Charisse48

Hey Jenn, I read your post and I tried to put myself in your spot. I love my kids very much and I think it would be hard for me to marry some one who acted like they were playing favorites with the kids. I had step sisters and I hated the way their mother treated them over us. I have to say it was the worst years of my life. I would keep praying like you are and see how God guides you. If its going on now I don't see how it will change after your married. I would go into it with your eyes wide open. May God lead you has you make your very important decision. Charisse

Carlos, Hey there, I've been trying to sum up all that I want to say in a word. Grace, I think we need to extend each other more grace. We all screw up and I keep thinking about how God is so gracious to us. I feel its about being able to love your kids through the tough times and to be there for each other to say, when you fall I will be there for you. To me, grace sums up all that I have said. I have been searching for that word and could not get it out. I think grace is what we all need more of. You have a great xmas Carlos Charisse

Dear Carlos, I read your post to me and oh no, you didn't offend me. I had a very good day of feeling healthier than usual so I did some shopping for curtains for our house. The reason I said I wasn't going to post no more is I felt that I looked at things perhaps to different than you. I felt I was becoming a broken record, and I didn't want to just repeat the same things. Your a good man Carlos, I just feel that your wanting things to be fair and just and that is not how it will be here on earth. Sure we can do our best to do the right thing by our family and our walk with God. Some are stronger than others in their walk and if you feel strong in yours you would go a long way with your family, to let love guide you. You have strong feelings about certain things and I think it is getting in your way. I have, in my life, had to many times adjust my sense of some things I thought were right. There were times where I became so heavenly minded I was no earthly good. I would be glad to continue our conversation, if you feel you can benefit from it though. As always Carlos, God Bless Charisse

Carlos, I was not going to write to this post again but I felt some things about all you have said. First its the holy spirit that convicts the sinner. I feel like your taking on that role here with your family. We all want our children to do right and our spouses to love and respect us. When I read your answers to others I feel your describing what it will be in heaven. Your stuck by the fact christain counselors would charge when this is what supports them and their families. I know I would rather be counseled by some one who has a gift for this and has studied the process. Sure I can have friends and family help, but as you said the process is faster the other way. You don't belong to a church and I would ask you why you don't want to. There, is much of your support. Your not able to find other christians near you why would you not fellowship with other christians in the church setting? I'm not sure what turned you off but this leaves you and your family out by yourselves. God Bless you Carlos Charisse

Carlos, I just typed you a long reply and lost it!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate this computor. Ok the vent is over, maybe it will post with this one. Carlos, You say your open to new thoughts, well I will say it again, I think you should see a christian counselor. I know you have trouble with the paying some one that you feel should do it for free. We can give you advice, but really its not fair to your wife because we can't hear both of you. Another thing is as well meaning as we are, we are not trained to get to the deeper issues. And I mean the ones you and your wife are not aware of. Carlos, its not wrong for some one who has been trained to charge. It saved my marriage. Many pastors who do counseling really may not be all that good at it. It is like a gift one has, and people can make a living at it. Many will not charge if your broke, I've been to them. I do challenge you to rethink this, in love of course. What if your wife wanted to go to some one, would you? Oh yeah, I didn't know your daughter was a step daughter, that says alot about what is going on with her. I was from a broken marriage, I know how it can be for a child. I don't want to ramble on here, Would you be willing to be open to christian counseling? I don't know you and your wife, but I have been there and I have a burden for broken families. Tell me you will at least pray about my question. God Bless you Charisse

Hey Carlos, Well I changed my male to female LOL. Ok, I have read your post and I have a few thoughts for you. I have a son who is 14 and a daughter that is 24. My feeling is perhaps your wanting to grow so bad in the Lord, that you may be pushing away your wife and daughter. I'm not sure if you were just upset, but to say you will leave, is sending the message that your love for your wife and daughter is condtional. I can tell you Carlos that prayer about the situation is whats needed. I know this because I am a parent and I do have a husband that was smoking and viewed porn for a time. I was so upset about the whole thing and we fought much about this. It turned my stomach. Our fights never solved the problem, until I started praying about the Lord to convict his heart. I would see God soften his heart and I would talk to him without getting angry at those times, I knew God was leading. Carlos, if you want to grow closer to God, turn this over to God and watch him work. Our ways seem right to us at the time, but often we end up making a mess of things. I know many wives who have prayed for a lost spouse and God was faithful. I also talk to my son about his smart mouth when we are not caught up in the emotions of when he does it. Ask your daughter how you can help her with it. I found that I was part of the problem when my son told me how what I would say to him made it worse. I stopped what I was doing and it got better. He had anger and I wanted to find out why he had it. I had to own my role in it. You may be upset now but you can be an example to your family and the more they respect you the more they will want to hear what you have to say. Like I said before we have to get real honest about what it is about us that plays a role. You should never talk about leaving your family because things are not going well. It sends the message that you have no hope and that is a lie from satan. You can put a code on the cable so your daughter can not watch certian programs. As far as your wife goes your her husband and not her father, I say this with love and hope you don't take it the wrong way. You can only change you and God can change your wife. But you should be in constant prayer about it and lead your family with a gentle spirit. Be patient and allow God to work. Bless you Carlos Charisse

Carlos I can't believe did that LOL. You can also see that being dizzy most of the time gives what they call brain fog . I wonder what the rest of my day will hold! Blessing to you Carlos Charisse

Carlos, I'm sorry to say that I do have an illness that has put me on disabilty. I am dizzy and off balance most of the time. One thought for you, God gave us the feelings of love. There is a love one has for a wife or husband that is different from that which we feel for a friend mother , father. I can see why the love is different because we live with each other every day. Its not just a love that a women can feel, its how both can feel. I pray for you that yes, you draw closer to God, but that you will be able to experience the love only a wife and a husband can. God Bless you Carlos

Dear roro, My question to you would be why don't you feel you can go to those you are close to? I feel like satan is keeping you from those who love you. This is a great forum but its not like having those or at least one person you can go to. You never know how God will work through a close friend, please reconsider your not wanting to go to at least one of your friends. My heart is breaking for you. Your wife is in sin, its about her. It has to do with her issues and you can't fix her. You both will be in my prayers please work through why you feel you can't talk to some one who knows you. I am also from Atlanta, just on the north side. Charisse

Dear Carlos, My heart breaks for your marriage. My husband and I went through some christian counseling some years back. You don't need to go to a church pastor. There are very good christian counselors out there. I guess I would say that first of all you see a problem in the marriage, your half way there!! Most couples live like this for many years and don't address it. My question to you would be is, do you want the love you use to feel for your wife? The desire has to be there, and yes you can fall in love again. It takes both of you to commit to it. You both brought issues to your marriage. It can be extremely helpful to see some one that can help you through this. My husband and I could not talk about our issues without fighting, it was so helpful to have a third party there. I don't remember if you said but have you sat your wife down and told her you feel your marriage is in trouble? I can tell you for sure that what your fighting about is not the real issue. You have to be willing to open yourself up all the way and your wife the same, to save your marriage. It is always easier to give up. I can also tell you that the divorce rate is at 85 % for second marriages. Not that your thinking about this, but you have to understand, you will be bringing your issues to the next person without resolving them. I know for me that at first, I felt like it was mostly my husbands fault, I was wrong and a counselor helped me see that. I can tell you that I use to cringe when I saw my husband before, not anymore, I love him more today then I ever did. Are you willing to do the work to get your marriage back? Char Ps, I pray my post does not come across to strong Carlos, I don't know you and your wife. I can only share my experiences. I have read as much of all the posts but suffer from a cond that leaves me very dizzy in trying to read all the words. I will keep you both in my prayers, this can happen to any of us and I was in the same boat myself. My best to your quest in saving your marriage Carlos.

Hey All, I wanted to add how I came to faith in God. I was young and into the bars. Most of the people I hung around with were doing the same. I married my husband when I was 24 and we both kept up the party thing. One weekend we were at this one bar with all our friends and it hit me like a ton of bricks. It was very powerful and I was so sure about the message. I know at that moment, God was drawing me to him. I also know that I had a faithful praying mother in law, who prayed for us. I walked out that night and never looked back. I had not been convicted before about drinking, I never gave it a second thought. What was the reason I had such a conviction, I knew it was God. The bible says that no one can come unless he be drawn by the father. In my simple faith, I know this was my turning point, it was Gods drawing me to himself. Char

Hey There, I thought what deut had to say sounded good. Starting off with how you have been through this before. Also, my prayer for you is that God will use you as his faithful servant and the Holy Spirit will fill the hearts of those young souls. You seem like a kind soul, I know God will work through you. Charisse

Hey Rustyangel, I love your screen name by the way. I can so relate to what you say. I was for a long time the master of my universe. Untill I got a chronic illness, I never knew I was not trusting in God. Each day now is for me a lesson to trust in God. Boy I sure was decieved about myself in the healthy days. I know God allowed this because I needed to learn this. When all this first started I was just mad at God. My whole life was turned upside down. Even my friends were pulled away from me. I had no choice but to turn to God fully. Its been hard, but I never would change what has happened to me , and that is harder to say on some days, but I am closer to my Lord then ever before. Thanks for your post, I needed it today. Charisse

Hey Super Jew, I think thats wonderful you got to sit and talk with him. My husband likes more of the gentle speaking types, but he says, Tony is the only one he doesn't mind having that notch turned up. Being able to be with this man, is like a early xmas gift. I would love to sit and pick his brain!!!!! Char

Dear Super Jew, I know how you feel, and I want to encourage you to keep talking . You would be one of those that, would be such a joy to fellowship with. God bless you Super Jew Charisse