vrjenny Posted February 18, 2005 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 22 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 101 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/20/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/20/1978 Share Posted February 18, 2005 Oh honey, That is the same thought of marrying a man so you can mold him into what you think he should be. Those of us who are married KNOW you cannot change a man. I would encourage you to date who you feel God leading you toward. That is your time to witness to them, and pray for God's guidance, but I wouldn't marry him unless he was a true Christian. God tells us very directly do not be unequally yoked. I have friends and family members who chose this very thing, and things that they still feel God calling them to do, are a fantasy now because they do not have the same vision and focus as their spouse. You cannot save him, God will, and he will save the right one. So no don't count an unbeliever out, but I wouldn't become to serious without their recognition of Jesus as their Savior. There is a connection that no one could understand besides a believer. It is hard even being married to a believer. Because sometimes you are at different places in your walk, and you have different understandings of God and convictions too, so I can't imagine being married to someone who couldn't understand the guidance of the Holy Spirit, and have God as the center of the marriage so that all things are filtered through the love and Grace only he gives. I have a friend right now who is acting quite desperately to find anyone. She even offered a friend (who has ALOT of baggage) to marry him so that he wouldn't be deported. Seriously, God will provide. I tell her when she stops running around trying to find someone to love her, God is right behind her waiting for her to see that he will love her, and that he has been waiting for her to chill so he could show her the man he has for her. GBU <{POST_SNAPBACK}> you have said it so true when you have talked to your friend....i have been there... i was so busy trying to fill a void in my life that i dated ppl that were not good for me... and i even went as far as to marry a unbeliever thinkin i could change him... guess what... he is the one that changed me...i am not happy to admit it...but it happened...he did not care to hear of the Lord i know...even though while we were dating he seemed interested.... well... he is now my ex. I finally gave up on men after a few bad apples....then I finally came to my senses and gave my WHOLE life over to the Lord..no more part time stuff for me.... that is then that the Lord said "i have been waiting for you, let me pour out the blessings i have for you.... Here is the man that i have chose for you"...i am now a newlywed to the man the Lord intended for me...all it takes is obedience, trust, and faith in Him... His timing is perfect!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DearJudy,OurLord Posted February 18, 2005 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 25 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 96 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 16 Days Won: 0 Joined: 11/10/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/20/1980 Author Share Posted February 18, 2005 Oh honey, That is the same thought of marrying a man so you can mold him into what you think he should be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imamom Posted February 18, 2005 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 10 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 279 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/10/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 12/30/1965 Share Posted February 18, 2005 Been there, done that. All I can do is hope you do not make the same mistake I and as I see many others here have made. I have been married 17 years, separated for 2. The additional stress that is in a relationship when one is a believer and one is not is enormous. There were times when I found myself taking off my Cross just to try to please him, resulting in terrible guilt and misery, and therefore adding to the problems. He never felt that a change toward Christianity needed to be made in him (too many rules to follow) and if I wanted us to work out I'd have to be the one to change. I'm glad I woke up, let go and am moving forward in my spiritual growth. I sure do have a lot of mess to fix now that I had been lost for so long. I have to learn who I am all over again. Be patient, God will send you the right someone when the time is right. The Bible says do not be unequally yoked, and that's the best I can advise for you. Thank You God for opening my eyes that I can learn to live again, that I can feel your love and the peace that comes from knowing you through Your Son, Jesus Christ. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Work in Progress Posted February 19, 2005 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 123 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 3,111 Content Per Day: 0.39 Reputation: 35 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/29/2002 Status: Offline Share Posted February 19, 2005 I went out to eat with a man (an uncle of a friend). I went with him basically to witness to the man. Laura, that is where so many well-intending young women go wrong. They sincerely believe they are only going to witness to the person, and BAM, they get attracted and fall in love and are now in a very hard situation. My mother used to ALWAYS warn me of this and I rolled my eyes. Now I warn my own kids, lol! Anyway, so glad you see that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest yod Posted February 20, 2005 Share Posted February 20, 2005 Marriage is supposed to be a PERMANENT thing. You don't sound like someone who is concerned about whether your life-long mate is committed to that concept. If your mate is not a believer, you will sooner or later grow apart if he doesn't humble himself before the Lord. If he hardens his heart against God, who do you think will get the brunt of that? You, dear. It will cause you so much pain that you will wish you weren't alive...much less married. Wait for the one who puts God first and you will have a chance for a good marriage. Any other situation will cause you a LOT of pain before it's over. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I'm single yod .....I asked a question..curiousity ya know ...I wanted some guidence from you not criticism...... I surely am concerned or esle i would not ask what u guys thought but your advice is taken into account peace <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I don't know why you thought that was criticism? Anyway....an (ungodly) man will tell you whatever he thinks you want to hear until he gets what he wants. If that is marriage, you won't find out what you've gotten yourself into until it's too late. I can't say it strong enough. I had been married for 10 years when I got saved. My wife never did accept the Lord and 4 years later left me AND her own children because her heart was hardened against God. It was pure hell for everyone involved...and will never be totally healed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UndecidedFrog Posted February 21, 2005 Group: Nonbeliever Followers: 2 Topic Count: 16 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 2,063 Content Per Day: 0.28 Reputation: 15 Days Won: 1 Joined: 08/02/2004 Status: Offline Share Posted February 21, 2005 This is just my opinion. You don't have to accept it if you dislike it. DISCLAIMER: I am not a christian. Nehemiah 13:23 (KJV) In those days also saw I Jews that had married wives of Ashdod, of Ammon, and of Moab: 13:24 And their children spake half in the speech of Ashdod, and could not speak in the Jews' language, but according to the language of each people. 13:25 And I contended with them, and cursed them, and smote certain of them, and plucked off their hair, and made them swear by God, saying, Ye shall not give your daughters unto their sons, nor take their daughters unto your sons, or for yourselves. 13:26 Did not Solomon king of Israel sin by these things? yet among many nations was there no king like him, who was beloved of his God, and God made him king over all Israel: nevertheless even him did outlandish women cause to sin. 13:27 Shall we then hearken unto you to do all this great evil, to transgress against our God in marrying strange wives? Certainly, we do not wish god to smite or pluck out the hair of our spouse. So the best thing is to not marry a strange wife/husband (I am assuming non-christian), for it is a sin. Regards, UndecidedFrog Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UndecidedFrog Posted February 21, 2005 Group: Nonbeliever Followers: 2 Topic Count: 16 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 2,063 Content Per Day: 0.28 Reputation: 15 Days Won: 1 Joined: 08/02/2004 Status: Offline Share Posted February 21, 2005 This is just my opinion. You don't have to accept it if you dislike it. DISCLAIMER: I am not a christian. Dear WhySoBlind, Thank you for your response. Unfortunately, I was not being sarcastic. I agree with you that a christian should not marry a non-believer. I see it as potentially harmful to all concerned. Regards, UndecidedFrog Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jina Posted February 21, 2005 Share Posted February 21, 2005 Wow!! Did I come to the right place at the right time. I have been dating a man for quite some whom I finally had to let go tonight.. I have witnessed to him for months and months and finally I have submitted to Lord and Saviour once again. I knew I was walking contrary to God's word and I have hurt someone very deeply because of my selfish actions. There is no doubt I love this man and he loves me but I love God more and now I am paying for my disobedience... Not only I but he as well and more so than myself. I thought I could indeed change him who am I to presume to do the work of The Holy Spirit..He will never understand the love I have for the Lord without Christ in his life..I have devastated him and I am having a hard time even looking in the mirror right now.. I cannot stress enough do not even try because it is an impossibility for a person to change without God first in their life..I am indeed so sorry that these implications affect not only he and I but our children as well as our parents etc...I can only repent ask for Gods will and somehow forgive myself which is sounding very hard right now.. Please think long and hard about this because it hurts so bad when we finally submit back to The Lord.. Praise Him for His love and Grace but also for the afflictions we bring upon ourselves because I knew I was wrong and deliberately chose to ignore my pastor and my God... In His service and love, Jina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keith Posted February 21, 2005 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 733 Topics Per Day: 0.10 Content Count: 3,017 Content Per Day: 0.43 Reputation: 128 Days Won: 1 Joined: 01/01/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 04/09/1966 Share Posted February 21, 2005 Don't imagine you can change a man (or woman), unless they're in diapers. I think that's in Proverbs....? Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deez131 Posted February 21, 2005 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 164 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 3 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/05/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/05/1967 Share Posted February 21, 2005 Don't imagine you can change a man (or woman), unless they're in diapers. I think that's in Proverbs....? Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Amen brother! OK. Wait. There is one thing that should be able to be changed. How do you get a guy to put the toilet seat down? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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