"Well I read it again and I have have done everything that you have suggested
My church http://www.ebchurch.ca is a 45 minute drive one way. I can't remove myself from the community because I am not working and can't afford to move. There's nothing I'd like more than to move back to Ontario and fellowship with my old church family. I'm surrounded by sin. Pot smokers and growers, atheists, witches, pedophiles , we got em all here. I'm fortunate that I have as few vices as I have. Did you grow up in a christian home? I did not. I was raised in sin and grew up in it until my mid 30s. I'm not trying to use this as an excuse but there are dynamics that you may or may not understand. We play worship music almost exclusively all day. There are not many christians in my neck of the woods so the only influence I have is my family. You see, it's not as easy as you mak it out to be. I can only hope that God cuts me more slack than you do "
It states very clearly in the Bible not to judge each other, Some should read that passage again. You are in a tough situation and it looks to me like you are dealing with it well. Just look at how you have used this community for support. God will provide you with what you need. Might I suggest that you contact the minister of your church. request a little time to discuss forgiveness. Have a conversation with him/her, Tell your minister "This is what I have done" "This is what I still struggle with" Ask your minister to pray with you for Gods forgiveness. I guarantee you God will forgive you of your sins. You will feel a great load lifted, and you will know you are right with God. This is being born again, Your old ways are dead, God forgave them completely. They no longer exist. You are fresh and clean. Isn't that great with Gods Grace we get "do overs"
Now, it is not going to make your living situations any easier and yes you will fail. You will sin again. But guess what, God gives you as many "do overs" as you need. Just don't give up. God will forgive you over, and over, and over again. The problem comes when we listen to satan and believe that God could not possibly forgive me again and WE walk away from God. God will never walk away from us. You just hang in there, and when you meet Jesus our savior you will hear the words, "come my good and faithful servant"
God Bless
Kansas Dad