dating issue

[paperflowers]

I am 39 and have met a man that tells me he is to supposed to be my all. He says that I need to ask permission on talking to others, paying bills, cooking. Get the picture? He says that this is the way God intended for a woman to follow a man. His exact words are submissive. I was asked to remove males of any sort from my cell phone. That he doesn't understand the need to have my brother-in-law's number left in the cell phone. My sister is five months pregnant. That he will not attend a church with females in the pulpit. I love my church which he has not stopped me from attending but says that he is looking for one for us to attend. His parents did not get divorced but died when he was 15 and they lived apart. He will answer when asked about his mother that she was mean and hateful but his dad was quiet and peaceful. The parents died 3 months apart. There are some things I can overlook but I am asking for spiritual words here. Be straight and to the point.

[Guest fiverottendogs]

Ok you said be straight and to the point. I SAY RUN FAR AWAY!! yes submission is good for the wife to be to the husband but it does not mean to treat her like a slave or 2nd class citizen. Sounds like a power issue to me. Find the man God has for you and he will probably be alot different than this guy. BUT this is just my opinion.

[yomotalking]

Dear Paperflowers,

I have just finished reading a book called 'The Woman Question'which is about the place of men and women within the church, and their relationship to each other.

The book says that in a marriage relationship,The man is head over the woman, BUT Christ is head over the man. It also says that The man is to love the woman as Christ loves his church.

Do you love this man and want to marry him, because it doesnt sound as if he is loving you in the right way.

He sounds to me like a control freak.

yomo

[Guest cloe1971]

I am 39 and have met a man that tells me he is to supposed to be my all.  He says that I need to ask permission on talking to others, paying bills, cooking.  Get the picture?  He says that this is the way God intended for a woman to follow a man.  His exact words are submissive.  I was asked to remove males of any sort from my cell phone.  That he doesn't understand the need to have my brother-in-law's number left in the cell phone.  My sister is five months pregnant. That he will not attend a church with females in the pulpit.  I love my church which he has not stopped me from attending but says that he is looking for one for us to attend.  His parents did not get divorced but died when he was 15 and they lived apart.  He will answer when asked about his mother that she was mean and hateful but his dad was quiet and peaceful.  The parents died 3 months apart.  There are some things I can overlook but I am asking for spiritual words here. Be straight and to the point.

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paperflowers, please dont marry this man.....ask your preacher about it and tell him what you have said in here to us......god created woman to be a helper to man....not a slave or doormat.....genesis 1 & 2 tells us about creation and the plan he had for man and woman...we are to be one with our husbands, equal...not second or underneath him....god says we are to submit/obey our husband, what you have described is not what god means by submission....he sounds like a dictator to me. does this man put god above all or his own self. if god is not the head of his life now...then how will god be the head of the house when you two are married. i am 33 and single also, and i am waiting on god to send someone to me...all i know is the man i marry must have god above all else, i would talk to other wemon in the church, my preacher, and i would talk to the man who says he is your all...christ is your all not a man/husband. pray and seek gods word on this matter. do not walk down the isle without knowing what god says about marriage and family. i would also tell this man how you feel about the way he treats you....see what his reaction is and what he says. is this man a christian? good luck and i will pray for you...........xoxoxo cloe

[FaithfulFollower]

Paperflowers,

In biblical times indeed a woman was not one to have much right save for that of control of the property as well as the children. Otherwise, from the little research that has been done (unfortunately have much yet to do) women were very submissive unto their husbands.

Yet within the New Testament, we are taught especailly in a married relationship to submit unto one another out of love for Christ. Men are told to love their wives as Christ did the church. Women though still encouraged to submit unto their husbands in everything...to myself, it is felt to be a matter of God's law. For if a man is doing something unlawful unto God or being unfaithful a woman's place is no longer under her man at least not in such a situation.

Seeing as this is not yet a married relationship perhaps consideration might need to be taken in regards of if this relationship is within your heart.

A man that tends to rule over a woman is one of much insecurity not only in a relationship, but also in himself.

Much good advice has already been given...just hang in there. Pray about this matter and give it a good amount of thought before making any decision. Best of wishes, God Bless.

With Love In Christ,

Danielle

[Nicks Girl]

Ok... I will be right to the point. Run FARRRRR away from that guy. He sounds very controlling. His view of "submission" is NOT biblical.

[Guest Getting_Real]

I'm a 28 year old single man, and I agree that what he is suggesting to you is not correct. It does not accurately describe what is in the Bible - if anything, it perverts it.

The man is told to love his wife as Christ loved the church - laying his life down for her. This is a sacrificial love, not a demeaning and constricting one. The New Testament was somewhat revolutionary in telling men that their wife is not a possession (as in the culture of the time) but an equal who should be loved in this way.

It sounds like he grew up with his Dad, who wasn't too happy with his Mother - if anything it sounds like he was poisoned against his mother. A child cannot grow up in an environment like this without their healthy formation of attitudes towards the female gender being affected. Not that this would mean that you should never date a person with a hard childhood - more to mean that sometimes people have things they need to work through first before they can bring themselves to marriage in a prepared and ready state.

If you get involved with him in the state he is now I don't believe that you can expect things to get better at all. In fact, I think it's likely that the same attitudes that were formed in his childhood - towards his mother and women in general - will become increasingly evident and exacerbated by the 'security' of marriage.

Love cannot flourish in chains.

[paperflowers]

I'm a 28 year old single man, and I agree that what he is suggesting to you is not correct. It does not accurately describe what is in the Bible - if anything, it perverts it.

The man is told to love his wife as Christ loved the church - laying his life down for her. This is a sacrificial love, not a demeaning and constricting one. The New Testament was somewhat revolutionary in telling men that their wife is not a possession (as in the culture of the time) but an equal who should be loved in this way.

It sounds like he grew up with his Dad, who wasn't too happy with his Mother - if anything it sounds like he was poisoned against his mother. A child cannot grow up in an environment like this without their healthy formation of attitudes towards the female gender being affected. Not that this would mean that you should never date a person with a hard childhood - more to mean that sometimes people have things they need to work through first before they can bring themselves to marriage in a prepared and ready state.

If you get involved with him in the state he is now I don't believe that you can expect things to get better at all. In fact, I think it's likely that the same attitudes that were formed in his childhood - towards his mother and women in general - will become increasingly evident and exacerbated by the 'security' of marriage.

Love cannot flourish in chains.

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[paperflowers]

I'm a 28 year old single man, and I agree that what he is suggesting to you is not correct. It does not accurately describe what is in the Bible - if anything, it perverts it.

The man is told to love his wife as Christ loved the church - laying his life down for her. This is a sacrificial love, not a demeaning and constricting one. The New Testament was somewhat revolutionary in telling men that their wife is not a possession (as in the culture of the time) but an equal who should be loved in this way.

It sounds like he grew up with his Dad, who wasn't too happy with his Mother - if anything it sounds like he was poisoned against his mother. A child cannot grow up in an environment like this without their healthy formation of attitudes towards the female gender being affected. Not that this would mean that you should never date a person with a hard childhood - more to mean that sometimes people have things they need to work through first before they can bring themselves to marriage in a prepared and ready state.

If you get involved with him in the state he is now I don't believe that you can expect things to get better at all. In fact, I think it's likely that the same attitudes that were formed in his childhood - towards his mother and women in general - will become increasingly evident and exacerbated by the 'security' of marriage.

Love cannot flourish in chains.

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[Leonard]

Run, Sister, Run!!! This guy sounds more like a Moslem than a Christian.