InternalFlame

I'm going through a really hard time right now emotionally. My mother finally divorced my abusive father. His verbal and emotional abuse was escalating into physical abuse, and after over 20 years of her trying to singlehandedly repair the marriage she was done. It turns out my father was having an affair as well, and his drug abuse was getting worse, so its good she got out when she did. The divorce was fair, despite my father trying everything to make sure it turned out better only in his favor. Everything was split 50/50. The problem is that this will only compound his debt because he will have to take out a home equity loan to pay her half of the house. Add to that his remaining debt from his poor financial decisions, and he is in a very bad place, especially being 55 and so close to retirement. So I know it's only a matter of time before he starts asking me for the money that he feels he is entiteled to from me for the parent plus loan he took out for my college education. About 10,000 remains, but he will for sure be asking for all of it. I do not make a lot of money. He pushed me into a career that I did not want, so I don't use my degree. My husband makes enough that we can live comfortably, but he has a health condition which does take quite a bit of money each year. I have student loans myself, and everything I make goes to payments on that right now. If I were to try to pay off what my father feels I owe him plus my own loan it would take me over 20 years, and that would mean never owning a house, and not being able to save any money for nearly 30 years. And that's not considering how much my fathers health bills will be as he gets older because of how he abuses his body. On the one hand I just want to cut all ties with him. The years of abuse from him have taken their toll. The insane rages, how he would demean all of us, never knowing what to expect each day, never getting love and support. On the other hand I feel like I owe him because he's my father and paid for my food and lodgeing as I grew up. I feel that the right option may be to help him pay off what is left of his parent plus loan (I would have to put a deferrment on my own loan in order to do it) and let him know that I will make sure that he will never be on the streets and hungry. But that I have no wish to keep in contact with him unless he goes through therapy, and that I could never pay him back all that money. What do you feel we owe our abusive parents as they age? My heart just hurts so much over all of this. Has anyone else experienced a situation like this? I need advice and lots of prayers.

Unfortunately he was careful not to leave a mark when he hit her, and there were no witnesses, so there is no proof of physical violence. She has called the police many times during heated arguments when things look bad, but when the police get there the mask is back up and he is very polite. She is planning on leaving but it's a matter of her getting up the courage to actually do it when she is ready to leave. I think she plans on going to a shelter first before coming to my house. BFP, you are right about counselling. They tried marriage counselling before and he straight up lied to put himself in a good light, and took advantage of the counseling to try and make my mother feel that everything is her fault only. thanks for your prayers <3

I have come to realize over the years that my father is a textbook narcissist. For years he emotionally abused me, my brother, and my mother. He treated us as things that he owned, beat down our own self esteem, and always blamed others for problems, considering himself perfect. I was able to move away but my mother is still with him. She wants to leave him but she is afraid he may get violent when she tries, and she is afraid she can't live on her own because how he has been eroding her self worth over the years. It's only getting worse now because he suspects she is going to leave (she is trying to slowly pack as secretly as possible) and he has become more controlling - trying to tell her she can't leave the house unless he is with her and things like that. Recently he has become physically violent but luckily my mother is stronger than him and he wasn't able to seriously hurt her. Does anyone have any advice for this situation? I've told her that she can move in with my husband and I for as long as she needs but she is afraid my father will seek her out there and possibly hurt me and her. It's possible when he finds out she is trying to get away from him he could become dangerously violent.

In the show it isn't a necklace, it's a cup that the character keeps as a sentimantal keepsake

https://www.etsy.com/listing/99764948/rumbelle-charm-an-empty-heart-and-a this is the jewelry in question

I run a shop on Etsy where I sell my handmade jewelry and clothing items. One of my items is based off of a popular TV show Once Upon a Time. It features a miniature version of a tea-cup that is on the show with a heart charm of my own design. The cup is basically a basic Royal Albert Val D’or teacup, the flower and stem design is the same as in the TV show. My question is, should I take it down because the idea stems from a TV show? When it comes to these things it's hard to figure what's acceptable and what's not.

I am sorry to hear you stuck in such a situation . Especially when marriage is supposed to be a time of joy and spiritual strengthening by joining with another of faith. Perhaps you can go to college, that may allow you to postpone the situation and give you more time to solve the problem? One way or another, you will have to discuss this with your parents, though I know it will be hard for you. I will pray that God open their hearts to a change in faith, and in what you want for yourself in the Lord.

What other people have been saying is true - communication goes both ways. In a perfect world they would notice your absence immediatly and see what is wrong, but as we are imperfect human beings we tend to let things slip through the cracks. That said, it's no wonder you feel isolated when you haven't been in fellowship for two years! I understand the difficulty of needing to work when they want you to work - however perhaps you could be a part of a bible study on a free night, or something like that until your situation changes?

I know how you feel - sometimes when I get set off I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't get it out somehow. I've always had to deal with really intense emotions that I'm not sure how to deal with...sometimes singing really loud to a song that I like helps (as long as I'm not in anyone's earshot lol)

Indifference. It's more dangerous than hostility, and indifference is the malady of America. It's something I personally struggle against every day.

^^ this is my general thoughts on the matter as well. it's not that I don't want to have the chance to serve God in my marriage (and I'm sure that my husband to be and I can without children), but I really dislike children, especially babies. There are two (soon to be three) under one year old babies in my bible group right now, and I'm always the only one who says "no thank you" (including even the men, besides my boyfriend) when the baby is passed around and cooed over. I've never wanted anything to do with babies, I never got that mothering instinct when I look at them, nothing more than "wow his face looks really strange all crinkled up like that". when I'm in a room with a crying baby for more than a minute I begin to feel a sort of restless anger that I really don't think is a healthy response to a baby's cry. I have no desire to comfort it or see what's wrong, I just want to get the baby to its mother and get away from that sound. People say it will be different when I have my own, but I don't believe that considering the strength of my adverse reaction to other baby's. Whereas every other woman around me just loves to be around the babies, even when they're crying (talking about my Bible group here). This is a pretty big difference in my eyes. To be fair, I've had plenty of experience working with children as I work at a daycare and before I started working in the kitchen I worked with children of many different age groups. the feeling has been the same all across the board; there are a few good moments here and there but at the end of the day I was always wildly grateful I could come home to get away from it...so I have had experience with children in general and am not speaking blindly This is my belief as well - my thought is, why make more children when there are those out there in desperate need of homes anyway? If I ever do change my mind (which I highly doubt) this option, to me, seems much better.

My boyfriend and I are going to be married by the end of this year and so we are considering all the new things that come with marriage such as choice of contraceptives. I don't like the idea of the birth control pill (I don't think that messing with the natural balance of hormones is a good idea) and it's just not nearly effective enough for my taste. My boyfriend said that since neither of us ever really want to have children he can get a vasectomy. This brought me up to thinking, is it wrong not to want children? We're both 25 and very set in our opinions; I don't see us changing our minds any time soon. I really don't see us as being good parents...we're very introverted (being around people for too long is exhausting, especially so with children) and highly value our quiet time to the point that if we do not get it we get unreasonable. I have a very bad temper when it comes to people with a complete lack of reasoning skills (i.e young children - it's not their fault, but it's true nonetheless) which I can see as an unhealthy trait for a parent to have. Not to mention we both want to pursue masters and doctorate degrees in the near future. My boyfriend has a condition which may worsen as he ages, and I can't see being the sole caregiver in a family with children involved. Either way, there are multiple layers in this decision - the biggest reason being that we just don't like kids. Personally I've never liked kids, not even when I was one myself. Is it selfish and wrong not to procreate? I've heard some Christians say it's our duty to raise Children to Christain values. I just think I have more to contribute to God than bearing children, and that I would be better equipped to use my talents to His glory without them.

Ok, so usually I have very vivid dreams but this one in particular rattled me. I feel like there may be something I should be getting out of this, so would anyone have any idea how to interpret it? In this dream I was working at this daycare that was on these huge grounds that included an elementary school as well and was positioned in the middle of a foresty area. All the rooms had lots of windows, so you could see outside to where the wildlife was and possibly teach the kids about it. One day I was working there and it was very dark outside, though it was still daytime. Suddenly outside I saw a very large lizard sitting outside the window so I called the other teacher to look. She came to look when I noticed there was another one, and then by the nearby stream I saw these two huge alligators, but there was something off about them, like they had characteristics of other animals, but I can't remember what. What I do remember is that the third was an even bigger one, but the front half of it was a white tiger and the back half was alligator. No one else could see it so I kept knocking at the window to get its attention so that the others could see it. I knew I should stop because the last thing I wanted to do was to get it's attention, even though we were behind very thick and safe glass. Yet I kept on doing it, and suddenly it was there at the window, its paw on it. Everyone else seemed to see it, but didn't react. I was the only one frightened. It looked at me and somehow I knew that now that it had seen my face, it would come after me when it could. I was afraid to leave the daycare, so I slept there for a night. The next day I had to go to the other building to get some supplies, but it was sunny out so I figured I would be ok. As I was walking all the children were playing carefree, not even aware that only feet away lay a forest that hid creatures of horrific proportion. While was walking back to the daycare across a feild, a small white tiger appeared next to me, and I knew he was a protective spirit. He warned me that something bad was coming and there wasn't much he could do to stop it. I asked why and I saw an image of him as a human, and I knew it was because he was older and weaker than whatever was coming after me. The only thing he could do would be to warn me and to be there with me. I hugged him and thanked him anyway, and I was about to return to the daycare when a man walked up to me. I can't remember anything about him, his face, his clothes, or any other detail besides the fact that he was a man, but I knew he was the devil, because in this dream he would come to ask me for things periodically. Today he wanted me to get him a black marker. Which doesn't seem bad, but I knew it was a part of a bigger scheme. It had something to do with the fact that there were certain things that he couldn't do or procure as the devil that he needed to get humans to do for him as a sort of loophole. I told him no, and he said that I would regret that, and disappeared. I continued to walk home, and I was along a bridge when I noticed that the water was very choppy, despite the fact that the weather was not bad. (It was at this point in the dream I remembered I lived on a fairly large island in one of the great lakes). There were newscasts going on about the strange waves, which were bigger than they had ever been, and that they were bigger than was actually possible for the lake. It wast then that I knew this had nothing to do with normal happenstance. It started to pour. When I arrived at my house I found I had a husband and children. Our house was on a cliff near the shore, and the waves were beating savagely against the stone. the house was flooding from the rain, and my husband had the children upstairs so they wouldn't worry, but I knew they understood what was happening because I saw them peeking. He was taking buckets and emptying them outside as if he was trying to save a sinking boat and not a house. I walked outside and there was the devil again. He asked me if I had reconsidered, and again I said no. Then, he shook his head and suddenly a huge wave came up and was so massive that it broke mere inches from my house. The threat was obvious. He would harm my family if I didn't do as he asked. Finally, I acquiesced. The fact that I find interesting is that the devil had all this power, the power to make the lakes rage and the sky open up in storms...and yet, he didn't have the power to do something so simple that humans can do very easily.

I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year now, so I'm beginning to contemplate all the things that need to be figured out if we some day decide to marry, and I would like some outside opinions on this. To put things into the right perspective, here is some general information about us. Our relationship is extremely healthy. We compliment each other well in general. Unlike other men I've dated he is very stable emotionally and can give me the consistency I so lacked and desired in previous relationships. We have very strong feelings for one another as well as a good friendship. He knows how to make me feel loved and wanted (an important trait for me) he's honest, good, hard working, has a great sense of humor, and very goal oriented. He's a family man (you should see how he lights up around babies!) and he is strongly committed to a good sense of morals and God. In essence he's everything I've ever looked for in a man and more. Thus far every fight we've had has been small and talked out well enough that the problem doesn't come up again. It's actually disturbing how perfect our relationship is right now. Mind you, I know that it's still somewhat early in the relationship, but I do know the honeymoon period is over since we will have periods of extreme boredom. I can see us getting married some day. In fact, I'm certain he would propose to me now except for the fact that we're both sensible human beings and we know that you need to date for more than a year before you can begin to really know if you want to get married. Now here comes the thing that makes me stop to think. He has a condition (anklyosing spondiliteis or something like that) which causes him to have arthritis in his hip. It may or may not get worse with age, and the condition can spread to his back and other joints depending. Because of his arthritis (he has had it for 8 years) he is a little frail, very skinny and lacking muscles since he isn't as physically active. He also has something of a frailty complex (like when he gets sick he overemphasizes the pain, kind of acts like a little kid when sick). I feel a little shallow because this is an issue for me, but I feel it's a valid one. I crave a lot of intimacy (no, I haven't had sex yet, but it's not hard to figure out your own appetite) and I am a very active individual. His libido at this point matches mine, so the desire is there. However I am worried that down the line that intimacy will become nill to none because his condition worsens to a point where it's very painful...or worse yet, that at some point he won't be healthy enough for sex. Or he gets to a point where I have to take care of him all the time and support him financially at the same time. I guess I'm afraid that I won't have the mental fortitude for that on a large scale. I know my weakness, and my weakness is that I can't handle a lack of intimacy. So knowing that he has the potential to trial my greatest weakness, and thus possibly bringing out the worst in me, should I still go on? He was very sick for two months with tonsillitis, and just taking care of him during that time tried our relationship to the point that things were strained at best by the end of it. So I'm afraid if this would happen for a longer period if we got married that things would deteriorate to a point where we are both just miserable, and without sexual intimacy to act as a joiner in tough times, it would make it even harder. But, I'm falling deeply in love with him. Everything else points to he is the one....so I'm really confused. I know that no relationship is perfect, but this gives me pause. Yes, I have talked to him about this but he isn't sure where to go with this issue, so I could really use some advice about this.

I was one of those kids who would watch Peter Pan and profess that I would go to never never land, so I would never grow up and join the world of adults that I hated so much. From what I could gather back then, adulthood didn't have much to offer, and not to mention it meant that I would have to deal with the mistakes of the last generation of fools in charge. So I wanted to stay a child. I never had any inclination to grow up at all. And for a while, it seemed as if I never would...time moved really slowly back then. But eventually I went into womanhood kicking and screaming (almost literally at point). Turns out I'm great at handling responsibility, and good at managing my adult life with my bills and taxes and job. But now I'm miserable. The only perks to adulthood that I can see is being able to make my own rules (which doesn't even apply unless I'm within my own home) and sex, which I can't even have right now because I made a decision to wait for marriage. I miss being able to be with family, going on trips to the beach, bike rides with my mom, being able to make learning my profession at school every day. I know it's the way of things, but it just isn't fair. We were all happy then, the way things were. I wish I could recapture that somehow. I'm only 24 right now, I can't imagine how I will feel as the years continue to advance. To me, 100 years (if you are lucky and healthy) is not enough. Especially if the last 20 of those years are spent debilitated from the affects of aging. Mind you, I don't want to live FOREVER....but a lot longer. I want to try to learn all there is to know...100 years isn't enough...heck, 500 years probably isn't enough. To top it all off time seems to be going by SO FAST right now. It seems like yesterday that it was Christmas and now it's warming up here as we move into spring already. Does anyone else have similar feelings? Or perhaps advice on how to come to terms with all this?