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On June 30th my closest cousin died. She lived in NJ and I'm in NY, I hadn't seen her since 2oo5. I did,'t even speak on the phone with her very often. But we emailed every week. I now realize she was the only person I had that I could tell anything to. Even if she got angry over it, she got over the anger. I didn't expect to miss her this much. After all, I'm no stranger to losing people to death. I have 1 other cousin but sometimes talking to her is like walking on egg shells. She gets jealous and envious too easily. And she never admits these things I just feel them. So obviously I can't tell her many things. The only person I could be open with was Margie, and she's now gone. Margie felt certain she would outlive me, but I seemed to know she wouldn't. I just didn't want to believe it. I wish I could talk to Margie tonight. I feel so lonely, much more than usual. I really thought I had learned to deal with death by 21. Even then I had been to more funerals than I can count. Since I can't talk to Margie I'm posting on this board. This is like my church. I got hurt today and I can't sleep. Actually I can't lie down. My pharmacist, a man named Ray, who's kinda a friend went to the Holy Land. He didn't spend much time in Jerusalem because he went for a wedding. Ray is Jewish and quite confused about God. I think Ray wishes he was heaven so he couldn't be tempted by all the sins of the world. He's only 45 and his love of the world really bothers him. Btw, he has a partner who's a Christian. Ray just came back from Israel yesterday and I had told him to be sure he took pics of any famous sites. I was half asleep today but I had to go see Ray. I expected good pictures. So I had to bring my reading glasses, and I had to bring some antibiotic pills that I needed a different brand on. I was so sleepy I forgot my hat (which I never forget) and I still felt I forgot something. Ray went to Israel with his family and he did take about 100 pics. But they're all everyone in his family with the wailing wall in the background. He's Jewish so I didn't expect him to visit the tomb of Jesus, but he didn't even take a shot of the old cobble stone streets. No, just 100 shots of the family with the wall in the background. I was disappointed but I said nothing. It got busy so I left to come home. I live across the the street. I put my hand in my pocket to get my keys and panic started. I forgot my keys. Never mind my hat I forgot my keys and today is Sunday, the landlord isn't there and even the super was in Brooklyn, at least an hour from here. I live in a building with a heavy solid door. I was locked out. Total panic set in. I have 2 windows that face a roof and only 1 other apt has a window to that roof. The problem was the woman had an AC in her window. Ray had very few tools. If he had a drill I'd drill the lock out. Eventually Ray came up here to try and help. He was trying to use a credit card. Meanwhile I convinced my neighbor to take the AC out and I'd climb out her window. But I'm not 35 anymore and with this spinal stenosis I couldn't bend my legs. I tried going out head first and now I see I hurt myself. I'm in pain from the waist up and laying on the bed makes it much worse. I feel like I broke a rib, but It's probably sprained, and my spine is killing me. I finally got out and just then Ray got the door open. HOW??? I went back to his store and he said he got it opened with the credit card. A minor miracle for sure. He tells me, Someone up there must love you. This is why I think me and Ray have a destiny. But being raised Jewish he doesn't like Jesus. He won't even read the OT. Since I've been reading the Bible some 40 yrs it baffles me that other people never read it all. For the past 5 months I'm almost excursively reading the OT. One reason is because I read the OT rather fast. The other reason is Ray. So I didn't have a good day, and now I can't lay on the bed. I just don't want to accept that I'm in bad health. I apologize for the length of this post. And I thank you if you read it. JTC

The Loner Recently, Ive been reading a lot of western novels (I know, me, read westerns) And I got to thinking, you know, there are a lot of different "characters" or types of people, in these novels, that all go together, to make the story real, and then I thought, I wondered what would happen, if I made a comparison of these different types of people, to people in the church today, and if it would be relevant. And keep in mind, many of these types, intermix, and share characteristics, and many people change from one to another. They all have strengths, and weaknesses, and when combined can make for a well oiled church. I am going to start a series, discussing these different types of people, their strengths, their weaknesses, and how they can help others, and how to help them. The one I'm going to discuss today is "the loner". The loner, is someone who tends to avoid other people, to avoid hurt. In the novels, hes often a hermit, or someone who sticks to himself, often because of some past hurt, loss of a loved one, a fortune, or just burned by to many people. The person is often quiet, stays out of the way and no one thinks twice about them, but usually ends up playing some vital part in the story. Often, this person comes to the realization that they cant hide from all their problems, and there are more important things and people need help, and they come out and save the day. The modern day loner, like the ones in the books, tend to carry around a lot of pain, and a lot of baggage, and like the ones in the books, their answer to dealing with it, is basically to retreat inside themselves. They may attend church for awhile, but usually, end up forsaking the church. The pain comes from many sources, personal life, loss of a loved one, sometimes mental issues, and often, even from the church, and their answer is to retreat within themselves. If they are in church they are hiding alone in a back pew, or at home listening to a TV preacher. They have a hard time seeing past the pain and the hurt, and they have grown to not see any good in others. Now, they also, usually have big hearts and can be very caring people, they have often been through tough things, and can relate to others, and really be a great person to have in the church family, just for that very reason, but reaching them can be tough. They need to know that they are not alone, and that they are loved, and encouraged to reach out for help, that even though the church isnt perfect it is there for them. It often takes a lot of patience, and prayer, to reach this kind of person, but once you get them on your side, just like in the novels, they can play a instrumental role in your church, and can literally, move mountains. They often work behind the scenes, helping others that feel alone. Their experience with pain, can be both their greatest weakness-but also their greatest strength. Each "loner" is different, about the best advice that can be applied all around, is to pray for them, and love on them, and listen to them, and be very encouraging. Beyond that, each ones different, but will take patience, and a lot of love to earn their trust. Once you do, you will not regret it. And if you are a loner reading this, please, remember, that God does love you, and promises to be there for you-if you let him. And please, I realize the church maybe hurtful, but it does need you, and the talents you alone can provide. Its tough, but try to look for the good in people, remember, God loves you! Here are some comforting verses, that may come as comfort to "the loner" in your life. All verses are taken out of the KJV Deuteronomy 31:6 6 Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee. Psalm 91:15 15 He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him. Psalm 94:17-18 17 Unless the Lord had been my help, my soul had almost dwelt in silence. 18 When I said, My foot slippeth; thy mercy, O Lord, held me up. Isaiah 43:1-5 43 But now thus saith the Lord that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. 2 When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. 3 For I am the Lord thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Saviour: I gave Egypt for thy ransom, Ethiopia and Seba for thee. 4 Since thou wast precious in my sight, thou hast been honourable, and I have loved thee: therefore will I give men for thee, and people for thy life. 5 Fear not: for I am with thee: I will bring thy seed from the east, and gather thee from the west; Matthew 28:20 20 Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen. John 14:18 18 I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you 1 Timothy 4:16-17 16 At my first answer no man stood with me, but all men forsook me: I pray God that it may not be laid to their charge. 17 Notwithstanding the Lord stood with me, and strengthened me; that by me the preaching might be fully known, and that all the Gentiles might hear: and I was delivered out of the mouth of