Really could use some advice, marriage

[GoldenEagle]

I don't think my husband wants to be cold I think he has his own demons he battles, maybe from the way he was raised. I do know he isn't willing to learn new ways, and until he is willing there isn't much hope other then to hang tight. right?

thanks for the virtual hug , I'm glad I shared, I was scared to because I wasn't sure I could handle the input I might get, I do talk to a christian lady and she keeps telling me God is character building with me to hang tight. I do talk to the Pastor occasionally and he knows both sides and is at a loss why this continues other then my husband heart is hardened to the point he can't receive the lesson God is trying to teach both of us. and we will continue the cycle til the light bulb goes on.

someone want to flip that switch for us? apparently we can't see in the dark to well to find it ourselves. (just kidding, well maybe not)

How wsa your husband raised LostandConfused2?

[lostandconfused2]

From my understanding there was no communication in his family, they just existed, I don't believe there was love or affection given or received. work was always the focus never relationships within the family. I imagine he lived in silence alot, He did not get along with his parents, felt used . I don't know if he even felt loved. I can understand that had to be traumatic in its own way.

[joi]

http://bible.cc/1_corinthians/7-16.htm This is a verse of significance for both of you.

It is most difficult to endure while we are hurting, but when it is God working in us it is always worth our effort.

Just move forward and ask Him to change you and the way you see Him and help you to grow in Him. I have

read the testimony of many women who have gone through a situation like yours, and the changes God affects in

them always leads to the husband seeing them in a different light.

Father, I pray that you grace this dear lady and help her to cling to you in this, her times of need. Help her to grow

in your grace and petition you to change her into that soul you designed her to be. Heal her wounds and help her

to be forgiving. I pray likewise for her husband. Woo him with your Holy Spirit that he might come to know you on a

personal basis and not just know about you, for Christ's sake. Bring about the circumstance that changes hearts in this family.

[lostandconfused2]

I did get a grip on some of the things said here Joi, problem is I get lost in the pain and lose my focus, right now I'm focused again its like a roller coaster ride , some days I can get through it and some days I'm ready to jump on the nearest cliff and am barely hanging on by a nail. Thats how I ended up posting, was having a jump off the cliff days, I thank God for you guys being here. I really do.

[joi]

Yes, I can see that you do. If you have days where you can see a ray of hope and deliverance you have made some progress.

Hang on to that and know that God is working on your behalf. If He gives you something to say to your husband, maybe a kindness

say it and move on, or of he does the smallest thing tell him thank you. We all have to start some place and it is often in the simple

things that changes begin.

I pray that our Father will surround in His love today!

[Jayyycuuup]

I'm new, well new to posting been reading for a bit now. I'm going to put this out, I am not proud of what I'm about to share and I am very ashamed.

I don't even know where to begin to be honest with you. I have been married for many years, I loved my husband ever so much but from almost from the beginning he had lost my trust, from the things he said to the things he would do or say and belittled me to the point I lost my confidence in myself . He is not a evil man but was not a very nice person at times and it effected me deeply. Through out the years we just basically lived in the same house with really no relationship, I took care of the kids, He took care of himself. I grew resentful and angry and felt betrayed everytime I caught him with porn. I felt cheated on as if he actually did the deed. I would forgive but it left a hole so deep in me that I could never fill. I could never gain his favor. I gave my life to God a few years ago and I tried with all my might to believe and continue, but the emotions over took me and I failed, and gave up believing God didn't really love me, tried to going back to church and had this wall I could not get through, felt like I lost my chance at God and gave up again. I felt unloved in so many ways that I don't even think I could even put it in words if I tried.This is where it gets bad, I ended up becoming friends with someone and he gave me the attention that I so craved, finally someone believed in me, cared about me was interested in what I had to say, treated me like I was important. , and I had a affair, I separated with my husband and believed it didn't matter, he never needed me anyway he would be happy without me, he didn't really love me anyway, if he did it was the best kept secret ever. I did realize later that I had made a mistake, I was convicted from God and worked on straightening my life out. At one time my husband wanted me to return, I tried but wasn't ready, had alot of emotional scars and he wasn't willing to do counseling, He has said he has forgiven me but when any conflict comes up its thrown in my face. I have been honest with him and I keep trying to be the good wife. I'm failing all over again. I don't want the life I had with him before, it was lonely so unbearable lonely. I'm trying to do the right things make better choices, turn the other cheek , seek God daily, but the man has me close to tears regularly, I realize theres alot of healing that needs to take place, trust rebuilt, but what do you do when I'm the adulterer and I will never make that mistake again ( I haven't even forgiven myself quite yet) and he is known to not tell the truth and continues to not always tell the truth make things look deceptive to this day, so trust has to be built on both ends. I can't do nothing right , never could , from the beginning the money was his money or my money, he made the important decisions and I'd be considered lucky if he even let me in on it, usually found out about it after, its still that way. I do feel God led me back because this is part of his plan, but its unbearable and the pain inflicted on me keeps taking my eyes off God and I am getting angry and resentful all over again. Im going to be honest here , since I have been back I am dealing with major depression its a daily battle to overcome it, and he will do something that sends me over the edge with no concern for how or what he does affects me. I wished I had the power to not let any of it affect me, but I don't. and I'm finding myself at a struggle again . I understand if some of you want to say I deserve whatever I get, at one time in my life I would of felt the same way. I never set out to be someone that had a affair, the loneliness overcame me , I believe everyone wants to be loved and cared about and I fell for the devils lies because now I don't even feel worthy of Gods love, and I'll probally never gain my husbands favor again, who I have always loved but truly felt he didn't love me by his actions and his deeds. so I went from the unlovable one to the really unlovable one who can't be trusted. I know I can be trusted now, I learned alot from my experience, but don't ever expect him to believe that, and now uses it as justification to treat me poorly, I think I would understand better if he wasn't like that before it all happened but its just like before it happened but now he has a reason. I'm at a loss on how to continue without it destroying whats left of me. I want to do the right thing but I'm afraid the damage being inflicted on me could cost me my soul in the end.

Hey Lost! Welcome to Worthy!!

It's pretty intense......you basically explained my parents relationship to a tee. I know it's hard, and have seen the destruction that adultery causes. Your confidence in your husband is broken, that seems quite evident- one thing to emphasis on is working on your relationship with God, asking Him to fill the voidness in your life, because there is absolutely nothing that will ever get your satisfaction besides the healing that God brings us. Only He can pull you through. You will keep trying to find your worth but only find things that didn't work- only GOD can fill the hole you feel in your life.

"I don't even know where to begin to be honest with you. I have been married for many years, I loved my husband ever so much but from almost from the beginning he had lost my trust, from the things he said to the things he would do or say and belittled me to the point I lost my confidence in myself . He is not a evil man but was not a very nice person at times and it effected me deeply. Through out the years we just basically lived in the same house with really no relationship, I took care of the kids, He took care of himself. I grew resentful and angry and felt betrayed everytime I caught him with porn. I felt cheated on as if he actually did the deed. I would forgive but it left a hole so deep in me that I could never fill."

I get that completely- physically your husband is there but emotionally and spiritually he is in his "own little world." Captivated by sin and by his own ways. . .only founder and savior that will overcome him is Jesus Christ- and I mean that. There is absolutely nothing you can do besides continually pray for him. Took 20 years for my parents to reconcile and my mom to accept Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior. She had to come to the end of herself- denying herself and facing the damage she had caused. Once encompassed in darkness- the hole just gets bigger and the addiction grows into a consumption, darkness becomes the leading cause and light is shunned to escalate the filthiness of sin. The reason why there is such a need for Jesus- for He is the one who overcomes the darkness and recreates and does away with what we had become.

I do encourage you though, to do away with the anger and malice, and hatred. I know it is hard- I absolutely do. But for your husbands sake, and for your sake- you need to keep strong- and keep your eyes on God and not on the storm- be the city on the hill for your husband- and keep on praying for him- that the light becomes a want, a need, that he obtains salvation through the grace of Jesus Christ.

I do have a question though, is he Christian (professed to be) or at one time was?

I could never gain his favor. I gave my life to God a few years ago and I tried with all my might to believe and continue, but the emotions over took me and I failed, and gave up believing God didn't really love me, tried to going back to church and had this wall I could not get through, felt like I lost my chance at God and gave up again. I felt unloved in so many ways that I don't even think I could even put it in words if I tried.This is where it gets bad, I ended up becoming friends with someone and he gave me the attention that I so craved, finally someone believed in me, cared about me was interested in what I had to say, treated me like I was important. , and I had a affair, I separated with my husband and believed it didn't matter, he never needed me anyway he would be happy without me, he didn't really love me anyway, if he did it was the best kept secret ever. I did realize later that I had made a mistake, I was convicted from God and worked on straightening my life out. At one time my husband wanted me to return, I tried but wasn't ready, had alot of emotional scars and he wasn't willing to do counseling, He has said he has forgiven me but when any conflict comes up its thrown in my face.

Amen! God is awesome!

Something I would keep in mind is it's a lot easier to pick at the speck in someones eye and to continue in your own sin then to face your own darkness. Just continue and do not doubt the forgiveness you have received- your husband just does not understand. . . and hopefully soon he will understand. Your are God's- your worth is set and stone, bought and paid for by the blood of Jesus Christ- you have been forgiven- everything that was has been washed away for good. The old you still lingers in the minds of the doubting- but the restoration is still there no matter what others say. I pray he one day realizes this and he himself comes to repentance.

I have been honest with him and I keep trying to be the good wife. I'm failing all over again. I don't want the life I had with him before, it was lonely so unbearable lonely. I'm trying to do the right things make better choices, turn the other cheek , seek God daily, but the man has me close to tears regularly, I realize theres alot of healing that needs to take place, trust rebuilt, but what do you do when I'm the adulterer and I will never make that mistake again ( I haven't even forgiven myself quite yet) and he is known to not tell the truth and continues to not always tell the truth make things look deceptive to this day, so trust has to be built on both ends. I can't do nothing right , never could , from the beginning the money was his money or my money, he made the important decisions and I'd be considered lucky if he even let me in on it, usually found out about it after, its still that way. I do feel God led me back because this is part of his plan, but its unbearable and the pain inflicted on me keeps taking my eyes off God and I am getting angry and resentful all over again.

Continue to be strong, and be cheered and held in the arms of God- since you have accepted Jesus into your life your not alone- and acknowledge this. God 100% understand adultery- He experiences it EVERYDAY, and not just once but time and time again. Yet He still remain faithful and remains waiting for His children to return home. . . .you see, my point in that is, you absolutely have a comforter who knows EXACTLY (and then some) of the hurt you feel, the resentment and the anger you hold. . . it's a a matter of knowing that God is ultimately in control and there is nothing that you personally can do to change him. . .it has to be all about he and God, your to be there and be an example. Don't give up.

And remember. . . .you WERE the adulterer, if you believe in the promises of the bible, then you know what the book says, your a "new creation" ALL things have passed away. God has forgiven you and casted your sins as far as the east is from the west. If ultimately the one who you hurt- can forgive you- then why can't you forgive yourself? The bible makes it clear that is no longer who you are, realize this and acknowledge that you don't have to nor should dwell on the old you. It is still hanging on in doubt- read the book and cut it off with the word of the Almighty God!

Pray for peace.

Matthew 11:28-30 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Im going to be honest here , since I have been back I am dealing with major depression its a daily battle to overcome it, and he will do something that sends me over the edge with no concern for how or what he does affects me. I wished I had the power to not let any of it affect me, but I don't. and I'm finding myself at a struggle again . I understand if some of you want to say I deserve whatever I get, at one time in my life I would of felt the same way. I never set out to be someone that had a affair, the loneliness overcame me , I believe everyone wants to be loved and cared about and I fell for the devils lies because now I don't even feel worthy of Gods love, and I'll probally never gain my husbands favor again, who I have always loved but truly felt he didn't love me by his actions and his deeds. so I went from the unlovable one to the really unlovable one who can't be trusted. I know I can be trusted now, I learned alot from my experience, but don't ever expect him to believe that, and now uses it as justification to treat me poorly, I think I would understand better if he wasn't like that before it all happened but its just like before it happened but now he has a reason. I'm at a loss on how to continue without it destroying whats left of me. I want to do the right thing but I'm afraid the damage being inflicted on me could cost me my soul in the end.

Scriptures

T

[Jayyycuuup]

Well, since the computer is being problematic and not allowing me to finish my post, I will just continue in a new post lol. So mods, if you would, I would appreciate for you to edit my post where I am leaving off. . .thank you.

Im going to be honest here , since I have been back I am dealing with major depression its a daily battle to overcome it, and he will do something that sends me over the edge with no concern for how or what he does affects me. I wished I had the power to not let any of it affect me, but I don't. and I'm finding myself at a struggle again . I understand if some of you want to say I deserve whatever I get, at one time in my life I would of felt the same way. I never set out to be someone that had a affair, the loneliness overcame me , I believe everyone wants to be loved and cared about and I fell for the devils lies because now I don't even feel worthy of Gods love, and I'll probally never gain my husbands favor again, who I have always loved but truly felt he didn't love me by his actions and his deeds. so I went from the unlovable one to the really unlovable one who can't be trusted. I know I can be trusted now, I learned alot from my experience, but don't ever expect him to believe that, and now uses it as justification to treat me poorly, I think I would understand better if he wasn't like that before it all happened but its just like before it happened but now he has a reason. I'm at a loss on how to continue without it destroying whats left of me. I want to do the right thing but I'm afraid the damage being inflicted on me could cost me my soul in the end.

Scriptures

Romans 8:38-39 "³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."

1 John 1:21 “My little children, these things I write to you, that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous.”

1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

Acts 3:19 “Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord.”

Isaiah 43:25-26 “I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; and I will not remember your sins. Put Me in remembrance; let us contend together; state your case, that you may be acquitted.”

Also: you need to hold onto this verse. . . .because the doubt your feeling is far from the truth and goes against the bible completely.

Romans 8:31 "There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus …”

So remember there truly is no hole too deep that Gods love does not run deeper, no matter where you have been no matter what you have done, God still longs for you to return to Him, and rejoices more over one repentant sinner than over 99 righteous!

God bless you! Love to you in Him!

[tarilee]

Your story touched my heart . I feel as though the Lord whispers ..respond to this tari. Your plight reflects pages in my life. Humbly may I say ... All wisdom belongs to the Lord.... With yours eyes stayed upon the Lord...He will lift you up...above your situation. May His wondrous peace fill your soul.