Going to church

[Footsteps]

For those that don't know, I have fallen away from God. It wouldn't be the first time. I need to talk through some of the main reasons why I don't want to follow God anymore. It is the only way I will ever finding healing. So here goes with my first major stumbling block.....

As a believer, I was always a church hopper. I wouldn't stay withn any one church for very long because it didn't feel right for one reason or another. Anyway, there was a time when I prayed fervently to God for him to open the doors to a church home where I could finally feel at peace with and start to grow some roots. I wanted to end all this church hopping once and for all. Through a series of events, the opportuninty came to attend this church. Without getting into all the tiny details, I'll just say that I felt I had finally found my home church. When I first started going there, it seems like a dream to me. The paster seemed like a cut above the ones I had seen before and the congregation was hungry (very hungry) for the Word of God.

As I stared to go on a regular basis, there were things about the pastor that started to bother me. Even though I liked his sermons I did not like him personally. There was always something kind of pushy and impersonal about the guy. He would also preach these amazing sermons and then a week later tell the congregation that some of what he preached about was coming from himself and not from God and he wanted to warn us about it. Well, I'm not going to hold it against him for that. He is only human after all and I thought it showed insight and courage for him to admit that. Plus, I'd seen other pastors occasionally admit to errors they had made during sermons in the past, so it was really no big deal. But with this pastor, it seemed to happen more often than at other churches I'd attended in the past and it started to alarm me. It got to where I couldn't remember what I was suppose to take as God's Word and what part was "coming from the pastor." It got to be confusing.

Also, some of the people there where starting to annoy me. This one guy would never leave me alone and I couldn't get rid of him. At the time I prayed that my heart would open up to him and I would like him more, but to be honest he just got on my nerves. It was a small church and I used to sit up front. The pastor's wife used to sit up there too, but it took her over a year for her to say "hi" to me. If I attended a thousand seater church than I would understand, but come on....I was sitting right behind her. What kind of pastor's wife is she if she can't greet the new people? There was a certain clique in this church that I didn't like either. I understand that cliques run rampant through every church, but it was really bad at this one. Most of the people in the clique had been with the church forever and there was a very stong bond, but nobody could ever break that bond. It wasn't just me who tried, but other people I used to talk to who were either disgruntled but remained or left the church later who told me these things.

I was starting to feel rejected and beginng to hate everyone. There was a certain uppityness to the church that bothered me. The people I used to hang out with were the misfits of the church. We were that way because the main clique would not accept us. Also, this church was always preaching about how we were going to grow, grow GROW and we never did. This has been a mantra with them for years and the church just never gets any bigger cause everyone is so closed off. Please understand that this church was VERY close and it is the best chruch I have ever been in...period. In other words, when it was good, it was GOOD, but when it was bad, it was BAD. The morning services were awesome and I always sensed God's presence, and usually an outpouring of the Holy Spirit. But there was something stagnant about the church too. Nothing was moving forward and people would attend for a while, get bored, and leave. You see, this church promised so much, but delivered so little.

It got to a point where I couldn't get any peace when I attended services. Id' say about three out of four Sundays I'd feel all pent up inside, like I wanted to scream. Instead of worshiping the Lord and enjoying His presence, I would be thinking about going up on stage to denounce the hypocrisy of the church and condemn certain people that I thought were keeping the church back, including the pastor. I never felt comfortable with telling anybody within the church how I felt. I knew that the sentiment was in the minds of others there as well. I didn't want people to think I hated them. After about a year there, with me feeling less and less at peace, I started getting crazy thoughts about shooting everybody during Sunday services or planting a bomb in the church. Now let me explain something about myself. I have always had a lot of extremely evil thoughts in my head that never seem to go away no matter how much I pray, but I would never act out on one of them. I am a rationale person. I don't own a gun (and don't really believe in them) and I don't even know the first thing about building a bomb, but the point I'm trying to make is I was angry to the extreme and didn't know what to do about it. I finally just decided to leave the church, since I couldn't get any peace and hated everyone anyways. I didn't know what else to do.

Now, here is what bothers me the most. I prayed for a church home and I feel God led me to this church, but for some reason it never panned out. Now I feel that going to church is a waste of time and I have not really been to one more than a few times in the past five or six years. I feel so disappointed that God sent me to a church that I hated. I feel like I can't trust HIm again with finding a new church. I mean, if He let me down this time, He'll just do it again.

Thanks for having patience and reading through all of this.

Edited January 1, 2005 by footsteps

[refugepsa91]

footsteps,

Let me start off by saying...being angry and having mean thoughts is not abnormal....it happens to the best of people, whether they admit it or not. You just need to recognize them stop them as quickly as you can and ask God to help you...they will go away. And the next time it happens do the same as above. Notice how I say "next time"? It will happen again...it happens to me too, when I get really angry...but I stop and give it to God rightaway...never let these thoughts fester.

Now as far as you having a "church home", ya know what maybe God wants you to study for yourself for a while? Stay in your home and choose a time where you and God spend time alone with the bible. Set aside a time where just you and God can have "a service" together...a peaceful time. Read your bible...think about what you read...we don't have to be in large groups to learn or to please God. If you have a question or concern find someone to talk to about it...even here on worthy, there are some great men here who would be happy to try to answer any questions you have.

Hope this helps somewhat...I will be thinking of you

Love and Blessings,

Angel

[Guest dorijr]

For those that don't know, I have fallen away from God. It wouldn't be the first time. I need to talk through some of the main reasons why I don't want to follow God anymore. It is the only way I will ever finding healing. So here goes with my first major stumbling block.....

  As a believer, I was always a church hopper. I wouldn't stay withn any one church for very long because it didn't feel right for one reason or another. Anyway, there was a time when I prayed fervently to God for him to open the doors to a church home where I could finally feel at peace with and start to grow some roots. I wanted to end all this church hopping once and for all. Through a series of events, the opportuninty came to attend this church. Without getting into all the tiny details, I'll just say that I felt I had finally found my home church. When I first started going there, it seems like a dream to me. The paster seemed like a cut above the ones I had seen before and the congregation was hungry (very hungry) for the Word of God.

  As I stared to go on a regular basis, there were things about the pastor that started to bother me. Even though I liked his sermons I did not like him personally. There was always something kind of pushy and impersonal about the guy. He would also preach these amazing sermons and then a week later tell the congregation that some of what he preached about was coming from himself and not from God and he wanted to warn us about it. Well, I'm not going to hold it against him for that. He is only human after all and I thought it showed insight and courage for him to admit that. Plus, I'd seen other pastors occasionally admit to errors they had made during sermons in the past, so it was really no big deal. But with this pastor, it seemed to happen more often than at other churches I'd attended in the past and it started to alarm me. It got to where I couldn't remember what I was suppose to take as God's Word and what part was "coming from the pastor." It got to be confusing.

  Also, some of the people there where starting to annoy me. This one guy would never leave me alone and I couldn't get rid of him. At the time I prayed that my heart would open up to him and I would like him more, but to be honest he just got on my nerves. It was a small church and I used to sit up front. The pastor's wife used to sit up there too, but it took her over a year for her to say "hi" to me. If I attended a thousand seater church than I would understand, but come on....I was sitting right behind her. What kind of pastor's wife is she if she can't greet the new people? There was a certain clique in this church that I didn't like either. I understand that cliques run rampant through every church, but it was really bad at this one. Most of the people in the clique had been with the church forever and there was a very stong bond, but nobody could ever break that bond. It wasn't just me who tried, but other people I used to talk to who were either disgruntled but remained or left the church later who told me these things.

  I was starting to feel rejected and beginng to hate everyone. There was a certain uppityness to the church that bothered me. The people I used to hang out with were the misfits of the church. We were that way because the main clique would not accept us. Also, this church was always preaching about how we were going to grow, grow GROW and we never did. This has been a mantra with them for years and the church just never gets any bigger cause everyone is so closed off. Please understand that this church was VERY close and it is the best chruch I have ever been in...period. In other words, when it was good, it was GOOD, but when it was bad, it was BAD. The morning services were awesome and I always sensed God's presence, and usually an outpouring of the Holy Spirit. But there was something stagnant about the church too. Nothing was moving forward and people would attend for a while, get bored, and leave. You see, this church promised so much, but delivered so little.

  It got to a point where I couldn't get any peace when I attended services. Id' say about three out of four Sundays I'd feel all pent up inside, like I wanted to scream. Instead of worshiping the Lord and enjoying His presence, I would be thinking about going up on stage to denounce the hypocrisy of the church and condemn certain people that I thought were keeping the church back, including the pastor. I never felt comfortable with telling anybody within the church how I felt. I knew that the sentiment was in the minds of others there as well. I didn't want people to think I hated them. After about a year there, with me feeling less and less at peace, I started getting crazy thoughts about shooting everybody during Sunday services or planting a bomb in the church. Now let me explain something about myself. I have always had a lot of extremely evil thoughts in my head that never seem to go away no matter how much I pray, but I would never act out on one of them. I am a rationale person. I don't own a gun (and don't really believe in them) and I don't even know the first thing about building a bomb, but the point I'm trying to make is I was angry to the extreme and didn't know what to do about it. I finally just decided to leave the church, since I couldn't get any peace and hated everyone anyways. I didn't know what else to do.

  Now, here is what bothers me the most. I prayed for a church home and I feel God led me to this church, but for some reason it never panned out. Now I feel that going to church is a waste of time and I have not really been to one more than a few times in the past five or six years. I feel so disappointed that God sent me to a church that I hated. I feel like I can't trust HIm again with finding a new church. I mean, if He let me down this time, He'll just do it again.

Thanks for having patience and reading through all of this.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Guest dorijr]

dear footsteps,

I think that it is normal for people to get angry about things that bothers them. On the other hand we cannot allow people to anger us to the point of wanting to harm others. It is definately time time to take a break from things or people that make you feel that way. Your preacher is delivering a message to you from his perspective. He may be getting it from the bible but it is his view. I think that maybe you are taking things personally within the church. I may be wrong. I personally have felt some of the things that you are feeling. I don't exactly feel that comfortable in my church. But i keep going. I have children though and they love their teacher so much that I stay put and don't act on the leaving part. Not that I haven't wanted to leave,but that's what keeps me there. I may be wrong but I think angel is right maybe you should take time alone and do some bible study by yourself for a while. Or if you do decide to go back maybe you should still take some extra time out for god and read your bible a little more. Maybe god is telling you to do that by letting you feel this uncomfortableness that you feel. I honestly think that if this message is not for you then it's for me. Then again I think it's for both of us!! I know that I need to take time out for god more and read the bible and study it. I know that I wouldn't feel so uncomfortable if i studied more about god's word. Thank you for your post and I hope that I was some help.

If not reading your post and coming to this conclusion has definately helped me!

If you need some one to talk to I am always here. Love in christ,

Jennifer

[RustyAngeL]

I think we need to find a church that meets our needs and stay put. A plant that is constantly uprooted cannot grow and flourish. We need to put down roots and allow ourselves to be fed. We cannot be effective witnesses if we are not firm in the word of God.

Edited December 27, 2004 by Rustyangel

[finding God (angel)]

Footsteps long time no talk.Sorry off topic I hope you get back on track

[Footsteps]

Thanks for the advice friends. The part about studying at home makes sense. This will give me a chance to chill out a little and not be so obsessed with going to church, but still keep in touch with God on a regular basis and stay in his will. I'm glad my post has helped you dorijr. Sometimes I find the answers to problems within other ppl's posts also. It looks like I might have clarified some things for you by what I said. This is good! I'm glad I could help you.

Oh, and for those who don't know....I'M A MAN, BABY!! For some reason, ppl seem to think I'm a woman.

Edited December 30, 2004 by footsteps

[followerofjesus]

My only suggestion to help would be to try & focus on keeping your faith in the Lord not the church. All men have failed in his ways. We must clean the inside of the cup first.

[carlos123]

Hi footsteps,

I don't have time just now to respond to your post hoping that I will later tonight but just wanted to say that it might be better if you were to press the Enter key a bit more when posting. So that you end up with spaces between your paragraphs.

Your post is hard to read otherwise and may cause some people to not read it since it seems like one huge bunch of words. Since some might not be inclined to read posts that make them think they are reading a small book (the way I myself post things often ) leading to your missing out on some good input.

Carlos

[Footsteps]

Hi footsteps,

I don't have time just now to respond to your post hoping that  I will later tonight but just wanted to say that it might be better if you were to press the Enter key a bit more when posting.  So that you end up with spaces between your paragraphs. 

Your post is hard to read otherwise and may cause some people to not read it since it seems like one huge bunch of words.  Since some might not be inclined to read posts that make them think they are reading a small book (the way I myself post things often  ) leading to your missing out on some good input. 

Carlos

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Come on, don't you like the "compact" version of what I had to say?

You are right though. I will makes changes for the future.