redwing Posted February 1, 2010 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 400 Topics Per Day: 0.07 Content Count: 1,903 Content Per Day: 0.31 Reputation: 15 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/20/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 04/19/1942 Share Posted February 1, 2010 Just tell him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isaiah 6:8 Posted February 1, 2010 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 426 Topics Per Day: 0.07 Content Count: 3,633 Content Per Day: 0.58 Reputation: 222 Days Won: 13 Joined: 03/23/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/26/1978 Share Posted February 1, 2010 If you have decided that you don't wish to be with this person, then I think the best approach is to be direct, and to have this conversation as soon as you can. I think think saying "right now I just want to concentrate on my relationship with the Lord" is the right way to go, because it gives him the glimmer of hope that later on, you might be interested again when the timing is right. It's best to be honest (men prefer this!) and say that you don't think there is a future for this relationship. That's my two cents anyway. I'm sorry you have to do this, it's never nice to have to break up with someone. I agree with Andy here. Be upfront but then, when you do break it off, do exactly what you told him. Concentrate on the Lord right now. As a guy I have been blown off with this response only to have the girl, get engaged less then a week later. She lied to me and that hurt. I also know several other Christian guys who were told this, with similar results. Also from what I hear you are not really at a place where your ready for marriage. IMO You should never start a relationship outside of friendship with the opposite sex unless you are ready for marriage. The Lord designed us for marriage. When you start a relationship its design is to lead to marriage. I think I will start a whole thread on this subject since it is a biggie. -Isaiah- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetRain Posted February 3, 2010 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 59 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 156 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 31 Days Won: 3 Joined: 03/07/2009 Status: Offline Birthday: 06/07/1990 Author Share Posted February 3, 2010 If you have decided that you don't wish to be with this person, then I think the best approach is to be direct, and to have this conversation as soon as you can. I think think saying "right now I just want to concentrate on my relationship with the Lord" is the right way to go, because it gives him the glimmer of hope that later on, you might be interested again when the timing is right. It's best to be honest (men prefer this!) and say that you don't think there is a future for this relationship. That's my two cents anyway. I'm sorry you have to do this, it's never nice to have to break up with someone. I agree with Andy here. Be upfront but then, when you do break it off, do exactly what you told him. Concentrate on the Lord right now. As a guy I have been blown off with this response only to have the girl, get engaged less then a week later. She lied to me and that hurt. I also know several other Christian guys who were told this, with similar results. Also from what I hear you are not really at a place where your ready for marriage. IMO You should never start a relationship outside of friendship with the opposite sex unless you are ready for marriage. The Lord designed us for marriage. When you start a relationship its design is to lead to marriage. I think I will start a whole thread on this subject since it is a biggie. -Isaiah- Thanks for your help everyone. I finally told him and he understood why I needed to be friends... I feel a little down though because I feel a bit embarassed. Mainly because this kind of stuff always happen to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trusting Jesus Posted February 3, 2010 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 66 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 2,050 Content Per Day: 0.34 Reputation: 22 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/12/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 09/09/1952 Share Posted February 3, 2010 You have a sweet and gentle way about you. Instead of being embarrassed you need to thank God that He opened your eyes to things that were wrong with this relationship and that He gave you courage to stand up for your convictions. Maybe, because you did not compromise your beliefs this young man will do some soul searching and stop doing the things that are offensive. <>< ><> Nathele Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KRJ Posted February 19, 2010 Share Posted February 19, 2010 I recently met someone and have been dating at a slow pace. Lately I have noticed a few things about him that are not christ-like. So I decided to go ahead and tell him that we should be only friends. Yet what I am struggling is getting myself to do this. Not only do I have a hard time telling him, I tend to have a hard time expressing myself when it comes to disappointing others. I'm trying to make sure I don't wait too long to tell him, but it's really complicated on finding the words to say to him. Any advice? Thank you. I think that maybe you need to talk to him about it, and tell him that stuff needs to change. . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Songwritter Posted February 19, 2010 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 0 Topics Per Day: 0 Content Count: 2 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/18/2010 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/04/1952 Share Posted February 19, 2010 I recently met someone and have been dating at a slow pace. Lately I have noticed a few things about him that are not christ-like. So I decided to go ahead and tell him that we should be only friends. Yet what I am struggling is getting myself to do this. Not only do I have a hard time telling him, I tend to have a hard time expressing myself when it comes to disappointing others. I'm trying to make sure I don't wait too long to tell him, but it's really complicated on finding the words to say to him. Any advice? Thank you. I know this is hard to do on your own so ask Christ to put the right words in your mouth and to open his heart to receive it than go in faith. Because the longer you wait the harder it gets. I will agree with you right now in the name of Jesus Christ that his strenght and wisdom will be with you in knowing and doing his will for your life it will certainly protect your heart from alot of pain love you real big in Jesus Christ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StoryLove Posted February 19, 2010 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 0 Topics Per Day: 0 Content Count: 2 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/19/2010 Status: Offline Share Posted February 19, 2010 I recently met someone and have been dating at a slow pace. Lately I have noticed a few things about him that are not christ-like. So I decided to go ahead and tell him that we should be only friends. Yet what I am struggling is getting myself to do this. Not only do I have a hard time telling him, I tend to have a hard time expressing myself when it comes to disappointing others. I'm trying to make sure I don't wait too long to tell him, but it's really complicated on finding the words to say to him. Any advice? Thank you. Pray ask God to give you the right ords, strength, and encouragement. God Bless you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shy Christian Posted February 20, 2010 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 23 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 198 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 57 Days Won: 1 Joined: 08/03/2006 Status: Offline Share Posted February 20, 2010 I haven't come across any men who are willing to date without eventually having sex (and sooner rather than later). Their thought is that two people going out...without touching...are nothing more than "friends". So how does one know if the other one is serious if there is such little affection shown? What distinguishes just male/female friends from a serious relationship? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetRain Posted February 24, 2010 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 59 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 156 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 31 Days Won: 3 Joined: 03/07/2009 Status: Offline Birthday: 06/07/1990 Author Share Posted February 24, 2010 I was able to talk to him and when I told him about it he understood me. So where friends now. What was amazing afterwards is that I met this guy who has the same values as I do and loves God with all his heart. But unlike what I thought would happen, we are just friends. To my surprise I'm actually glad. Reason we are just friends is because he says that right now he wants God to have all his heart right now before starting a relationship. I find relief in hearing that from a guy because now I know that I can be comfortable in my own skin. And now I think I'm going to do the same until I'm ready to have a relationship that leads to a serious one. I guess it was kind of a releif for me because up until then I would constantly meet guys who just wanted sex and now that I know that theres guys who value purity.. it makes me happy to know I dont have to feel like I'm the odd one. I guess to try to answer a part of Shy Christian's question, it sounds like your going through what I'm going through. I have never dated until last year, but still I never actually had an official boyfriend because of the "sex first" issue. Because I never dated I really didnt have much confidence that I would find someone interested in me long enough to want to value purity before marriage. My standards got tested hard. Everytime a guy asked me out, either they skipped the first date or stopped talking to me whenever I told them about how I wanted to not have sex during a dating relationship. And it would end in matter of days, which made it really hard on me. The last two guys I met where hard for me because they ment alot to me. The first, of course, wanted to have sex. But even though he couldnt have me that physically, he would still have me half way by his captivating flirts. But I knew God didnt want me to be with him so I forced myself away. The second guy, which I was talking about on this thread, was similar to the first but unlike the first guy who tried to convince me to have sexual relationshions with him, he waited. Which made it harder on me because I really liked him and I knew that he still wanted to have sex, and really cared, BUT his goals where not right. So, having my first experience of getting close to having a boyfriend was a nightmare of imbarassment. Atleast it was at first... About a day after I finally broke up with the last guy I dated, my confidence was completely torn. I was ready to vow myself to become a nun. lol, literally. (not saying being a nun is bad, actually its a pretty respectable choice in life) But I knew God didnt want me to be sad despite how much I was tired of trying, so I asked God to send me a christian friend. I didnt care if it was a guy or a girl, just somebody who I can talk to so I wont have to feel odd for the next few days. Later on that evening, I met this christian guy who is now my friend. Not only is he just a christian, but he has the same values and a hunger for God as I do. At first a few of my friends where trying to hook us up together since we were so in common. But right now we are friends because his desire to dedicate his focus on God is greater than having an intimate relationship, or even just a christian relationship right now. Hearing him say that to me as the reason why he doesnt want to date really changed my perseption on my past attempts of a relationship. First off, I confidently know now that I was doing the right thing for ending those relationships early because my body is precious and is worth more than being used as an intertainment source. and second I need to check what is my head desire in my life. Is it seeking a relationship with men, or with God? I know personally that I'm not ready for marriage any kind of way, but I do desire that goal everytime I seek a potential boyfriend; that they may be my future husband. I think that if I want to marry someone, the only way for them to genuinly love you is if your relationship is based first out of a friendship. Being just friends means that this person cares about you; listens to your concerns, fears, and interests and want to interact with you; would make sure that your alright and would be a "true friend" by standing up for you even if you offend them sometimes. What happens when people get into relationships based on sex terms alone, couples will experience the "fall out of love" moments and wont have any good reason to stick with that person because they only knew them based on a boarder level than thier interpersonal level. What causes a friendship to become a serious relationship is when that person loves you more than a friend kind of way. They are drawn to you not because of how you make them feel but because of how much they love you dispite of the intimate moments. Like they love the "inner you", if that makes sense. A way to tell if someone loves you for you is more than what they say, but what they do and dont say. A perfect example would be like if a girlfiend got in a terrible car accident and loses total control of her body. Because she will spend the rest of her life lying in a hospital bed, not able to talk, stand, possibly cant even move her toes, she fears that her new boyfriend will leave her. The only reason that guy would stay with her is through two types of relationships. First would be because he's her friend. A friend would spend weekends, maybe some nights, talking to her and sharing interest and events along the day. Sure he may love her as a friend and may decide to have another relationship with a girl he can always be with. The second is the fact that he moved beyond just a friendship, in which he already is motivated to care for her personally, but a commited love relationship. In this case, he would spend every available moment he had with her. Eventually possibly marry her despite the possibility of never having biological children together. In general, if the person wants to pursue a godly relationship with you to the point of marriage no matter your outward appearance or how much pleasure you give them, then thats what leads to a serious relationship. If someone really cares for you but not in a way that would want to spend the rest of thier life being married to you, then they are just dating for the ride. And need to be just friends. I think when the time comes when we meet someone who loves us for who we are and take interest in us besides for having a good time, we will know. We can always ask God to reveal this to us. I'm doing that too. The truth is we are going to meet more guys who will only want the surface type of relationship rather than a dedicated one. So that is why I'm starting to consider doing what my friend is doing and seeking God more in making me into the woman He wants me to be. So when I am ready to meet the guy who will love me unconditionally, I'll be ready to begin a serious relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetRain Posted February 24, 2010 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 59 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 156 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 31 Days Won: 3 Joined: 03/07/2009 Status: Offline Birthday: 06/07/1990 Author Share Posted February 24, 2010 (edited) I haven't come across any men who are willing to date without eventually having sex (and sooner rather than later). Their thought is that two people going out...without touching...are nothing more than "friends". So how does one know if the other one is serious if there is such little affection shown? What distinguishes just male/female friends from a serious relationship? Check out this forum page about dating relationships. I read it and it helps me. http://www.worthychristianforums.com/Chris...71#entry1499071 Edited February 24, 2010 by SweetRain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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