How do I help my husband

[Guest TinaO]

My husband lies to me about most things. The last straw was he took out a credit card, maxed it out, did not make a payment, and hid the mail from me for four months (along with a few other bill's). Now I'm four months behind with three payments. I thought we were working towards a down payment on a home, but he has messed up our credit (again). When I confronted him with this, I asked him where all the money went. He says he docent remember. I asked what he bought he says "I dont' know". It has been a little over a week now, and all I can get out of him is "I don't know". This isn't the first time he has done this to our famliy. When is it enough? What can I do to stop the lies? Why dose he do this to us?

[Sadiebug101]

i can't give u much advice but enough to get u and your family through. All i can say is tell him tostopor you'll devorce him or just dont talk to him tell hime to stop lieing its a sin to god and he needs to talk to god and ask him to forgive and u could pray to god and ask him y it had to be your husband but it could work out that he thought u could handle it,but Ill pray and i suggest that u pray and i think god will listen to u just pray pray pray k LUvs and hugs Sus

SadieBug

[Quizzy]

It is neither your problem, or his, it is a problem for both of you. When we are married, we are one. It sounds like he needs some counselling, as pathological liars have issues far more than just lying. Can you get him to seek help, and go with him and learn how you both can deal with this issue. Until you do, it will not get any better, even when you pay off the credit card, the issue will still be there. You both need counselling.

In His love,

Quizzy

[Leonard]

Three words: Christian Marriage Counseling.

[Guest destiny_child]

I can empathise with your situation because my mother lies a lot too. There's nothing we can do except to pray for them and help them see that we do not want them to continue lying. Maybe he doesn't want to get you upset, thinking that hiding the problem from you will prevent problems in your marriage. Perhaps he's going through a very difficult stage of his finances and doesn't know how to manage it. Both you and your husband should seek a Christian Counselor on this matter.

[tillmother]

It is neither your problem, or his, it is a problem  for both of you.  When we are married, we are one.  It sounds like he needs some counselling, as pathological liars have issues far more than just lying.  Can you get him to seek help, and go with him and learn how you both can deal with this issue.  Until you do, it will not get any better,  even when you pay off the credit card, the issue will still be  there.  You both need counselling.

In His love,

Quizzy

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I have to agree with Quizzy. Find a Christian Counsellor in your area. I'm seeing one for other reasons and it has done been a world of good.

[Shyguy]

i can say is tell him tostopor you'll devorce him or just dont talk to him tell hime to stop lieing its a sin to god and he needs to talk to god and ask him to forgive and u could pray to god and ask him

SadieBug

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

This has to be the worst advice ever. Tell him to stop or you will divorce him? I can tell you now most people people dont respond well to threats. Honestly, it took me three or four times to even understand what you are saying. I dont think there is a coma or even a period anywhere inside this post.

I completely agree with Quizzy and in her advice and that the poll is flawed. It will take alot of prayer, work, and determination on both parts, but it can be done.

[Micah68]

Yes, it's obvious you both need some help. This is not just a little lie. This is four months and hiding bills, not even mentioning the part about hiding whatever it was he bought. In your letter there is one thing that stands out. It's 'he' did this and now 'I'm' behind on my payments. What?! You're behind on 'your' payments? It seems you guys need to go back to square one. When two are married, the 'he' and the 'I' should become less and less and the 'we' should become more and more. In order to do that you have to learn to give up 'self' and selfish wants in order to become a strong unit. Unity, talking, sharing, caring about the other more than yourself is what marriage is all about. It is the most wonderful thing that God created to help us to become unselfish and more like Him. However, today many people are too selfish to even get started on this path. It would be good if you could both talk these things over with someone qualified to help you work it out. You've got to find some common ground here and start working towards making it grow. If you only have a speck of common ground, then start with that speck and make it bigger. You both have to learn how to trust and be honest with one another.

God gives us people in our lives to help us overcome problems that we ourselves have. I'm not saying that you're dishonest but somehow this man can really help you if you are willing to take a look at yourself and see the things that are lacking there. Whatever is lacking, don't be afraid to look at it and work together to work it out. Over time things do improve when you're willing to make changes in your life. Don't just assume that it's unworkable or that you might as well give up. It may be difficult but that's what life is all about. When you're at the bottom of a mountain, it looks insurmountable; but as you climb up, the view gets better and better and then when you reach the top, whew! What a feeling of accomplishment, overcoming and exhilaration! All you have to do is start the climb. You've got to start talking. Forget the accusations. Nobody opens up under those circumstances. Most guys have trouble expressing their deeper feelings. Maybe if you help him to open up, he'll be more willing to get some help with you.

[Imamom]

i can say is tell him tostopor you'll devorce him or just dont talk to him tell hime to stop lieing its a sin to god and he needs to talk to god and ask him to forgive and u could pray to god and ask him

SadieBug

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

This has to be the worst advice ever. Tell him to stop or you will divorce him? I can tell you now most people people dont respond well to threats. Honestly, it took me three or four times to even understand what you are saying. I dont think there is a coma or even a period anywhere inside this post.

I completely agree with Quizzy and in her advice and that the poll is flawed. It will take alot of prayer, work, and determination on both parts, but it can be done.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Shyguy, just so you know Sadie is an 11 year old kid.

Sadie, it is difficult to read when you do not use punctuation. Periods at the end of sentences help to seperate the thought of each sentence. And christians generally try to avoid divorce honey.

Tina, I agree with the advice on seeking christian counsel. I will pray for you.

[Annette443pink]

In answer to the original post. Who is working and bringing in money? If it was me alone I'd take his name off any accounts or form separate accounts.