struggling

[Guest marriedtomymaker]

My story is this. (hopefully it will not be too confusing....) I will do my best...

I was brought up in the church. Christian Reformed Church. Went to church 2X every Sunday. Have gone through 17 years of christian education. My husband and I were atteding the CRC church when we first got married , taught sunday school...served in other ways. BUT, I knew I was not right with the Lord. Didn't seek Him--wanted to but didn't really know how. It was not a emphasis in the church to have a relationship with the Lord and they never asked about how you were doing spiritually...I knew something was wrong --I wanted to try a different church.

We started attending a Evangelical Free Church and saw a BIG difference in this church. They actually asked where I was at spiritually. To make a long story short, I knew and understood that I needed to ask the Lord in my heart and repent of my sins. The Lord really used the teachings of Neil Anderson--"Bondage Breaker", "Vicotry over the Darkness" I started really understanding that I was free in Christ and that he loved me unconditionally. I shared alot of this with my pastor and with this church --giving my testimony. I was on a spiritual high.

I never had felt the uncondiitonal love from anyone. And I never really believed that God's love was uncondional. Since then there has been alot that has happened. ALOT.

I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. My marriage has been strained. I didn't see the same spiritual growth in my husband and never really felt like he cared about what was going on with me spiritually. My husband struggles with porn. In fact I just caught him last night looking at porn on the internet!!

My pastor did. And I talked to him too much. Talked to him about sexual problems in my marriage. I know this was wrong. Eventually he steared us to a chritian mentor couple that we met with maybe once per month.

I continues to talk to my pastor. He seemed to be the only one who understood me. He seemed to care about me. I started to develop feelings for him and was daydreaming and thinking about me and him in innappropriate ways. (sexual and romantic) I knew it was wrong but it seemed to be a ongoing struggle for me.

I started meeting for a bible study in another church. The leader talked about how she struggled with the dreaming thing with her spouse's friend and how she delt with it. I felt the tug to go to her with my struggle. She asked if she could share this with her pastor to ask for adivce to know how to counsel me...

The pastor felt I should go with this woman to confess my sin to my pastor. Which I did. My pastor told me I should go to another church. We had been attending this church for 8 years. I was heartbroken. I understand in some ways why he had to tell me that but I still feel very bad and guilty about the whole thing. My husband found out and he was obviously angry and hurt. I told him I was sorry.

Should have me pastor been able to deal with this..?? We are not clicking well in our new church. I have drifted away from the Lord. Not reading the Bible not praying....

I don't know where I am at with the Lord. I can't seem to get back into the Bible and praying. I feel so alone. The confession of this has not helped as I still struggle in my thought life.

How do I get over this..? Our christian mentors never called us and we never heard from them again. (they attended the church where the pastor asked me to leave.

No one contacted us asking about us. Nothing.

I am hurt and maybe a little cynical about church.

[Guest Gladiator4God]

IMHO your old pastor should have dealt with it and moved on just not been alone with you ........but i ask you not to give up on God and maybe find another place where you are fed

[rejoicevermore]

Neil Anderson--"Bondage Breaker", "Victory over the Darkness" I started really understanding that I was free in Christ and that he loved me unconditionally.

I am to went trough this book 10 years ago. But I found out later that we need to recognize that the power of darkness works in us, renounce them and cast them out of us. Daily warfare prayers. Confession of sins(ours and our ancestors) and live in holiness with God

[yukon]

Praying!!

Yukon

[Guest LCPGUY]

I would advise that when you start daydreaming about inappropriate things, immediately switch your thoughts to things of the Lord. Like maybe, what would it have been like to walk with Jesus and sit by the campfire as He spoke, or, imagine what heaven is like as you explore it, or, imagine sitting in the same room with Jesus and talking with Him one on one. Get the idea here? Sing songs of praise and maybe read some Psalms.

Above all, pray. Ask the Lord to reveal Himself to you and to let you know that He loves you. Ask Him to show you what He wants you to be doing. Ask Him for a hunger for His Word.

Seek Him, and you WILL find Him.

God bless you.

In His Love,

Bro John

[larryt]

Since then there has been alot that has happened. ALOT.

I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. My marriage has been strained. I didn't see the same spiritual growth in my husband and never really felt like he cared about what was going on with me spiritually. My husband struggles with porn. In fact I just caught him last night looking at porn on the internet!!

I may not have occured to you that when you attack the powers of darkness they don't just cry and go away. They usually fight back harder and more often because they know that you know about them. Those that don't know are asleep in the arms of the wicked one.

1Jo 5:19  [And] we know that we are of God, and the whole world lieth in wickedness.

Since I found out about deliverance I have been under almost constant attack, but I have learned not to give up and to fight back. The only way I have found to get them to back off is to hit them harder that they try to hit us. We need to keep the armor on and use the Sword of the Spirit - the Word of God.

MS has spiritual roots. In deliverance ministry we call it multiple spirits(not multiple sclerosis).

He has made us more than conquerers!!!

LT

[Guest marriedtomymaker]

Thanks for your replies....But, you are scaring my about the demons thing. I

have ofen wondered about getting ms so soon after being born again. That maybe I wasn't on my guard and the demons came back not just with one but with many---as a verse in the Bible says....WHERE IS THAT???

I know that nothing that has happened to me or will happen to me can not happen without it being in God;s control. I know that this will untimately bring glory to God;s name.

I don't know about he ancestors and childhood. I think that Jesus made it pretty clear that illness is not because of a sin that someone committed. Especially a child's illness caused by a parents sin. I had a kind of tough childhood. Parents had a rocky marriage. I remember always believing I was dying when I was a child. I have no idea why. When I was 13 I had a neigbor guy take advange of me. Dad was gone alot with work.

Well. again thanks for the replies. I think I will take out the material from Bondage Breaker and start over there again. It is just hard and it seems to wear me out emotionally going through those steps of the Bondage Breaker. But, better being worn physically then spiritually. WE NEED GOD SO MUCH IN OUR FAMILY....

BUT IF MY HUSBAND CAN'T SEE IT THEN WILL I EXPERIENCE COMPLETE DELIVERENCE....???? Some one on the board talked about his porn will affect me in my thought life. ..???

I am glad I found this board.

Married to my Maker

[rejoicevermore]

I pull down the strongholds over your mind right now , and cast down every imagination and every high thing that exalt it self against the knowledge of God, in the name of Jesus Christ. (Based on 2Co 10:3-5)

Hi. I do not know where to start. There is so much I would like to share with you. I need to seek the Lord. But meanwhile here some information.

http://www.sw-mins.org/gen_curses.html

I know one thing. More genuine repentance, less ground enemy has, more deliverance accomplished.

I pray that the Lord will deliver you, strengthen you and make you unshakable. God bless you.

[Guest SeasOfMercy]

What you did was sin, you know that, you know you would not feel the guilt etc if it was not sin...

You repent before the Lord, ask His forgiveness, accept it, forgive yourself, grow from it, move on and bind up satan from attacking you with false guilt by reminding him that you repeneted and the Lord forgave you as His word says....

As for the pastor at the other church....you can't live for people....you were turned away from a church....oh well maybe God didn't want you there...I understnad it hurts but many people are turned away from different chruches for things that the church did not agree with (prophets run into this a LOT) ....

You pray and ask God to show you what church to go to, stop picking them on your own and He will lead you to the one for you....

If you let this incident with this pastor pull you away from God that only shows you are living for man...trying to get mans approval not living for God.....if you were living for God then you would not care what man thought....

I have been rejected many places already and know if I went back home to my home town right now, I would not only be rejected by people in the town but by the churches also....

I grew up in satanism....never knew a thing about God before February of this year....now I am in the middle of healing and deliverance from my past but it has been prophesied to me more than once about where God is leading me in my life....

Many would not understand the calling he is giving me on my life today....but do i stop doing it because of them? NO...because i live for HIM and HIM alone....

you can feel sorry for yourself and use the pastor and the churches as EXCUSES or you can get on your knees, repent, ask forgiveness, receive it and then ask God to show you where to go now....and LET HIM DECIDE not you...and do what he says whether you agree with it or not....

Another thing...instead of going from person to person with your problems as you did...may this be a lesson to you to take all to God your creator who knows you best and allow him to fix, heal, and cleanse you not to look for answers from people.....

You chose to turn to people instead of Him...now maybe try the other way? I bet you will find more favorable results when you SURRENDER to Him and HIM ALONE....

Repent and receive....Submit and Surrender....

See where He leads you next.....

I challenge you to try it.....

You may be amazed what adventures he has for you and what people he puts in your life....

And don't forget to thank Him for taking such good control of your life afterwards...after all...He DID create you...don't you think He knows you better than YOU know you????

Seas of Mercy

[Aquilla]

Help is a word that God responds to.

Pray , Father forgive this sister of any sins, and cleanse her in your blood,

In Jesus name, draw this sister to you , be there for this sister, let your Love fall upon her and bring her to the Throne of Grace.

It is Gods will that you become complete in him.

There is more to be had, seek him , in your prayer closet.

Nothing cures problems like a right relationship with the Father.

In Jesus Love.