lazardous Posted April 5, 2012 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 13 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 46 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 5 Days Won: 0 Joined: 11/17/2011 Status: Offline Share Posted April 5, 2012 Hello, I have been offline for almost two months. My computer died and I had to wait to find one cheap enough to buy. I am so glad to be back to "Worthy". I spend the hard times reading on here. I know it is just Easter but it is hard when you long to be with your family. I have posted here before about my martal situation. My wife had and affair with my sisters husband and we have been seperated for well over a year now. We do have contact from time to time. Everything is amicable and I even thought that we were headed to reconciliation. Then one day things changed and she stated it cannot work. She feels that there is too much damage done with the family and my family will noy accept her back. Of course my sister will probably never speak to her but my other siblings have stated they would. We are all suppose to be christians. Ido not understand why she will not allow God to heal all. The good thing is we were about to go to court numerous time to complete the divorce and somehow God was able to stop it. She is suffering from depression and cannot forgive herself. I actually feel good about things. I know God is at work and no matter what happens I will be ok, Romans 8:28. It is just hard around the holidays. You see famalies getting together and you sit home alone. I do have a place I could go to eat but it is not the same. I am a family man withoutr a family. I will see my kids for a couple hours but it just reminds me of the whole situation. I am not living in our house so the kids are with her. I felt it was more stable for them to remain in their home. Well just a few more days to get through this holiday and wait for the next, who knows maybe for the next one God will have this mess resolved. Thankyou for listening Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldust59 Posted April 5, 2012 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 108 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 989 Content Per Day: 0.20 Reputation: 124 Days Won: 6 Joined: 01/08/2011 Status: Offline Birthday: 01/13/1959 Share Posted April 5, 2012 Bless your heart lazardous. Will keep you family in my prayers. Welcome back! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SavedByGrace1981 Posted April 5, 2012 Group: Royal Member Followers: 6 Topic Count: 104 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 2,923 Content Per Day: 0.61 Reputation: 462 Days Won: 2 Joined: 04/02/2011 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/22/1953 Share Posted April 5, 2012 Hello, I have been offline for almost two months. My computer died and I had to wait to find one cheap enough to buy. I am so glad to be back to "Worthy". I spend the hard times reading on here. I know it is just Easter but it is hard when you long to be with your family. I have posted here before about my martal situation. My wife had and affair with my sisters husband and we have been seperated for well over a year now. We do have contact from time to time. Everything is amicable and I even thought that we were headed to reconciliation. Then one day things changed and she stated it cannot work. She feels that there is too much damage done with the family and my family will noy accept her back. Of course my sister will probably never speak to her but my other siblings have stated they would. We are all suppose to be christians. Ido not understand why she will not allow God to heal all. The good thing is we were about to go to court numerous time to complete the divorce and somehow God was able to stop it. She is suffering from depression and cannot forgive herself. I actually feel good about things. I know God is at work and no matter what happens I will be ok, Romans 8:28. It is just hard around the holidays. You see famalies getting together and you sit home alone. I do have a place I could go to eat but it is not the same. I am a family man withoutr a family. I will see my kids for a couple hours but it just reminds me of the whole situation. I am not living in our house so the kids are with her. I felt it was more stable for them to remain in their home. Well just a few more days to get through this holiday and wait for the next, who knows maybe for the next one God will have this mess resolved. Thankyou for listening Hang in there, brother! I hear you. I was in a situation with some similarities to yours way back in the 70s when I was still in the Navy. (It was before I found Christ) I'll never forget - it was one of my married Navy buddies who invited me to his home to spend the Christmas holidays with his family. (I was stationed in Virginia and my nearest relatives were 1500 miles away). Even though they did not claim to be Christians (as I wasn't, either), it was a very Christ-like thing that they did - reaching out to me. Perhaps there's a challenge there - Christians should be sensitive to those who are in situations like yours and find themselves alone during holidays. It can be an excellent witness for Christ. Blessings! -Ed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 5, 2012 Share Posted April 5, 2012 Praying~! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LCE635 Posted April 5, 2012 Group: Junior Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 11 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 95 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 7 Days Won: 0 Joined: 06/14/2009 Status: Offline Share Posted April 5, 2012 Hello, I have been offline for almost two months. My computer died and I had to wait to find one cheap enough to buy. I am so glad to be back to "Worthy". I spend the hard times reading on here. I know it is just Easter but it is hard when you long to be with your family. I have posted here before about my martal situation. My wife had and affair with my sisters husband and we have been seperated for well over a year now. We do have contact from time to time. Everything is amicable and I even thought that we were headed to reconciliation. Then one day things changed and she stated it cannot work. She feels that there is too much damage done with the family and my family will noy accept her back. Of course my sister will probably never speak to her but my other siblings have stated they would. We are all suppose to be christians. Ido not understand why she will not allow God to heal all. The good thing is we were about to go to court numerous time to complete the divorce and somehow God was able to stop it. She is suffering from depression and cannot forgive herself. I actually feel good about things. I know God is at work and no matter what happens I will be ok, Romans 8:28. It is just hard around the holidays. You see famalies getting together and you sit home alone. I do have a place I could go to eat but it is not the same. I am a family man withoutr a family. I will see my kids for a couple hours but it just reminds me of the whole situation. I am not living in our house so the kids are with her. I felt it was more stable for them to remain in their home. Well just a few more days to get through this holiday and wait for the next, who knows maybe for the next one God will have this mess resolved. Thankyou for listening lazardous, I am very sorry about what happened to you. I went trough the same thing. I had the kids. Deeply depressed, almost lost my mind. Only my children know the hell that the went trough. A depressed mother and a father that very seldom was with them. Please don't forget that your children are suffering too. You need to spend time with them. It really does not matter how painful it may be for you. ThE CHILDREN NEED YOU. Also if she is depressed she needs someone to take care of the so she can relax. It is not easy to have to cook every meal and clean if all what you want to do is be in bed. My daughter at that time was only 12 but she can of took charge. It was not her job. Go spend easter with your side of the family. Things will get better. Buy the kids an easter outfit, if you can afford. Time makes things less painful. I still get angry at times but it gets better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2Joyful Posted April 5, 2012 Group: Royal Member Followers: 4 Topic Count: 48 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,901 Content Per Day: 0.35 Reputation: 365 Days Won: 29 Joined: 08/16/2009 Status: Offline Share Posted April 5, 2012 Have you guys gone to counseling? What happen in your marriage is very deep...and...I understand the pain...but your post suggest that there is hope. With her experiencing unforgiveness toward herself...and you are stating the hope to reunite. If you both have the desire to make a go of it...seek a Christian counselor...not a drive by therapy...but a deep and intense section. As for your family...I feel they should stand by what you and your wife decide on. But before testing those waters...you... be sure to pray and seek God on what steps to take. God bless!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkPaws Posted April 5, 2012 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 6 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 93 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 72 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/21/2011 Status: Offline Share Posted April 5, 2012 lazardous, I can’t imagine how difficult this is for you. I hope you’ll be able spend some time with your family during the Easter weekend. Keep trusting the Saviour to show you the way through this situation. God bless you and your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ears Posted April 5, 2012 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 18 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 348 Content Per Day: 0.07 Reputation: 39 Days Won: 2 Joined: 01/05/2011 Status: Offline Share Posted April 5, 2012 I am so sorry for you Lazardous, but first and foremost is the kids. They need you . They may not be showing it to you but this is very serious for them. Give them as much of your time as possible. I will be praying for your family to be reunited. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lazardous Posted April 5, 2012 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 13 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 46 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 5 Days Won: 0 Joined: 11/17/2011 Status: Offline Author Share Posted April 5, 2012 Thankyou for all your thoughts and prayers. It feels so GREAT! to be back here and able to talk with friends. It gets so lonely every nighjt. I have been willing to go to counseling from the start. My wife for some reason has never been willing. She believes that all you do is go there and complain about each other and yell at each other. I thought last summer that she was going to do it. I spoke with her about is and she said she would. But when I brought it up again to set up an appointment she denied she said she would. The affair has really changed her. She is not the woman I married at the moment. She has said she will never forgive herself till the day she dies. She is causing her pain by being stubborn with that. I do not say that to make her sound bad. She was the best wife a man could ask for. I worshipped the ground she walked on, not above my LORD and SAVIOR. This is a woman who went through a mid=life crisis and my brother-in-law used that to work his way to her. It was so sly as I look at it know and see how he played her to get what he wanted. It is funny when I read books on mid-life crisis and how affairs go it was text book. Right down to where it said the guy would never leave his family to be with his mistress. If you would pray that God sends some good christian friends to her. She is surrounded by either nonbelievers or christians who are advising her that divorce is the only way. I can do no more. I have done all I can and have given it to God. I have shown her nothing but love, even when I knew the affair was going on. I have never vented at her for it. You have to forgive to be forgiven. I believe that i8s how we are to live. Thankyou for letting me vent here. I do see my kids but hate that I am no longer a part of there life. When you do not live with them it is not the same. You miss seeing them everyday and watching them grow and just talking with them before they go to school or when they come home. I could fight for them to be with me, but I will not put them through it. I did not want them to think they had to take sides or make a choice. I wish my wife would have done the same. She had made me look bad while she was trying to hide the affair and painted me as a monster. Thank God most of the kids have seen the truth. It is funny how we try to hide our sin and blame somebody else. The truth always seems to come out. Well I have said enough sorry about that it is just hard at the holidays. Three more days to go.Thankyou again for listening Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gdemoss Posted April 5, 2012 Group: Royal Member Followers: 8 Topic Count: 59 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 4,402 Content Per Day: 0.99 Reputation: 2,154 Days Won: 28 Joined: 02/10/2012 Status: Offline Birthday: 04/26/1971 Share Posted April 5, 2012 I love my wife immensely. We have had very many rocky years together. Neither of us have been unfaithful that I know of but my wife suffers from an unrepentant unforgiving heart. We have been spiritually separated which keeps us physically separated as well, for about 3 months now. I am offered to be lonely even when I am in the same room with her which is probably worse than if we lived apart. Questions that go unanswered or blind stares followed by the words 'I don't know' to every question that is answered. I continue on being faithful, loving, caring and kind to her nonetheless because that is what I see my Savior do. Last night I spent about 15 minutes kneeling before her, while she sat in her chair with her laptop, requesting politely that she talk to me and work on our marriage. "I don't know" she says. I woke up this morning, as I always do, and prayed for our Father to fill me with his Holy Spirit that someone might be able to eat from this tree and receive love, joy, peace, patience, temperance, faith etc. I had probably preached a sermon to our Father on the way to work as I reiterated back to him what he has taught me about himself and Jesus. I walked into work with the same smile on my face that is there most mornings and had a good day at work. I spoke to a few men at work today as time permitted about their walk with Christ and sought to encourage them further. I have one man who has basically placed himself in my care and comes to my machine daily for feedings/fellowship. I called my wife from the grocery store because I had to stop and get dog food, to see if she needed anything. She gave me a small list of things to pick up, which I gladly did. She didn't spend any extra time with me on the phone but was ready to go as soon as the list was complete. I hung up and smiled, prayed and went about looking around me to see if there might be someone who needed to hear about Jesus. The most incredible thing about my testimony here is that I am what I am by the grace of God who has explained to me why everything happens and what will eventually come of it all. I used to react much differently as this is my third wife. I was married twice before my conversion to following Christ and when those women chose to be distant I looked as eagerly to fill the void with another woman as I look for increasing the size of my Christian family today. You see, I have learned that my family are those who do the will of our Father in Heaven. I don't necessarily know who they are by face but as soon as we speak with one another I instantly recognize their heart. I may be alone from time to time but I truly believe loneliness is a choice made by those who don't understand who their family are. If your lonely, then may I suggest you go out looking for your family? Or maybe encourage some unbeliever to become a part of it? It is awesome to do so. I know nothing replaces a wife and intimacy that is shared between two who have become one flesh but when God isn't making that happen, I go for door number 2. Gary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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