The original post resonates with me. I knew that I was missing something in my Christian walk, and I took the "me version" of a fix and started doing things that made me appear more devout and dedicated. I worked on how I appeared more than who I was. After visiting a few preachers, and even one who laid hands on me to give me the Holy Spirit, the missing element was still there.
As I was working in a foreign country shortly after that, I went to a bookstore to find Christian books that might give me an answer (I could not find an answer anywhere else.)
Then, I saw one word in a book that spoke of "surrender." Yep, like a hammer in my noggin, it hit me. Out of all the things I tried to feel close to God, I KNEW that I had never surrendered myself. I was play-acting, I was "appearing," but I was not surrendering. My mind was still in the world and my heart was not occupied by God's spirit.
In my hotel room, I dropped to the floor and cried out with my repentance toward God. I was alone, no noise around me, but in an emotional dive = I even asked for His help in surrendering. To think, nobody with whom I spoke told me anything about surrendering. After all, I looked like a Christian.