Fed up with wife!

[carlos123]

On a lighter note there is one female that I get along gloriusly well with!

She welcomes me home every day and is very glad to see me.

She is there whenever I need her.

She never complains or nags or has an emotional tizzy fit.

She requires liittle in the way of maiontenance.

She does whatever I train her to do and is utterly respectful of me, the alpha male in our house.

If you haven't guessed it, that female is my dog . I love my dog though I think she must get tired of me commanding her to hug me as much as I do ....LOL.

I once toyed with the idea of writing a book with a title of "What husbands wish their wives would learn from man's best friend!".

Carlos

[refugepsa91]

Pets are great aren't they? I have two dogs...a yellow lab named wrecks and a schnoodle named pearl. And a haughty kitty named daisey.

You can repent from feelings. This is how I did it. I know this sounds really simple...when you get these feelings immediately ask God to take them away and give you something else to focus on. Give those feeling to Him and He will change them for you. Keep doing that and you'll be surprised at the peace your going to eventually feel. Get to the point where you can at least control the words that come out of your mouth. Words can hurt so very much its always better to walk away for awhile rather than speak in haste and anger.

Heres a question for ya....what do you like about your wife? Anything at all. If you want share that with us. I don't want to make you feel like you have to lay everything out here if you don't feel comfortable.

Love and Blessings,

Angel

[carlos123]

Hi Angel. I forgot to mention that we have a femle cat too. It's really my wife's cat and I don't get along with the cat much either . It does not respond to me like a dog. Before getting the dog I used to torture the poor cat trying to get it to play with me. I would force roll it on the floor, drag it by it's paws a bit, etc.. In desperation to get some response out of the cat I would occasionaly bring the cat close to water and turn it on. Of course I was not walking with God when I did that though I did feel somewhat convicted that what I was doing was not Christ-like. Nowadays I leave the cat pretty much alone except when I sick the dog on her and watch the dog gleefully chasing the cat all over the house . My wife loves that cat!

By the way what does "" mean. Watch Your Back? Or something like that?

Heres a question for ya....what do you like about your wife?  Anything at all.  If you want share that with us.  I don't want to make you feel like you have to lay everything out here if you don't feel comfortable.    (there's that wub again ).

I'm glad you asked Angel. Practical therapy through the Body of Christ! I like that. I don't mind sharing at all since God may be able to use this thread to help other men who might be having a hard time with women! Ironic that a woman such as yourself might be able to help me deal with my wife .

Let's see now....what do I like about my wife....hmmm....still thinking.....hmmm....let me see...boy this is tough one.

I honestly and truthfully cannot think of anything I like about my wife at this point. I like some of what she has done (I don't know if that counts).

She has managed to raise a couple of decent kids (her second marriage my first). She has a generally wonderful relationship with her two girls shich is rare to see between a mother and her daughters.

Oh I know ... she doesn't put up with any baloney and speaks her mind. I like that! Though I don't like it much when she speaks her mind to me, about me, these days .

Let's see....she is very hard working when she feels a need to be. She has a great deal of pain tolerance. Physcially she is not doing very well but she grins and bears it in a remarkable way sometimes.

She is committed to me now matter what. Just as I am to her. And we are both Christians.

Does any of that count?

Carlos

[Kabowd]

I only read your initial post..and haven't had a chance to read the replies, but the first thing that immediately came to mind is to encourage you to read the book of Hosea. If you're interested, my brother taught me an amazing lesson on it and I posted it on here a while back, I could give you the link. The jist of it is that God told Hosea that his marriage would be a picture of His relationship with His people. Long story short, Hosea's wife strayed...big time. God told Hosea exactly how to deal with her. First, with tough love and bringing her to a place of deseperation and despair. Then, with tender love...gently wooing her back to him. After learning their story, I was forever changed...radically and profoundly amazed at God's grace and the picture of His unrelenting love.

[carlos123]

Hi Tess. Yes, please post or send me the link. I would love to read it.

I do find it interesting that I am fed up with my wife and fed up with the church. That I see my wife doing so many things which are just ridiculous from a Christian standpoint and that I likewise see the same things in the church. It is also interesting that my heart has for years been most burdened and otherwise agitated over the state of the church. So much so that at times, like now, I simply don't go to "church" (referring to a building to meet in on Sundays per se).

I have known in the past that a husband and wife are to mirror the relationship between the Lord and His church. Interesting that you would bring Hosea up.

I'll have to read that book and ask God to open my eyes to see how learning to love what seems to me an unlovable wife may help me better grasp what he wants to do in the church. The church is such a joke to me these days that I can't stand it (the Body of Christ that I have encountered outside of "church" on the other hand is an entirely different church that I see God moving through and that I have come to respect).

Carlos

[Kabowd]

As you requested...

My brother taught me some things about Hosea I wanted to share..sorry it's long, but worth reading.

God told Hosea that He would use his marriage to communicate His heart for His people. This sounds harmless, until God speaks prophetically telling Hosea that the woman he loves will eventually betray him. (Gomer represents God's chosen ppl who break their covenant relationship with Him.)

So..as the story unfolds we see in Hosea 1:3 that Gomer bore Hosea a son and God tells him to name him Jezreel (which means "God sows"), and with that name God promises that He will sow brokenness into the house of Israel...this is important later. Not long into the story we see in verse 6 "she conceived again and bore a daughter". Clearly, this child does not belong to Hosea and God gives her the name "Lo-Ruhamah" (which literally means "no mercy").

Next, we see in verse 8 again that she conceived and bore a son (again, there is no possessive - indicating that this child is not Hosea's either). God gives this boy the name "Lo Ammi" (which means "Not My People"). Can you imagine the heartbreak of Hosea raising a son he had to call "not mine"? It was a constant reminder of Gomer's unfaithfulness.

Here is where the story gets interesting (in chapter 2). They end up going to what amounts to be like a divorce court and the preliminary process in the Israeli court system dealt with the issue of reconciliation. So in verses 2 and 5 we see the charges are brought against her (infedelity and abandoning her family). Initially, Hosea is grieving and rejects her, shouting out of his pain. But then we see him devise a plan of Tough Love:

1. In vs. 6 he hedges her for disappointment that leads her to despair (so that she will return to him)

* when we are living in rebellion against God, He will hedge our life with adequate disappointment so that it drives us back to Him

2. In vs. 9-11 he denies her favor with others which leads to lonliness (this reminds me of the story of Jonah)

3. In vs. 12-13 he diminishes resources which leads to financial devestation, deliberately removing things she trusted in (this reminds me of the Prodigal Son)

Hosea shows us a picture of how God weaves our circumstances to bring us back to Him. His 'tough love' is not vindictive, but instead is redemptive.

Next, this is so cool....we don't see Hosea stop with just being tough on her. He also shows her Tender Love.

1. In vs. 14 he offers her comfort instead of condemnation. Instead of saying "Aha! I knew you would do this!" he spoke words of comfort, letting her know he was there.

*Another important note about this story: Gomer had sold herself into slavery basically. She had become a temple prostitute. Back then, once a woman had been used up and was considered worthless even as a harlot, they would bind her up, strip off her clothes and lead her to the middle of town and offer her like a piece of meat to be sold to whoever was willing to pay for her. This is what happened to Gomer.

This is where the rubber meets the road for Hosea. In 3:1-2 God tells him, "Go and love her again..". Those are probably the hardest words Hosea had to hear. Love is not a feeling, it didn't matter that she was unlovely and seemingly worthless. Love is a commandment, love is a committment..even when it defies our logic.

Hosea couldn't claim her until he bought her back. He endured the public humiliation of having to purchase his own wayward bride. Imagine the scoffing and ridicule as he parted the crowd to claim her and take her home....wow. If Hosea, being a man, can love like that..just imagine how God loves us!

In conclusion, I learned so so many things from this story. First, when we live in rebellion to God we will inevitably conceive and produce "no mercy" just as Gomer did. Secondly, God will redeem us through both tough love and tender love. Lastly, experiencing free and unconditional love should lead us to brokenness and repentance.

I learned that the name Hosea means "Salvation" or "Deliverer" and the name Gomer means "Complete". How awesome is that? In other words "the mission is complete, i bought her back". Doesn't that sound familiar? This is basically what Jesus said on the cross, "Tetelestai!"

Tetelestai is the Greek word which literally means "It has been paid". (Merchants would stamp it on receipts to indicate payment was received.) Colossians 2:9 tells us that through Christ we have been made complete.

The book of Hosea ends with the children of Israel confessing "What have I to do with idols?" (14:8). It would be my guess that Gomer probably felt the same way, "Why should I chase after other lovers?". She experienced a holy, redeeming love and it lead her to repentance. She was ransomed, and so were we.

I'll be praying for your family.

[carlos123]

Thanks for sharing Tess. Good stuff!

I think there is something in the story of Hosea that God would have me learn from. I don't quite know fully how it applies to my situation yet (other than the obvious things such as needing to love my wife of course) but I will pray about it and ask the Lord to open my heart to what He might have me learn from it.

It's interesting how God is using the picture of the church and Chirist that is to be found in the relationship of a man and his wife to help motivate me to work on our marriage. Since I have an interest in the relationship of Christ and the church and the state of the church as a whole then I am also interested in how the relationship with my wife might give insight into Christ and the church.

In other words the thought of working on our marriage for marriage's sake seems a bit of a bore to me. A hard thing which I don't relish doing too much (I wonder if most men have a hard time with getting counsel because of similar feelings). A chore. And if you are not aware of it Tess, men and chores don't usually mix very well .

But bring in the possibility that I might learn something about the relationship of Christ to the church through my relationship to my wife, however bad it may be, and all of a sudden my interest is piqued and working on my marriage as a way to grasp more fully what God wants to do with the church doesn't seem like something I MUST trudge through anymore. It becomes something special that I want to do. A chore that is no longer a chore per se since I will be learning some valuable lessons from God through it.

Hmmm....all this reminds me of how truly complicated and multi-faceted we humans can be. What with all the motivations and conflicting emotions and facades that we experience or fall into it's amazing that any of us can ever grasp any of what is going in our hearts!

Carlos

[Catsmeow]

2 Brief Comments:

1) RE: Your dear wife...remember this: Luke 6:37

37 Judge not: and you shall not be judged. Condemn not: and you shall not be condemned. Forgive: and you shall be forgiven. NEVER HOLD A GRUDGE IN YOUR HEART!

Take this verse VERY seriously. You never know at what time your Master cometh.

2) I wouldn't like you if I were you're cat; I pity the the cat. Cats are sensitive creatures...and should be handled gently. They should be "played with" when they are well and healthy and able to play. Like human beings, they have times they don't feel well. Antagonizing them is cruel.

[carlos123]

Luke 6:37

Judge not: and you shall not be judged. Condemn not: and you shall not be condemned. Forgive: and you shall be forgiven. NEVER HOLD A GRUDGE IN YOUR HEART!!

Thanks for sharing the verse catsmeow. This verse is thrown about all too often in Christian circles in an authoritative way as though by sharing this verse alone one's, like me, might see the error of our ways.

I wonder if you could be more specific catsmeow. Do you think holding a grudge is to be judgemental? Do you see me holding a grudge? Do you see me as not walking in forgiveness? If so can you be specific about what I have said that leads you to believe so? I am not disputing that I am perhaps guilty of some of that only trying to better understand how I might be doing those things and perhaps not seeing what I should be seeing.

I wouldn't like you  if I were you're cat; ...

Neither would I . It's not too bad for the cat these days though. Honestly. I pretty much ignore it. What's funny is that like my wife, it too has learned to talk back to me. You should see it. I have found a foolproof way to find it in the house when we seem to loose it. I just go around the house saying "Get out of there!" and the cat invariably pipes up with "Meow...meow! MEOW!!". .

It's absolutely hilarious to watch it talking back to me. You would think there's a person inside the cat.

Antagonizing them is cruel.

Agreed not to mention very un-Christlike!

Carlos

Edited December 1, 2004 by carlos123

[refugepsa91]

She is committed to me now matter what.  Just as I am to her.  And we are both Christians. 

Does any of that count? 

Carlos

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

carlos,

the that your seeing is the red smilely that must not be showing up on your screen...."watch you back" that cracked me up!!!

Now what a great word..."committment"...if you both have that then half the battle is won already...

Forgivness is also a wonderful word....if you are holding any resentment for past offenses then you need to try to get rid of it. Its not productive and causes a wall to be built between two people. Not that you overlook the habits that cause the resentment...work on them.

Love and Blessings,

Angel