Guest OneWhoIsSeeking Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 Hi, God bless everyone I wanted to share something that was shared with me: I thought this was an interesting look at "qualifications" for ministry. See if you agree... Prospective Ministers The following is a confidential report on several candidates being considered for a church pastorate. Adam: Good man but problems with his wife. Also one reference told of how he and his wife enjoy walking nude in the woods. Noah: Former pastorate of 120 years with not even one convert. Prone to unrealistic building projects. Joseph: A big thinker, but a braggart. Believes in interpreting dreams, and has a prison record. Moses: A modest and meek man, but poor communicator, even stuttering at times. Sometimes blows his stack and acts rashly. Some say he left an earlier church over a murder charge. David: The most promising leader of all until we discovered the affair he had with his neighbor's wife. Solomon: Great preacher but our parsonage would never hold all those wives. Elijah: Prone to depression. Collapses under pressure. Elisha: Reported to have lived with a single widow while at his former church. Hosea: A tender and loving pastor but our people could never handle his wife's occupation. Deborah: Strong leader and seems to be anointed, but she is female. Jeremiah: Emotionally unstable, alarmist, negative, always lamenting things. Reported to have taken a long trip to bury his underwear on the bank of a foreign river. Isaiah: On the fringe? Claims to have seen angels in church. Has trouble with his language. Jonah: Refused God's call into ministry until he was forced to obey by getting swallowed up by a great fish. He told us the fish later spit him out on the shore near here. We hung up. Amos: Too backward and unpolished. With some seminary training he might have promise, but has a hang-up against wealthy people-might fit in better in a poor congregation. Melchizedek: Great credentials at current work place, but where does this guy come from? No information on his resume about former work records. Every line about parents was left blank and he refused to supply a birth date. John: Says he is a Baptist, but definitely doesn't dress like one. Has slept in the outdoors for months on end, has a weird diet, and provokes denominational leaders. Peter: Too blue collar. Has a bad temper-even has been known to curse. Had a big run-in with Paul in Antioch. Aggressive, but a loose cannon. Paul: Powerful CEO type leader and fascinating preacher. However, short on tact, unforgiving with younger ministers, harsh and has been known to preach all night. James & John: Package deal preacher & associate seemed good at first, but found out they have an ego problem regarding other fellow workers and seating positions. Threatened an entire town after an insult. Also known to try to discourage workers who didn't follow along with them. Timothy: Too young! Methuselah: Too old . . . WAY too old! Jesus: Has had popular times, but once his church grew to 5000 he managed to offend them all, and then this church dwindled down to twelve people. Seldom stays in one place very long. And, of course, he's single. Judas: His references are solid. A steady plodder. Conservative. Good connections. Knows how to handle money. We're inviting him to preach this Sunday. Possibilities here... Aren't you glad God has His own set of "credentials" for who He chooses to use in His service? Whomever God CHOOSES, He USES ... regardless of what WE say or think. Enjoy your day, Trusting in the Lord, OneWhoIsSeeking Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leonard Posted January 15, 2005 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 115 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 8,281 Content Per Day: 1.12 Reputation: 249 Days Won: 3 Joined: 03/03/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/30/1955 Share Posted January 15, 2005 Too funny!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroschild Posted January 16, 2005 Group: Junior Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 79 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/06/2004 Status: Offline Share Posted January 16, 2005 I love this! Addition to Paul: sometimes forgets who he has baptized and is constantly in trouble with the authorities! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sola Scriptora Posted January 16, 2005 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 155 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/23/2004 Status: Offline Share Posted January 16, 2005 If this was meant to be funny, haw haw. But this is not a Bublical mindset or viewpoint. Qualifications for ministry are ladi out in detail in 1Tim 3 and Titus 1. Many in the OT could NOT be a NT leader. We are under higher, stricter standards because our Covenant is better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nebula Posted January 16, 2005 Group: Royal Member Followers: 10 Topic Count: 5,823 Topics Per Day: 0.75 Content Count: 45,870 Content Per Day: 5.94 Reputation: 1,897 Days Won: 83 Joined: 03/22/2003 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/19/1970 Share Posted January 16, 2005 And Sola grabs the prize for missing the point! It's good to be reminded that God uses people despite their imperfections. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroschild Posted January 16, 2005 Group: Junior Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 79 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/06/2004 Status: Offline Share Posted January 16, 2005 If this was meant to be funny, haw haw. But this is not a Bublical mindset or viewpoint. Qualifications for ministry are ladi out in detail in 1Tim 3 and Titus 1. Many in the OT could NOT be a NT leader. We are under higher, stricter standards because our Covenant is better. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Um...God wrote both Covenants, right...so are you implying that there was something wrong with His first one? Different does not necessarily mean better. KC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest OneWhoIsSeeking Posted January 16, 2005 Share Posted January 16, 2005 And Sola grabs the prize for missing the point! It's good to be reminded that God uses people despite their imperfections. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Amen nebula, I'm glad you saw the messenge, everyone that God has chosen thru out the scriptures had issues. I am so glad that he is the standard Trusting In The Lord OneWhoIsSeeking Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest OneWhoIsSeeking Posted January 17, 2005 Share Posted January 17, 2005 If this was meant to be funny, haw haw. But this is not a Bublical mindset or viewpoint. Qualifications for ministry are ladi out in detail in 1Tim 3 and Titus 1. Many in the OT could NOT be a NT leader. We are under higher, stricter standards because our Covenant is better. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Um...God wrote both Covenants, right...so are you implying that there was something wrong with His first one? Different does not necessarily mean better. KC <{POST_SNAPBACK}> kerschild, According to scripture, God thinks so: [Hebrews 8:6-9] 6 But now hath he obtained a more excellent ministry, by how much also he is the mediator of a better covenant, which was established upon better promises. 7 For if that first covenant had been faultless, then should no place have been sought for the second. 8 For finding fault with them, he saith, Behold, the days come, saith the Lord, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah: 9 Not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day when I took them by the hand to lead them out of the land of Egypt; because they continued not in my covenant, and I regarded them not, saith the Lord. Trusting in the Lord, OneWhoIsSeeking Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest md7444 Posted January 17, 2005 Share Posted January 17, 2005 Hi, God bless everyone I wanted to share something that was shared with me: I thought this was an interesting look at "qualifications" for ministry. See if you agree... Prospective Ministers The following is a confidential report on several candidates being considered for a church pastorate. Adam: Good man but problems with his wife. Also one reference told of how he and his wife enjoy walking nude in the woods. Noah: Former pastorate of 120 years with not even one convert. Prone to unrealistic building projects. Joseph: A big thinker, but a braggart. Believes in interpreting dreams, and has a prison record. Moses: A modest and meek man, but poor communicator, even stuttering at times. Sometimes blows his stack and acts rashly. Some say he left an earlier church over a murder charge. David: The most promising leader of all until we discovered the affair he had with his neighbor's wife. Solomon: Great preacher but our parsonage would never hold all those wives. Elijah: Prone to depression. Collapses under pressure. Elisha: Reported to have lived with a single widow while at his former church. Hosea: A tender and loving pastor but our people could never handle his wife's occupation. Deborah: Strong leader and seems to be anointed, but she is female. Jeremiah: Emotionally unstable, alarmist, negative, always lamenting things. Reported to have taken a long trip to bury his underwear on the bank of a foreign river. Isaiah: On the fringe? Claims to have seen angels in church. Has trouble with his language. Jonah: Refused God's call into ministry until he was forced to obey by getting swallowed up by a great fish. He told us the fish later spit him out on the shore near here. We hung up. Amos: Too backward and unpolished. With some seminary training he might have promise, but has a hang-up against wealthy people-might fit in better in a poor congregation. Melchizedek: Great credentials at current work place, but where does this guy come from? No information on his resume about former work records. Every line about parents was left blank and he refused to supply a birth date. John: Says he is a Baptist, but definitely doesn't dress like one. Has slept in the outdoors for months on end, has a weird diet, and provokes denominational leaders. Peter: Too blue collar. Has a bad temper-even has been known to curse. Had a big run-in with Paul in Antioch. Aggressive, but a loose cannon. Paul: Powerful CEO type leader and fascinating preacher. However, short on tact, unforgiving with younger ministers, harsh and has been known to preach all night. James & John: Package deal preacher & associate seemed good at first, but found out they have an ego problem regarding other fellow workers and seating positions. Threatened an entire town after an insult. Also known to try to discourage workers who didn't follow along with them. Timothy: Too young! Methuselah: Too old . . . WAY too old! Jesus: Has had popular times, but once his church grew to 5000 he managed to offend them all, and then this church dwindled down to twelve people. Seldom stays in one place very long. And, of course, he's single. Judas: His references are solid. A steady plodder. Conservative. Good connections. Knows how to handle money. We're inviting him to preach this Sunday. Possibilities here... Aren't you glad God has His own set of "credentials" for who He chooses to use in His service? Whomever God CHOOSES, He USES ... regardless of what WE say or think. Enjoy your day, Trusting in the Lord, OneWhoIsSeeking Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mousiegurl69 Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 HMMMM!!!! Sure he uses imperfect people, which one among us is perfect EH?? This is just beautiful. I love this post. I for one could add my name to that list and I work with a bunch of people who could easily be on this list to. Think about it people!! Mousiegurl:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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