Trying to balance love and logic

[InternalFlame]

I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year now, so I'm beginning to contemplate all the things that need to be figured out if we some day decide to marry, and I would like some outside opinions on this.

To put things into the right perspective, here is some general information about us. Our relationship is extremely healthy. We compliment each other well in general. Unlike other men I've dated he is very stable emotionally and can give me the consistency I so lacked and desired in previous relationships. We have very strong feelings for one another as well as a good friendship. He knows how to make me feel loved and wanted (an important trait for me) he's honest, good, hard working, has a great sense of humor, and very goal oriented. He's a family man (you should see how he lights up around babies!) and he is strongly committed to a good sense of morals and God. In essence he's everything I've ever looked for in a man and more. Thus far every fight we've had has been small and talked out well enough that the problem doesn't come up again. It's actually disturbing how perfect our relationship is right now. Mind you, I know that it's still somewhat early in the relationship, but I do know the honeymoon period is over since we will have periods of extreme boredom.

I can see us getting married some day. In fact, I'm certain he would propose to me now except for the fact that we're both sensible human beings and we know that you need to date for more than a year before you can begin to really know if you want to get married.

Now here comes the thing that makes me stop to think. He has a condition (anklyosing spondiliteis or something like that) which causes him to have arthritis in his hip. It may or may not get worse with age, and the condition can spread to his back and other joints depending. Because of his arthritis (he has had it for 8 years) he is a little frail, very skinny and lacking muscles since he isn't as physically active. He also has something of a frailty complex (like when he gets sick he overemphasizes the pain, kind of acts like a little kid when sick).

I feel a little shallow because this is an issue for me, but I feel it's a valid one. I crave a lot of intimacy (no, I haven't had sex yet, but it's not hard to figure out your own appetite) and I am a very active individual. His libido at this point matches mine, so the desire is there. However I am worried that down the line that intimacy will become nill to none because his condition worsens to a point where it's very painful...or worse yet, that at some point he won't be healthy enough for sex. Or he gets to a point where I have to take care of him all the time and support him financially at the same time. I guess I'm afraid that I won't have the mental fortitude for that on a large scale. I know my weakness, and my weakness is that I can't handle a lack of intimacy. So knowing that he has the potential to trial my greatest weakness, and thus possibly bringing out the worst in me, should I still go on? He was very sick for two months with tonsillitis, and just taking care of him during that time tried our relationship to the point that things were strained at best by the end of it. So I'm afraid if this would happen for a longer period if we got married that things would deteriorate to a point where we are both just miserable, and without sexual intimacy to act as a joiner in tough times, it would make it even harder.

But, I'm falling deeply in love with him. Everything else points to he is the one....so I'm really confused. I know that no relationship is perfect, but this gives me pause. Yes, I have talked to him about this but he isn't sure where to go with this issue, so I could really use some advice about this.

[Guest LadyC]

you're making a mountain out of a molehill. listen, your libido might be enormous right now, but after you've been married ten years, trust me, you two aren't going to be feeling frisky every night.

but you want logic. here's logic. God created you as a sexual being. He also created this man you are in love with as a sexual being. the world gets our thinking on sex all twisted though, which makes us worry way too much before marriage. we worry that maybe we won't like the same things, or that we won't be a good fit, or this or that or something else. that's why so many people have this "try before you buy" policy.

the TRUTH of the matter is, if you give GOD control over your love life, HE is going to make sure that you and your future mate are perfectly compatible in bed. God knows what you want, like, and need. and since sex is one of His most precious gifts to married couples, you can bet that He's not going to let it be a disappointment, as long as you give God full control over your marriage decision.

[Fez]

you're making a mountain out of a molehill. listen, your libido might be enormous right now, but after you've been married ten years, trust me, you two aren't going to be feeling frisky every night.

but you want logic. here's logic. God created you as a sexual being. He also created this man you are in love with as a sexual being. the world gets our thinking on sex all twisted though, which makes us worry way too much before marriage. we worry that maybe we won't like the same things, or that we won't be a good fit, or this or that or something else. that's why so many people have this "try before you buy" policy.

the TRUTH of the matter is, if you give GOD control over your love life, HE is going to make sure that you and your future mate are perfectly compatible in bed. God knows what you want, like, and need. and since sex is one of His most precious gifts to married couples, you can bet that He's not going to let it be a disappointment, as long as you give God full control over your marriage decision.

Wise words indeed, and I second them

But you need to search your heart.....hard. Is it the lack of the physical that is making you think, or is there something else, like the having to care for him if he becomes really sick? Both are issues you need to search your heart on, and it is good that you are doing it.

I would wait a while longer before taking the next step in your relationship, and pray a lot....What he has been diagnosed with is no joke, my mother had it, and I nursed her for nearly two years. It is not easy. I say this not to dissuade you from taking the next step, but you need to make the decision in yourself.

And it's good that you are asking these questions now

Blessings

[georgedrw81]

When two persons love each other and want to get married then it does not matter their physical condition now or in the future. When the same two persons add God and Jesus in their marriage then it becomes a blessing.

[Guest]

The Longer You Wait The Less Time You'll Have Together

Married 41 Years And Would It Was 141

Thank You Jesus

Praying!