believe!
  8. Frienduff, thank you for sharing another sign. I also agree we should be aware of the times so that 1) We are not deceived by the Antichrist! 2) Rev 1:3 Blessed is he that readeth, and they that hear the words of this prophecy, and keep those things which are written therein: for the time is at hand. Few reasons (besides the great falling away you mentioned) why I think the end will come in our lifetime: 1) Israel is a nation now for 70 years - look up the "fig tree generation" and consider the words "this generation shall not pass away until all these things are fulfilled" Hosea 6:2 - After two days will he revive us[Jews]: in the third day he will raise us up, and we shall live in his sight. 2 Peter 3:8 - ...one day is with the Lord as a thousand years... Has it almost been 2000 years since the Jews were cast off? It's been almost 2000 since Jesus died on the cross and the church age began... 2) The Jews are pretty much ready to build their temple the moment they can sort out their political situation, which is leaning more and more towards a Psalm 83 or Gog-Magog war 3) Technology is making a lot of end times possible with everyone seeing the 2 witnesses dead, and there are ways to control people's access to buying and selling (through digital currencies, microchips, drones etc) 4) We're expecting a solar minimum around 2030, which means the sun will lose it's power and we will experience a cooling and darkening on the planet (Rev 8:12). Underground fresh water is already found by the dead sea that would make it alive again, and the land is obviously preparing itself to be the world's most fertile once again - the perfect setup for Christ's reign. Somehow I wasn't able to get hold of anyone teaching we're in the end times to ask if it's right to have children now. Still, it is possible they may grow up yet to be an important Christly influence in this wicked generation. I'm aware that they would be raptured if young, it's just about what's most worthwhile to do for the Lord with my time. I will try to remain flexible about where God would want our children to be, despite our preferences for homeschooling. I'm fairly certain I would not give them up to daycare. There's no benefit in that. LovetheLord, You remind me of how we are humbled and purified in our suffering. You put God first in your thinking and praise Him when it would be expected more from someone who has a SWEET life, rather than a painful one. I can't imagine the horror of so many miscarriages, and it's humbling for me to hear. I'm so glad you told the doctor that, when they had no other explanation! I'm sure that got them thinking... How is your lovely baby, and your husband? I have a burden for lost souls, and I did find a ministry in my city that trains people on soul-winning and actually go out to do it! I will see if I can find a way to meet them (they are far away). Perhaps I can find fruitfulness in being both a wife and evangelist, unless it becomes absolutely clear to do one or the other.
  9. X'D Prov 31:12 says "She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life." - I wonder if that's referring to his physical wellbeing or spiritual. The soul is more important than the body, yet I'm weary to wish trouble on my husband! I guess I can pray for the Holy Spirit to do whatever it takes... :/ and brace myself for the fallout I'm also considering how much attention to pay to my husband, as while he's very special to me, he's not the only lost soul on its way to hell. :/ I need to minister to others too, and I'm wondering how much. I hope this conversation is helping someone else out there, or at least ya'all are heaping up more rewards in heaven...:D Praise the Lord!
  10. Hmm it's almost like he wants me to make the decision for him, but isn't that wrong? When I ask if he wants to, he says "not really, but I will if you want to" ToT I suppose I'll write it on his "suggestions board" and wait for him to initiate?
  11. Yeah I guess it doesn't say he will be won over by apologetics. Then do I not bother looking up answers to these questions and just focus on my walk, meanwhile trusting that I'm not letting my husband down by "just being a Biblical wife only"? I just never heard of a hard-core Bible nitpicker (think Atheist Experience, Aaron Ra, DarkMatter2525(Youtube), Christopher Hitchens, Richard Dawkins - guys that my husband listened a lot to) be converted. My husband ranks with those dudes. XD
  12. Thank you so much!! I will have a look. I get thoughts of "If I don't investigate this or do the right things quick enough, my husband may die without Jesus and I will forever say "Why did you take that time off to do X Y and Z and not focus 24/7 on your husband's salvation?" I know it's not up to me to save Him, it's God who saves, but it's my job to be a help and not a stumbling block... just not sure what's on me to do. If you've been in that situation, what worked for you? Debbie Nice to hear from you! Funny thing about my husband is he's willing to go see a Christian movie, go to church, meet my Christian friends or pastor etc etc "If I really want him to". He doesn't initiate it though, and is not enthusiastic, so it feels awkward to ask him to come and be involved. What do you think?
  13. Thank you so much for all your speedy feedback! One thing I can count on here is to have Christian counsel whenever a need arises (rather than trying to steal 5 minutes with the pastor on a Sunday). God is good to me in this also <3 Praise the Lord! It's bedtime for me so I will reply briefly and maybe more later. Ayin, that is very wholesome and clear advice! I do believe I'm already doing those things, and I do unceasingly pray for the Holy Spirit to give me words and guide my actions. Regarding answering his questions - they're on a 9 page document now, and my husband is indifferent as to whether I go through them. I'm still unsure whether to try find answers to them (I'm afraid he will find fault again with the answers or presenters), but certainly will give a brief answer to anything fresh he asks. An OrangeCat, he's aware of blatant lies put out by mainstream science, "degenerate school propaganda" etc. Still, he sees both moral and scriptural problems, which no amount of failed science could reconcile. He says he could believe that Jesus "exists" if he appeared to him, but not believe the Bible as infallible. Discliamer: I tried to stay away from doctrinal disagreements, but thought it may be ok to say the following to respond to GandalfTheWise's and MaryJane's concerns. Not intended to offend anyone, and if I broke the rules or something please let me delete and give me another chance. MaryJane, no I've never been involved with them. When I was seeking God many years ago I never seemed to run into a Christian but did find out my flatmate of many years was JW. I was able to see the beauty of God's Word even amidst the corruptions, but inadvertedly having become familiar with common Christian theological differences through a militant atheist's game, I investigated JW's beliefs before ever committing to anything. Thank you for the suggestion, I will pray for the removal of the intellectual barrier! GandalfTheWise, my husband and I are not in disagreement about Bible versions. He's already aware of disagreements between denominations, and knowing the history of the Catholic church etc. doesn't see it as a problem. When watching the doco, we were on the same page and he says he enjoyed it. I was impressed when he was upset about the removal of the diety of Christ, removing Lucifer and saying Jesus the 'morning star' (Isai 14:12NIV , Rev 22:16) fell from heaven, removing hell and repentance, removing belief before baptism, calling the time of reformation 'new order' and constant notes saying 'legitimacy of this verse is in question' seemingly preparing future generations to accept a Unitarian God. Impressed because it shows he understands and cares about the true gospel, even if he doesn't believe it. His arguments are more to do with "how could a loving God..." or "this prophecy here failed therefore.." I don't care what I lose for Christ, really. I've already made peace with potentially not experiencing the miracle of motherhood, or living out our homesteading dreams with my husband if that's not God's plan (e.g. if I'm raptured beforehand, or can't have kids etc). I've given up a great job I worked really hard to get before because it asked me to go against God, and I had been physically threatened with death when I confronted someone, with prayer, as per the Bible's instructions. I remember at that time having no fear of death, and I still don't. Only ever regret of not being more fruitful for God's kingdom. I missed that confidence the most - being at peace in the midst of personal catastrophy, feeling dead to self and alive for Christ. I also thank God for letting me go through all my hardships for they 1) made me realise I need Him 2) made me come to Him more often and thus seek to know Him and be closer 3)refined my character to be more Christ-like 4) Gave me a little taste of what my God had to go through in order to redeem a useless(for lack of better word) nobody like me. "Often a series of questions are a smokescreen hiding one or two critical issues in a person's life that are holding them back from God. It is often an issue of having God's discernment as to what those few things really are and speaking to them with God's wisdom guiding you." -this is especially interesting! I've been getting an inkling, but you saying is like a confirmation. I'm getting the message to step back from these specific apologetics and praying to discern if/what is really behind this unbelief. Neighbour, I never heard of the movie "War Room" until it was mentioned twice today. Whenever something like this happens, I take it very seriously and pursue it. I will watch it ASAP, thank you. Thank you for the blessings!
  14. I came back to Jesus about 5 weeks ago. My unsaved husband contemplated if he should divorce me before we start a family and get our kids involved in what was already a conflicted marriage. A couple weeks ago, he committed to staying with me and actually said he prefers me being a Christian because he saw 1) I complain much less 2)I seem happier 3)Not suicidal or anxious 4)We no longer get into arguments over things we used to since we got together. He watched a very compelling history of believers, new world order bible versions, Bible movies etc. and asked me about church, hearing very compelling things... BUT his intellect is too sharp for me now. 3 years ago I was able to debate him on over 100 different reasons he was convinced the Bible wasn't true, but he was not convinced then despite what I thought were incredibly inspired responses on my part. Eventually he convinced ME to stop believing for 3 most awful years where everything was falling apart in our home and our lives (despite us living incredibly healthy lifestyles). I turned to Jesus in desperation, but he thinks he's been improving and doing well for himself so had no such need. The compelling case for the Bible, after countless hours of searching for God, and personal experiences of God's voice and my transformation are enough for me to believe without needing to have all my questions answered. Not so for my husband. He still presents thorough intellectual challenges to the Bible that no one around us is willing or able to take on. His heart wants to believe, but his ravenous intellect is stopping him. I'm still trying to find answers because I love him and don't want him to perish, and he reiterates that he doesn't feel preached at all and I haven't put him off. Whenever I found an answer though, he just tears it apart and makes all preachers seem like liars. :( He seems to have very good discernment when it comes to Godly and ungodly things, and with his many abilities could be one of the greatest men of God of our age. It seems a waste for him to not believe before rapture, or to die before saving and edifying many souls for the Lord....instead standing before the throne with heavy condemnation for continually rejecting God's call. I can't find any advice on how to bring a sharp-witted sceptical husband to the Lord. Could anyone advise? I could paste the 9 pages of 'problems' he has with the Bible, but may bring them up in 'Apologetics' one at a time. Edit: Forgot to mention that I've been praying throughout, including before, mid and post-conversations. Others are praying too.
  15. I don't We just talk about our parenting methods and such in advance, especially before committing to stay together and bring children into this world. Missmuffet - Yes, I married him after I had become an atheist. I have heard that God will use our bad experiences for good when we're in Him...so I accept the hardship I brought on myself and understand that I NEED Him on a daily basis just to get through the day with my sanity and faith intact. Hopefully this means I will grow to know and love Him more than I would if I had it easy and handled all on my own. Hopefully all these unbelievers in my life will be blessed now that they have a zealous Christian around. Of course I would SOOOOOOOO love to be led by a believing husband, than kind of leading from the back, and hearing my cries perhaps God will be merciful on me and our future children. I believe God will work all things for good, even if it means nothing more than refining my character with the refiner's fire. Perhaps I'm weak of constitution, and God's making things only lightly or moderately difficult. My husband has not asked me to directly go against God, even after we went through a long list of God's laws (he says 'they are good to do'). He actually says he wants me to stay a Christian because it has a positive effect on my wellbeing and character. He even displays good 'Christian leadership' on occasion, like when I had a dilemma whether I should go to a big church with Christian rock and lots of worldy parables geared at saving the unbeliever and help them in their big lost souls outreach (services giving the milk of the Word) or to a small church where the service centers around the Bible and we delve deeply. He advised the latter as my knowledge/abilities would be wasted in the former. He was also the one who encouraged me to pray for our chronically coughing cat and I got to witness a miracle of the cough disappearing permanently. He just doesn't believe because he seems irreconcilable errors in prophecy etc. and he hasn't found convincing apologetics for, but only God knows what may convince him. I keep hearing that I'm supposed to stop trying to prove God to him, and leave it all at God's feet. This is so scary cause I worry "what if he dies tomorrow without knowing God?" so I rush it. God knows better though and actually if he's saved without my convincing, it will strengthen my faith too. I'm homeschooling the children and will read them Christian books (as well as select secular) from a young age. There are many cute teachings I saw on patience, kindness etc. and Bible movies for kids. They can have Christian friends come over or meet at play groups. It's Sunday school specifically or being TOLD what to believe that he doesn't want, but I think I can be clever about it like Abraham was with Pharaoh? I will do my best to help them to love Jesus and the Good Book. They can contrast that with other religions or philosophies...or how their Christian mummy and friends compare to unbelievers. I feel bad for the children (but I have no grounds to divorce my husband and remarry another and can't keep beating myself up for my huge mistake). If Jesus is not coming for several more decades, I suppose my kids will at least be better leaders than the many kids born into total wickedness. Does this change anyone's perspective? Especially Ayin and Jayne?
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