backslidden?

[Guest His_Servant]

hey all. i asked someone this question in chat earlier tonight, but wanted to see if i could get some more input. i'm wondering, exactly what does it mean when a person has become backslidden as a christian? what does one have to do to become backslidden? i will just go ahead and be honest, and explain why i ask...

i've been going through some things lately, and am so confused about a lot of things. everything is just so cloudy to me right now, and i can't seem to see anything clearly. i am not even sure whats wrong with me, or if there really is anything the matter with me at all...if that makes sense. anyway, i fell the hardest a while back when i began to have panic attacks. i had so much anxiety, and it just kept getting worse and worse. i felt guilty for having problems like that as a christian, but i couldn't kick them. when the panic attacks hit, total confusion set in also.

being someone who has suffered severe depression in the past, this really scared me. i felt myself falling back into a place i swore i could never return to, and as a result, made an appointment to see my nurse. ever since a few years back when i had so much trouble, i have been against me ever taking medication again. when this happened, however, i was willing to do anything to make it all go away. i explained just a bit of what was going on to the nurse, and she sent me home with a tricyclic antidepressant, which i have been on ever since (only about 3 months if that long). i felt even more guilty and ashamed then, but i went ahead and started taking it. i haven't had a panic attack since, but in other ways, i still am no better.

i've kept pretty quiet about what i am feeling...about my worries, my fears, everything. i talk to a few people online, but thats it, and i don't discuss it much at all even then. i haven't been to my church in about three months or so, and haven't really talked to anyone i go to church with besides one friend who rarely ever calls. i did go downstairs at my church one night, but only because my pastor caught me trying to sneak in and drop my prayer partner's gift off before Christmas. i went downstairs and talked to the kids, but would not go upstairs to the bible study where everyone could see me. no one knows whats going on, but i suppose thats okay because even i don't know. no one ever calls or seems to know i'm not there, and while i know it is wrong to feel this way, i still kinda feel like no one misses me...no one cares. again, i know that is so wrong of me to feel. even if it were true, it shouldn't be on my mind.

i'm afraid to even attempt to open up to anyone. i'm afraid they will not want to hear anything about it, or that they will simply tell me to straighten up and have some faith in the Lord. that would hurt so much, and i would feel like it confirmed my worst fear...that all of this really is all my fault. i have tried a few times to speak with my pastor's wife, but that has never worked out. even though i know all i need is God, i would so much love just to be able to talk to someone in my church family and tell them everything that is going through my head....everything i am feeling....just once. this has been building up for a while, and most everytime i have been to church in the past, it has been like stepping onto a battlefield or something. i get so torn up thinking about how i am not good enough, unworthy, foolish, and that everyone else thinks the same. i get so frustrated with myself for always trying to hide myself from others, but then i feel it isn't safe to reveal too much.

so i haven't been to church in forever. i know this is not good, and i seem to keep falling further and further into confusion and despair. i rarely ever read my bible anymore, and seldomly pray. so this is why i'm wondering.....when has one become backslidden? i'm not sure.

anyway, i have vented long enough. i'm feelin kinda sick now. bless you all, and thank you for your time.

[his]

Hey HIS Servant ~

I am a young Christian....I suppose In a way, I am a little over a year old. I do know that the feelings you are feeling are normal. People go through depression..more than you would realize. I don't understand why SO many people have the anxity/depression but 90% try to hide it. Any way, I will pray for you on that. Sometimes it comes from a source of stress and insecurity....and sometimes it is chemical..I do not know enough to say anything in certainty, but it is possible that it will oneday will go away. In the least it is highly likely that you will gain much more control over the situation.

NOw, about wondering if people miss you. Why do you feel as though that is a bad thing. I would suppose that MOST people have a deep desire to be loved... we are created to love. I think a lot of people are so busy and don't think to call. Also, they would assume that you may be out of town or anything...there are a million possibilities. Admittingly, when there is someone at my church that is out for a peroid of time I plan on calling them within that first week. Somehow, my schedule and etc. seem to side track me the majority of the time preventing me from ever making it to calling my dear friends. After the second week I am sadly too embarassed to call. I am ashamed to have not called sooner and true to our guilty nature, I hide behing 'the bush'. It is hard to feel the love around, but it is there. When I feel like that (and I do feel like that) I just try to think well how does EVERYbody else know that they are loved. How do they know that I love them. Then I realize that I don't do anything more then they. If no one had been calling you, call someone yourself.... I know that it sounds silly, but it works wonders... Try it.

Also, the lack of going to church, reading your bible and all sounds like a result of the depression. Even though things seem pointless, if you push yourself you will feel much better in the end... I am not suggesting that you push yourself beyond what is expected from the average person on the average day. Just MAKE yourself do what you would normally do before the depression arrived.

The backslidding (from the knowledge I have of it) is not someone turning their life away from GOD, but rather losing their focus. I know someone that was a decent person and then started doing a lot of sick things... awful things. THey chose this lifestyle and embraced it and said I don't care about GOD or anything he says anymore...that is NOT backsliding...that is turning away from the GOD that died for you.... Remember when Jesus was walking on the water (if you don't it is okay...just read on) and He told Peter to walk...he was looking in HIS eyes and staying on the water just like Jesus...BUT when Peter took his eyes off of Jesus, he started to sink.....he lost his focus. If you keep yourself CHRIST focused you are going to do really well. All people turn away for a time and start to sink... just don't refuse HIM..or you will drown.

Personally, it does sound to me as though you have become backslidden. YOu are in a low point and have drifted away from GOD. I pray that you come back instead of just turning away. If you still love HIM, and SEEK him, and desire to know HIM better then you are doing just fine. The brightest side of this is that USUALLY when one backslides in their Christian walk, they grow closer to The Lord in the process. Like a child in the store...and the parent says lets go and the child doesn't listen...so the parent heads out the door and the child comes running and clings tightly to the parent because they realized how foolish their priorities just were...that they would rather stay in a store looking at a toy than be with their beloved parents. (It doesn't even begin to express the relationship between us (christians) and GOD...but it is the best illustration I could think of).

I consider my relationship with GOD to be very strong...but there were many peroids of depression and anxity and just hard times and I felt so badly that I couldn't read my bible and I couldn't bring myself to pray. I would just pray quickly that I am sorry, I still love you, I know this isn't too big for you, but it is too hard for me...I just cannot spend time in the word right now with you because I am having such a difficult time right now. ................................. The hard times are what bring us closer to GOD...read James 1:2...or the bottom green part on my post.. I live by that. I have definately lived through some abnormally difficult times....harder than many...but by far, not all. I have all my misfortune to thank for the treasures I have recieved simply from knowing MY GOD!!!

Do not take your problems out on GOD..rather, bring them to HIM... Try to pray...he is REAL...HE IS ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He DIED FOR YOU>.....and HE IS waiting to hear from you. Praying is not difficult. Just say a word. I teach preschool and they are JUST learning to pray. ONe little girl simply prayed 'GOD, thank you for making gummy bears.' We didn't even have gummy bears..she just wanted to thank HIM for inventing them I suppose...but I just KNOW that that made my LORD smile. So many people forget WHO HE is and that HE is ALIVE...right now...waiting to hear from you. Just rest assured that if you do love your LORD, and TRUELY seek him and havn't denounced HIM, then this will bring you closer... Many people feel guilty after a bout of time away from GOD and stay away out of guilt but GOD doesn't want us to feel guilty. HE WANTS you to come back...so feeling guilty and staying away from YOUR GOD is actually going to disappoint HIM. LIVE FOR GOD...not yourself...or that would make you your own GOD...(although we all tend to put our selves first over GOD...it is a constant struggle with our sin nature...)

LIve is a battle...keep fighting. You cannot backslide if you aren't pressing forward... that would be called turning the other way intentionally.

I will DEFINATELY keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

I know that this is a tough time and pray for the best and a strenghtened relationship with GOD for you.

LOVE, HIS (ps, I hope cats will come and leave you a post..SHE has a lot of wisdom..I am always confident that she is on target.)

[RustyAngeL]

Most christians that are backslidden are just plain miserable. God puts His Holy Spirit in us for a reason. It's a gauge that tells us that we are out of line. That still small voice. It's unmistakeable.

Edited January 18, 2005 by Rustyangel

[Guest His_Servant]

his,

thank you for your reply. i was afraid that i had become backslidden, and i think you are most likely right about it. i hadn't really given it much thought before, but when it came down to me, i began to wonder exactly what i meant when a person was backslidden.

as for feeling guilty for thinking no one cares, well, i just feel that it isn't right for me to feel that way for a few reasons. for instance, i don't want to start feeling sorry for myself because i know that only does more harm that good. also, i don't want to begin to think poorly or others, or accuse them of something that they're not guilty of. it's really hard sometimes, though. i know they know i am not out of town and things like that, BUT i suppose those kinds of thoughts are from the devil to an extent. when i begin to feel really down about it, i try to remind myself that they're either busy with other things, or maybe too afraid to call. either way, i know i shouldn't be dwelling on my thoughts that no one cares whether i am in church or not. if i go to church, i should go for the Lord and to uplift my brothers and sisters...not because someone has called to let me know they love me. i dunno...it's confusing sometimes.

about picking up the phone and calling one of them, well, i'm much to afraid to do that. i'm terrified that, if i do reach out to someone, they will tear me down in some way...that they will hurt me even more. i worry they have better things to do, or that they just think i'm foolish or something. i suppose some of that comes from what i went through in the past, but there was one time i did try to talk with a member of my church about some things. it was during a time when i seriously thought my husband and i were going to end up divorced...he wanted to leave. i was a complete mess. SO, i thought it would be good to talk with someone who was a more mature christian, but when i tried, i got the feeling they didn't want to hear about it. i was pretty much told there was probably nothing they could do or say to help me, and i felt like an idiot. i hated myself for even trying to talk to someone...for allowing myself to take a chance. since then, i have been especially careful to keep quiet about things, and put on a disguise. it doesn't feel safe to let anyone see who i am, or what i'm feeling.

anyway, thanks again for your words. i really appreciate it, and the prayers also. God bless you!

[his]

Servant ~

Hello again, I think I have already found a buddy in you. Okay, you sound very insecure. I am too. Who wants to get hurt? NOT ME.

Tell me, If my one year old son were walking and fell on a toy and scraped his knee should I throw away all of his toys? Should I keep him from walking? What if I only bought soft toys? Maybe it would be safer to look into bubble manufacturers and buy him one to live in.... (I am not being sarcastic..I just like illustrations) What you are doing is not much different. Yes, in this life...you are going to get hurt.... If I followed through with any of these 'solutions' he would be miserable and deprived. Most babies would prefer a scrape. Ask a preschooler (since a one year old cannot talk) at the time of a scrape...many WOULD say I don't want to ever play with a toy and get hurt like that again...but five minutes later when they are playing if you ask to take their toy away they will say no, it is okay..I wont get hurt...I am willing to take that risk again. While we ought to live cautiously, we must LIVE. I know you don't want to feel pain...but to not feel at all in the place of it.....well, that seems terrible to me. I mean I know you FEEL...but you are staying away from LIFE... I know you are afraid to be rejected...ignored...hurt... I hate it when I feel like that. ABSOLUTELY HATE IT. BUT..I also stick my neck out and end up feeling love, kindness, friendship...all of the wonderful things in life.

This is a sinful and fallen world. ALSO, be very careful that when..not if...WHEN you do get back out there and it seems like someone is not loving you purely or couldn't care less...remember that.......

first, people are often misread...I feel like a lot of people could care less and then later realize that what could they be doing differently...what am I doing that they are not...then everything comes into perspective... Somewhere in the WORD it says that when we see someone elses short comings we must remember that we have the same shortcomings. .............-..........Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. I admit that sometimes within my heart I can be a rather judgemental and slightly prude person. But I remind myself that either I WAS there before or I am there in some way inside my heart...

second, remember that we are sinful by nature and no matter how hard we try...myself included...probably more so because I know my own heart... PEOPLE tend to put themselves first. IT IS OUR NATURE...it is NOT acceptable...BUT it is a universal plague...everyone sins. We are a selfish people. When I have to get up because my baby wakes up at three am at the age on ONE well, I am not too happy about that seeing that I must go to work the next day. If it takes more than an hour to get him back to sleep I start to feel a little anxietious..and cranky. WHY do you think I get upset at three AM...because I am selfish. MY BABY doesn't feel well. (he gets gas sometimes) I rock him and when I put him down he cries first because he doesnt' feel well and second because he loves me so much I am a great source of comfort to him...YET, I ignor the immense love that could be felt because I need MY sleep so that I can feel the way that I want to. Yes...that is putting myself first. (and that is just a snipet of the extent of human selfishness...it is ugly.) SO, many people are busy doing things that is convienent for them. AND..while they are loving themselves, do you know what WE Christians are supposed to be doing?....We are supposed to be loving them too. We can only work within and that is how many around are touched by the spirit...by example. The more you genuinely love I have found, the more love you recieve. That is one of lifes biggest secrets.

You said that you were afraid to get hurt..I know this may sound old to you, but there is NO FEAR IN THE LORD. What have you to lose. Trust in GOD... if you get hurt let the LORD strenghten you through it...DON"T FORGET TO READ JAMES 1:2...the bottom of my post!!! I live by it. Among many other things.

Also, you said that you get the feeling that you had previously gotton the feeling that someone you confided in didn't want to hear about it. Many people don't feel comfortable with hearing someones 'story' when they don't know them well. THey don't know what to do at other times and don't know how to help and end up feeling akward thus, handeling it terribly.

THe best way to handle a situation like this is to try to build relationships. The best way to talk to someone or better with someone, is to tell them a little about you and then they will tell you a little about them selves..and back and forth..that is how relationships grow. A little give and take. I would like someone that I spend time with and listen to to be interested in me too and listen to me too. Many people steer away from potential one sided relationships.

I don't know if you like to read, but for you I highly reccommend the book SAFE PEOPLE...I think it would help you to create and maintain relationships with people and know how to decrease the chances of getting hurt. It really is an awesome book.

I am still praying for you and desire the best for you sister in Christ. You FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT.,...keep your eyes ON GOD....Do not stay in the dark and sit in silence... You know what to do and just thinking about it is tough enough, but YOU CAN DO IT and you WILL be happier in the end. I just know so. I will keep you in my prayers friend.

I love you with the BOND of Christ...you ARE my family and you WILL get through this.

SUGGESTION....please consider reading a little of the WORD that GOD the Lord the one that made Heaven and Earth...sent for you..even if just a sentance...the bible says THE WORD WAS GOD...the spirit speaks to you through the word.... Also, try to pray.... Your FATHER, the LORD GOD is waiting to hear from you... NOW, if you are looking for someone who REALLY CARES...well..you know how you would really like a phone call from someone just to hear that they care...well...he has been ringing and is now sitting by waiting ..and he delights to hear from HIS children. GOD BLess you, HIS

[Guest His_Servant]

His,

Thank you so much for the words of encouragement in the Lord's service! Everything you say, I know comes from the Lord. It is difficult for me to hear his voice right now when I sit in silence, but I am thankful he cares enough to speak to me through others when I'm not listening as closely as I should be. That means so much, and I thank you for allowing him to use you in that way. You have a wonderful heart for the Lord.

Well, I think I might have taken a step in the right direction earlier this evening. I woke up feeling especially horrible today, and was just on the verge of falling apart, or so it seemed. I thought about what you said in your first post...that instead of wishing someone would call, that I should call them. I admit the thought of doing that terrified me, but I ended up giving it a try. After sitting and staring at the telephone for a bit, I finally hit dial, and tried to prepare myself for whatever happened. For some reason, and I could not even begin to tell you why, when I think of someone I would like to talk to, my pastor's wife is the first person who comes to mind. I'm not sure if it is the Lord who draws me to her or what, but even though I have worried she doesn't want to talk with me, I just love her to death! I could sit and talk to her all day long, I think.

Anyway, in making that call, my worst fears WERE NOT confirmed. She and I talked for a while, and I was in tears which is REALLY strange for me. She prayed for me, and my pastor gave me some a chapter from God's word to read, and we got off the phone. Afterwards, I could do nothing but cry and ask the Lord to please help me. I hadn't done that in a while, though. SO, even though I was terrified of being torn apart, everything worked out just fine. She actually told me when I called, that she had my phone number out, and was planning to call and check on me. Even if she hadn't, though, I'm glad I went ahead and called.

I know you are right, and I will come through all this. I also know I can't be inpatient, because it most likely will take some time. I don't know if some of the things I am doing now are what God wills me to do in my situation to better it, but I know he will show me if I will just ask and keep my heart open to him. All I know is, I can't make any decisions that will definitely be the right ones until I have given myself to him again.

Thanks again, and send me a message any time you'd like! God bless you, sis!

[his]

Hello HIS Servant ~

Hearing that you took the BIG step of reaching out and calling someone has brought a smile to my face and joy to my heart. It is truely the deepest JOY when I am blessed enough to see the Lord working in such a mighty way. AIM for the LORD and examine you motives daily. Motives can change with time so you must work inward to love outward.

You will remain in my prayers sister. (UNLess you are insanely broke..as I have been many times...counting coins) I suggest you pick someone from your church that isn't overly committed and invite someone to lunch. Pick an eat in restruant...but a cheaper one...that always works best..you know where there are some $5-$7meals... That is how I have gotton to know many people. Also, while I DO get a lunch date on the spur of the moment about 2/3rds of the time...one third (it is actually a lot one of three) of the time I cannot find anyone that doesn't already have plans. BUt I go to my Wednesday bible study and afterwards, I ask someone to lunch. I try to meet someone new much of the time. Occasionally, I will meet someone that will go to Mcdonalds...but I ususally go to the little greek restaurant/sandwhich shop in our area. Actually, this past Wednesday. I tried to ask someone to lunch and she had plans so I asked someone else but she had a prior commitment..SO, by the time I finished talking to her, everyone else had left...SO, I went to get a hot dog...shopped for stickers for my class, and had a good day anyway.

When it comes to the pastor's wife... While I think it is wonderful to call her and be friends with her, I would just warn you to be extra understanding IF she cannot give you the time and attention that you are looking for in a friend. If she can...I am SO glad and will praise the Lord... In my experiences, the pastor's wife seems to be over committed often. Also, I had a pastor (not the pastor's wife) confide in me before that they are SO busy..busier than people think. They are usually at the church often.. they are responsible for the obvious things like services and bible studies, they ALSO do weddings, funerals, hospital visits, marriage counseling, but the biggest TIME consumer(while I was NOT given the impression that it was a burden) but the ENTIRE congregation tries to get to know them. THey know everyones pains and joys. THey try to pray for so many..but when they do not have a counseling degree and they have an entire congregation turning to them well, sometimes they feel like (maybe not they...he did) people expect counseling too and there isn't enough time to 'help' everybody and they feel saddened because they want to be there for EVERYONE but with an entire congregation...it is near impossible to talk with everybody regularly. It is really a sad situation. He seemed glad to counsel people in their spiritual lives and be there for many, but just sad that he couldn't be everyones personal friend and walk with them every step of the way. But there IS Jesus..who DOES walk with you EVERY step of the way!!! Many people want a tangible friend instead and it just gets difficult. (btw...the pastor was not from my church..I will strike up a conversation with anyone...especially if they are holding a bible or something. You should see me in the doctors office... The best part is that when you talk to someone about the bible and the GREATNESS OF GOD..well, other people are bound to listen and may become interested... (that was not at the doctors office though..I need to stay on track now...) ANyway, the pastors wife, I would assume has a similar role...primarialy by the women in the church. THey DO (from my experience) genuinely love the ladies, they just cannot always spread themselves thin enough for everyone. (remember, just telling you this to keep in the back of your mind in the event that she ever seems too busy for you...it WILL NOT BE YOU!!!!!!!!! Remember that ahead of time)

GLADLY, it sounds like your pastor's wife is not overly committed. I pray that you both will be able to develop a strong friendship. Would you be interested in going to a Wednesday or so bible study? That has always been one of the greatest ways to meet people and grow in the Spirit together..fellowship....

While patience is one of the fruits of the spirit, I also am impatient in growing in my relationship with Christ. I was actually told by the lady that disciples me today, that I need to cut some things out. (I go to two three bible studies, choir, church, sunday school, and am being discipled...(I am not bragging..by all means, I could go to ten bible studies a day and that would give no one any indication of where my heart truely is....you would have to see the fruit and over the net, well, you cannot determine anything...so...no bragging. ) As a single working mom....well, all of my commitments have made me rather..um,...tired. She could tell that I was tired. I then asked her lets put everything on the table... SO we did. SO I cut somethin out...or get rest. Grow in my relationship with Christ, or get a little extra sleep...hummm, seems like a simple choice to me. I just got a smile and a look... Don't know what to make of it, but I do know that i am not cutting anything out. I will however think twice before adding anything else. My point is that even I am impatient.. I don't want to wait years...I want to grow..well, NOW!!! I would be missing out. I welcome misfortune!! I will not admit it when I am going through the peak of it, but before and after I am more thankful than ever... The hard times is what brought me to HIM...let him bring you too. When you have no where to flee, run under his wing (psalm 91) . The tough times to the most for growing spiritually.

Stay in the word..that is how GOD speaks to you. Pray...that is how you speak to HIM..though you do say a lot in how you SHOW HIM your love for HIM.

Let me know how things are. HIS