Testimony - Faith/Justification/Repentance

[mlssufan01]

I can recall that day when I first felt called by God through Jesus Christ; the miraculous events that led to a new heart wanting to know more about God and Jesus Christ.  And within the first few days, I pored over the Gospel of Matthew (because, let's face it, it's the best book in the Bible, and I struggle with pride); there were beautiful words; in particular the Beautitudes--specifically the verse that says "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called Sons of God,' as an overwhelming rush of desire to make things right with everyone I had wronged over the years came about...though I had thought that wasn't very many.  But more than this, two little words were illuminated like nothing else.  The words were "stop sinning."  In context, it refers to a promiscuous woman caught in adultery; but what did I know, this was my first time reading I hadn't developed any sort of spiritual practice.  I just read the Bible, and here were words I couldn't fathom.  Stop sinning.  The only Christian I knew said that my translation was hard to understand and the only thing that matters is if a church teaches the name Jesus. I couldn't help but wonder if that was true, what was the point of the entire book?  I hadn't yet come to passages that mention even demons believe in Jesus.  And in the face of this comment from my friend, the words "Stop sinning" kept resonating.  I had no idea why.  I knew there was something there...but I couldn't quite figure out what...surely we can't truly stop sinning and be perfect...so why was it there?  Did the adulterous woman change into a perfect person after her encounter with Jesus?  When I first looked at Paul, he seemed completely changed into a perfect being (mostly because I hadn't actually read the entire Bible at that time).  So as I continued reading my Bible and looking for answers, I would make sure I "wouldn't sin" everywhere I went.  If I saw a piece of trash in the park, you can rest assured I would stop dead in my tracks and make sure that park was "cleansed from all unrighteousness."  And then "it" happened.  I know the Bible says to love your enemy and pray for those who persecute you...I assumed that meant non-believers.  I had already experienced the mocking from my own immediate family for my newfound faith; so I thought this verse was reserved for them, and maybe some other haters...I never expected lifelong Christians to spew forth venomous hate...yet that's exactly what happened.  I felt completely justified in what I had been "doing" and who I "was" because I "wasn't that bad."  I hadn't cussed in years, didn't party, do any illegal substances, wasn't having sex, and was generally "the good kid who stayed out of trouble."  By staying out of trouble, that means living in constant fear and rarely interacting with anybody.  It's easy to be on your best behavior if you avoid everyone else's behavior.  But then came people who believed they were saved by grace...but had no knowledge of repentance or righteousness.  Nor did I.  Once my friend's accusations hit me with insult after insult, basically rejecting me for things that were not even sin.  I felt as though me, the little new Christian, was being persecuted by the Christians.  And yet, rather then "restoring gently" I began reviling, trying to show my friend all the things the Bible said that said they were dead wrong!  I felt justified, because I "hadn't done anything wrong."  But I was devastated, I lost my family for my faith and lost my only Christian friend because of my faith...so all those "sins" I never did?  I did them.  Not only did I do them...I did them with all the other "so-called Christians."  In one event, even the brother of my then friend by mere chance. I drank with them...sang worship songs while intoxicated beyond repair, smoked weed illegally, had sex with one of the church leader's daughters.  I felt guilty...but nobody knew what repentance was there.  When I went to college, the very first Bible Study they had was about repentance and forgiveness...and thats when I realized that justification does come from ourselves or other people; justification comes from faith in Jesus Christ alone...but faith is marked by obedience...and one they key elements to Jesus is that he is not only Savior, but LORD; if we have not made Him Lord, then there is no way to repent; it is only in recognizing His Godliness that we find pardon for our sin; and His ability to change our lives through that which He was revealed through His Word.