Nevella123

Rachel, You already know how I feel about your marital situation. We've talked over email about it. Your marriage is not healthy at all. And add to it that your husband isn't Christian (you mentioned that in prior post a while back, so I hope it's okay that I repeat it), it's just not going to work. It sickens me to hear of how he treats you. You both make money, but he can take money and "hide" it from you? He tells you to go to hell?? I am sorry but I think that if you did move back home, you'd be happier in the long run. I have a dog and I know how I'd be so devastated if I had to leave him. Are they HIS dogs? I thought they were both of yours?? Can't you somehow take them, or take one with you?? I'm sure courts do pet custody hearings. Someone mentioned couples counselling, but from what you've told me about your husband, I dont' think he'd agree to that (and you cannot force him). No one here can tell you what to do. I know you have been praying, and I pray for you every day. I just read all the things you write about your marriage and how your husband acts, or doesn't act, and I just do not understand. You are only 34 and are a beautiful person. So please do not feel like you are "stuck" with him because maybe no one else will want you. Not saying you feel like that, but I have friends who do. You have so much more of your life to live, Rachel. Remember that. I personally feel like you need to be with someone who brings you up, not someone who brings you down and is secretive and insulting and more. You deserve better than that. God has better things in store for you. I love you sis and pray that you find the courage to take a stand. ~Nevella

Thanks tah!

George, I'm not having any luck getting to the articles. What pops up is a page called "My Way" and then says the page I'm looking for isn't available, but has listings for classifieds, entertainment, finance, etc. So, I haven't been able to actually read any of the articles, but you provide great descriptions, so I have some idea what it's about. Why do people try to get around the law? He'll obviously be in much deeper trouble now versus if he just paid the speeding fine. Oh, silly people!

The other day I was driving along a side street where the limit was 80km/hr. I was going about 85km/hr. I looked in my rear-view mirror and saw what looked like a hearse approaching very quickly. It proceeded to pass me (this was a single lane street) and must have been going at least 100km/hr or more. Maybe he was late to pick up a body? I'll never know. I just hope he didn't have anyone in the back with him!

When I tried to click on the link, it didn't go to the article But I'm guessing someone offered their kidney in lieu of paying the fare? Not sure how much a kidney goes for nowadays. Very interesting indeed!

Is this lake in a residential area? Hopefully no one lives right beside it. Yuck!

That's AMAZING!! God did the same thing for me not too long ago. Isn't it wonderful? Now you have others your age who you can turn to and can hold you accountable. God is indeed VERY good!

I just recently truly asked God into my heart and can feel his presence. Even though I have never heard a "voice", I do just get these gut feelings that I know God wants me to do something. Like when I started up a Saturday children's club at my church 2 yrs ago. I just got this feeling in my heart, after doing VBS, that it would be a great outreach ministry (and to this day it's very successful). I am just now learning how to ask God for wisdom in my decisions and to talk to him daily. At first I was waiting for a visible sign or auditory voice, but now I know it's a feeling I get in my heart and just how I don't have doubts anymore. Also, as for your minister, I agree with what many said. You should not be made to feel like you HAVE to attend these meetings. Does the minister try to make you feel bad for not doing more? What does he say to the group? I agree that you could do things "behind the scenes", like fold bulletins or even arrange the flowers each week, etc. I personally am very involved "in front of the scenes" at my church (teaching Sunday school, being a reader, server, worship team, VBS director, pageant director, etc, etc), but I do it because I am comfortable doing so and feel called to do so. I do not think less of those who simply come each week and may not get as involved. If you are praying for your church, and also tithing (if that's possible for you), then you are helping And attending regularly (which you do) is a wonderful thing as well. You should not be made to feel like you are not doing enough. That's my opinion.

One small issue with that Floatingaxe... she's the kind of person who's always been alone and I can tell how great it is for her to have someone to talk to and stuff. I feel great when I can hug her better when something makes her cry after she's used to suffering it out on her own... I just don't know what would happen if I broke off our relationship (which I really don't think I should do, especially so soon). Billielovesdarren, I am glad you find that to be a common thing, at least I'm not going crazy... I was in a relationshp with a man for about two years, we were engaged and we realised that, while if we had gotten married we would both commit and stay that way, we were not compatible. We've been 'broke up' for about two years now. He is still a big part of my life though, he is like a brother to me. He acts like a relative to my sons, he is there for me if I'm not in a relationship and I need to cry. You dn't HAVE to never speak to a person again just because you're not in a relationship with them. You actually can remain friends. Unless of course sexual urges always pop up which will mess things up. I had to set the boy straight about 6 months ago, he was coming off a relationship (He rushes headlong into them and then when the "feelings die" he will jump right back out...I tell him this is stupid...but he continues to do it) and he said to me "I have decided that God wants me to court you again." I laughed. His eyes got big. I was like, "God told me no such thing, so your out of luck pal." And I distanced myself from h im for a while so that he could deal with his "attraction" issues. Now things are back to normal and we are like brother and sister again. Whatever you decide to do you need to be honest from the beginning. It might hurt her feelings, but at the same time, if she sees that you do care for her in other ways... That might be what God intends. Not all times when a male and female are brought together by God was it meant to be a relationship which leads to marriage. This man and I have alot in common and when we met it was as if we known each other for years. We accepted eachother's foibles in a way I'd never expected anyone to do...we were soulbound friends. Because I'd never experienced a soulbound friendship with a man, I assumed we were supposed to be married. So did he. Later we both learn that it wasn't the case at all, but we had to learn that on our own. Pray for guidence. Wow, LadyRaven! I am always in awe of your answers You (along with many others) always have such great advice (even to some of my posts). Anyways, I love what you said about how not all times when a male and female are brought together by God was it meant to be a relationship which leads to marriage. I'm at that stage now. Am now starting to build a relationship with God again and attending a young adults group. And have met a couple of very kind guys. But I still sometimes worry that I'll assume that God brought us together for more (like this one guy who is also a teacher and so we're going to hang out so he can give me tips and stuff since I'm about to enter my first year of teaching). I have to realize that it's more likely this guy is in my life because he can help me to grow (like everyone else at my home church) and maybe also give me insight into teaching, but not necessarily that it means he's "the one". Also, your last paragraph really hit home. I met someone on a Christian message board a month ago and for the first 3 nights we chatted on MSN messenger for maybe a total of 20 hrs or more! We realized we had SO much in common and it was like we knew each other for years. We just felt so comfortable around each other, etc. At first I was probably infatuated and thought were were meant to be together in a relationship (him too), but now I know, like with you, it's more of a soulbound friendship. Since then we have just been there for each other (since we are both also just really getting into our spiritual journeys), and are holding each other accountable, etc. Who knows, maybe we will end up together, but that's not how it's meant to be right now. Right now we both need, more than ever, great Christian friends, some of whom may be in the same "boat" as us (on our journey), someone reliable we can count on (besides God), etc. We both decided that if we rushed into a relationship and it didn't work, that would devastate us. Because we just have so much in common and are so comfortable around each other that being soulbound friends is much better Also, on another side note, we even considered seeing what it was like to kiss each other (out of curiousity. to see if we "felt" anything), but we decided against that. Because what if one person felt something and the other didn't? So, we are soulbound friends and it's great! I am there for him and he is there for me (like when we date others, have questions, etc.). And if it is in God's plan for us to be together down the road (waaaaay down the road, not like next month, lol), then He'll make this clear to both of us

billie, i have experienced the EXACT same thing. With me, I used to have sex because I was trying to fill a void, or because I knew the guy wanted to (and I guess back then I didn't care about what God wanted, or respect my body), and I never enjoyed it. I have always thought that perhaps the reason why I never enjoyed it was because God knows it's wrong and so why would he make it enjoyable for me? I am looking forward to when I'm married and can have sex with my husband and actually enjoy it (because I know what I'm doing is not a sin). on a side note, now that i am filled with the love of God and am getting to know Him each day (through prayer, devotion, etc), I haven't had any desires to have sex. and i have had the opportunity more than once. i truly am changed. for the first time i asked God to take control of my life and to give me wisdom, etc. (instead of trying to do things my way). what a wonderful feeling!

I do not believe that you should feel obligated to let people at church hug and kiss you as a form of greeting. It is your body and some people just aren't comfortable being touched (I know many people like that). We actually talked about this at my church's sexual misconduct training. If you do not want to be touched, make it known. These ladies probably figure since you haven't said anything, that you don't mind. But if you do tell them and they take offence, I would not worry about it. It's your body. If someone told me they didn't like to be hugged or kissed, I'd respect that. Especially if I saw that they didn't hug or kiss anyone else (and so it wasn't just them trying to be rude to me). I personally love hugs and don't mind getting kisses on the cheek. Sometimes older people just tend to do that a lot as well (at least at my church). Or even people who are not older. But, if you politely just hold out your hand for a handshake when they approach you for a hug, they may get the message. You seem to be not as uncomfortable shaking hands (especially with your hand sanitizer handy). I hope it works out. Has anyone seen that episode of Seinfeld that addresses this issue (in a comical manner)? It doesn't take place in a church, but rather in Jerry's apartment building. I think it goes to show that some people will take offence, but that it's really a silly thing to take offence to. That's how I feel. I would not take it personally

Yes i have thought about this I've thought about this as well. And, as you may remember from some of my prior postings, I have had premarital sex a lot in my past. But in the last 2 months I have finally begun to truly build a relationship with God (which I had never done before). And so now I am not going to have sex again until I am married. Anyways, it's true that the guy you are with might end up being impotent, or too large, too small, etc, for your "liking". It may even be the woman who has sexual dysfunctions. However, I truly do believe (and from experience) that there are ways to work through it. Be it medications, or counselling, patience, creativity, etc. If two people truly love one another, they will communicate and have patience and try their best to make it so that each one is satisfied. And, I know this may sound cliche, but I personally don't think that sex matters all that much. When I get married (and when I have dated in the past), I much prefer going out and doing things (like going to the lake, cuddling, travelling, having a deep conversation, holding hands, kissing) than actual sex. But I know different people are different. Perhaps for some sex will matter a whole lot. In which case I'm not sure what to say. But I do agree with what others have written. If you have sex, knowing that you plan to ask for forgiveness right after, every time, then that's not true repentance. To repent, you must sincerely and genuinely want to turn away from that sin (instead of knowing in the back of your mind that you plan to do it again and again, because you know God will forgive you every time). God knows if you are being sincere. But I agree that it is a tough topic

Thanks everyone. I guess what it comes down to is that sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. And first and foremost, I should let God be my matchmaker. Besides that, I should be very cautious if I do ever choose to eventually go on a date with someone from one of these sites. I am starting at a new church with lots of other young adults, so maybe I will just go that route. Just get involved, make friends, and maybe one day one of those friends will "click" with me, or they'll introduce me to someone. But I'm not looking for that to happen anytime soon. Thanks again for all the responses. It has helped me a lot

Wow! Thanks LadyRaven! I've actually heard some of that lingo from guys, but didn't know it could really mean something else. You've opened my eyes a lot. Blessings!

Hi there, Even though I am not desperately "on the hunt" for a man, I still sometimes want to be more proactive when it comes to meeting Christian guys. So, I wanted to know everyone's opinion on putting ads on Christian dating/single sites. Or even just message boards for singles. I know the general stuff like how it's still the internet, so one has to be very cautious. But what I wanted was actual real-life stories from people. Either from people who have met their soulmate online or others who maybe have had not-so-great experiences. I also know that just because someone posts an ad or replies to one on a Christian site, doesn't mean they really are Christian. I one day want someone who is devoted to God, is involved in their church, close to their family, etc, etc. I think I'll listen to a good friend of mine who I met here on WorthyBoards (thanks Rachel!) and just leave it up to God. But sometimes I just wonder if God thinks it's okay to use these sites, or if that's interfering with his will?? I'm doing a lot better now and not feeling like I NEED a man at the moment (I just turned 29 and have dated non-Christians up until this point. I broke up with my last boyfriend in April). But I just wanted people's opinions on Christian dating sites. Thanks!