ShannK Posted November 18, 2013 Group: Members Followers: 2 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 27 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 10 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/25/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted November 18, 2013 This is a long story but I will try to keep it short. I have been married almost 2 years but the longest we've lived together is 6 months. I have done everything I can do but he is never happy and has been verbally emotionally abusive at times. Mostly at the beginning of our marriage. He says he's sorry, makes promises, but it always comes back to the same thing - he's not happy and can't live with me and our son and my kids from previous marriage. He has been unhappy without me, wants to move back in together then within a couple weeks moves out again. This has happened twice since our original separation when I was almost 9 months pregnant. He won't do counseling and doesn't follow through on things. Blames me for things as well that arent my fault and questions my motives and beliefs. Sometimes makes demeaning remarks. My dad says he's very immature and I need to say enough is enough. Ever since we got married I have found myself confused and questioning everything I believe and who I am. He is getting ready to move out again after only 2 weeks and hasn't even been here on the weekends and wants us to still see each other and be together. Any advice on what I should tell him? I'm really worn down from all of his back and forth and unhappiness. He has frequent pity parties and keeps me up really late sometimes explaining the details of his feelings and what he thinks is wrong etc... I can't continue to live like this. (Sorry if I've rambled.) Any advice as to what I should say to him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmuffet Posted November 18, 2013 Group: Royal Member Followers: 34 Topic Count: 1,993 Topics Per Day: 0.48 Content Count: 48,691 Content Per Day: 11.76 Reputation: 30,343 Days Won: 226 Joined: 01/11/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted November 18, 2013 An abusive spouse.Bad news.They will not get better.They make promises and they do not keep them.You are not a door mat.You do not want someone to walk all over you....right?If a man treats you like this he does not love you.Any man who abuses their spouse does not love them or they would not abuse you.Are you a Christian?Is he a Chrisitan?This is not a healthy environment for your children.If you stay with the abuse they will have scars.Have you been to counseling?I suggest that if the abuse continues that you separate.If you continue to go back to the abuse then maybe you need counseling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest man Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 I know I'm going to get jumped on for this, but your dad is right. Your husband is not ready to be a husband. You need to tell that man enough is enough. Every time you allow him to have his way, you're reinforcing his beliefs' that he doesn't need to live up to the commitments of his marriage.  His coming and going as he pleases is not only poison to your marriage, he's affecting your children. They may come to view this as normal behavior. Even though they dislike what your husband is doing, they could end up mimicking his behavior in their own relationships.  It's not healthy and needs to stop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmuffet Posted November 18, 2013 Group: Royal Member Followers: 34 Topic Count: 1,993 Topics Per Day: 0.48 Content Count: 48,691 Content Per Day: 11.76 Reputation: 30,343 Days Won: 226 Joined: 01/11/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted November 18, 2013 I know I'm going to get jumped on for this, but your dad is right. Your husband is not ready to be a husband. You need to tell that man enough is enough. Every time you allow him to have his way, you're reinforcing his beliefs' that he doesn't need to live up to the commitments of his marriage.  His coming and going as he pleases is not only poison to your marriage, he's affecting your children. They may come to view this as normal behavior. Even though they dislike what your husband is doing, they could end up mimicking his behavior in their own relationships.  It's not healthy and needs to stop. Good advise man.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShannK Posted November 18, 2013 Group: Members Followers: 2 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 27 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 10 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/25/2013 Status: Offline Author Share Posted November 18, 2013 Thank you bopeep and man for your replies. Probably just what I need to hear. I do feel like I need to put a stop to this. Confrontation is hard for me - please pray for me? I have to face him about this this evening. Yes, booeep, I am a Christian and he is a Christian. We did marriage counseling when we first married but the counselor focused on communication and not other issues. She did suggest he attend individual counseling once but he didn't like that idea and then we quit going altogether. I insisted on counseling when he moved in last time but we only went once. Thank you again! I needed reassurance/confirmation that what I've been thinking I should do is right. And support so I don't give in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmuffet Posted November 18, 2013 Group: Royal Member Followers: 34 Topic Count: 1,993 Topics Per Day: 0.48 Content Count: 48,691 Content Per Day: 11.76 Reputation: 30,343 Days Won: 226 Joined: 01/11/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted November 18, 2013 Thank you bopeep and man for your replies. Probably just what I need to hear. I do feel like I need to put a stop to this. Confrontation is hard for me - please pray for me? I have to face him about this this evening. Yes, booeep, I am a Christian and he is a Christian. We did marriage counseling when we first married but the counselor focused on communication and not other issues. She did suggest he attend individual counseling once but he didn't like that idea and then we quit going altogether. I insisted on counseling when he moved in last time but we only went once. Thank you again! I needed reassurance/confirmation that what I've been thinking I should do is right. And support so I don't give in. My concern is how could someone who is a true Christian treat another human being like that?Ofcourse he didn't like the idea of counseling if he treats you the way he does.Leaving is not easy.It takes courage and strength.Please pray to God for these things..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fez Posted November 18, 2013 Group: Royal Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 683 Topics Per Day: 0.12 Content Count: 11,128 Content Per Day: 1.99 Reputation: 1,352 Days Won: 54 Joined: 02/03/2009 Status: Offline Birthday: 12/07/1952 Share Posted November 18, 2013 Not knowing the entire situation all I can advise is that you lay this before God and ask that His will be done. Ask Him to work in your heart and give you the discernment to act as He would want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShannK Posted November 19, 2013 Group: Members Followers: 2 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 27 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 10 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/25/2013 Status: Offline Author Share Posted November 19, 2013 Bopeep, That's one place where I have been so confused. I don't understand how or why he does what he does. Or how he can be a christian and not walk in love. Hes often critical and negative about people. Sometimes it's really like he's two different people. He can be positive and sweet and things can be great but then the next week he may be negative withdrawn and hateful and not a thing has changed to cause it. - I am and have been praying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShannK Posted November 19, 2013 Group: Members Followers: 2 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 27 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 10 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/25/2013 Status: Offline Author Share Posted November 19, 2013 Thank you Fez! I will do that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShannK Posted November 19, 2013 Group: Members Followers: 2 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 27 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 10 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/25/2013 Status: Offline Author Share Posted November 19, 2013 I did not have to confront him after all. He decided to go to his mom's instead of coming home to try to talk. He didn't like that I was busy with kids - mine and ones I babysit when he wanted to talk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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