Shy Christian

Thanks for sharing your experiences. I'm glad things worked out for you. The odd thing is that throughout my life I've prayed to God for guidance in different situations and don't usually feel a strong pull one way or the other so I often feel unsure about what he wants me to do. I end up asking other people's opinions (which may vary) and still don't know which way to go. Some people say "God told me to do this"....but I never get that feeling....despite constant prayers about what to do.

In a nutshell, we are tired of living in our cold weather climate and started talking about moving cross country to where it's warmer, plus there's no chance of hurricanes. We have other family in the state we'd be moving to. Neither one of us has ever earned a lot of money but our current home is paid for (although not worth much) and we're used to living thriftily. However, I lost my job a few months ago and am only collecting unemployment which will run out in a few more months. I'm having difficulty finding a new job locally so I can anticipate it would be that much harder in a different state. If we move, we would want to rent before jumping into buying something, but again we're not used to paying anything for housing. We have some money in investments but don't want to deplete that just to pay rent. We really want to get out of this climate and have been praying but are still torn and undecided. How do you know if/when to "take the plunge" and trust that God will let everything work out or whether you're just making a stupid move (no pun intended)?

We didn't actually "volunteer". The neighbor/friend basically recruited us although we weren't happy about it. Doesn't matter. Our state has strict liability as far as dog bites and dog owner is responsible - no ifs, ands, or buts. Dog has had shots. The person received medical treatment and is still healing. Dog owner is offended that we would want any more than reimbursement of medical expenses.

If you were caring for your neighbor's (known to be aggressive) dog while he's out of town for no compensation and received two bite wounds from the dog, would you: 1.) Ask him to turn it over to his insurance company? 2.) Only request that he reimburse out of pocket medical expenses? 3.) Ask him for a couple hundred dollars more for pain/suffering and inconvenience?

Just a further update and a question. My son and I are in e-mail communication with her every day and enjoying this new relationship. Who should make the first move about meeting? My daughter, since she is the one who sought me out? She lives in a neighboring state but I still live in the city where she was born. I don't have a nice home to accommodate guests and she would need to stay in a motel.

My daughter and I have been exchanging e-mails and photos. We have a lot in common and she looks like me.

Thank you for those who responded and here's the update. I read my son the letter. He wasn't upset, only completely surprised that he knew nothing about this and that no one let it slip out. He was supportive of me writing back to her, and I did.

I can't even imagine the logistics of coordinating DNA tests when she lives in another state. That's not an option for me. She wouldn't have all the information she had unless it was really true.

I'm tempted to read my son the letter this weekend and then respond to her. Any more opinions??? Thank you.

My son is rather stoic and, as a male, would not be as empathetic as another female would on this subject as he has no idea what it's like to be a mother. I don't expect him to "feel" for me on the subject...and that's OK. I'm more worried about HIS feelings. I don't want him to look at me badly for being a teen mom. I don't want him to feel less important/special because he's not my "only". I've been praying but haven't had a "lightbulb" moment where it seems God is telling me what to do. Actually, I never feel that on any subject...I pray, but still go round and round about to do... Anyway, if I DO decide to let him know, do you think reading him the letter she sent would be a good way? It's quite self-explanatory and heartfelt and she seems like a lovely person.

Last week I got a letter in the mail from a child I gave up for adoption at birth almost 40 years ago. She wanted to know if it was me and was looking for her medical history. I only have one other child, almost 30, who still lives with me. We're obviously very close. He doesn't know about this. I'd like to e-mail this lady and ask to see childhood pictures out of curiosity to see if she looks like me and I will give her information if she wants it. If I tell my son, this may upset him to find out he had a half sibling all this time that he never knew. He still wouldn't have a relationship with her because she is in another state. Maybe he'd rather not know. I don't know whether to disclose this to him or not. What do you think?

Redemption, you seem to have gotten the wrong idea. I don't "keep criticizing" her family. I used the words "perceived" criticism (meaning in HER eyes) and "suggesting less than perfect". It's early so I can't even think of examples, but I'm just talking about making a passing comment in conversation and she will jump on her child's bandwagon when I didn't even mean any harm. She clearly overreacts. It happens maybe once every other year. What bothers me most is, like I said, quickly switching the topic to something "I" did in the past to try to make ME look bad.

I didn't think she would get defensive over her step granddaughter. If someone else's kid talked like that, my sister would have something to say about it, but since it's her "son's", I guess it's OK... What made me so upset this time is that she changed the subject saying that I also talked back when I was young and making me look foolish in front of MY son.

My sister and I are both middle aged but she is ten years older. She has three grown children and several grandchildren who are indeed great kids but in her eyes they can do NO wrong. She has always been quick to defend them and takes offense if you say anything that suggests they are less than perfect. One of her sons now has two stepdaughters. During a family visit on Thanksgiving the teenager was mouthing off to her mother (my sister’s D-I-L) and nothing was said to the girl at the time. While speaking with my sister after Christmas I asked if the girl was “better behaved” during Christmas than the last time we saw her. My sister acted like she didn’t know what I was talking about even though she was in the room while her step granddaughter was being sassy. I repeated a few of the disrespectful comments the girl had said to her mother and merely mentioned to my sister that she shouldn't have been talking to her mother rudely and embarrassing her in a group. My sister shrugged off what I said about the girl and quickly responded that I also talked back to OUR mother....40 years ago….really?? What does that have to do with anything? To that I said, “And I got slapped for it.” Anyway, I’m upset because my sister has done this previously. She is super sensitive and defensive about her family and will deflect every and any minor perceived criticism and try to make ME look bad, for things that happened decades ago. How can I let her know to stop when she gets offended so easily? I might add that she is quick to go on and on criticizing OTHER people's kids...

So last night I came right out and told him he was abusing the phone and that it wasn't meant to be used for garbage. I told him the pictures and language used did not honor God, or me. He agreed, and then went on to apologize profusely, promised to stop doing it, and told me how much he loved and appreciated me. I hope this is indeed the end of it. Thanks to all for your help and support.