Chris0699

2 minutes ago, KJVOnly said:

Nah, the lord Jesus Christ just wants a commitment.

He wants you done with goofing off in sin.

Simply tell Him that goofing off seems to be getting old, and that you are done.

He will flatten you too.

 

I could say that but I would be lying. That's probably the whole reason He is staying away from me. I can't find the will to give it all up.

6 minutes ago, KJVOnly said:

Funny thing, I was comfortable in sin too.

The Holy Ghost just flattened me off the couch at a girlfriend's house as I was sorta speaking to God.

This started without "seeking" it for myself.

You are right there, right now.

Just admit it, you are being called....

 

 

Well, if I am, pray that it is so. Because I see zero evidence of it. I've been at this for about a year and a half. Quit at least three major sin patterns, daily prayer, Bible study groups, nothing. And people just get hit with the Spirit while doing nothing. Some even while in outright profligate no holds barred sin. I must have really made Him mad.

1 minute ago, KJVOnly said:

This is an easy fix  You need the baptism of the Holy Ghost to change your stony heart(hard) into a fleshy heart(soft)  

Then you need to be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ(name invoked in the water) for the remission of your sins.

After that, just get into your prayer closet and pray in tongues alone a few times a week.

You will be completely changed and remain changed for life.

....try it.

 

Sure, it sounds easy. But no one gets the baptism of the Holy Spirit without a divine action from God. No one is even willing to receive it without divine action from God. A willing heart is evidence that God is at work. But I don't have one. Despite everything I'm saying, I'm comfortable flopping around in sin. Sure, I know it will take me to hell, but what can I possibly do about it if I have sinned away all the means to change?

Well, for Christmas, if anyone wants to see God do something impossible, it's to save me. Not only a hardened sinner, but a gospel hardened sinner. I am blind to the very power that is supposed to move me to Christ, and short of Him making me able to see it, despite everything I am doing, it won't come to pass. Thank you all.

5 hours ago, Blood Bought 1953 said:

 

You say  That you “ sat under the Gospel”...... chances are you heard a “ false Gospel” like most Churches teach and got a  brainfull  Of religious mush.....

The Gospel is Good News and is very difficult to reject if properly taught.....what exactly were YOU taught in regard to the Gospel.....Please explain how one gets saved— according to what you “ sat under”.....thanks....I pray for you...

When I was younger (about 10), I don't know exactly what I thought the gospel was about, but I remember forgiveness and not going to hell. I remember being overjoyed that night. I had a strong desire to be baptized. But it did not stick although I thought I was saved. In my 20s, I understood the gospel in terms of "if a 747 were to hit the building right now, where would you go?" And there was the opportunity to pray if you were not sure. And I did that most every week. All throughout, I thought I was saved. Then, last year, a co-worker was posting about Jewish food laws and I was wondering if we had to follow them. I started digging, and that led to a John Piper article about patterns of habitual sin. I realized I was in habitual sin, and such persons are acting as if they don't know God. I got very scared because if you don't know God, you're going to hell. I quit a long-standing sin pattern that night that, despite temptations, I have not returned to. But I continued to dig, and that led me to John MacArthur, Paul Washer, and the ministry of I'll be honest dot com, and others. I also heard the word repent for the first time, and I also learned about Calvinism. I'd never heard the word repent before in church, or I wasn't paying attention, even though by that time I had read the whole Bible. (I should have come across it then. The fact that I read the whole Bible and nothing sunk in should have been a red flag.) As I continued, I came to realize that I was not saved, and I also learned about Hebrews 6 and the unpardonable sin. I realized that the shoe fit, and hoping against hope, I have been bouncing around trying to find some evidence that maybe there is still a chance for me. I now understand the gospel as some variation of this - God made creation good, man sinned and that separated us from Him. Our sin is to be punished via everlasting torment. To save us from sin and its penalty, Jesus came to Earth, lived a perfect life, and died on the cross, rising again on the third day. Jesus's death frees us from the power of sin and allows us to live a holy life, pleasing to God. To "qualify" (I can't think of a better term) for Jesus's sacrifice, one must recognize the depth of their sin, believe in Jesus for the power to turn from it (repent), and then out of a sense of godly sorrow and gratitude, live in accordance with His commandments by the power of the Spirit. Not saved by works, but there will be works produced by the Spirit in you if you are truly saved.

2 hours ago, Willa said:

I believe this is true.  It is also true that prayer changes things, and God may repent and continue calling people.

 However, I once prayed for someone that if God knew that the person would be a bad influence on my kids and that he was beyond salvation that God would move him out of the way.  A few weeks later he crashed his plane into a mountain side and was killed instantly.  The coroner said he never knew what hit him.  I hadn't prayed evil for the person, only that he wouldn't be a stumbling block for my kids.  

If this is true of me, I need to be taken out. I don't know if I mean it or if I fully understand the ramifications, but if I am the reason that my kids would never get saved, then I need to go whether I want to or not.

Yes, it is possible, I believe this has happened to me. My heart is hard and I am lacking the desire to leave my sin. I do not detect Jesus working on my heart. I sat under the gospel most of my life and have not changed. Now it seems too late because I do not have the desire to repent.

22 hours ago, DustyRoad said:

You have mercy for me, @Chris0699. Rest assured that Jesus Christ has mercy for you, no matter how lost things may seem to your eyes and sensibilities.  Remember the words of the Lord:

For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. (Matthew 7:2)

God bless you, my friend. I in agreement with @Blood Bought 1953… you're going to be fine. 

I am glad you think so, however I am not in agreement. I believe my end will be bad. May He wake me up and truly let me see the danger I am in and give me the will to quit sinning, or go to Jesus to get the will to quit sinning.

10 hours ago, DustyRoad said:

Here's something for you to consider, @Chris0699. 

I came close to quitting today, just like I did yesterday and the day before that. How many times do the same things have to happen before the Lord abandons me? How do I know that he hasn't already and how do I know that I haven't lost my mind?

All it takes is one little thing out of place to send me (figuratively) crashing into a wall or tumbling into the ditch. I drive two hours away to pick up groceries only to discover that the lady submitted an additional order without my knowledge and so the breakdown begins... 

The first thing to go is my ability to reason and think clearly. I can't see past the horrendous agony I'm experiencing because I'm incapable of processing emotions when I'm in that state; my thoughts are a chaotic, jumbled-up mess.

The next thing to go is my ability to speak without stammering and sputtering. Hiding from other people alleviates the need to speak which is my choice, every time.

I may not hold a thing against my brother but the likelihood of him holding something against me increases the longer he's exposed to me. Thus having no friends alleviates the need for others to be injured by me which is my choice, every time.

I'm aware of it all as it occurs, Chris. Every second of it. I can wax poetic but that isn't necessary... there's no point in doing that. I've lived in this prison for close to 50 years and there are times when all I want is for my sentence in this life to end. I've pleaded with the Lord to put an end to this living hell because while I'm certain that I've done something unpardonable to deserve autism, I don't know what that is. I was born this way.

Do you think I've done something to deserve this? Why would God call me only to cast me into the fire? I really want to know what you think so I'd like to ask other members to give you time to respond if you decide to. Thank you.

 

I am reminded of the man born blind in John 9. 

9 As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. ² His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”

³ “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus...

Far be it for me to try to speak to you in the state I am in. But I hope this may help.

9 hours ago, Blood Bought 1953 said:

Something tells me you are going to wind up just fine.....Methinks the “ Hound Of Heaven” could be nipping at your heels....

In the days of Jesus, there was nothing worse than a Tax Collector - Traitorous Jews that essentially turned on their Jewish Brothers and robbed them blind with the protection of Rome.The Bible tells the story of a wretched Publican ( tax collector) who was so ashamed of himself ,he would not even look up to Heaven.....he got saved not in “spite” of that humility , but “ because” of that humility .God is not looking for sinless people .....He is looking for those with “ Contrite Hearts......A Heart like the Tax Collector had ......one that could only cry out “ Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner”......That's the place you need to be.....I pray  that God give you a Contrite Heart.....the starting point of Christianity.....a gift from God.....I sincerely hope you get it ...

 

@Blood Bought 1953 Apologies if you were talking about Dusty Road and not me. Was thinking about that. But if you are willing to pray, would be appreciated.

5 hours ago, Blood Bought 1953 said:

Something tells me you are going to wind up just fine.....Methinks the “ Hound Of Heaven” could be nipping at your heels....

In the days of Jesus, there was nothing worse than a Tax Collector - Traitorous Jews that essentially turned on their Jewish Brothers and robbed them blind with the protection of Rome.The Bible tells the story of a wretched Publican ( tax collector) who was so ashamed of himself ,he would not even look up to Heaven.....he got saved not in “spite” of that humility , but “ because” of that humility .God is not looking for sinless people .....He is looking for those with “ Contrite Hearts......A Heart like the Tax Collector had ......one that could only cry out “ Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner”......That's the place you need to be.....I pray  that God give you a Contrite Heart.....the starting point of Christianity.....a gift from God.....I sincerely hope you get it ...

 

Yes, I need a contrite heart @Blood Bought 1953. Thank you for your prayers.

2 hours ago, Revlori said:

Most definitely Chris, I will be praying 

Thank you.

1 hour ago, Revlori said:

your very welcome!That's a step in the right direction my friend. Let me know if I can help, until we talk again have a blessed day!

Please pray that He would open my eyes, that would help. Whether I am blinding myself willfully or I am ignorant, the result is the same, alienation from God and continuance in sin, and only He can do something about it. Thank you.

4 minutes ago, Revlori said:

My heart really goes out for you. For the torment that Satans placing on your mind is horrible. I can say that if your willing to keep seeking, then you will find him Chris. God's word never falls. He can be real to you, as long as you have breath in your body, then you have a chance. I really believe he's knocking at the door, Chris he does love you and you were sent here for the direction you need. Keep seeking, you can see many are reaching out to you because we all are the same thing. God wants you, Jesus wants to save you. He has a purpose for you. Sin will become less of a desire as you focus on him, so continue to talk, open up and discuss your feelings. We will all listen and be praying for you.

Thank you. I intend to keep reading the Word and praying, insincere as it may be, until something happens.

1 hour ago, Revlori said:

I just don't want you to give up. I believe you are important and God has plans for you. The devil is a liar, and he has lead so many to believe his lies and they are no longer here and today he mocks them and laughs at them as they are forever bound in torment. Chris, I'm asking that you continue to search, God will answer you. He does love you. You are stronger then the lies of satan, that's why the fight is so violent for your soul. Satan doesn't have to win, let Christ in and he will fight this for you. Satan has destroyed so many, I hate to see a person being attacked like this without trying to help. I pray you will see you are worth more than what you see in the mirror...God never makes a mistake he can transform you, give him a chance.

And I can't give up something that was probably never real to begin with.

2 hours ago, Revlori said:

What I see Chris is that you are searching for God, and Satan is lying to you. As a friend to friend here, ( which I believe we are)let me ask you ,why are you here ( at worthy I mean)  the reason I ask is, when I was in the world, living in sin and rebellion. I loved it at the time, and I would not of been talking with anyone about my hard heart. When people would ask me to come to church, I wouldn't. When people would want to discuss my sin, I would walk away, until I reached the end of my rope so to speak. The holy spirit was drawing me many times, even through I continued to reject that,but then one day, I fell to my knees and answered him. Here I am Lord forgive me, I need you....that changed my heart inside, but there was a lot of work to be done with me on the outside. God has changed me a lot but there is still work to be done. I say all of this to show you that your willingness to talk with me and so many others don't seem that you are so hard that God won't forgive you or call you. Do you see what I mean?

I'm here at Worthy because I am afraid that I have gone the way of Esau and I guess I am just whining about it. I realized my actions were causing me to lose the birthright, and I think I am only finding out after the opportunity has gone. Maybe I am hoping against hope that it hasn't, and that maybe someone can help me. But whether I am willing to talk about it or whatever doesn't change the heart condition inside, nor can all my hand wringing. I am the same person you described you were when living in sin, I will just talk about it and talk to others. I need to be brought to the same point you were. God was pleased to do so with you, but so far He isn't with me.

22 minutes ago, Revlori said:

What I see Chris is that you are searching for God, and Satan is lying to you. As a friend to friend here, ( which I believe we are)let me ask you ,why are you here ( at worthy I mean)  the reason I ask is, when I was in the world, living in sin and rebellion. I loved it at the time, and I would not of been talking with anyone about my hard heart. When people would ask me to come to church, I wouldn't. When people would want to discuss my sin, I would walk away, until I reached the end of my rope so to speak. The holy spirit was drawing me many times, even through I continued to reject that,but then one day, I fell to my knees and answered him. Here I am Lord forgive me, I need you....that changed my heart inside, but there was a lot of work to be done with me on the outside. God has changed me a lot but there is still work to be done. I say all of this to show you that your willingness to talk with me and so many others don't seem that you are so hard that God won't forgive you or call you. Do you see what I mean?

I think I do. Thank you. 

1 hour ago, Revlori said:

Hi Chris,

I'm sorry For not understanding your reasons for you claiming that your already hardened, and you certainty don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but what do you believe has caused you to believe this? 

I'm comfortable in a life of sin and unbelief in Jesus, and no matter how hard I try to think of the consequences, I will still not change. I know I have to believe in Jesus, and set aside my pride, but I can't get to that place no matter what I do. 

On 12/10/2019 at 5:04 PM, Revlori said:

Hello Chris,

Is has been a few weeks since you posted this, I've been wondering how things have been going? let me encourage you today, God is our ever present help. He is calling you to come into him, however the choice is yours to answer that call.

Hebrews 3:15 ¹⁵As has just been said: "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion.

John 3:16 ¹⁶For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Thank you @Revlori for checking on me. I believe I am already hardened. The decisions that led to this place were made a long time ago. This process has just made me aware of said hardness. Still a long way from actually doing something about it. All my efforts to try to do something about it have been fruitless so far.

22 hours ago, Biblican said:

Hi Chris, I felt led to share this with you. Many years ago I was attending a church service. There was a special singing  group visiting that day. As they were singing, I looked at the people worshiping and all of a sudden my faith was wiped out. I thought to myself, these people are worshiping nothing. It was an awful feeling. Then one of the singers stepped off the podium and came directly over to me. She said, "The Lord told me to pray for you." I said, "Yes He did." She prayed, the spirit that was attacking me left and the veil was lifted. I believe you are undergoing a similar attack. Again, you need to get prayer from someone who can hear the Spirit and has had some experience in dealing with demonic attacks. Keep me posted, please let me know how you are doing. God bless.

I need an intervention like this. I just have no assurance that, given the state of my heart, that He would be willing to do it.

6 hours ago, DustyRoad said:

Hello @Chris0699! I've been embroiled in a trial of my own so I haven't been keeping up with your progress, my friend. My apologies! I don't think it's my place to present myself as knowledgeable or worse, some kind of expert who has the answers you seek. Nope!

However... it is my place to share some of my testimony with you. It occurs to me that you're not aware of what I faced (and still face) in this life. I'll put some of it in nutshell format since a novella isn't needed here.  

• Asperger's syndrome
• Major depressive disorder
• Post-traumatic stress disorder
• Stage 4 hypertension (controlled by medication)
• Scheuermann's disease (here's a summary of the developmental condition) 

and...

• A sinner like everyone else
• Was baptized at the age of 26 and then turned away for close to 24 years...
• Had five wives
• Lost everything I owned (possessions & money)
• Lost my family
• Lost my friends
• Was an atheist

And finally, I lost the desire to live. Yet here I am anyway, Chris. Believe and trust in Jesus Christ, my friend. All things are possible to the Son of God!


 

This does at least give me some hope, thank you, and best to you as you work through your struggle. Thank you for sharing with me.

6 hours ago, DustyRoad said:

Hello @Chris0699! I've been embroiled in a trial of my own so I haven't been keeping up with your progress, my friend. My apologies! I don't think it's my place to present myself as knowledgeable or worse, some kind of expert who has the answers you seek. Nope!

However... it is my place to share some of my testimony with you. It occurs to me that you're not aware of what I faced (and still face) in this life. I'll put some of it in nutshell format since a novella isn't needed here.  

• Asperger's syndrome
• Major depressive disorder
• Post-traumatic stress disorder
• Stage 4 hypertension (controlled by medication)
• Scheuermann's disease (here's a summary of the developmental condition) 

and...

• A sinner like everyone else
• Was baptized at the age of 26 and then turned away for close to 24 years...
• Had five wives
• Lost everything I owned (possessions & money)
• Lost my family
• Lost my friends
• Was an atheist

And finally, I lost the desire to live. Yet here I am anyway, Chris. Believe and trust in Jesus Christ, my friend. All things are possible to the Son of God!


 

I am about as far away from believing and trusting in Christ as can be. Just apathy. I don't know if it's because I am in open rejection or if I am losing hope that He cares and that's the reason for the apathy. I have to be able to call out to God for help, but my "prayers" are but lip service and empty thoughts. I can only hope that somehow He would break in. I may sound like an honest seeker, but I am anything but. I have read the Bible cover to cover at least once (a long time ago) and read at least something daily but so far nothing. The requirements for answered prayer seem daunting, too. Because I have a very bad sin loving heart that is constantly turning away from God. And a self righteous attitude that thinks better of myself than I am.

21 minutes ago, Biblican said:

Why do you think it's not demonic? This is how the devil operates. You want to eliminate every possibility that can be hindering you. If you have witchcraft in your lineage, the familiar spirits they let in travel up the family lines. They block people from coming to the Lord.  You should at least make the effort to get rid of any of these influences.

There's no witchcraft in my lineage. Most of my family is at least professing to be Christian.

10 minutes ago, Michael37 said:

Anything. What have your read recently?

I read John 4 and 5 yesterday.

26 minutes ago, Michael37 said:

Is there a particular passage of Scripture that you can give me?

What about?